Thursday, January 1, 2015

It's Not Complicated (I Don't Think)...

Day 1: Discuss your current relationship.

Well my current relationship is just me, myself, and I.

I haven't been in any kind of relationship in quite a while. After my last relationship, it had felt like I had gone from one relationship to the next so I wasn't going to rush anything, take time for me. Turns out the universe decided I needed a break altogether.

I have been flirted with off and on with some guys, but I didn't feel "that way" for them. These guys and I have remained friends, but the fact that I don't pursue things with guys that are interested in me is a topic that I have received a lot of (for lack of a better term) "flack" for.

For me, it's all about chemistry... with a little extra something. I feel like I have chemistry with a lot of people I meet. I'm very social, I feel I'm easy to get along with and talk to, and I'm friendly. But there are some guys that I've met where I had a great time chatting with them, playing games with them, sharing a meal with, etc. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it's that feeling of "You're really cool... and if you wanna make out, that's fine, too."

In trying to explain this to people, I've been mocked or chastised, been told that I'm closing myself off or not playing the field. It's true, I've never dated. Truth is, I'm not sure I want to. Watching it in movies and TV shows is one thing. But for me to go through that? It's just not appealing to me. I'm not saying I'm totally against it, but I'm not bummed that it hasn't happened.

I have a large group of friends, and it was always became this person that I always saw and hung out... something developed and then we were an item. (Doesn't sound very romantic now that I read that back to myself, but during that time, it was good.) I tell everyone that I am open to love, but I'm not going to seek it out. If it's meant to happen, it'll find me.

People have suggested that I try the internet, but I've been stalked before so that's right out.

"Well, if you kiss him, maybe you'll feel differently?" I made the mistake of kissing a guy goodnight, and while we were kissing I felt nothing and thought oh gawd, this was a bad idea but then he crushed on me right after. He made assumptions that I had to squash right then and there... and needless to say, we are no longer friends.

I also don't do set ups or blind dates. Long ago, I went out with a guy that was friends with my friend's boyfriend. I wasn't exactly what he thought I'd be and ignored me the whole night. (Fun/sarcasm.) Another lady who was a work friend wanted to set me up with her husband's friend who just got dumped/divorced. I told her no, that I don't do set ups. I said I was fine meeting him if we were at a party of a BBQ, but nothing forced or set up. At some later date, some work people met at a restaurant for drinks after work, and her husband was going to join us. As people showed up, we'd all make room, and I always saw her scooting further down, always leaving an empty space. I should have left then when he showed up - the friend. We made small talk, and I was polite. Then the work friend had to go to the ladies room and asked if I'd come with her. Once in the ladies room - and her in a stall - she said, "You're not into him, are you?" I kinda wanted to deck her.

Instead of staying with what worked for me, what I was comfortable with, I listened to other people and let their words make me doubt myself. I stepped outside my comfort zone and have had worse experiences than when I was just doing my own thing.

I'm not slamming anyone that goes on blind dates or registers on date sites, etc. If that works for you, that's great. But it doesn't work for me, and as much as I know you love me, I just wish you'd respect that and leave your relationship words of encouragement as something like "You'll find somebody. I know you will."

As to what I want in a man? Age doesn't necessarily matter - meaning if I met a younger man I connected with, I'd be cool with that - but generally I find myself with older men. And by that I mean a few years. (On a dating site once, I put that I was seeking within my age range, give or take a couple years. I think around this time it was 30-35. If I had a nickel for every grandpa 70+ dude left me a note... I'm be swimming in gold. But then again, no one ever actually reads the bio from what I've experienced so I'm not really surprised.)

Kind, compassionate, healthy, supportive, trusting, helpful, considerate...

I feel like I'm quoting Sondheim's "Into the Woods" song "Agony": Am I not sensitive, clever, well-mannered, considerate, passionate, charming, as kind as I'm handsome, and heir to a throne?

Maybe not necessarily the "throne" bit, but you get what I mean, right? 

I think I've babbled long enough. Ha!

Later my lovelies!

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