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Friday, May 18, 2012

Seriously, I Got Nothin'

Brain: Our work here is done.
Scamper: "Our work"?  You spent the whole time playing with a piece of ribbon.
-from the movie "Igor"

Sitting in my room dealing with a leaky nose (thanks jalapenos) and wishing away the beginnings of a headache while I listen to some music as I think about what story blog to work on next.

I thought while I try to work out story ideas, I'd write a quick blog to say howdy and all that.

Let's start off with my accomplishments, shall we?  (Update-update time.)
I'm behind on a lot, but at least I did this much so... yay me?

I'm still tossing around ideas for the 100 day blog thing, but my mind's so all over the place, I'm not sure if I'm even going to do it.  I know I keep saying that, and I would love to, but I just can't decide on anything.

As it is, I'm behind on StoryADay for May.  I did one story for the entire month thus far.  It's the 18th for frak's sake.  And my OCD/anal-retentive brain wants to do them in order... so as you can see, the May 2nd prompt is leaving me agitated.

*head-wall-splat*

As far as "writing" goes, I've been thinking of the show Leverage a lot in a fanfictiony kind of way.

One thing to know about me is I'm NOT a fanfiction author by any means.  Yes, I've dabbled in some stories as gifts to friends, but that's where it ends.  I just never feel comfortable playing in someone else's sandbox like that.  Sure there are shows that I know a lot about, but I just find the whole thing intimidating and wouldn't want to muck anything up.  Granted that doesn't keep me from thinking up stuff.

Oh no, Sir!  It does not.

See... I love me some TV.  And when I say "love", I mean "LOVE".  But I guess that comes with the territory since I'm a writer (as well as an avid reader).  I just LOVE me some good storytelling.  So when I watch my shows, every once in a while my mind will conjure up some character (usually female since I imagine people I know in the roles of stories I write... with me as the main chic lead) that fits right into that shows universe.  I'll think about them from time to time, but that's pretty much it.

Okay... I write some things, but they're mostly just for me.

As with all the story bits floating around in my noggin, some kids refuse to quiet down while Mommy is working.  When that happens, I have to show them a little attention until they calm down, and I can get back to work.  So I write out what's in my head until it's no longer distracting me and go back to the story at hand... the story I want to focus all my attention on.

So yeah... I have a few tidbits or scenes I thought up that dwell in the realms of some of the shows that have entertained me over the years.

I think my fanfiction daydreams started back in the days of Doogie Howser, MD.  I never cared for Wanda or the way she treated Doogie.  I had envisioned a different girl for him, but of course there's was not an immediate thing.  They started off as good friends first.

Next up was Highlander: the series.  (I think I've seen all the movies and sadly cared for the series much more.)  I created an immortal who befriends Duncan and Richie, but has her own dark past as well.  Ohhh, and she and Amanda do NOT hit it off right away.  Tee hee...

I've played around with Sports Night (LOVED that show... should have had a longer run than just two seasons).  I wrote a love interest for Dan that eventually had to compete with Rebecca (since she came back at the end of season two).

I also thought up a character for the Blood books universe by Tanya Huff which takes place after the last book.  (A new love interest for Henry.)

Most recently I had an idea for an additional character for the show CHUCK (I WANT MORE THAN FIVE SEASONS!!!).  My girl fit into the beginning of season four.  She's a fellow CIA agent only sent out for a brief visit, but then ends up staying on to help out the team.  She becomes fast friends with Chuck, but Sarah doesn't trust her due to the last agent sent out to work with them and how well that turned out.  (Agent Shaw anyone?)

And now we have Leverage.  I know the show is back in July, but one day the show just popped into my head, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.  My girl who's path crosses with the Leverage team since they're after the same man for different reasons.  Then Nate sees something in her and offers to help her in her pursuits and as payment for his help, she must assist him and his team for the duration of her stay.  (There's also a friendship with Eliot that builds.)

Yeah... Leverage keeps trying to take over my brain, and it's driving me crazy.

I have eleven more story blog updates... twelve if you count the one I didn't do for last month... thirteen if you count the Pol story I never finished.

Then there's my story for Chris M as well as the Story A Day for May.  I did one so that leaves (gee, what is today?) seventeen left?

And possibly the 100 day blog challenge.

And my novels.

*head-wall-splat*

*head-wall-splat*

*HEAD-WALL-SPLAT!!!*

Add that to the life stress I'm already under... I'm amazed I haven't killed anyone yet.

(takes time to breathe and unwind)

Right now it feels that all I have is my writing, and it's driving me bonkers that I feel like I don't even have control over that.

It would be incredibly awesome if some incredibly awesome decided to bless me with its magic wand and turn my life around so perhaps the lack of stress would kick my insomnia in the junk and seduce my Muses into sticking around and help me finish some of my storytelling so I can feel better.

Oh to feel better.  That would be lovely.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Monday, May 14, 2012

And the Gold Medal For Failure Goes To...

Writer's block: when your imaginary friends won't talk to you.
-Anonymous

So I feel like a loser.

Oh yeah.  I totally do.

I am WAY behind on my writing.  I mean WAY behind.  I haven't started on my May updates, and I still have one (I think) story update from April that I still have to do. 

I finally made a decision on what to write about for the 100 day blog challenge thing, and I'm excited about the Story A Day for May challenge.

And then there's the story for Chris M. as well as the damn Wheels-O-Wonder page.

Excuse me for a moment.  I need to bash my head against something until my skull splits open and my brain oozes out.

Seriously!!!

Frak you stress with the insomnia and other stuff that is making my passion suffer.  I hate you. 

Sure it'd be easy to blame them for my lack of productivity, but I just sit at stare at a blank page either it be digital or paper, and it just stares back alternately laughing and sighing and rolling its eyes.

It makes me want to cry, but I haven't been able to cry in a while.  The closest I've come is when I have any form of sinus issues that makes my eyes water, but that's about it.

Wait.  I take that back.  I cried at my friend Lorraine A's funeral last month, but that was more of a silent weep.  (I went to the bookstore we used to work at together a day or so after the funeral, and I got all weird on the brink of tears again.  She was a great lady, and I'm a broken idiot.)

I think that if something, just one little substantial thing, happened for me I could maybe get a grip on things, but nope.  As hard as I wish, nothing happens. 

You would think as broken as I am, I could use this drama and stress and pour it into my writing, and I used to be able to do that.  Now it's getting to the point where I can't function.

My friend John S is running a Shadowrun game, and we met recently to make characters, and I couldn't think of shit!  I got teased a bit with the whole "Oh, the writer can't make a character?", and a part of me wanted to punch people while another just wanted to punch myself... or throw myself in front of a Peterbuilt in a "it was fun while it lasted... at least the pain will stop" kind of way.

Wow!  I'm REALLY bummed.

(looks to heavens)

If anyone gives a damn and needs to throw a little graciousness and awesome somewhere... I'm RIGHT HERE!!!

In any case, I thought I'd make an attempt to post something here and hide behind the illusion of accomplishment but so far it's not working.

Calgon... take me the FRAK away.

Listening to my iHeartRadio app, and even though it's about romantic relationships, I'm going to take it as words of encouragement.

"Hold On"
by Michael Buble

 Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones.
I guess that we were once, babe, we were once,
but luck will leave you cursed, it is a faithless friend,
and in the end, when life has got you down,
you've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around.

So hold on to me tight,
hold on to me tonight.
We are stronger here together,
than we could ever be alone.
So hold on to me,
don't you ever let me go.

There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart,
but it's no ones fault, no it's not my fault.
Maybe all the plans we made might not work out,
but I have no doubt, even though it's hard to see.
I've got faith in us, and I believe in you and me.

So hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it will be alright.
Cuz it's you and me together,
and baby all we've got is time.
So hold on to me,
hold on to me tonight.

There's so many dreams that we have given up.
Take a look at all we've got,
and with this kind of love,
and what we've got here is enough.

So hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it will be alright.
Cuz we are stronger here together,
than we could ever be alone.
Just hold on to me,
don't you ever let me go.
Hold on to me, it's gonna be alright.
Hold on to me tonight.

They always say, we were the lucky ones. 

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Friday, May 4, 2012

May the "Fourth" Be With You!

Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.
-Yoda from Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

Yup!  Nerdy intro, I know, but dammit!  I'm a nerd, and damn proud.

Plus Yoda is a BAMF!!!

Sidenote: Yoda was voiced by the lovely and talented Frank Oz... who also does the voice of Grover.  I remember when I realized that and couldn't get images of Grover dressed in Jedi robes talking in that backwards philosophical BAMF speak while Yoda just ran around Sesame Street talking like all the other monsters explaining to the kids the difference between near and far as well as over, under and through.  Kind of like a Muppets Freaky Friday!  (And they should totally make a "There's a Jedi Master At The End of This Book" book in the same vain as Grover's.  That'd be AWESOMESAUCE!!!)

(nerd babble over)

Howdy my lovelies!  Yes, I know it has been a while, but I'm here now, and all is right with the world.  (Well, not in MY world, but I'll leave that alone for now.)

(looks at last post)

APRIL 16th?!?!?!  Are you frakkin kidding me?!?!?!

(takes a moment to chastise self before slamming head into wall)

Annnnnnnd... we're back.

Before I start to ramble and forget, let's do the update-update, shall we?

I'm behind on one April update for the story blog "a boy, a girl, and a line...", but I'm giving myself until the end of the weekend seeing as my head hasn't been in the right place lately.  Life stress has been effecting everything in my universe, and it's pissing me off royally.  There has been a drought in my creativity, and it's killing me.  Do you hear?  KILLING ME!!!

(CAPS LOCK + ! = hella stressed and frustrated)

I firmly believe that in keeping writing ANYTHING keeps the creative juices flowing.  I believe in working through your "stuck moments"... pushing through and persevering.  But I feel like I've been sucked dry.

I still need to finish my Pol story that I started for my Writers' Wheel-O-Wonder story blog.  That story blog only has two entries in it, and it needs more.

I also haven't decided if I want to participate in the 100 Days blog challenge on the other site I'm on.  I've gotten some suggestions from friends and while mostly entertaining, nothing has truly leapt forth and shouted "Pick me!!!"  (Maybe I just won't do it.  Meh.)

Then there's the story for Chris M. I need to write.  I have the idea, but my brain can't map a way to get it to the page.  Every frakkin time I write something, I slam into a wall.  (And he only wants THREE PAGES!!!)

(grabs hammer to bash head in with)

Then a few weeks ago, my friends (and fellow writers) Tammie B replied to one of my tweets...

Me: Another story blog update down.  Roughly ten more to go.  #amwriting
Tammie B: Write me a story!
Me: What would you like?  (Take into consideration I'm not sure when I'll get it to you, but I'll try.) #amwriting
Tammie B: Surprise me. 

So I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and write a short story for my "The Curly Muse" story blog, and send THAT to her.

But then nothing came.

Then a few days ago I tweeted (like I do)...

Me: Looking over my twitter feed before I start writing.  See if I missed anything.  (Also, "Boogie Shoes" is currently playing in my head.)
Tammie B: *cough*writetammieashortstorybecauseyoulovemeandiworkedtwelvishhourstoday*endcough*

Me: Once upon a time there was a girl named Tammie who worked a lot.  The End.  j/k
Tammie B: Wow!  That was epic!

The story I ended up sending her was the "Quid Pro Quo" one mentioned above which was inspired by the internet.

What's that?  Explain further?  All right, then.  I shall.

So it was nearing the end of April, and I had two blogs left to write anything for, one of which was "The Curly Muse" which is my miscellaneous page for anything that is not a series of some sort.

I wanted to write a short story for the April update, but I couldn't think of anything.

(mind = blank canvas with no paints in sight.)

During a moment of "stuckness", I did a search on the interwebs for writing prompts.  There used to be several pages on another community I'm a member of, but they all seemed to go away.  Then when I did a new search, the communities were all for fanfiction (which I don't really write) or hadn't been tended to in months/years.  I looked through those anyway since I was only looking for prompts and they didn't have postmarked this year or anything.  Just ideas.  I started an email to myself collecting all the pages I'd come across that I thought were remotely interesting from that site.  I also found a few from Tumblr and other sites... added those to the listing.  I really wanted to do something with one particular Tumblr prompt page, but again... no ideas came.

Then when looking through my Twitter feed on my phone, I saw a tweet from a lady I follow by the name of...

Debbie Ohi (@inkyelbows)Are you ready for the @StoryADayMay challenge?  I'm using it to brainstorm pb & novel plot ideas: storyaday.org

I checked out the website and Twitter account found the prompts (their Twitter feed also has other writing suggestions and ideas).  I liked what I saw.  So I decided to participate (without signing up on the site and just doing my own thing). 

Now of course I'm behind, but I'm hoping I'll catch up.  And who knows?  Perhaps one of these prompts will help me write the stories I've been needing to write.

The first prompt was called "Keep It Short" and gives the only real limitation of length:  1200 words or less.  I started... and restarted... and rerestarted... several times, but nothing was working until I was looking through my bookmarked prompt sites for any ideas and saw a picture of a bridge.  I ignored the prompt that went along with the image and just stared at the bridge which had my attention.  

Then I started writing. 

Funny thing... as I wrote, the number "1200" streamlined across my mind like one of those electronic marquis you see at the airport of whatever.  So halfway through a document page, I paused to do a work count.  Then I'd write more, pause, do another word count.  And so on and so on.

400... 500... 700...

By 800 or so, I decided to stop checking and just write.  For some reason, I was pretty sure what 1200 words looked like.

Nope.

I stopped checking, I got my mojo working, had an ending in mind, and then... Voila!  DONE!  Happy with myself, I did a word count... and found I was at 1500+. 

(long list of impossible obscenities here)

I suck at editing.  My brain shuts off as if it say, "Nuh-uh!  I'm done.  Find someone else!"  But I made myself do it anyway.  I wasn't going to let myself go to sleep (or try to, anyway) until I was done with the story and posted it.

It was just like when I was writing the damn thing.  I started at the beginning and cut some things or condensed some things.  Pause - word count: 1490.  Dammit!!!  Cut some more.  Reword stuff.  Pause - word count: 1450.

Eventually I got down to 1204 and thought Four more words!  I can do this!  In the end, I whittled it down to 1199.  I gave it a title (Quid Pro Quo) and posted it to my "The Curly Muse" page where all my short stories will go.  (Which I think in doing a post for every day in May, I'll give myself a little slack for June... maybe July, too.)

I sent the link to Tammie B via Twitter saying, "How about this?"  (She's good for my ego.)  She said, "It was awesome.  I loved it."  

(blush)

(high-fives self)

I'm not sure how much writing I'm going to get in over the weekend since I'm seeing The Avengers with Leah G and Jim G through his work.  This Saturday and Sunday I'm feeding Geoff T's cats.  Saturday is Free Comic Book Day, so I'm hoping to stop by Anna C's store to visit, say hey, and perhaps pick up some freebies.  And then there's a Cinco de Mayo shindig at my Dawn S & Jess F's place.  Sunday might be a little laid back.  I usually watch Game of Thrones and sometimes other assorted goodies with Leah G and Jim G at their place.  Monday is a friend's birthday dinner which (being jobless), I just might stop by and give hugs and well wishes.  

Oh yeah!  And Tuesday is Character Creation at John S's place for a game he wants to run.  Thursday is Dusty's World.

Random note: Today while on the way to the Hall of Justice/Hall of Infamy (aka HOJI, aka the house in which my friends Kathy W - aka my Girlfriend, Steve C - aka Shteevil, and Geoff T live), I stopped off at the AM/PM near my house for a drink.  While walking back to my car (which was parked on the side of the building facing the bathrooms) a dude walked past me.  He looked a little agitated.  I saw he was walking to the corner of the lot where the back of the AM/PM met with a fence separating it from the business behind it.  I thought I saw a hole in the fence and thought the dude was going to go through  it, but then I saw him stop... to piss.  My first thought?: Does he know I'm, like, right here?  My second thought?: Dude! - the bathroom is RIGHT THERE!

Now... where was I?

Wow.  Wednesday's free.  That's interesting.  And then there's the weekend where being jobless and broke I am not able to see my family for Mother's Day.

(looks for hammer for self-head-beating again)

I know the base problem at the moment in my life is being jobless.  I've been calling and emailing and applying, but it just seems so frakkin hopeless.  I applied to some big places (oh... that would be lovely to get a job at one of those lovely places) and some little places as well.

I just want to work.

The stress of not having a job is to my insomnia as gas is to a fire.

I know if I had some steady income, I'd start to mend... hell, maybe even sleep, but I have to get that job first.  Right now I've got feelers out, and I'm always being told things will work out or just to concentrate on the good things, but staying positive when you feel like you're being shit on constantly by the government and the economy makes sustaining a sunny disposition a little arduous at times.

But hey... there's always alcohol.

So yeah, that's my life in a poverty-stricken nutshell.  I didn't mean to be a Debbie Downer, so I will end this post with a silly little Twitter convo from a few days ago between me and my omakase pal John S (aka Jaquas) - complete with links to certain babble in case you need them.  *grin*

Me: Not really happy today.  Quite depressed actually.  Hope some serious awesome happens before week's end.  I'd greatly appreciate it.
John S: *pouncehugs* I'd offer to hang out, but I'm stuck at work til 7, then off to Dad's to hopefully plan out Montreal.
Me: No worries. It's the same ol' same ol'. Was hoping a miracle would happen today to make me feel more secure. Alas no.
John S: I can probably pull something off tomorrow if you want to hang, or go to the meadery or what have you.
Me: Sounds good.  Drinking helps in moments of depression and anxiety.
John S: Nah, friends help in moments of depression and anxiety, drinking is just a social lubricant. ;)
Me: Ahhh, social lubricant... by Johnson & Johnson.  FDA approved.
John S: "It's so silky smooth!"
Me: Now made for him AND her.
John S: Accessories include: Beer goggles "Making people look that much more attractive every day" #sociallubricant
Me: Social Lubricant: to say what you don't really mean to say one slur at a time.
John S: Side effects may include memory loss, waking up in strange locations, and AWESOMENESS. #sociallubricant
Me: Side effects may include projectile vomiting, groping body parts that aren't yours, and visiting Candy Mountain without leaving the comfort of your barstool.  #sociallubricant
John S: Chaaaaarliieeeeeeeee #sociallibricant
Me: And here ladies we have a victim of #sociallubricant.  Nothing sushi won't cure though.
John S: Pffft.  Victim my arse!  #sociallubricant (Also, sushi sounds nummy)
Me: Did I say victim?  I meant "someone experiencing the effects of #sociallubricant."  (And sushi's always nummy.)
John S: Good cover.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae