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Monday, May 14, 2012

And the Gold Medal For Failure Goes To...

Writer's block: when your imaginary friends won't talk to you.
-Anonymous

So I feel like a loser.

Oh yeah.  I totally do.

I am WAY behind on my writing.  I mean WAY behind.  I haven't started on my May updates, and I still have one (I think) story update from April that I still have to do. 

I finally made a decision on what to write about for the 100 day blog challenge thing, and I'm excited about the Story A Day for May challenge.

And then there's the story for Chris M. as well as the damn Wheels-O-Wonder page.

Excuse me for a moment.  I need to bash my head against something until my skull splits open and my brain oozes out.

Seriously!!!

Frak you stress with the insomnia and other stuff that is making my passion suffer.  I hate you. 

Sure it'd be easy to blame them for my lack of productivity, but I just sit at stare at a blank page either it be digital or paper, and it just stares back alternately laughing and sighing and rolling its eyes.

It makes me want to cry, but I haven't been able to cry in a while.  The closest I've come is when I have any form of sinus issues that makes my eyes water, but that's about it.

Wait.  I take that back.  I cried at my friend Lorraine A's funeral last month, but that was more of a silent weep.  (I went to the bookstore we used to work at together a day or so after the funeral, and I got all weird on the brink of tears again.  She was a great lady, and I'm a broken idiot.)

I think that if something, just one little substantial thing, happened for me I could maybe get a grip on things, but nope.  As hard as I wish, nothing happens. 

You would think as broken as I am, I could use this drama and stress and pour it into my writing, and I used to be able to do that.  Now it's getting to the point where I can't function.

My friend John S is running a Shadowrun game, and we met recently to make characters, and I couldn't think of shit!  I got teased a bit with the whole "Oh, the writer can't make a character?", and a part of me wanted to punch people while another just wanted to punch myself... or throw myself in front of a Peterbuilt in a "it was fun while it lasted... at least the pain will stop" kind of way.

Wow!  I'm REALLY bummed.

(looks to heavens)

If anyone gives a damn and needs to throw a little graciousness and awesome somewhere... I'm RIGHT HERE!!!

In any case, I thought I'd make an attempt to post something here and hide behind the illusion of accomplishment but so far it's not working.

Calgon... take me the FRAK away.

Listening to my iHeartRadio app, and even though it's about romantic relationships, I'm going to take it as words of encouragement.

"Hold On"
by Michael Buble

 Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones.
I guess that we were once, babe, we were once,
but luck will leave you cursed, it is a faithless friend,
and in the end, when life has got you down,
you've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around.

So hold on to me tight,
hold on to me tonight.
We are stronger here together,
than we could ever be alone.
So hold on to me,
don't you ever let me go.

There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart,
but it's no ones fault, no it's not my fault.
Maybe all the plans we made might not work out,
but I have no doubt, even though it's hard to see.
I've got faith in us, and I believe in you and me.

So hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it will be alright.
Cuz it's you and me together,
and baby all we've got is time.
So hold on to me,
hold on to me tonight.

There's so many dreams that we have given up.
Take a look at all we've got,
and with this kind of love,
and what we've got here is enough.

So hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it will be alright.
Cuz we are stronger here together,
than we could ever be alone.
Just hold on to me,
don't you ever let me go.
Hold on to me, it's gonna be alright.
Hold on to me tonight.

They always say, we were the lucky ones. 

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

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