Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Like Janet Jackson sang - "Get it out me"

I've tried so hard to remember what it is that I forgot
But I can, but I can believe... will you now
-from the song "Worried Eyes" by Eagle-Eye Cherry (duet vocals by Titiyo Jah)

While driving to work this morning, I started thinking of various ideas that I wanted to write, but of course at that moment I was on the freeway unable to whip out a pen and paper to jot down my ideas or the scene playing in my head or the dialogue I heard between two people or...

You get the picture.

So it got me thinking about all those lost moments... those bits of story, those segments of story, those little portions of "oh gawd, that would be great" that just slip by because of whatever the reason may be.

Me?  Usually for me it has to do with being WAY too tired for my own good.  (Let's hear for Insomnia, shall we? *yawwwwwwwnnnnnnn*)

I seem to have a lot of grand ideas as I am about to fade to black or when I can't get to a pen.  I have tried to, as my consciousness spirals down the drain, to write down or type out whatever brilliant idea that crossed my synapses before it's too late, but most often it usually is.  The pen slowly starts to slip from my fingers.  Or my hands rest on the laptop keys causing repetitive letters to appear.

No, I'm not being clever.  I've passed out on the computer.

Almost into sleepy oblivion, I try to tell myself "This is good.  You'll remember it in the morning.  You will!  And then after you shower and are fully awake, you will write down notes and ideas and all will be well."

If I had a nickel for every time it hasn't... yeah, you guessed it: Oprah-rich!

It's at those moments that I try to wax on the positive thinking that hey, if it was good enough of a bit, I'll remember it.  It'll come back full circle and then I'll have that epiphany to which I will then write it down and voila!  Masterpiece extravaganza!  (I just love that word.)  LOL!

When the idea doesn't come back, I excuse it, thinking things like, "Must not have been that good of an idea if I can't remember it."

But really, who the frak knows?  Certainly not me.

Who's to say that all my best ideas weren't the ones that lost out to insomnia or a lack of a pen or just plain forgetfulness?

Why must my creative moments torment me so?

You're like that thought or comment that's on the tip of my tongue that I can't quite get at (though when that usually happens, the more I chase it, the more it runs away never to be found... thus is why I forget about it, and if I am meant to know the answer, it will come to me).

If I had a nickel for every time I sat up in bed in the middle of the night screaming random things due remembering them WAY later than I needed to... yeah, Oprah-rich!

Then there are the conscious moments of creativity that just bitch-slap me about as if to say "Yeah, we got a great idea... but we're just going to keep it really vague and not help you formulate it into anything.  Instead, we're just going to leave you with this sense It could be really great, only if... and never follow through."

That's right my friends... a literary-authory cocktease of sorts.

I guess if you think of it that way, then I've had blueballs for a while now.

[re-reads previous line and wonders what is wrong with my brain]

It's just sometimes I get these ideas - these really neato spiffy keen ideas - but for some reason the translation process seems to get all wonky as it makes it way from my brain down the circuitry of my awesomeness and to my hands where I can either write or type out previously stated neato spiffy keen awesomeness.

Maybe I'm wired wrong and the creative juice circuits are flowing elsewhere.

Perhaps I need to start learning to write with other parts of my body?

[imagines pens stuck in various alternate places, and is - for the most part - unhappy with the images]

Any of you have problems like that?  Anyone else have problems with getting their ideas out of their noggins and into some form of legible whozit-whatzit for others to read?  How do you solve the evil plague of writer's block or creative stuckery?

Leave me a comment.  Let me know.  I'll give it a whirl.

And who knows?  It just might work.

[fingers crossed]

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Still waiting... *yawn*

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."
-Mitch Hedburg (February 24, 1968 - March 29, 2005)

I'm usually quite the patient person.

I am.

I blame my retail years.  For some reason or another, I remained quite zen back in those days when I had to deal with all sorts of jackasses and fucktards that crossed my path.  If I had a nickel for every time I received compliments on my ability to not rip anyone's head off, I would be set for life.

With that said, I am completely and utterly tired of waiting when it comes to this job.  Do not get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for this job.  I like working (thought it's only for four months).

On a side-note, I don't think I was meant for office life or to be a suit.  (For one thing, dress shoes HURT!) 

The first week was training and since then it's been a little slow with the actual assignments.

Without getting too into details, I am one of a group of eight that were hired to assist teams that work with various clients of the company with financial documents.  Thing is though, we wait for the client to send the docs to the teams we get assigned to, they work on them and then send them to us.

I didn't get my first assignment until my third week here.  Okay, correction: after the first week, we received an email regarding who our first clients were and what teams we would be working with.  I sent out emails, etc, and didn't hear from anyone until the following week.

The first client I was assigned to only had three funds for me to work on.  I sent them back within three days.  They were to look them over and see if there might be anymore edits to make.  I have pinged my contacts via the inter-work chat we have as well as via email, and in the end, the client is dallying their dillies in getting their docs back to them.

So I wait.

Actually, we're all pretty much waiting.
The lady that hired us said that she put the word out to the rest of the company that we were available if they needed any help with anything, and no one has really come a-knocking.  Me and a couple other people helped out with some errands a couple flights up.  There was another lady we were possibly going to help out with scanning docs, etc, but that never happened.

Picture a room with eight people in it, each of them has a laptop and training but nothing to do.

There's one guy that has worked with the company before.  People know him so he was working with them a little before us.  I think he had like five funds or something from them.  I helped him with one of them.  (Yay me!  Self high-five... similar to the sound of one-hand clapping... or the sadness of it.)

The rule of thumb was that if you had a frak-ton of funds to work on and there were others with nothing else to do, then you could give some of your work to them and by doing so, you would accomplish two things: 1) faster turnover rate, and 2) no idle hands.

That worked... for a while.  And then there was nothing.

What do we do in the meantime?  Well, we have the internet...

I will admit to what I do which is...
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • email
  • YouTube
  • play games (like Scrabble, memes, etc.)
  • write
There's a girl that sits opposite corner from me.  She's read the whole Stieg Larson series.  Well, I think she's on the third book right now.

Not feeling comfortable saving stuff to the work laptop, I bought myself a thumb drive to store all my writing stuffs on it.

At present, I am working on two novels of my own plus a third a friend asked me to collaborate with him on.  (There's also a fanfiction story that has been put on hold due to me waiting for the series to end so I can get a firm grasp of what the holy hell is going on and write around it.)

Since I started here and with the free time I have had, I have been working on a little bit of everything.  I've written very little of "Dreamgirl"* (my NaNoWriMo novel) and have added even less to "Chloe" (my previous novel I had been working on where my inspiration/energy with it has sort of plateaued into this sedated/subdued "dammit where has all the rum gone?" kind of mood).

At present, I'm working on a scene for "Wolf", but I just can't get the voice of the girl right.  Last night when I got home, I whipped out my notepad and wrote a bit of it in there, but then my body wanted to do its impersonation of a chunky Asian in a coma, so I had to put things away, turn off the lights, crawl under the covers and succumb to my serious acting skills of an unconscious nature.

In my correspondence with my teams, I was told that pretty much I would receive the docs from them by next week.  Today, one of my teams sent me all ten funds, but they sent me just the raw docs - pretty much so I would have them so when I eventually got the numbers from the team (to input into said docs), they would only have to send the data to me.

And I know y'all have no idea of what I'm talking about, but that's okay since you don't really need to.  I guess this is the part of blog where I just ramble, and y'all nod and smile when in fact you wish you could just slap the shit out of me.

It's okay.  You slap because you love.  I understand.  Just don't be surprised if I "love" you back some, a'ight!?

I need to make more time to write.  I have a goal that I want to reach, and it's important to me.  I've been hella tired at work, but that's just because there's nothing to do for now.  (We were reassured that the beginning of the year is usually slow but things will pick up soon.  As much as I love getting paid for nothing, I really would like an assignment or something.)

Due to the tiredness I've been feeling lately (thank you Insomnia - for you?  A big swift kick in the gonads.), I haven't really been able to focus lately.  I mean (metaphorically, of course) is it wrong to want this:
I want to be so caught up in my writing that I hear nothing else save the words as they flow from my mind through my blood, into my hands, and out my fingertips - spilling across the keys resulting in awesome wordsmithery.  

Shut up.  You know what I mean.

Instead, I leave work tired and hungry.  I eat, go home and die... just to continue the vicious cycle over and over again.  And then the weekend rolls around.  That means errands... and laundry.

Yes, I feel your envy.  That's okay my darlings.  Let's hug it out, shall we?

Seriously though, I need to get my energy back.  I need to find my writing mojo and get some shit done.

I want to feel like this:
This is the book (and my muses) and me getting along.
Not like this:
This is me ready to choke a bitch (aka when the writing doesn't come).
*smacks table*


*shakes hand*


Okay, back to writing.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!

*not real titles of actual novels - just an abbreviation of sorts to save on space

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Hello Blogosphere!!! Como estas, y'all?

I love it when a plan comes together.
-Colonel Hannibal Smith from "The A-Team"

Greetings and salutations one and all. 

My name is Rae, and I will be your aspiring authoress for the length of your stay here.

Hopefully it will be a long one. *grin/wink/nudge-nudge*
Well, hello there... how you doin'?
What is this beloved place you have stumbled upon? Is it Oz? Is it Bizzaro World? Is it Wonderland? Is it some portal to a parallel dimension?

It is all of those things and yet none of those things.

Let me explain.

You have just landed smack dab in the middle of a world beyond normal comprehension. Where reality is interpretive to the individual.  Where time and life are what we make of them.  Where we eat ice cream for breakfast. Where carbs and sugar are food groups. Where a diet is having three beers instead of four.

You have willingly stepped through the door into the universe of my mind ruled by my imagination, healthy schizophrenia, and pure brokenness.

To put it simply: You're mine now bitches!

*insert evil laughter here* 
Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha <cough> hahaha <hack> hahaha... <wheez> ... oh dear...
Seriously though...

For a while now - even before my NaNoWriMo Blog last year - I have been looking for a blog project to do. Something interesting. Something people would want to read and subscribe to and possibly leave replies and quite possibly (heavens forbid) start a correspondence - a conversation of sorts - between blog reader and blog writer.  Maybe even writer to writer.

But most importantly, between being and being.

Here I will chronicle the pursuit of my passion: to be a writer.

Ideally I would like to make a post, no matter how minute or grand, every day.  Unfortunately life gets in the way at times (as it did with NaNoWriMo last year) so all I can promise is that I will post as often as I can.

And with that said, welcome to my world.  Feel free to roam about and explore.  Stay as long as you want.

If you need me, I'll be at the bar.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!