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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Possible Ending In Sight... Maybe...

My stories run up and bite me in the leg -- I respond by writing them down -- everything that goes on during the bite. When I finish, the idea lets go and runs off.
-Ray Bradbury, science-fiction writer (b. 1920)

Not usually what happens to me.

For me, I usually get a nibble that lasts for a little while.  Then it runs away.

A few days later another nibble.  It runs away again.

It goes on like this for a while.

Reminds me of grade school when a boy would like you, and he'd come up and slug you.  The action is repetitive, somewhat painful, but the end result can be something awesome.

Right now, the nibbles are few and far between.  As it stands, I have about a week and a half to finish my "serial killer" story, and then it's a new year.

And hopefully that new year will bring me something great... something much better than what I've been dealing with so far.  And I'm not talking about my loving family and friends and the little things here and there.  I'm talking about the aggravating bits, the enduring of crap, the waiting for the "you'll get something soon, honey" moments that never seem to happen.

It's difficult to stay positive, but I try.

And here we pause for a comic strip break.

Penny Arcade (http://penny-arcade.com/) "Usurpers, Plural" strip dated 12/12/11
To fill the void of not-writing, I had turned to the one thing to comfort me in my time of need: the internet.  (Mainly cuz I'm out of booze.)

If a writer stops writing, and no one's around to hear it, can you still hear them cry? 

I checked my email, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and caught up on several of my comics - Penny Arcade being one of my faves.  I read this and immediately shared it with Maggie C., who later told me that I was an artist.

She always says the sweetest things.

And back to serial killing.

While drinking and gaming at a friend's house, I took a pee break (I had fueled up on a lot of beer.  Don't look at me like that.  I was helping.  Just ask Kathy.), and while in the ladies room, I had an epiphany.

Why are most epiphanies found in the bathroom?  (No, that wasn't the epiphany.)

I was trying to figure out how to have a mundane figure out who the killer was, and then it struck me.  (No I'm not sharing it with you now.  You'll just have to wait.)

I'm not really sure how I'm going to write it, but I've started to.  It's sort of coming together... sort of.

Another comic break!

Wondermark (http://wondermark.com/) strip dated 12/16/11
You can thank Jaquas for this one.  He posted it to my Facebook just for me.  And you know why it's funny?  Cuz it's true.

My cat is currently reminding me that her ass is toxic.  Why can she never make her catbox smell of roses and cinnamon? 

Pardon me while I deal with her foulness.

(time lapse)

All right, I'm back.  Now she's just being anal (no pun intended) cleaning up litter and whatnot.  I hear her in there scratching/pawing all over thinking "Did you explode in there?  What the hell are you doing?"  One of these days I'm going to find markings on the wall like akin to things you'd find carved into trees or park benches or whatever.

It would be cool if that were true I found Portal "the cake is a lie" sketches.

Yeah.  I'm a nerd, and it made me laugh, so deal!

Back to the killing...

So yeah.  I need to go back and do some editing for fluidity sake.  I also need to add things to make transitions a little better.  I just took the time to write here since I wanted to write here more often than I have been.  The plan is to head out of town to see my family for the holidays by the end of the week so if that's the case, you won't be hearing from me for a few days since my mom's place has no real internet access.  Also I'll be spending most of my time with my family and hopefully getting to see Margrit (aka SEESTER) so I don't think I'll have any real time to write.  Maybe during my insomnia moments I'll be able to finish or work on my story (which at worst case scenario will be posted when I get back), but yeah.

Maybe I'll just leave the minibook at home when I leave and just bring a notebook and a pen.  (Ohhhh, kickin' it old school.  WHADDUP?!?!?)

All righty.  I should really hit the sack.  I'm going to the movies with Leah G. since her husband Jim G. does not want to go see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  (I am her date.)  I had hoped to read the book before watching the movie, but I do want to see the movie.  She listened to the audiobook and LOVED IT!  A chic I temped with at the beginning of the year watched the foreign version first after reading the book and thought it was crap.  Everything I've been hearing, the US version is WAY more spot on.

I can always read the book next year.  *grin*

All right.  I'm going to go now, but before I do, I'll leave you with one more comic (which I found today).  I like nerdy humor, and since I'm passionate about writing, writing is one of the things I'm nerdy about.  With that said, I share with you and then hit the sack.

I Love Charts (http://ilovecharts.tumblr.com/) strip dated 12/20/11
Time for bed.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae




PS... In case it needs to be said, NONE of the comics are MINE.  (Websites noted below each comic.) Kthnxbye.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Would It Help If I Bashed My Head Against The Wall A Few Times?

Hey, I almost had an achievement!
-Dutch from the video game "Halo 3: ODST"

Damn!  Damn!  Damn!  With some more Damn!  And a side-order of Damn with an extra heaping dollop Damnitty-Damn-Damn-it-all-to-hell!!!

Now that I've got that out of the way... I'm stuck!  (And not like "Timmy fell down the well" kind.)

So I've talked about my goal of having all my story blogs (as represented by the lovely tabs above) with 2011 posts and then by the start of the new year (which is frakkin two weeks away) to update all the story blogs on a somewhat more regular basis.

All that was left was my "Wheels" story blog (which has the least on it since it was started last with much intention to have more on it than it actually does), but it's proving to be more difficult as time goes on.

The story on there that it posted is not my best work, but hey... it was my first try with my brother's prompt generator.  (One of these days I will remember to post a pic of it).  But that's what happens when you try something new, right?  With each attempt you hopefully get better and better.

I'm not sure attempt number two will be any better than the first one.

With the bits I was given via the "Wheels" prompt generator, I looked at it and thought "How the frak am I going to be able to make anything from that?" 

Then I started writing.

Then I had to kill someone.

Now this couldn't be just a regular "oh someone got mugged and a gun accidentally went off" kind of thing.  The killing was intentional.  And the killer isn't caught. 

But there's more.

The murder turns out to be one of a string that have happened.

And a civilian is supposed to track down the bastard responsible.

You heard me.  A civilian. 

I feel like I'm kind of out of my element on this one since I'm not really a suspense/mystery writer.  I'm more of the slice of life, stuff that's sort of happened to me but altered a bit, sci-fi/fantasy/horror-ish weirdo.  Straight up murder mystery writing is not my thing.

First I tried my hand at several beginnings... and eventually settled on one (for the moment though I'm still not happy with it).  Then I introduced the victim that starts it all and how that person died.  Then I transitioned back to the main character and how he's found other victims and their link...

And that's where it ends.

Now the intro bit took a while.  Eventually I beat the crap out of my OCD, made a couple notes, and forced myself to move on.  The next part took a bit of reworking and OCD brow-beating to move on from there.  (I was stuck with how to kill the victim.)  When I got to the last part, I was having issues with what the main character would do.  Would he stay where he was?  Would he relocate?  What kind of person would he be compared to before? 

Blah de blah de blah...

I have to say though I have been most impressed with the last bit that I wrote.  It was all coming together nicely, flowing from my mind through my fingertips over the keys.

And now... I'm stuck.

Being a writer, I'm also a book lover and being so have been to various author events.  One author once said that there was no such thing as "writer's block"... that you're basically just stuck until you work through it and are unstuck.  Since I heard that, I don't like using the term "writer's block".  It sounds kind of negative and defeated-like.

Which is kind of how I feel right about now.

Every time I open the story doc, the cursor just blinks at me in a belittling way that makes me want to smack it with a truck the size of Texas.

Meanwhile the voices in my head have been stirring.  The kids are getting rather chatty.  They haven't knocked on my door so far in their "Mommy!  Look at me!  Look at me!" way but I can hear their murmurs.

There's IC and GA as well Chloe and my NaNoWriMo novel attempt from last year.  There have also been stirrings from the novel project Jim G. asked me to co-write with him.  (That's been sort of put on hold due to life being a little on the chaotic side.)  Some of my other kids have been making a little noise, but I'm hoping they can either entertain themselves long enough to let me finish this story or possibly offer some insight as how to proceed.

Maybe I can find some help in a bottle of beer.

Now if I just had some beer.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Kids Won't Let Me Kill (What's Up With That?)

"This place feels so unfamiliar and yet I know it well.
I think i used to belong here."
-from the song "Spanish Doll" by Poe

The kids are restless again... only this time, it's more than just IC and GA.

Chloe (from my first novel pre-NaNoWriMo) is starting to talk to me again.  I thought she'd be busy with her art and such, but nope.  She's got some things to say about her story.  Her whispers in my ear haven't been as constant, but combined with the other kids and their chatter, it's been a little distracting.

I've been having random voices chatting about in my head during the day.  Sucks that I don't have a Matrix-like USB port in the back of my head where I can just download the voices into a thumbdrive and save it for later.

But nope.

It hasn't helped much since I haven't been feeling up to snuff these past couple days.  I'm better now, but sheesh... I wasn't great before.

Thursday night I was hanging out with Leah G. and Jim G.  We had dinner, watched some shows, hung out.  I had a bit of a headache which was sinusy-related.  I snacked on some chips before mealtime so as to not spoil my dinner, and I was drinking water (since sometimes my headaches are dehydration-induced).  Perhaps the headache was from not having eaten yet that day.  Insomnia had kept me awake again for most of the night so I didn't actually fall asleep until the sun came up.  In trying to get some rest, I got a text from Leah G. about coming over.  She picked me up around 4pm, I went with her to the store and then it was off to home.  The headache had started earlier that day but was weak.  I had hopes that food would help which would fill my stomach leaving me not hungry and with enough grub in me to take some meds.

Yeah.  No.

Jim G. got a cold pack for the back of my neck which helped the back of my head (since the pain went from the front left of my head to the back leaving the top of my head untouched).  Getting cold from the pack, I curled up on the love seat and draped a blanket over me.  We watched Burn Notice (which is one of the shows he reviews).  I think I nodded off for small bits at the end.  Then he disappeared into the office with his notes to finish his review while Leah G. and I chilled in the living room.

The pain got worse and started to make me feel nauseous.  Jim G. thought caffeine might help and made me a cup of coffee.  I had taken a Sudafed a couple hours before and with the mild nausea, I did not want to tempt fate with other meds.  I wasn't truly sure the coffee was such a good idea, but when you're in that much pain, you'll try almost anything to stop it.  He made me a small cup as I sat on the love seat and disappeared back into the office.  I had debated on grabbing a can of soda from the fridge instead since I thought that would go down easier, but I just concentrated on being still and willing the pain away.

Usually I hang out late, but I asked Leah G. to take me home.  Jim G. put my coffee in a travel cup and hugged me.  I hugged Leah G. as well even though she was taking me home since I didn't know what state I'd be in when we got to my house.

The drive home was a little painful.  They don't live that far away from me, but I sat there awkwardly, breathing in a lamaze kind of way, staring at a fifteen-degree angle appreciating the view of part of the dashboard and my knees.  When we got to my house, I eventually made it to my room where I just collapsed with my cat next to me and died...

... for about six hours.

Yeah.  That's right.  I slept for about six hours.

For some frakkin reason my body thought it needed to be awake.  There were no car alarms going off or garbage trucks or dogs barking or whatever.  I just apparently HAD to be awake.  I checked my phone.

It was 2:30am.

All the water I had been drinking needed to be set free so I meandered to the restroom and let it loose in the wild via the plumbing.  I avoided the mirrors on the way back to my room (one in the bathroom, two in the hallway) and tried to die again, but my body wasn't having it.

Still feeling headachey and tummy-icky (though less so at this point), I popped open the minibook and attempted to entertain myself.  I had hoped that I'd tire of the internet and head off back into the blackness, but no.  YouTube and Hulu and Twitter and Facebook proved to be distractors (<=== is it just me or does that sound like a Decepticon line of Transformers?  Five robots that transform into YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Hulu and your email.  Together they form DISTRACTOR!) 

Yeah.  I've lost it.

Anyway, I tried to get some writing done in the process but the serial killer thing didn't get much attention.  IC and GA got some time.  It wasn't much, but what there was turned out to be about GA... and I introduced his mother.  There was also mention of his father.  Wow.  Perhaps I am turning this into an actual story.  Goodness me!

My head was starting to ache again so I grabbed the coffee I hadn't touched since I got home (sleep and all that, you know) and sipped at it cautiously in case it told my stomach to do something funny.  It was cold though yummy.  (Jim G. had brewed me some half-caff.)  I also noshed on the apple Leah G. didn't use in her dinner recipe (which was YUMMY by the way).

It was plump and delicious.  I must ask them what kind it was since I have no idea.  I just know it's different than the usual ones I snack on.

Sleep finally came again well into the lighted hours.  Head was less crappy, but my tummy was not amused.  I cuddled up with my kitty and proceeded off into Slumber Land.

As I tried to nod off, for some reason my favorite song from Maroon 5's "It Won't Be Soon Before Long" album was stuck in my head ("Won't Go Home Without You"), but the thing was every time it started to play in my head, it would immediately transition to "Never Gonna Leave This Bed" which is from their recent album "Hands All Over".

Yes, I'm a fan.  Problem?  Tough.  Get over it!

So I grabbed my mp3 player, buried my face into my pillow, and listened to Adam Levine sing, "I asked her to stay, but she wouldn't listen..."  I replayed the song several (billion) times.  I even have my own video version of the song that plays in my mind when I hear it.  I was like that with all their albums.  It's just how my mind works.

Don't judge me!

The fragmented sleep I got Friday left me in bed most of the day.  I ate some cracker-like cookies when I eventually got up.  I popped open the minibook and proceeded to check into the world via the interwebs.  My head started to hurt again so I used my nasal decongestant spray to hopefully unblock stuff... which made my nose a little runny... and then I wiped at my nose with tissue and it came away a little bloody.

Yay!  (<=== that was sarcasm in case you were wondering)

Eventually I got hungry enough to leave my room, so I shoved some tissue up my nose and headed into the kitchen.

Landlady: (passing me in the hallway) Hey.
Me: (mumbling while shuffling since yes... my left calf was still slightly Charlie-horsed and my foot was stiff/sore for some reason) Hey.
Landlady: You okay?
Me: (mumbling again) Head hurts. Bloody nose.  Tummy hurts.  Leg's bothering me.
Landlady: Oh.
Me: (mumbled sarcasm) So other than that, I'm great.
Landlady: (laughs)

I reheated some broccoli mushroom chicken and rice my mother had sent me home with from Thanksgiving and brought it back to my room to eat it while watching some Hulu.  (I need to time when I watch American Horror Story better so I can watch it just before bedtime so I can have interesting dreams.)

I've had weird dreams lately anyway (partly maybe due to the sleeping aid pills I've been taking on occasion or just because my brain is possessed).  One of my dreams had me wake up in a bedroom that looked like it was part of a log cabin or cottage (wood walls, etc) but it was really nice.  I had no idea where I was so I peeked through the blinds and saw a town I didn't recognize.  Then it turned out that I was there to marry some royal someone or other to further the royal line.  At first I protested but in true romance novel, Lifetime movie fashion, I got to know the guy (who in my dream was HOT and great in the sack... kind of like a cross between the Sheriff from Once Upon A Time and Henry Cavill from The Tudors.)  We ended up getting married and living all kinds of happily ever after.

And for some reason I was really comfortable walking around naked.

Again... don't judge me.

Anyway, veering off topic.

I started writing again only this time it was Chloe's turn.  IC and GA had gone off to play or whatever, and Chloe was telling me about her interactions with other people in her story.  So I started writing about that.  (Right now she's about to have Chinese food with a friend and tell him a big secret.  Way to go, Chloe.  That's mighty brave of you.)

And that means nothing to any of you since none of you know the story.  (Sorry.)

So here I am now trying to finish this post to so I can try and go to bed.  I have nothing to do this weekend due to being stranded at home, and I can't afford to go to a friend's dinner party (boo hoo for me, I know), so maybe I'll do laundry (I have one load) and clean my room and maybe write more.

I also have some Hulu to catch up on.  I have Being Human and Terra Nova to finish up as well as two episodes of New Girl.  I'll probably have a new episode of Grimm tomorrow as well.  And I've been re-watching Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip (thank you YouTube).

I'm an Aaron Sorkin fan.

Nothing much else to report.

Well, I wrote a few things over at Everything At Least Once.  Other than that, I've been trying to be a serial killer whenever the kids leave me alone long enough to be one.

Since this is my main page, I'm trying to write more often in it than I have been (it looks like I've been averaging a post a month... and that's just sad, yo'!).  I checked over at my friend's (in my head) blog - The Bloggess - and she writes like every two to three days... and she has way more going on writing-wise than I do.  So I should be able to keep up with that.  She is my writing model.

And hopefully by the beginning of the year I'll have my story blogs updated in a timely fashion, and I'll have many subscribers and people to chat with via my blog and maybe I'll be discovered by someone who saw my blog and thought it was clever and funny and great, and that person will give me a cool writing job because I'm so cool and...

... and maybe I'll wake up one morning with a nicer rack, slimmer waist, and awesome skin.  My hair will magically be tame and do my bidding, I'll be able to eat as much as I want and not gain weight, I'll be debt-free, I'll have a house made of gold, a unicorn ranch, and Hollywood will be beating down my door.

Yes, dearies.  That was more sarcasm.

Baby steps, woman.  Baby steps.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Monday, December 5, 2011

A Serial Killer and the Voices in My Head

"You're just jealous because the voices talk to ME!"
-Unknown

Why is killing people so hard?

Usually it's relatively easy, but for some frakkin reason it isn't now.  Perhaps because I've always done it in onesies and twosies.  Never a sling of them.

How does one get into a serial killer mode?

Music usually helps.  Perhaps I shall peruse my collection of auditory inspiration and crank up some Disturbed or Linkin Park or some other helpful band.  Maybe that'll help.

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is 3D blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I can't control my shakes
How the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory? 
-from "Wait and Bleed" by Slipknot

Yeah, I think that's a good place to start.

In other news, the voices have started again.

I'm the kind of writer whose characters speak to her.  (I've always considered myself a healthy schizophrenic which I guess is helpful for a writer, but my characters - my children - are additional voices to add to the cacophony already running amok in my noggin.)

Now the kids are usually polite, clearing their throats in an "um, excuse me" kind of way.  If the kids are in a story I'm working on, that usually works in my favor.  I find them helpful.  But if I'm working on something else, and they try to get my attention, I have to pull the "not now, honey... mommy's busy" card.

And usually they understand.

Usually...

I suppose some explaining is needed here.

As a writer, I collect words, phrases, sayings, names, etc, that pique my interest or strike a chord in me that thinks I could use it in a story someday.  Some time ago (I'm talking years here), I created this lovely name for a character.  (For the sake of this post, I'll abbreviate the name as IC.)  I just loved the name.  Sure, perhaps being the writer, I'm a little biased but let's not pick nits, shall we?

So I had IC tucked away, just a name - no background or physical attributes (though I'd always imagined it to be a girl's name).  I didn't have a story for her yet, but I kept her with me in case one arose.

A couple years later I created another character name - this one we'll abbreviate to GA.  Same thing as IC - a girl name with no story, details, etc.  That was it.

So with the new goal of updating my story blogs to be current as of this year, I was on a roll with updating every single one of them, but this last one has been giving me grief.  (Yes, the serial killer one.)

Wait... I need a refresher...

I... I stand, not crawling, not falling down
I... I bleed the demons that drag me down
I... I stand, (for nothing), not crawling, (the center), not falling down (of calms within the eye)
I... I'll bleed, (for no one), The demons, (but myself), that pull me down (for me and no one else)
- from "Not Falling" by Mudvayne

Ahhh, that's the stuff.

Where was I?  Oh that's right.  My kids.

Every time I open the file on the minibook, the cursor often blinks at me as if to say, "Go on... I dare you."  More often than not, I lose the battle.

Damn you blinking cursor.  How I loathe thee.  *grumble*

Mid-last-month while I worked to "get my serial killer ON", these little voices started pecking at me.  As time went on, they grew more and more persistent (all the while remaining polite as punch).

IC & GA: *clears throats*
Me: (continues to write, swear, eat chocolate, writes again)
IC & GA: *clears throats louder*
Me: (continues to write, swear, whine about lack of chocolate, writes again)
IC & GA: *clears throats even louder*
Me: (giving up for a moment before minibook suffers my wrath) Yes?
IC: Hello.

Me: Yes?  Hello.
GA: Hi.
Me: Can I help you with something?
IC: We need to talk to you?
Me: I'm kinda busy at the moment.  Can it wait?

GA: I don't think so.
Me: I really need to get this done.
IC: But we need to talk to you about something.
Me: What about?
GA: Us.
Me: Both of you?
IC & GA: Yes.
Me: (stares at blinking cursor, wishing for a stiff drink) Okay.  I'm listening.

We started chatting.

As we talked, I had my planner out that my friend Maggie C. gave me at the beginning of the year.  It's a writer's planner with little goodies and such to assist the writer with... well... writing.  I had noticed when initially looking through it that it had a "starter line" on the first of every month.  I had gone back and flagged each starter line.  I had always wanted to do something with those lines and while I talked to the kids, I flipped to January 1st and read the first starter line.

Then I opened a new Word doc... and starting typing up some stuff up off the top of my head.  That made the kids happy, and they went off to play for a while.

Admittedly I didn't write much, but it was something.  And it made the kids happy so it was a sort of "win-win".

I put it away and headed back to serial killer stuff.

Excuse me for a second.

Relax while you're closing your eyes to me
So warm as I'm setting you free
With your arms by your side there's no struggling
Pleasure's all mine this time
-from "Scream" by Avenged Sevenfold

I'm back.  Thanks for waiting.

While out at my mother's for Turkey Day, I actually wrote stuff which is hella odd since my time is limited and the vibes there are usually just wrong for creativity.  But thanks to insomnia, I had some time on my hands.  Granted I should have been sleeping, but insomnia said, "Oh no no no.  If I have to be awake, so do you.  What shall we do to pass the time?  Play some rummy?  Brush our teeth for the hundredth time?  Pick random body parts and test their limits?"

I opted to be productive and try to write... somethingAnything?

I ended up working on the serial killer story, polishing up the segments I had already written and making them into one somewhat cohesive story leading up to the investigative serial killer part.

I must say, I felt rather accomplished.  *takes a moment to high-five self*

That productivity only lasted one night sadly, and it wasn't until I got home that the kids decided to pay me another visit.

IC & GA: *clears throats*

Me: (staring at story, coming up with nothing, and welcoming the distraction) Yes?
IC: You okay?
Me: Just a little frustrated, but what else is new?  How're you guys?
GA: We've been all right.
Me: I'm glad.
IC: But...
Me: But what?

We chatted some more, catching up on this and that.  Then they went off to play with the other kids leaving me alone with the blinking cursor.

So I did what any Writer Mother would do: I opened IC & GA's story and made that blinking cursor my bitch!

Awww yeah!  Take that!  Put your mockery in your pipe and smoke it, wench!

Eventually my steam left my body.  I saved my work, shut the minibook off, shut the lights, and curled up in a ball letting the darkness and sleep take me.

Their story at present is pretty rough.  I have vague ideas about things, like when to reveal more details about the kids (GA is a dude now.  Who knew, right?) and all that, but as far as an actual story?  Yeah.  I couldn't tell you.

For some reason, when I need an opinion on something, I immediately reach out to Maggie C.  I tried sending her what I had written via Facebook, but apparently I'm too much for Facebook, so I ended up emailing it to her.  (I'm still waiting to hear back from her.)

I hung out with Jim G. & Leah G., and when I told them about the kids, Jim G. said, "You could have sent it to me.  I'm a writer.  Hello?"  I honestly hadn't thought of him since his work schedule has been crazy as of late, and when he's home, he's usually watching shows and writing reviews for them for TVLine, catching up on well-deserved sleep, spending time with his wife (Leah G.), or playing SWTOR.  But now his schedule's back to what it once was, and he's back to riding the train, so he's got time.  (I sent it to him tonight when I got home from their house.)

The kids seem happy for the moment.  I can hear them playing, but they haven't needed to talk to me again.

Meanwhile, I'm making headway on the serial killer thing.

Wait a minute.  I need one more hit.

All I've learned, IT'S LIKE POISON
All I've done, INSIDE MY VEINS
All I've seen, ITS LIKE VENOM
All I know, IT'S ALL THAT REMAINS 
-from "Bulletproof" from Five Finger Death Punch

Yumscious evil!  So tasty.

So yeah.  I would say I'm about halfway, maybe more than halfway actually, done with the killing thing.  I'm currently setting it up for something.  Hopefully I can do it.  I don't think I've written something like this before (meaning this scenario), so it's a bit of a challenge for me.  Hopefully I can pull it off, and people will like it.  (Due date is by the end of this year or sooner if I can manage it.)

All righty then.  I think I've blathered on enough.  It's almost 5am (frak you insomnia), and I have stuff I need to do when I wake that requires some sleep.

Tra la la.  Teedle da.  Hibbledy hobbledy.  Shim sham sha-boing.

And you can quote me on that!  *grin*

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

A Little Bit of Writing & A Lot Less Sleep

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will."
-Tyler from the movie "Remember Me"

Now would you look at that.  I'm posting again, and it's barely been only a week.

Contain yourselves, people.  Calm down.  Take a breath.  It's only me.

Nothing too fabulous to report, I'm afraid.  At least on the writing front.

I've been trying to do some writing - any writing - these days, but the magical mojo that filled me with previous stories and blog posts has gone on vacation somewhere, and I don't know when it'll be coming back.

I've been doing a little writing here and there.  A couple words here, a sentence or two there.  Nothing fluid.  Nothing real.

I guess the biggest thing I did was while I was at my mother's over the weekend.  Insomnia took hold so I wasn't going to bed until almost sunrise and then getting maybe four hours of sleep a night.

Random babble for a moment, but... I hate it when people blame me for my insomnia.  Perhaps, in a sense, yes - there is something that I can do to help it away, but at the moment, I haven't found what that thing is.  Instead, I lay in bed completely awake and tired all at the same time.  If I could do anything about it, I would.  But alas, I'm at a loss.  And then there are those people that seem to know when they hear of my insomnia what the answer is.  Do you have insomnia?  No.  Then shut the frak up!  You don't have it so you don't know.  I've tried teas, pills, stretches, meditation, silence, etc.  If I had a nickel for every time someone said, "Just turn the lights off, lay down, and close your eyes", I'd be Oprah-rich.  Really?  Close my eyes?  Is that all I have to do?  Well, thank you citizen for doing your part to help mankind.  Now run along and spread your stupidity somewhere else... far FAR away from ME!

Okay, done with my random babbling.  Thank you for indulging me.  Where was I?

Ahhh yes, I killed someone.

Usually at my mother's there is so much going on, I barely have time to read much less write.  Last year when I did NaNoWriMo, I couldn't write at all at my mother's.  November is a bad month in general since it's also my birthday month as well as Thanksgiving.  Where is there time to write with all that going on?  Also my mother and her husband don't have wifi so it was difficult to update my status for the event even if I did write anything.

So it was a surprise to me when I whipped open the laptop, took out my notes, plugged into my Pandora account (thank you iPhone)... and wrote.

Well, more like fixed. 

I had been working on the story for my "wheels" story blog, but always came up against a wall and ended up stopping.  I did that a lot.  This story is a lot like a bad traffic jam.  Start.  Stop.  Start.  Stop.

The story itself was in pieces.  I had started it at the office of a job I was doing for a month or so during breaks and slow down time.  I printed up what I did and took it home and tried to work on it there.  I changed some things, wrote a little more.

Gawd, I was moving along at a snail's pace.  Slower than a snail.  Snails were whizzing by me, giving me the finger and mocking me as they passed.

I'm marvelling at the fact that I got any writing done at all at my mother's, but there I sat, story open on the minibook staring at the part where the dude finds his woman dead at home.  It was there that I had blanked out, as if my brain did not want to PASS GO and collect $200... or in my case, the rest of the damn story.

So at whatever-o'clock-in-the-morning, I fleshed out the scene where he comes home and finds her.  I got as far as him staying elsewhere due to his home being a crime scene and the cops keeping him updated on what they found, checking out alibis and all that.

Now I just have to string it along into a serial murder.


Dun-dun-dunnnnnnn...!!!

So yes, I finally killed the woman (which took FOREVER), but now I have to kill more people and link it all together.  How the hell am I going to do that?

Aside from killing women, old stories have been popping into my head asking me to play with them.  While mentally having tea with these old ideas, I tried to concentrate on the serial murder bit so I could finish the story and feel accomplished and all that.  So far that story is like 6 or 7 pages, and I haven't gotten to the serial part of it.

But my other stories, one in particular (my old novel "Chloe"), has been knocking on my door with an "I will not be ignored" kind of demeanor.  So... I whipped out my notebook and pen and started doodling.  Doodles became words, and I wrote something of a scene.  I also have ideas on how to change things to make a little more sense.

And there it is... writing at my mom's.  It all happened I think either on the day before or the day of Thanksgiving, and the moment didn't last long, but I wrote.

Yay me!  (happy dance for minor accomplishment)

The magical mojo has slipped once again.

I also thought about writing something for a contest my friend Maggie C. sent me.  She sent it earlier in the month, but I got it later than that (just because I didn't see it in my email... yeah, I suck).  She sent it saying "Because you have awesome voice."  Admittedly that made me smile, and I read up on the prompt ideas and thought of some stuff, but I don't know.  The deadline is tomorrow night by midnight, so... we'll see.

In the meantime, hopefully things in my life will improve and be less of a distraction to my writing... among other things.  I'm hoping something happens this week.  That would be splendid.  Really, really splendid.

All right, I think that's enough for now.  I shall check y'all later.  Hope your lives are all kinds of wonderful.  xoxoxoxo

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Monday, November 21, 2011

A Welcomed Distraction From My Downward Spiral

"I want to learn how to blow shit up with my mind."
-Freaky Student from the movie "Accepted" 

I just had the most lovely day.

Why?  Let me give you a hint.
Subtle, eh? Subtle... and delicious!
Yes.  Yesterday was my birthday (although according to Kathy W., it isn't the next day until the sun comes up... and it's still dark).

Regardless, I had a lovely birthday.

For one solid day (and a little bit the night before - thanks again to Kathy W. and Steve C.) I had a stress-free day.  (I think everyone's birthday should be stress-free.  No drama.  No difficulties.  No fighting.  Just all around fun, fun, fun.  Nothing better than smiles, laughs and awesomesauce good times.)

Birthday niceties started early afternoon on Saturday when I received a birthday card from my mother in the mail.  It continued later that night at The Cabin with Kathy W. (Steve C. was napping).  I had originally come over for company, cheering up as well as some distraction from the current state of my life.  
Boy do I suck? I'm so out of practice. I seem to be better at Dr. Mario though not by much at present.

We drank, played Tetris Attack, shot the shit and later when Steve C. joined us watched a couple movies ("Dead Guys Don't Wear Plaid" and "Date Night").  When I wasn't paying attention, after midnight, Kathy W. surprised me with a small bowl of yummy ice cream with a "candle" for me to blow out.
Due to lack of candle accessibility, Kathy W. was resourceful and used a toothpick.  It lacked flame staying power, but it remained lit long enough for me to make a wish and blow it out.
Kathy W. also gave me my presents which was an awesome sparkly turtle shot glass and a cute "Zipper Pal" (an adorable blue bunny with my name on it).  She joked that it's just in case in my elderly state I happen to forget my name.  The bunny (which shares my name) keeps watch over my car along with the yellow turtle she got me from her trip to Thailand.

I went home after the last movie was over.  It was still raining which for is extremely happy-making for me.  (I like rain.  I find it peaceful and pretty.)

The plan was to go to catch a double feature at The Retro Dome.  The movies for viewing?

Sunday November 20
2:30pm Time Bandits
4:45pm The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

I'd seen both films years ago (I'm a big Terry Gilliam fan) but hadn't revisited them in a while.

I had set my alarm to wake me a good time before the movie, but the water was off when I woke up (repairing a leak in the sprinkler system in the front yard).  Around this time, Jimbo texted me, and when I mentioned my lack of a shower issue, I was invited to shower at his place.  I got my stuff together, stopped at the gas station to fuel "Libby", and then headed to the "Kitty Compound".  (They have four cats.  It's what I call their place on occasion.)

Per habit, I always knock before I enter, and when I heard "Come in", I opened the door to see Jimbo and Leabo on the couch watching TV.
I saw this message also when I walked in which is directly opposite from the front door.
I bathed (they have an awesome shower) and chatted with them while I got ready.  (I also like Leabo's dryer + diffuser.  Neat!)  While away from my phone, my father called and left a "Happy Birthday" message for me.  (He recently moved to Oklahoma but his place isn't ready yet so he said once his phone and computer were set up, we'd chat.  Shortly after, the caller ID said my brother was calling me so I answered to him and my niece singing me Happy Birthday.  I quickly ran into the living room and put it on speaker because it was so damn cute, I just had to share.

I swear, no sound is better than hearing my niece say "Auntie Rachel".  Ohhh, it just kills me every time.  Add an "I love you" to that, and I just want to grab her and smother her with hugs and kisses.  (Okay, so I already want to do that regardless, but that's beside the point.) 
The cutest little Raggedy-Ann (sans wig) you ever did see!
When I was done chatting with my brother and finished getting ready, I headed out to meet Kathy W. and Steve C. who were treating me to the movies.  A phone call from my mother, soda, nachos, Red Vines, two films and many hugs and birthday wishes later - we parted company.

For me, it was back to Jimbo and Leabo for dinner and TV.  (Kathy W. and Steve C. were also invited but they were tuckered out so opted out to get warm and rest up.)  Jimbo was making dinner (yumtastic pasta).  We all chatted while dinner was prepared.  I thought dinner was the present, but they surprised with a gift.  I got two cards (one that sings, one that doesn't), a Devil May Cry t-shirt (since I am The Devil's Only Daughter) and a pretty scarf Leabo made herself.  After pasta, there was cake (as noted above in my HINT). *grin*

Ahhh yes.  It was such a lovely day.  Much needed whether it was my birthday or not.

Without getting into details that will either bore you or make you want to slit your wrists, I will simply say I haven't had the best of luck lately.  Money's tight, full-time work is scarce, energy levels (as well as positivity levels) are low, and insomnia has been rearing her ugly head again.  All of that stress and some other drama have been making my innards knot up with nausea, and I have spent infrequent moments curled up in the fetal position wishing to hide from the universe until it likes me again.
Dear Universe: Start loving me again, please? Hopefully Yours, Me.
What's worse?  My writing juju seems to have vanished due to the copious amounts of crap I've been dealing with lately.  It's taken my creativity and replaced it with cobwebs and dust mites.

OH THE HUMANITY!!!

The other night I was at Jimbo and Leabo's place while they were out with Kathy W., Steve C., and some other friends gaming.  (I can't recall if it's Star Wars or D&D... or if they're still playing both on alternate weeks.  Or I may be getting that mixed up with some of my other friends that also tabletop game two games alternatively week to week.  I don't know.  I don't play tabletop RPG's all that often so I could just be remembering things incorrectly or clumping them all into one big gaming memory.)

In any case, I sat alone in their condo enjoying the peace and quiet, trying to work on some writing.

As you can guess, nothing really came of it.  Hell, even this post has been like pulling teeth.  I've started and restarted and re-restarted, but it's been a few days already.

Can anyone say SHEESH?!?!

I am currently working on a few things...
  • The main thing is a short story for my Wheels-o-Wonder page.  Still working out the death scene, but it's coming together.  Not sure how long it'll be in the end.  (How many pages is a short story usually?)
  • Then there's the "Chuck" piece that I've been working on and for some reason is taking FOREVER to come together in my head.  And to add to the sadness that it's the show's last season (the two-hour season finale title and airdate have been announced already), Hulu has been having licensing issues so I've only seen the first episode.  I think I have found alternate means but we shall see how that pans out.
  • My first novel (not the one I did for NaNoWriMo last year) has been creeping back into my mind.  I suppose Chloe (main character) has some ideas she wants to run by me.
  • There's also another thing I've started.  I really shouldn't have though nothing much has come of it at the moment.  I had created two character names (one a while ago, one recently) that I wanted to use in something but they didn't seem to fit into anything I've already established.  I'd originally thought I'd make both characters girls, but I've ended up at present making one a girl and one a boy.  They'd been poking my brain wanting to come out, so I wrote a little scene (using a planner a friend gave me that has "story starter" lines posted at the first of every month).  So far it's just a quick blurb but at least it's something.

Still, I'd like to finish the first story where I've just killed the wife but it's slower than molasses after that.  (I'm not good at conspiracies, I don't think... at least not in writing.)

The peace and quiet was very much appreciated, but I have nothing to show for it.  It's like I'm under some spell that I can't break.  I can hear my muses yelling at me, poking me with their ideas, but the more I try to reach them, the more my head hurts.

Perhaps that's the reason I've been getting headaches and migraines lately...

I had made a goal a few years back to be "published" by my 35th birthday.  The closer to my goal's due date, it looked more and more like things weren't going to pan out.  That doesn't mean I'm not going to stop trying.

Booyah!

So yeah.  The day I just had was a well-appreciated, much-needed vacation from the never-ending downward spiral which has been my life as of late.  I really hope it ends and ends SOON!!!  Like, oh I don't know... NOW?

It'd be nice if the universe took my birthday as an example of what I'd like my life to be like.  (Pretty please?  With sugar on top?  I'll be your best friend.)
"Help you I can! Yes! Mm!"
I would like to thank all my loved ones for all their texts, tweets, Facebook messages, kind words and sweet gestures that made today simply splendid. 

I would also like to thank you for all the love and support you've given me in these recent trying times.

I love and appreciate you and are so lucky to have each and everyone in my life.


Much love, hugs and blessings to all y'all!
xoxoxo
Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I'd Like a Coping Mechanism on the Rocks, Please?

"We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."
~C-3PO from Star Wars (1977)

Happy post-Halloween! 

I have candy!  I have bad skin!  I have a figure that would disgust a bovine!

Where the frak did that come from?

Anyway, I am currently in my room, ass slothily planted on the bed, my cat sitting on the bed with me.  I've got a lot on my mind (and shoulders) lately, and I'm trying to keep things under control.  So far I think I'm doing a good job keeping it together.  But really, there's only so much one gal can take.

I mean, I'm a BAMF for criminey sakes!!!
Don't frak with me or I'll bitchslap you like a headcrab!
Ever since the company I worked for many, many moons ago closed, I've been on a whirlwind of various dramas and stresses, and I wish things would just level out, you know?

In the midst of all this stuff I have to deal with (the most recent being my car - had to change out the battery), I keep thinking back on my writing and how I haven't really done anything.  I have one story blog left to update, and it feels like it's taking forever.  I was feeling so damn productive and then boom! - I have hit a wall.

I got stuck on how someone should die since per the prompt it was supposed to not be a random death but linked to something bigger.  Did I want her found dead at home or on the road on the way home?

Decisions, decisions...

Finally deciding on WHERE she will die, I just need to compile the HOW and the link to the other thing.

Yeah, check me out.  All kinds of vague and stuff.

I still need to figure out the bigger picture, but it's proving to be difficult.  Also my brain wants to turn this into something odd and possibly creepy, but I think I want to keep it relatively normal.  Meh, we'll see where things end up.

This is my "thinking" face.  One of MANY.
Having so much on my plate makes it difficult to focus on just one thing.  It feels like that variety act gig where the dude spins the plates on the end of poles, and he has to keep them spinning else they fall and break.
Hells yeah I have a potty mouth!  And?
Yeah, that's how it feels, but the reality of it is that I really don't give a shit if I break a dish.  (Yeah, that's right I said shit.  Problem?)

There are things that help me through my darker moments. 

Friends...
 
(left to right) Kathy, Janise and Alithea - October 2011


My kitty...
Nimitz (as in from David Weber's Honorverse, except my kitty's a girl)
Guns...
50-caliber machine guns (Aw hell yeah!)

Books...
I have a wide variety of literary interests.
Games...
I only wear the mask on special occasions.
Recently I found out that The Bloggess is now following me on twitter which makes me a little giddy since I think she's fabulous and funny.  We should totally be friends.  (So that was a little pick me up!) 

Kind of like when after taking my picture with Mulan at Disneyland several years ago, she said, "Have a nice day, Princess!"  (Yeah, it's kind of like that.)
Tee hee! Mulan called me "Princess"! *nerdsquee*
Today was a bit of a surprise since when I got home, I found a letter from my niece and sister-in-law waiting for me.  (Actually the letter was from my sister-in-law, the decorated envelope and other artwork was courtesy of my niece.) 

See? It's says "Auntie Rachel". (That's me!)
Either way, I can't help but smile where my niece is concerned.
Oh the cuteness!!! I just can't take it!!! (kisses image on screen)
Back to writing...

Usually when I'm bummed, those moments result in some really cool poetry.  When bummed turns to pissed, I've been known to write some serious "FUCK YOU!" stuff, but lately the well has run dry.  Some minor writing's happened, but nothing complete.  Just an idea here or there.  A few words.  Nothing much.

Yeah yeah... I'm sad, too.

I did figure something out in regards to an assassin character I had in mind.  It was a minor bit (regarding her wardrobe and its significance to the character... like why Bruce Wayne chose bats - that sort of thing), but that's nothing big.

I keep thinking of my novel.  I mean, here it is NOVEMBER, and I'm frakked!  I had that whole goal of being published by my 35th birthday, and guess what?  It's in 19 days.  (I don't see that goal happening.)

Alfred (trying to sound encouraging): Why do we fall-?
Me: (grumbling and shaking ice in an otherwise empty tumbler) Oh shut up and pour.


Oh alcohol.  Thank you for the temporary band-aid with which your magical elixirs provide.  Now quick.  Another round before reality sets back in.

I feel slightly accomplished with my story blog stuff so that's not too bad.  Granted I'm pseudo "publishing" myself via the internet, but that wasn't the goal to begin with.  Still, I've almost reached my goal regardless of all of life's distractions.  And I'm also working on adding a menu bar to this blog and making it so you (the lovely awesome reader who loves my stuff, reads it all the time, and cries out for more... or something like that) can find everything in one place. 

My friend Jess is helping me with some coding/layout/formatting issues.
Everyone say "Hi Jess!" (And not only is that a Rockstar, she's also happy to see you.)

The minibook I'm using at home runs on Linux and for some reason doesn't like anything I try to do.  Jess and I seemed to be in the same ballpark finally when it came to my main page, and we talked a little Sunday about it, but blogger as a whole seems to be frakkin me without so much as buying me a drink beforehand.

Bad blogger!  No manners!  You kiss your internet with that kind of mouth?  Sheesh!

I changed templates, tried to make my page look like my original page but now I can't see things as well as I used to or font choices are linked together instead separate per section you're working on...

And to top it off?  I had a moment at work so out of curiosity, I logged on to my page to see how it looked and some dimensions were off.  Some of the tabs decided to do their own thing.  Then error messages happened no saving stuff.

Really?  Really blogger?  Do you want me to hate you?  Do you want me to kill you?  Cuz I will.  I can SO choke a bitch.  Stop workin' my last nerve.  I will cut you! 

Now I've purged that dialogue from my system... (rolls eyes with apologies)

I'm hoping for some happy this week.  I'm hoping for some big happy that leads to more happy because I need it.  I deserve it.  I want this happy to evolve into security and who know? - perhaps further on into success.  That would be wonderful.

In the meantime, I'm still reeling from the text I got from my friend Margrit (aka Seester) tonight.
Dee Dee!!! (she knows what it means)
The lovely Margrit hates technology.  She's used computers, etc, in the past, but she's not into getting the new gadgets of the moment.  She had a pager for the longest time when I first met her, and she even hated that.  Now she has a phone and needs it for practical reasons.  Every once in a while if put in front of a computer, she will zone out on YouTube or something, but overall, she has no love for the technology world.

Like me?  I have techno-joy (to quote Eddie Izzard).  I will admit that I am not completely tech-savvy (hence the enlistment of Jess's awesome computer aide), but I like computers and game consoles and cell phones and digital cameras and GPS devices, etc, etc, etc.  Do I need all of the tech out there?  No.  But I can admire it and think its cool and nerd out about it.  Since I like computers and the internet, I have become my Seester's internet connection.  If something happens via Facebook or email, etc, and it's pertinent to her (like a party with our friends or something), I am to call her and let her know.  (Yes "call".  She doesn't text either... though she has been "once in a blue moon'ing" lately.)

But the text I got tonight?  She is now on Facebook.

Wait.  Did you feel that?  I believe hell hath frozen over.

Margrit: What is your Facebook account?  I'm on it now.
Me: (I text back my first and last name thinking "duh!" as I do so)
Margrit: Do you have a profile pic?
Me: Yes. Me in black next to an angel statue.  (<=== which it was at the time)
Margrit: Find me on Facebook. (she gives me her name)

When I got that text, I literally looked at my phone and said, "I know your name."  Then I found her and texted her, "Found you.  Friend request sent."  Then I noticed not only does she not have a profile pic, her profile is quite bare.  So I sent her a message asking if this was her, and she (or someone) wrote back yes.  I'm wondering how she could reply to my message and not accept my friend request?

Meh, it's late.  I'm sure it'll right itself soon.

Speaking of late, this post has turned as melty as an acid trip without the tabs.  I think I'm going to turn in and try to get some sleep before work tomorrow.  Hopefully my dreams will bring me good things that leave me well rested and morning smiles.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. -Unknown Author
Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Feeling accomplished and productive (And you?)

Tom Creo: There's been progress at work...
Izzi: [
laughs] My conquistador! Always conquering...
~from the film "The Fountain"

Well hello my lovelies!  Miss me?  (Oh shut up and humor me, will you?)

Now what has been happening in the Land of Oz since last we spoke?

There's been drama in my life, but then again - when hasn't there been, right?  Still, I'd prefer if it would leave me alone.  Like the lyrics from the Kelly Clarkson song "What's Up Lonely?" - just replace the theme of lonely with drama (and while we're at it, add stress in there as well).

But on more of a writer kick...

I have been writing.  Not a lot, really.  At least it doesn't feel like a lot.  In any case, I have been looking about my many "story blogs" (as I have been calling them lately), and I have noticed that most of them have been lacking mommy's attention.

(For those that don't know, I see my stories as my children which would make me their mother.  Got it?  Good.  Now that we're on the same page...)

Where was I?  Ah yes.

So every once in a while, a spark of inspiration (or something) has ignited something within me, and I have gone back to those stories and added onto them.  Now the original idea was that each story had it's own blog and ideally I would update them on a somewhat regular basis.  But then life and drama and insomnia and what-not got in the way, and my babies were left on their own leaving both of us sad.

As I added more and more to older stories and started revisiting my story blogs, I came up with a goal: that I would update all my story blogs so their most recent post would be as of this year.  Then once all of them had been made current, I would work on keeping them current on a more regular basis.

Sound challenging?  I think so.

All the story blogs that I had posted to this year I left alone and concentrated solely on really old ones.  When I went back, I was disappointed a little in myself since some hadn't been touched in several years.

Bad writer.  No donut.  (I've been indulging in some Psycho Donuts lately.  Yeah, this writer has a sweet tooth and LOVES her carbs.)

As of now, I have one story blog left to update to this year, and I'm all kinds of happy about that.  Every time I write something, I have shamelessly plugged myself (wow, did that sound dirty to anyone else just then?) on my Facebook and Twitter forgetting completely about my Google+ and various other networking sites.  I'm currently fixing that.

I want people to read me and subscribe to me and love me so I'm spreading myself around like the plague... but a happy plague filled with double rainbows and sunshine without babies in them and unicorns that know nothing of Candy Mountain... yet.

So while updating one particular site with what I'd written, I tried going back through my Facebook, but that was taking too long, so I just went through my story blogs and shared my progress.

Things I've written this year (in alphabetical story blog order):
In some NON-fiction writing news:
  • Everything At Least Once (This is a blog I created to talk about new stuff I have tried - or things I've tried for the first time.  It started off being mostly about food, but I'm trying to change that.)
  • Woven Inspiration (Then, of course, there's the blog you're reading right now which I started this year.  *waves*  I had started a blog to chronicle my first time doing NaNoWriMo last year... and then I just got to thinking about writing about writing.)
  • Moron Life: Lon, a fellow writer friend of mine, and I got to talking (about writing, duh), and he asked if I'd like to contribute to his website.  I said sure, but it was my first time writing for a website - other than my own blogs which no one reads *LOL!* - so admittedly I was a little nervous.  First I wrote a review of the season four premiere of True Blood and originally it was supposed to be a more regular thing, but my access to TV on a timely manner sort of made it a little impossible to keep up.  Then he got another idea for me to write something else, like "stuff I think y'all should be watching"... so then I wrote something about The Glades.  (I'm planning to write something for CHUCK before the the final season starts and see what he thinks. *grin*)
  • TVFanatic I also did a couple reviews for the site for my friend Jim while he and his wife Leah were away on vacation.  I reviewed the Eureka episode "Reprise" (which I loved but didn't think I did a great job on) and the Leverage episode "The Van Gogh Job" (which I liked a lot better as far as writing goes, and the episode alone was just lovely).
Okay, I think that's it. If not, oh well.

Looking at it all written out like that... it sure looks like I've been busy.  Ha!

The last story blog I have left to update is Results of the Writers' Wheels-O-Wonder.  My brother made me this random prompt creator which consists of four laminated pages which fold together and have spinners (like literary Twister... past participle GREEN!) and each sheet is a component that contributes to a new premise.  (A + B + C + D = premise.)  I've only done one so far which was posted on February 2010.  I had planned to do more and hopefully I shall.  So this story as well as my novel (I promise honey... mommy will get back to you soon.) take priority.

I'm also currently trying to design an index/table of contents of sorts for all my pages so I can make that my homepage. A sort of "one-stop shop" for all my writing.  It's still in the concepualizing (<=== Is that even a word?  Frak, is now.)  I want it to act as my "homepage" (you know that spot in your profile of whatever website you're a member of that says "website" or "homepage"? I want something to put there that reflects ALL my writing.) So I think an index would be a groovy idea... though I'm not sure how to design it.

(Me = not too incredibly tech savvy.)

Another idea I had was to add a widget to my writing blog Woven Inspiration, but again, I'm not sure I can do that (or if I could do that) or how to fit it onto my page.

But I'm still tinkering around with ideas.

Anyone have any suggetsions?

[stands back and takes a gander at what I've written]

Holy crimoley Batman!  I think this is the longest post on this blog EVER!

And on that note!... *smirks lovingly and waves*

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Moves Like Jagger, Writes Like Shit

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
~from the song "Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5

Well... would you look at that.  It's been over a month since my last post here.

Good gravy!  I suck.

Truth be told, I haven't been in the right... head space.... to write anything much.  I've tried, and I've written little stories here and there in attempts to try and keep the creative juices flowing, but things feel more like they've been plugging up the plumbing of my creativity.

Let's see... a month ago, I wrote this for a short story contest.  I decided to post it a month later.  Still waiting on the results which I'm assuming (if I hear anything at all) I'll hear them sometime next month.

Then I proposed the idea to some friends that (if they wanted) I'd write a story for them.  I honestly didn't think anyone would respond, but then my friend Alithea requested an original fiction story about "ghosts with martinis".  So... I wrote this for her.  My friend Kathy showed interest in reading the "ghost" story but had requested further tales of Blue and her sister... so that I'm working on next.  My friend John proposed some idea that he found on an internet prompt generator, but I'm not sure what that prompt is any more.  He says he still has it so he'll send it to me if I need him to.  My seester Margrit recently wrote me a letter (she's quite anti-technology) and offered me up a prompt for her.  Oh good gravy!  I have no idea if I'll be able to do anything with it, but I'll try.

In other writing news, I've been thinking of adding to my Everything At Least Once blog page where I suggest something for people to try as opposed to just writing about new stuff I tried.  Still trying to figure out if I want to change up the format/layout of those posts versus the regular ones as well as what "prefix" would I put in the front.  Recommendation sounds boring.  Any suggestions?

Oh, I wrote this for a friend of mine's site.  When I'm feeling better, I plan to write one about CHUCK!

Thoughts of my novel keep dancing around in my head.  I really need to go through it and sort it out.  Tempted to print it all out, but that's a lot of pages, and I can't afford Kinko's at the moment.

I just haven't been feeling up to writing stories lately although I really want to.  Aside from being body exhausted, my mind and soul have been through the ringer leaving nothing but sighs and fetal positions in its wake.

Life has not been to keen for me lately, and I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but there are those days as I've previously stated where it's difficult to stay rosy and cheerful.  I'm tired of being in a rut, and I want out.

I recently tweeted "I miss the days when I was a rockstar... or at least felt like one. Wish I could have those days back."  I know I'm not as secure as I have been in the past due to the situations I'm in at present.  I am building myself up from nothing (or that's what it feels like), and it's driving me bonkers as well as destroying my self-esteem.  I'm having more and more days where I'm feeling like shit inside and out and there's nothing I can do about it.  I refuse to let the shitty win, but seriously...

WTF, man?!?!?!

In my present craptastic sundae, I have a scoop of almost every problem under the sun drizzled with heaping helpings of frustration and fatigue.  The cherry on the top of this frakked up concoction?  Friends and their guilt trips, poor health, feeling like a failure as a writer...

Yeah.  I'm just going to stop there.

I am determined to write tomorrow.  Hopefully I'll feel better and have the energy to do some work.  I have an idea for Kathy's story as well as a little something I started working on and thought I had saved but when I went to it the next day, guess what?  Yup.  Nowhere to be found.  I think I might jot that down tomorrow when I'm in the zone.

Okay, this post has turned into some sort of pity party, and damn... I'm not having that.  I'm in a rut that, aside from lack of sleep and not feeling well, has been contributing to the hindrance of my writing... and damn that needs to stop.  I vow to write tomorrow but at the moment I am tired, not feeling well, and just want to curl up in a ball and dream happy dreams.

Sure, it's 6:30am, but who's really counting, eh?

And to end this post, I will mention that it's one of my favorite peoples birthdays, and that special people is none other than...

Zachary Levi

An earlier tweet of mine: Huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY wishes to ! Hope you have a delightfully delicious day filled w/fun, laughs & love. Cause as much trouble as you see fit. ;-) (love, hugs & blessings to you sir!) *salutes* 

I'm sure he'll be having a lovely day.

And now without further ado, I bid y'all adieu.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

^_^ he SO needs to be my friend ^_^

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Dear Novel: I Miss You. Love, Mom

"You ever read any Nietzsche? Nietzsche says there's two kinds of people in the world: people who are destined for greatness like Walt Disney... and Hitler. Then there's the rest of us, he called us "the bungled and the botched." We get teased. We sometimes get close to greatness, but we never get there. We're the expendable masses. We get pushed in front of trains, take poison aspirin... get gunned down in Dairy Queens."
~Jack Lucas [
drunk and talking to the Pinocchio doll] from "The Fisher King"


I spy with my little Asian eyes that it's been a couple weeks since my last entry.

*pats self on back*

I had been thinking about writing in here off/on for the past week, and I was afraid that when I came back here, I'd find the last post was from eons ago.  Thank goodness that's not the case.

So, what have *I* been up to lately?  Well... since you asked, let me tell you.

I recently got a temp job doing some accounting at a car dealership.  The people there are very nice.  I started earlier this month (around the 4th and without having to interview which was faboo).  It's currently part-time until the chic I'll be covering for goes on maternity leave (which I think she said would be sometime next month - which I only heard her say in passing to someone else who asked).  She's currently training me now.  When she goes on leave, I'll be full-time until she gets back.

What seems to have happened is kind of what I was dreading: that work is killing my writing.

Sleep is all kinds of wonky, and now that I'm working again, I'm usually tired when I get home.  Most of the time I sit in my room feeling like some zombie-author with all these interesting stories to tell but all that comes out in Unnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!  (And I suppose the only craving for brains I would have would not be for nourishment but to help me think/work/write.)

Then again, if eating brains actually helped my writing...

I had one miracle week where my sleep was normal.

When I got back from San Diego and NERDHQ, my insomnia decided to take a vacation.  Either that or it was as if we accidentally ditched it back in the mountains or something.

Don't worry.  It came back... like the infamous cat.  (You know the one.)

To think, I had this wonderful week of waking up (naturally) between 8am and 9am and then going to sleep (actual sleep) no later than midnight.

Holy crap! - you say?  So said I... for a while.  But alas it was too good to last.

Anyway, I'm rambling.  (Back to writing.)

During training, I kept thinking of my novel (I can hear its cries of anguish and abandon right as I type this), but my mind has somehow built a wall around it and has suppressed it like a bad memory or something.  Literally - I think of my baby, and... nothing.  I'm trying to channel my Q abilities and materialize an axe or sledgehammer to help tear that wall down (since so far wishing it or commanding it away hasn't worked).  I think I'm chipping away at it, but it's a really SLOW process.  Ugh!

Meanwhile, back at the lab...

I wrote this on my Everything At Least Once blog (I'm trying to stray away from food since that seems to be the only thing on there that I write about - I want to write about a little bit of everything, and since I have curly hair and trying out new stuff on my hair, I thought... why not?)  In any case, it isn't much, but it's something.

One of my writing buddies (Maggie C.) emailed me this writing contest about past loves, and I entertained the idea that I was going to do this.  But then days turned into weeks and sure enough the deadline fast approached, and I had nothing.  I was thinking about giving up when all of a sudden [insert triumphant music here], I started formulating an idea.  Granted it was about seven days within the deadline... and it was just a glimmer of an idea (since I had NO idea how to write the damn thing in the first place)... and how I originally thought the deadline was the week prior to the actual deadline...

Yeah, I'm a doof!  Yeah yeah.  Blow me.

Work had me coming in late the day of said deadline (which was the 17th by midnight) so after work on the 16th, I was at home deciding to not go to bed until I was done with something I could possibly submit.

The premise?
*******
ENTRY REQUIREMENTS: No entry fee

Nearly everyone has memories of a former sweetheart. Write your true story of an earlier love, in no more than 700 words. Tell us about someone whose memory brings a smile or a tear, or both:
  • What feelings arise if you allow yourself to be fully open to remembering that person?
  • What is it about that special someone that you still cherish?
  • IN PARTICULAR, how did that person's presence in your life change you and how you experience the world?
Your story may be heart-warming or humorous. Just tell about your earlier sweetheart as if you were talking to your best friend.
*******
So the only relationship that came to mind was my biggest, most dysfunctional one to date which stemmed from an "OMFG! What was I thinking?" time of my life.  Not being able to really wrap my head around any other relationship I've had, I settled on the "OMFG" option.

Now at first I thought I'd just submit a story I wrote a couple years ago per an assignment given to me by another fellow writing buddy (Alithea), and out of curiosity, I checked the word count of said old story.

Wanna guess on the word count? 

Go ahead.

...

I'll wait.

I guess you give up, right?  Either that or I'm just impatient.  In either case, the old story was over 6k in words.  (6246 words to be precise.)  The contest was a limit of 700.  Immediately, I wondered if I could condense 6k+ down to 700.  I was feeling pretty hopeless when I couldn't think I could do it.  The only choice was to write something new in the same vein.  As time went on, and I re-read the prompt, I thought the old story sounded rather depressing and serious... so the new challenge I had put upon myself was to make the new condensed version a little lighter.

While working on the story the night before it was due for submission, I had issues with editing.  I finally got the story itself done, but it counted at 800+ words so I had to cut stuff out.

Yeah... word limits?  They can suck my butt!

In the end I got my story done, complete with editing.

Being the weirdo writer I am, I wanted someone else to read it and let me know what they thought.  I had texted Maggie C., but she didn't have internet at her place yet and apologized for not being able to help me out.  I had Facebook'd and Tweet'd for assistance in the proofreading department.  I had spoken with my brother a day or so prior and brought up the contest with him in conversation, and he said he'd read it.  A couple of others said they would as well, so I emailed the story to them and then hit the sack.

Before I left for work, I checked my email (both via iPhone and on the minibook), and nothing.  Maggie C. texted me to ask if I'd gotten anyone to help.  I told her I had sent it out to three people but hadn't heard back from any of them.  She told me to email it to her anyway, and if she happened to be somewhere with internet access, she'd check it.  Since I was on my way to work, I said I'd send it through my phone if I could.  If not, when I got home. 

I checked my email all day.  No replies from anyone I sent it to.

When I got home, I sent it to Maggie C., texted her I sent it, and waited.  I had decided if I hadn't heard back from anyone, I would just send it "as is" by 9pm to make sure there wasn't a weird time zone issue, etc.

Almost immediately, I received a text back from Maggie C. who ended up reading my story on her phone.  Since she couldn't edit the document via her cell, she gave me comments.  I thanked her muchly and decided to wait for the others.

No one else contacted me prior to my deadline.

I prepped the email, freaked out, prayed to any deity/higher being that would listen, and hit 'send'.

One of my friends contacted me apologizing saying she probably missed the deadline, but she liked the story.  (That was two for two so far.  Yay me!)  I thanked her for trying.  She lives on another continent for frak sakes.  And at least she got back to me around the time of my deadline.

I'm just assuming with the other two people that life got in the way and left it at that.

So my story is out there... sent into the contest ether... and now... I wait.

Gawd, I hate waiting.

After Maggie C. read my story and told me to submit it (big ball of encouragement she is), she told me to write something new.  When I posed the question "Such as?", she replied with "a new essay, a new story" and then sent me a link to a site with possible writing contests, jobs, etc.  It looks really informative, filled with tons of stuff, and I want to write a story for one of them.  Being tired from work and insomnia being a cruel mistress, my brain takes one look at the site and turns to mush as well as my body not wanting to move any more once its... you know... stopped. 

She sent a couple other ones as well.  I think I'll look at them when my mind isn't so soft and liquidy and ready to seep out of my ears, pores or any other orifice it can escape from.


Sheesh.

My goal of being published by my 35th birthday (which is this November) isn't just for a novel (although that would be most excellent).  It's for anything: magazine, paper... contest?  I had asked this via my Twitter and Facebook, and now I post it here.

What do you consider "published"?  Does it have to be in print?  Like a magazine or a book or something of that nature?  Or would you consider having your work posted on a website being "published"?

Curious on your thoughts about this.

In other news, an idea that has been floating about in my noggin for another story (totally spy/scifi/action stuff).  I came up with the idea a while ago, but it's been poking my brain wanting attention.  I don't want to work on it until my book is done.  I want to finish it first... finish something of that magnitude first.  These little short stories and bits on the side are fine, but my novel?

Sheesh.

One novel at a time, brain.  Got that?  That okay with you?

Oh Calgon.... take me away... and don't forget the drinks!

All righty.  That's it for now.  Anyone have any helpful suggestions to get me unblocked from my lonely little novel?  Right now, I'm thinking a hammer to my head is a last resort, but I'm open to ideas?

In the meantime, I think I'm going to sign off on this blog post and catch some shut-eye.  (See ya around peeps!)

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae