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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Moves Like Jagger, Writes Like Shit

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
~from the song "Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5

Well... would you look at that.  It's been over a month since my last post here.

Good gravy!  I suck.

Truth be told, I haven't been in the right... head space.... to write anything much.  I've tried, and I've written little stories here and there in attempts to try and keep the creative juices flowing, but things feel more like they've been plugging up the plumbing of my creativity.

Let's see... a month ago, I wrote this for a short story contest.  I decided to post it a month later.  Still waiting on the results which I'm assuming (if I hear anything at all) I'll hear them sometime next month.

Then I proposed the idea to some friends that (if they wanted) I'd write a story for them.  I honestly didn't think anyone would respond, but then my friend Alithea requested an original fiction story about "ghosts with martinis".  So... I wrote this for her.  My friend Kathy showed interest in reading the "ghost" story but had requested further tales of Blue and her sister... so that I'm working on next.  My friend John proposed some idea that he found on an internet prompt generator, but I'm not sure what that prompt is any more.  He says he still has it so he'll send it to me if I need him to.  My seester Margrit recently wrote me a letter (she's quite anti-technology) and offered me up a prompt for her.  Oh good gravy!  I have no idea if I'll be able to do anything with it, but I'll try.

In other writing news, I've been thinking of adding to my Everything At Least Once blog page where I suggest something for people to try as opposed to just writing about new stuff I tried.  Still trying to figure out if I want to change up the format/layout of those posts versus the regular ones as well as what "prefix" would I put in the front.  Recommendation sounds boring.  Any suggestions?

Oh, I wrote this for a friend of mine's site.  When I'm feeling better, I plan to write one about CHUCK!

Thoughts of my novel keep dancing around in my head.  I really need to go through it and sort it out.  Tempted to print it all out, but that's a lot of pages, and I can't afford Kinko's at the moment.

I just haven't been feeling up to writing stories lately although I really want to.  Aside from being body exhausted, my mind and soul have been through the ringer leaving nothing but sighs and fetal positions in its wake.

Life has not been to keen for me lately, and I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but there are those days as I've previously stated where it's difficult to stay rosy and cheerful.  I'm tired of being in a rut, and I want out.

I recently tweeted "I miss the days when I was a rockstar... or at least felt like one. Wish I could have those days back."  I know I'm not as secure as I have been in the past due to the situations I'm in at present.  I am building myself up from nothing (or that's what it feels like), and it's driving me bonkers as well as destroying my self-esteem.  I'm having more and more days where I'm feeling like shit inside and out and there's nothing I can do about it.  I refuse to let the shitty win, but seriously...

WTF, man?!?!?!

In my present craptastic sundae, I have a scoop of almost every problem under the sun drizzled with heaping helpings of frustration and fatigue.  The cherry on the top of this frakked up concoction?  Friends and their guilt trips, poor health, feeling like a failure as a writer...

Yeah.  I'm just going to stop there.

I am determined to write tomorrow.  Hopefully I'll feel better and have the energy to do some work.  I have an idea for Kathy's story as well as a little something I started working on and thought I had saved but when I went to it the next day, guess what?  Yup.  Nowhere to be found.  I think I might jot that down tomorrow when I'm in the zone.

Okay, this post has turned into some sort of pity party, and damn... I'm not having that.  I'm in a rut that, aside from lack of sleep and not feeling well, has been contributing to the hindrance of my writing... and damn that needs to stop.  I vow to write tomorrow but at the moment I am tired, not feeling well, and just want to curl up in a ball and dream happy dreams.

Sure, it's 6:30am, but who's really counting, eh?

And to end this post, I will mention that it's one of my favorite peoples birthdays, and that special people is none other than...

Zachary Levi

An earlier tweet of mine: Huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY wishes to ! Hope you have a delightfully delicious day filled w/fun, laughs & love. Cause as much trouble as you see fit. ;-) (love, hugs & blessings to you sir!) *salutes* 

I'm sure he'll be having a lovely day.

And now without further ado, I bid y'all adieu.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

^_^ he SO needs to be my friend ^_^

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