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Thursday, November 5, 2015

Letters to November ||| 5

Dear November,

Every once in a while I'm amazed at the relationships I have with people.

I have my family and close friends who are like family. But not just them... people in general.

At work, I have this social-ness (if that's even a word) with each of my co-workers. Driver walk past my desk and say hi, tap my cubicle wall, swat my ponytail, etc -- each one of them with their own way of saying hi to me.

Everything is light-hearted and kind and real.

Reminds me of a time when that wasn't even a thing for me.

Until my freshman year of high school, I was not the free-spirited person I am today. Yes, I am a work in progress - we all are - but over the course of my younger years, I stifled the real me to accommodate and make others happy which I thought made me happy and would keep me from being alone. I would switch personalities like a chameleon of sorts, assimilating to whoever I was around at the time. All in the name of fear, of people not liking me for who I really was.

That fateful first year of high school, the inner emotional/psychological pressures built up to the point where I let fly. Someone - I can't remember who - asked me my opinion on something, and instead of thinking one thing and saying another, I said what I was thinking/feeling. I remember the look on their face being one of surprise. For a split second, I was worried and contemplated on taking it back, but mentally reviewing my words, I realized that they weren't offensive - they were just honest.

Since then, I've been me. I've always been silly and loving to make people to smile and laugh, but I no longer truly care people liking me or putting up some sort of front until they get to know me. Admittedly, I do calm it down a little when meeting someone new, but it's still me,

A friend in high school used to say "let's go scare the normal people," but me being me? That's normal. For me. Normal is a state of mind, a state of being. It's not "this vs that." It is what it is to each and everyone of us. Everyone should just embrace their individual realness. I think it would make them all A LOT HAPPIER.

As one of my favorite YouTubers (ShamelessMaya) - Do you! Be you! And stay true, boo! Be shameless!

Have Goodness!
Rae

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