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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

It's Wednesday, Isn't It?

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
-Maya Angelou

Just got out of a department work meeting and now I'm snacking on popcorn chicken and an iced Vietnamese coffee.

Ahhh, the life. (<=== sarcasm)

Work pays for snacks during the meeting, and I got myself a Sugar Free Red Bull and a slice of tiramasu. (Saving that stuff for later.)

How are all my lovelies doing today?

Me? I'm tired as FRAK!

So I've been insomnia's bitch for a while now. No new news there. To give you an idea of my energy levels as of late, add onto that the extra hour tagged on to my usual to and from work routine, heave on a dollop of pedestrian travel, a sprinkle of doctors appointments, and a scoop of fatigue from powerloss... and you've got a blended cocktail of comatoseness to infinity and beyond.

In other words... I'm FRAKKIN TIRED!!!

Yesterday when I got to Jess F's after my chiro appointment, I had set my writing bag down out of the way and sat down on the floor next to it, leaning my back against the wall. Then I grabbed one of the throw pillows from the couch, and proceeded to curl up for a nap. For some reason, I kept thinking that I needed to stay awake. My appointment was at 8am which took about 15-20min... then we took surface streets back to Jess's place, and her online meeting didn't start until 10am. We had bullshitted for a bit before I realized that it was barely 9am. I zoned out around the time her meeting started. Then I came to a little later, and she was making lunch and making coffee. Then she ended up passing out on the couch while I passed out with a blanket on the floor. When I came to again, she was puttering about the house, playing music off her laptop, and sorting through boxes, etc.

I don't remember if I zonked out again, but I do remember whether I did or not, I made myself get up and walk around a bit. I also had some curry chicken yummy stuff that she made. Also had some juice as well as some coffee. I logged on to the minibook for a bit meaning to write, but I ended up surfing YouTube.

On the way home, we stopped off at Walgreens so I could recharge my Clipper Card as well as get some snacks for a late night dinner as well as some feminine supplies. Then I got home, snacked, watched a little Hulu, then passed out.

I really wish there was a way that I could shut my brain off. I hate when I'm completely exhausted but for some reason something is keeping me awake. I remember some dude at a 7-Eleven a couple years back cashed me out when I was buying an energy drink for the following day, and he had to comment that the reason I had trouble sleeping was that I couldn't shut my mind off. Now in essence, I'm always thinking about something whether it's writing or a movie or the people I come in contact with or my niece or what I want for dinner... you get the gist. My mind is always - for all intents and purposes - ON. He said, "You're thinking of something." Now the thing is, at the time when I'm exhausted, all that comes to mind - the FOREFRONT of my mind - is that I want to go to sleep. But when I can't, I wonder why... and then eventually pass out. If I'm thinking of something, I am COMPLETELY unaware of it. I remember telling him that and asking him how to figure out what I'm thinking about, and he just gave me that "Mmmm hmmm" look with raised brows, big eyes, and funky mouth with lips pressed together. Reminded me of that BECAUSE I SAID SO line of thinking parents sometimes give. That's not an answer. It's also not helpful.

I want to write. But I'm too tired. So sleep becomes a priority. I wish I could MATRIX my brain to my iPhone or something so when I wake up, I could see what the story stuff I had been wanting to jot down.

When will it get better?

*head... desk... collapse*

Chicken gone.

Coffee almost gone.

Lunch hour almost up.

I'm off at 6pm, but then I will be walking to the lightrail station and work on trying not to pass out during the trip home.

Calgon... take me away (with your pocketful of sunshine).  <=== a joke just for me

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

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