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Friday, August 3, 2012

Creatively Frustrated & Unhappy With Reality

Debi: You know what you need?
Marty: What?
Debi: Shakabuku.
Marty: You wanna tell me what that means?
Debi: It's a swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever.
Marty: Oh, that'd be good. I think. 
-from the movie "Gross Pointe Blank"

I suck!  I am incredibly behind on my writing, and I hate it, but I'm hoping to change that.

The blogs I have to update are still the same from the last post I did (The Curly Muse, Stoically Challenged, and Everything At Least Once), but I think I can try and catch up over the weekend.  Still August has already started which means I have more updates to do.

*head + wall = solution?*

Light some candles, relax and find my inner peace... or something like that, right?  I don't think that's going to work though I'm willing to try anything.

I'm presently at an all time low, and it's driving me bonkers.  I've been going through one of those periods of self-doubt wondering what is possibly wrong with me.  I have my good days with friends where I'm laughing and being my regular loving obnoxious self, but most of the time I just want to hide away in my room and read or sleep the day away.

Yeah, depressing, I know... that's what stress can do to you.

Most likely due to the stress, various things in my life have suffered - the two at the top of the list being my writing and my health (which extends to my insomnia as well as my energy levels).

Let me share my horoscope for Friday, August 3, 2012:

You can't stop thinking about something that's been bothering you recently. You intuitively understand that the only way anything will get better is to talk about it until the energy settles. However, it's difficult to bring your intense feelings out into the open because the resultant vulnerability makes you uncomfortable. Be courageous and move directly toward the source of your discomfort, not away from it.

Anyone care to translate that for me cuz all I noticed was the first line.  Let's just translate "recently" to "for the past few years", shall we?  It's honest and a little more accurate.

I need some stability in my life, but things seem to keep rolling downhill.  And everyone keeps giving me hugs and telling me positive things, but I feel like I've tried everything, and I've come up with nothing but the universe kicking me in the junk with a spikey shoe filled with FUCK YOU!

I'm giving myself a deadline of this weekend (preferably Friday night) to finish some articles that I should have had finished already, but I've been overthinking things and wanting to scream my frakkin head off.  (I obviously didn't drink enough tonight.)

And what's making the writing even more difficult is that I have a scene in my head that has NOTHING to do with anything I'm currently working on.  It's something new.  And I don't want to pay too much attention to it afraid that it'll draw my focus away from what I need to get done.  I could write it out, but it might take on a mind of its own, and then what? I'm SCREWED! - that's what.

All right.  I think I'm going to sleep now.  It's only almost 4am.  Sure I've got nothing planned for Friday... except maybe WRITING or RIPPING MY SKIN OFF AND HAIR OUT... or maybe both!

If anyone needs me, I'll be hiding in my room attempting to be productive.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

PS... Sorry for the depressing post.  It reflects the mood I'm currently in.

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