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Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I'm Going To San Diego Tomorrow!

Lift Your Head Up High
And Scream Out To The World
I Know I Am Someone
And Let The Truth Unfurl
No One Can Hurt You Now
Because You Know What's True
Yes, I Believe In Me
So You Believe In You
-from the song "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" by Michael Jackson

So it's currently 5:55am (MAKE A WISH!... since that seems to be the thing to do when the clock's numbers are all the same or somewhat repetitive), and I'm still awake.  I just finished a story blog update for Kearie, and I figure I might sneak in a couple hours of a nap before running errands and taking care of crap for the day before SAN DIEGO!!!

First, another update on my progress.

Since last we spoke...
At this rate, I have six story blog updates to go.

My main writing priority, however, is writing a pre-article for my friend Lon L before I head out Wednesday morning for San Diego... and I'm semi-wigging out about it.

Writing for me is one thing (and I can be super critical about my own stuff), but when writing for someone else - even if it's a silly story present kind of thing - I get even worse about it.  I want it to be good... great... SPECTACULAR!!!

And yeah, I know you're your own worst critic, but HOLY CRAP!

And when chatting with him online, he said he only wanted a page or so.  I can do a page.  Yeah.  Totally.  I can SO do that.  *rips out hair*

I've just been stressing a lot and as we all know, stress makes it difficult to function.  But apparently now it's flowing over into my dreams.  I want to be having awesome dreams with cute guys like Zachary Levi or Colin Ferguson, and what do I get?  Frakked up dreams.

Like the other night I had this dream where a total of four of us were hanging out: me, Hugh Jackman, his wife Deb, and a fourth guy I can't quite remember.  We were in some metropolitan city at night walking around, checking out clubs and restaurants and pubs and having a great ol' time, but then we stopped by this place for me to chat with some medical person about helping me sleep.  The lady behind the counter (white lab coat, glasses, kind of cold demeanor) nodded like she understood and proceeded to prep me for a room... complete with straight-jacket and padded walls.  I backed away when she reached for me and said something like, "Whoa, I was just expecting to pick up some literature or a number I could call.  I'm not committing myself."  I remember Hugh and Deb being supportive of me and trying to get them to leave me alone (I have no idea what Fourth Guy was doing), but then orderlies showed and literally tried to grab me and pull me through the door, and I ran.  I made it to the elevators where Hugh and Deb caught up with me, and I was frantic in a HOLY HELL WTF kind of way, and then Fourth Guy came by, and I told him I left my phone on the chair and asked if he could go back and get it for me.

A night or two ago, I had a series of dreams that slowly came back to me after I woke up... the most prominent memory was me living in a giant house out in the country somewhere where no one looked like me (Asian Redneck with fantastically curly monster hair) and apparently these people were my family... my BLOOD family.  They weren't like one strap bucked overalls, piece of straw sticking out of their mouths, missing teeth, walking around barefoot, YEEHAW! stereotypes, but it was a large family, and the mother of the house was not too keen on me and wanted to know some truths that her husband wouldn't tell her about the baby.  If he didn't open up, she was going to leave.  During the confrontation, he faked a heart attack which she knew was fake, and I had some questions, too, so I went to his collapsed supposed unconscious form, and yelled in his face to tell the truth or else.  He got up and started talking/confessing.  I don't remember much after that, but I do remember some Celtic music playing (Leahy, I think), and I started to cry, and when they all looked at me and asked what was wrong, I said something like, "I'm sorry.  It's just that no one in my family," and I was referring to my actual family in real life, "likes this music."  I continued to bawl and added, "Well, except my brother."

It wasn't until later that I remembered the other dream I had about going to a party (with people I know in real life), and a person who dumped me as a friend (we'll call this person Optimus Prime) because they were having problems with someone who didn't like me (we'll call this person Megatron) for some unfounded reason.  I was at a party with them and some other people... it felt more like hanging out a pub and everyone was talking, and Optimus was carrying on with all of us and Megatron kept giving me evil looks.  Then later outside when everyone was getting ready to go their separate ways, Optimus came up to me apologizes saying they'd never done anything like that before, and they were SO sorry, blah blah blah.  Then Optimus bolted as soon as Megatron came out.

So yeah... thanks a lot brain, subconscious, whatever!

I told Jess F about the "committed" dream, and she blamed it on the stress... something about "feeling like I'm losing control", I think.  Ugh.

I'm totally hoping (no... I KNOW! - positive thinking, right?) that everything will be awesome jim-dandy peachy keen fantasmo splenderiffic to the amazinglicious degree.

In the meantime, I think I'm going to post this now and quite possibly die/pass out/faint/go into a coma... because it is now 7:06am (I was also watching the latest episode of BUNHEADS on Hulu while I was writing) and head off for a nap... or not.

Errands.  Dye job.  Pre-article.  *collapse*

Don't mind the babble ramble, and talk to you all when I get back (which will most likely be Sunday... and I was doing so good with more current blog updates... oh well).

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

PS... I changed up the tabs that link to my story blogs (aka kids).  When working on stories, I usually call them by the main character's name, and since my leads are usually girls/women, I changed the tabs to correspond to each of the ladies' stories.  I wanted to see what it looked like so please let me know what you think and how it looks, etc.  I work off a minibook so I have no idea if it looks totally different on other computers.  (Thanks.) ^_^

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