A Little Bit of Writing & A Lot Less Sleep

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will."
-Tyler from the movie "Remember Me"

Now would you look at that.  I'm posting again, and it's barely been only a week.

Contain yourselves, people.  Calm down.  Take a breath.  It's only me.

Nothing too fabulous to report, I'm afraid.  At least on the writing front.

I've been trying to do some writing - any writing - these days, but the magical mojo that filled me with previous stories and blog posts has gone on vacation somewhere, and I don't know when it'll be coming back.

I've been doing a little writing here and there.  A couple words here, a sentence or two there.  Nothing fluid.  Nothing real.

I guess the biggest thing I did was while I was at my mother's over the weekend.  Insomnia took hold so I wasn't going to bed until almost sunrise and then getting maybe four hours of sleep a night.

Random babble for a moment, but... I hate it when people blame me for my insomnia.  Perhaps, in a sense, yes - there is something that I can do to help it away, but at the moment, I haven't found what that thing is.  Instead, I lay in bed completely awake and tired all at the same time.  If I could do anything about it, I would.  But alas, I'm at a loss.  And then there are those people that seem to know when they hear of my insomnia what the answer is.  Do you have insomnia?  No.  Then shut the frak up!  You don't have it so you don't know.  I've tried teas, pills, stretches, meditation, silence, etc.  If I had a nickel for every time someone said, "Just turn the lights off, lay down, and close your eyes", I'd be Oprah-rich.  Really?  Close my eyes?  Is that all I have to do?  Well, thank you citizen for doing your part to help mankind.  Now run along and spread your stupidity somewhere else... far FAR away from ME!

Okay, done with my random babbling.  Thank you for indulging me.  Where was I?

Ahhh yes, I killed someone.

Usually at my mother's there is so much going on, I barely have time to read much less write.  Last year when I did NaNoWriMo, I couldn't write at all at my mother's.  November is a bad month in general since it's also my birthday month as well as Thanksgiving.  Where is there time to write with all that going on?  Also my mother and her husband don't have wifi so it was difficult to update my status for the event even if I did write anything.

So it was a surprise to me when I whipped open the laptop, took out my notes, plugged into my Pandora account (thank you iPhone)... and wrote.

Well, more like fixed. 

I had been working on the story for my "wheels" story blog, but always came up against a wall and ended up stopping.  I did that a lot.  This story is a lot like a bad traffic jam.  Start.  Stop.  Start.  Stop.

The story itself was in pieces.  I had started it at the office of a job I was doing for a month or so during breaks and slow down time.  I printed up what I did and took it home and tried to work on it there.  I changed some things, wrote a little more.

Gawd, I was moving along at a snail's pace.  Slower than a snail.  Snails were whizzing by me, giving me the finger and mocking me as they passed.

I'm marvelling at the fact that I got any writing done at all at my mother's, but there I sat, story open on the minibook staring at the part where the dude finds his woman dead at home.  It was there that I had blanked out, as if my brain did not want to PASS GO and collect $200... or in my case, the rest of the damn story.

So at whatever-o'clock-in-the-morning, I fleshed out the scene where he comes home and finds her.  I got as far as him staying elsewhere due to his home being a crime scene and the cops keeping him updated on what they found, checking out alibis and all that.

Now I just have to string it along into a serial murder.


Dun-dun-dunnnnnnn...!!!

So yes, I finally killed the woman (which took FOREVER), but now I have to kill more people and link it all together.  How the hell am I going to do that?

Aside from killing women, old stories have been popping into my head asking me to play with them.  While mentally having tea with these old ideas, I tried to concentrate on the serial murder bit so I could finish the story and feel accomplished and all that.  So far that story is like 6 or 7 pages, and I haven't gotten to the serial part of it.

But my other stories, one in particular (my old novel "Chloe"), has been knocking on my door with an "I will not be ignored" kind of demeanor.  So... I whipped out my notebook and pen and started doodling.  Doodles became words, and I wrote something of a scene.  I also have ideas on how to change things to make a little more sense.

And there it is... writing at my mom's.  It all happened I think either on the day before or the day of Thanksgiving, and the moment didn't last long, but I wrote.

Yay me!  (happy dance for minor accomplishment)

The magical mojo has slipped once again.

I also thought about writing something for a contest my friend Maggie C. sent me.  She sent it earlier in the month, but I got it later than that (just because I didn't see it in my email... yeah, I suck).  She sent it saying "Because you have awesome voice."  Admittedly that made me smile, and I read up on the prompt ideas and thought of some stuff, but I don't know.  The deadline is tomorrow night by midnight, so... we'll see.

In the meantime, hopefully things in my life will improve and be less of a distraction to my writing... among other things.  I'm hoping something happens this week.  That would be splendid.  Really, really splendid.

All right, I think that's enough for now.  I shall check y'all later.  Hope your lives are all kinds of wonderful.  xoxoxoxo

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

A Welcomed Distraction From My Downward Spiral

"I want to learn how to blow shit up with my mind."

-Freaky Student from the movie "Accepted" 

I just had the most lovely day.

Why?  Let me give you a hint.

Subtle, eh? Subtle... and delicious!

Yes.  Yesterday was my birthday (although according to Kathy W., it isn't the next day until the sun comes up... and it's still dark).

Regardless, I had a lovely birthday.

For one solid day (and a little bit the night before - thanks again to Kathy W. and Steve C.) I had a stress-free day.  (I think everyone's birthday should be stress-free.  No drama.  No difficulties.  No fighting.  Just all around fun, fun, fun.  Nothing better than smiles, laughs and awesomesauce good times.)

Birthday niceties started early afternoon on Saturday when I received a birthday card from my mother in the mail.  It continued later that night at The Cabin with Kathy W. (Steve C. was napping).  I had originally come over for company, cheering up as well as some distraction from the current state of my life.  

Boy do I suck? I'm so out of practice. I seem to be better at Dr. Mario though not by much at present.

We drank, played Tetris Attack, shot the shit and later when Steve C. joined us watched a couple movies ("Dead Guys Don't Wear Plaid" and "Date Night").  When I wasn't paying attention, after midnight, Kathy W. surprised me with a small bowl of yummy ice cream with a "candle" for me to blow out.

Due to lack of candle accessibility, Kathy W. was resourceful and used a toothpick.  It lacked flame staying power, but it remained lit long enough for me to make a wish and blow it out.

Kathy W. also gave me my presents which was an awesome sparkly turtle shot glass and a cute "Zipper Pal" (an adorable blue bunny with my name on it).  She joked that it's just in case in my elderly state I happen to forget my name.  The bunny (which shares my name) keeps watch over my car along with the yellow turtle she got me from her trip to Thailand.

I went home after the last movie was over.  It was still raining which for is extremely happy-making for me.  (I like rain.  I find it peaceful and pretty.)

The plan was to go to catch a double feature at The Retro Dome.  The movies for viewing?

Sunday November 20

2:30pm Time Bandits

4:45pm The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

I'd seen both films years ago (I'm a big Terry Gilliam fan) but hadn't revisited them in a while.

I had set my alarm to wake me a good time before the movie, but the water was off when I woke up (repairing a leak in the sprinkler system in the front yard).  Around this time, Jimbo texted me, and when I mentioned my lack of a shower issue, I was invited to shower at his place.  I got my stuff together, stopped at the gas station to fuel "Libby", and then headed to the "Kitty Compound".  (They have four cats.  It's what I call their place on occasion.)

Per habit, I always knock before I enter, and when I heard "Come in", I opened the door to see Jimbo and Leabo on the couch watching TV.

I saw this message also when I walked in which is directly opposite from the front door.

I bathed (they have an awesome shower) and chatted with them while I got ready.  (I also like Leabo's dryer + diffuser.  Neat!)  While away from my phone, my father called and left a "Happy Birthday" message for me.  (He recently moved to Oklahoma but his place isn't ready yet so he said once his phone and computer were set up, we'd chat.  Shortly after, the caller ID said my brother was calling me so I answered to him and my niece singing me Happy Birthday.  I quickly ran into the living room and put it on speaker because it was so damn cute, I just had to share.

I swear, no sound is better than hearing my niece say "Auntie Rachel".  Ohhh, it just kills me every time.  Add an "I love you" to that, and I just want to grab her and smother her with hugs and kisses.  (Okay, so I already want to do that regardless, but that's beside the point.) 

The cutest little Raggedy-Ann (sans wig) you ever did see!

When I was done chatting with my brother and finished getting ready, I headed out to meet Kathy W. and Steve C. who were treating me to the movies.  A phone call from my mother, soda, nachos, Red Vines, two films and many hugs and birthday wishes later - we parted company.

For me, it was back to Jimbo and Leabo for dinner and TV.  (Kathy W. and Steve C. were also invited but they were tuckered out so opted out to get warm and rest up.)  Jimbo was making dinner (yumtastic pasta).  We all chatted while dinner was prepared.  I thought dinner was the present, but they surprised with a gift.  I got two cards (one that sings, one that doesn't), a Devil May Cry t-shirt (since I am The Devil's Only Daughter) and a pretty scarf Leabo made herself.  After pasta, there was cake (as noted above in my HINT). *grin*

Ahhh yes.  It was such a lovely day.  Much needed whether it was my birthday or not.

Without getting into details that will either bore you or make you want to slit your wrists, I will simply say I haven't had the best of luck lately.  Money's tight, full-time work is scarce, energy levels (as well as positivity levels) are low, and insomnia has been rearing her ugly head again.  All of that stress and some other drama have been making my innards knot up with nausea, and I have spent infrequent moments curled up in the fetal position wishing to hide from the universe until it likes me again.

Dear Universe: Start loving me again, please? Hopefully Yours, Me.

What's worse?  My writing juju seems to have vanished due to the copious amounts of crap I've been dealing with lately.  It's taken my creativity and replaced it with cobwebs and dust mites.

OH THE HUMANITY!!!

The other night I was at Jimbo and Leabo's place while they were out with Kathy W., Steve C., and some other friends gaming.  (I can't recall if it's Star Wars or D&D... or if they're still playing both on alternate weeks.  Or I may be getting that mixed up with some of my other friends that also tabletop game two games alternatively week to week.  I don't know.  I don't play tabletop RPG's all that often so I could just be remembering things incorrectly or clumping them all into one big gaming memory.)

In any case, I sat alone in their condo enjoying the peace and quiet, trying to work on some writing.

As you can guess, nothing really came of it.  Hell, even this post has been like pulling teeth.  I've started and restarted and re-restarted, but it's been a few days already.

Can anyone say SHEESH?!?!

I am currently working on a few things...

• The main thing is a short story for my Wheels-o-Wonder page.  Still working out the death scene, but it's coming together.  Not sure how long it'll be in the end.  (How many pages is a short story usually?)
• Then there's the "Chuck" piece that I've been working on and for some reason is taking FOREVER to come together in my head.  And to add to the sadness that it's the show's last season (the two-hour season finale title and airdate have been announced already), Hulu has been having licensing issues so I've only seen the first episode.  I think I have found alternate means but we shall see how that pans out.
• My first novel (not the one I did for NaNoWriMo last year) has been creeping back into my mind.  I suppose Chloe (main character) has some ideas she wants to run by me.
• There's also another thing I've started.  I really shouldn't have though nothing much has come of it at the moment.  I had created two character names (one a while ago, one recently) that I wanted to use in something but they didn't seem to fit into anything I've already established.  I'd originally thought I'd make both characters girls, but I've ended up at present making one a girl and one a boy.  They'd been poking my brain wanting to come out, so I wrote a little scene (using a planner a friend gave me that has "story starter" lines posted at the first of every month).  So far it's just a quick blurb but at least it's something.

Still, I'd like to finish the first story where I've just killed the wife but it's slower than molasses after that.  (I'm not good at conspiracies, I don't think... at least not in writing.)

The peace and quiet was very much appreciated, but I have nothing to show for it.  It's like I'm under some spell that I can't break.  I can hear my muses yelling at me, poking me with their ideas, but the more I try to reach them, the more my head hurts.

Perhaps that's the reason I've been getting headaches and migraines lately...

I had made a goal a few years back to be "published" by my 35th birthday.  The closer to my goal's due date, it looked more and more like things weren't going to pan out.  That doesn't mean I'm not going to stop trying.

Booyah!

So yeah.  The day I just had was a well-appreciated, much-needed vacation from the never-ending downward spiral which has been my life as of late.  I really hope it ends and ends SOON!!!  Like, oh I don't know... NOW?

It'd be nice if the universe took my birthday as an example of what I'd like my life to be like.  (Pretty please?  With sugar on top?  I'll be your best friend.)

"Help you I can! Yes! Mm!"

I would like to thank all my loved ones for all their texts, tweets, Facebook messages, kind words and sweet gestures that made today simply splendid. 

I would also like to thank you for all the love and support you've given me in these recent trying times.

I love and appreciate you and are so lucky to have each and everyone in my life.

Much love, hugs and blessings to all y'all!

xoxoxo

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

I'd Like a Coping Mechanism on the Rocks, Please?

"We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."
~C-3PO from Star Wars (1977)

Happy post-Halloween! 

I have candy!  I have bad skin!  I have a figure that would disgust a bovine!

Where the frak did that come from?

Anyway, I am currently in my room, ass slothily planted on the bed, my cat sitting on the bed with me.  I've got a lot on my mind (and shoulders) lately, and I'm trying to keep things under control.  So far I think I'm doing a good job keeping it together.  But really, there's only so much one gal can take.

I mean, I'm a BAMF for criminey sakes!!!

Don't frak with me or I'll bitchslap you like a headcrab!

Ever since the company I worked for many, many moons ago closed, I've been on a whirlwind of various dramas and stresses, and I wish things would just level out, you know?

In the midst of all this stuff I have to deal with (the most recent being my car - had to change out the battery), I keep thinking back on my writing and how I haven't really done anything.  I have one story blog left to update, and it feels like it's taking forever.  I was feeling so damn productive and then boom! - I have hit a wall.

I got stuck on how someone should die since per the prompt it was supposed to not be a random death but linked to something bigger.  Did I want her found dead at home or on the road on the way home?

Decisions, decisions...

Finally deciding on WHERE she will die, I just need to compile the HOW and the link to the other thing.

Yeah, check me out.  All kinds of vague and stuff.

I still need to figure out the bigger picture, but it's proving to be difficult.  Also my brain wants to turn this into something odd and possibly creepy, but I think I want to keep it relatively normal.  Meh, we'll see where things end up.

This is my "thinking" face.  One of MANY.

Having so much on my plate makes it difficult to focus on just one thing.  It feels like that variety act gig where the dude spins the plates on the end of poles, and he has to keep them spinning else they fall and break.

Hells yeah I have a potty mouth!  And?

Yeah, that's how it feels, but the reality of it is that I really don't give a shit if I break a dish.  (Yeah, that's right I said shit.  Problem?)

There are things that help me through my darker moments. 

Friends...

 

(left to right) Kathy, Janise and Alithea - October 2011

My kitty...

Nimitz (as in from David Weber's Honorverse, except my kitty's a girl)

Guns...

50-caliber machine guns (Aw hell yeah!)

Books...

I have a wide variety of literary interests.

Games...

I only wear the mask on special occasions.

Recently I found out that The Bloggess is now following me on twitter which makes me a little giddy since I think she's fabulous and funny.  We should totally be friends.  (So that was a little pick me up!) 

Kind of like when after taking my picture with Mulan at Disneyland several years ago, she said, "Have a nice day, Princess!"  (Yeah, it's kind of like that.)

Tee hee! Mulan called me "Princess"! *nerdsquee*

Today was a bit of a surprise since when I got home, I found a letter from my niece and sister-in-law waiting for me.  (Actually the letter was from my sister-in-law, the decorated envelope and other artwork was courtesy of my niece.) 

See? It's says "Auntie Rachel". (That's me!)

Either way, I can't help but smile where my niece is concerned.

Oh the cuteness!!! I just can't take it!!! (kisses image on screen)

Back to writing...

Usually when I'm bummed, those moments result in some really cool poetry.  When bummed turns to pissed, I've been known to write some serious "FUCK YOU!" stuff, but lately the well has run dry.  Some minor writing's happened, but nothing complete.  Just an idea here or there.  A few words.  Nothing much.

Yeah yeah... I'm sad, too.

I did figure something out in regards to an assassin character I had in mind.  It was a minor bit (regarding her wardrobe and its significance to the character... like why Bruce Wayne chose bats - that sort of thing), but that's nothing big.

I keep thinking of my novel.  I mean, here it is NOVEMBER, and I'm frakked!  I had that whole goal of being published by my 35th birthday, and guess what?  It's in 19 days.  (I don't see that goal happening.)

Alfred (trying to sound encouraging): Why do we fall-?

Me: (grumbling and shaking ice in an otherwise empty tumbler) Oh shut up and pour.

Oh alcohol.  Thank you for the temporary band-aid with which your magical elixirs provide.  Now quick.  Another round before reality sets back in.

I feel slightly accomplished with my story blog stuff so that's not too bad.  Granted I'm pseudo "publishing" myself via the internet, but that wasn't the goal to begin with.  Still, I've almost reached my goal regardless of all of life's distractions.  And I'm also working on adding a menu bar to this blog and making it so you (the lovely awesome reader who loves my stuff, reads it all the time, and cries out for more... or something like that) can find everything in one place. 

My friend Jess is helping me with some coding/layout/formatting issues.

Everyone say "Hi Jess!" (And not only is that a Rockstar, she's also happy to see you.)

The minibook I'm using at home runs on Linux and for some reason doesn't like anything I try to do.  Jess and I seemed to be in the same ballpark finally when it came to my main page, and we talked a little Sunday about it, but blogger as a whole seems to be frakkin me without so much as buying me a drink beforehand.

Bad blogger!  No manners!  You kiss your internet with that kind of mouth?  Sheesh!

I changed templates, tried to make my page look like my original page but now I can't see things as well as I used to or font choices are linked together instead separate per section you're working on...

And to top it off?  I had a moment at work so out of curiosity, I logged on to my page to see how it looked and some dimensions were off.  Some of the tabs decided to do their own thing.  Then error messages happened no saving stuff.

Really?  Really blogger?  Do you want me to hate you?  Do you want me to kill you?  Cuz I will.  I can SO choke a bitch.  Stop workin' my last nerve.  I will cut you! 

Now I've purged that dialogue from my system... (rolls eyes with apologies)

I'm hoping for some happy this week.  I'm hoping for some big happy that leads to more happy because I need it.  I deserve it.  I want this happy to evolve into security and who know? - perhaps further on into success.  That would be wonderful.

In the meantime, I'm still reeling from the text I got from my friend Margrit (aka Seester) tonight.

Dee Dee!!! (she knows what it means)

The lovely Margrit hates technology.  She's used computers, etc, in the past, but she's not into getting the new gadgets of the moment.  She had a pager for the longest time when I first met her, and she even hated that.  Now she has a phone and needs it for practical reasons.  Every once in a while if put in front of a computer, she will zone out on YouTube or something, but overall, she has no love for the technology world.

Like me?  I have techno-joy (to quote Eddie Izzard).  I will admit that I am not completely tech-savvy (hence the enlistment of Jess's awesome computer aide), but I like computers and game consoles and cell phones and digital cameras and GPS devices, etc, etc, etc.  Do I need all of the tech out there?  No.  But I can admire it and think its cool and nerd out about it.  Since I like computers and the internet, I have become my Seester's internet connection.  If something happens via Facebook or email, etc, and it's pertinent to her (like a party with our friends or something), I am to call her and let her know.  (Yes "call".  She doesn't text either... though she has been "once in a blue moon'ing" lately.)

But the text I got tonight?  She is now on Facebook.

Wait.  Did you feel that?  I believe hell hath frozen over.

Margrit: What is your Facebook account?  I'm on it now.
Me: (I text back my first and last name thinking "duh!" as I do so)
Margrit: Do you have a profile pic?
Me: Yes. Me in black next to an angel statue.  (<=== which it was at the time)
Margrit: Find me on Facebook. (she gives me her name)

When I got that text, I literally looked at my phone and said, "I know your name."  Then I found her and texted her, "Found you.  Friend request sent."  Then I noticed not only does she not have a profile pic, her profile is quite bare.  So I sent her a message asking if this was her, and she (or someone) wrote back yes.  I'm wondering how she could reply to my message and not accept my friend request?

Meh, it's late.  I'm sure it'll right itself soon.

Speaking of late, this post has turned as melty as an acid trip without the tabs.  I think I'm going to turn in and try to get some sleep before work tomorrow.  Hopefully my dreams will bring me good things that leave me well rested and morning smiles.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. -Unknown Author

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Feeling accomplished and productive (And you?)

Tom Creo: There's been progress at work...
Izzi: [ laughs] My conquistador! Always conquering...
~from the film "The Fountain"

Well hello my lovelies!  Miss me?  (Oh shut up and humor me, will you?)

Now what has been happening in the Land of Oz since last we spoke?

There's been drama in my life, but then again - when hasn't there been, right?  Still, I'd prefer if it would leave me alone.  Like the lyrics from the Kelly Clarkson song "What's Up Lonely?" - just replace the theme of lonely with drama (and while we're at it, add stress in there as well).

But on more of a writer kick...

I have been writing.  Not a lot, really.  At least it doesn't feel like a lot.  In any case, I have been looking about my many "story blogs" (as I have been calling them lately), and I have noticed that most of them have been lacking mommy's attention.

(For those that don't know, I see my stories as my children which would make me their mother.  Got it?  Good.  Now that we're on the same page...)

Where was I?  Ah yes.

So every once in a while, a spark of inspiration (or something) has ignited something within me, and I have gone back to those stories and added onto them.  Now the original idea was that each story had it's own blog and ideally I would update them on a somewhat regular basis.  But then life and drama and insomnia and what-not got in the way, and my babies were left on their own leaving both of us sad.

As I added more and more to older stories and started revisiting my story blogs, I came up with a goal: that I would update all my story blogs so their most recent post would be as of this year.  Then once all of them had been made current, I would work on keeping them current on a more regular basis.

Sound challenging?  I think so.

All the story blogs that I had posted to this year I left alone and concentrated solely on really old ones.  When I went back, I was disappointed a little in myself since some hadn't been touched in several years.

Bad writer.  No donut.  (I've been indulging in some Psycho Donuts lately.  Yeah, this writer has a sweet tooth and LOVES her carbs.)

As of now, I have one story blog left to update to this year, and I'm all kinds of happy about that.  Every time I write something, I have shamelessly plugged myself (wow, did that sound dirty to anyone else just then?) on my Facebook and Twitter forgetting completely about my Google+ and various other networking sites.  I'm currently fixing that.

I want people to read me and subscribe to me and love me so I'm spreading myself around like the plague... but a happy plague filled with double rainbows and sunshine without babies in them and unicorns that know nothing of Candy Mountain... yet.

So while updating one particular site with what I'd written, I tried going back through my Facebook, but that was taking too long, so I just went through my story blogs and shared my progress.

Things I've written this year (in alphabetical story blog order):

• A Boy, A Girl, and A Line...:A Hunt For Truth (this and another post were done this year back in July; before that, the last time I touched this story blog was back in May 2010)
• The Curly Muse: I'd Rather Be Alone For The Right Reasons...  & The Curly Muse: Someone Old, Someone New, Someone Borrowed... (the last time I had touched this story blog was earlier in the year, once in June and another time in January. This is sort of my "where everything else goes" blog, stuff that doesn't have an ongoing story. If something does turn into something ongoing, I usually transfer for it or set up its own blog with links to previous posts elsewhere.)
• Della: Part Two (started this story blog back in August 2007 with one post)
• Enyo: Part Nine (this originally was a joint project with a friend, but it sort of got put on hold for a while; now I kind of took it over though I totally welcome her to contribute again if she wants to; last time I touched this story blog was April 2009)
• Nedea: Part Eight (last time I touched this story was April 2009)
• Real-Life I (just) Made Up: Not Quite Yet But Soon (last time I touched this story blog was February 2010)
• Sanya: Part Nine (the most recent post was done back in June of this year; before that, the last time I touched this story blog was February 2010)
• Stoically Challenged: Out For A Drive (last time I touched this story blog, it was December 2010)
• The Strange Adventures of Princess Blue: Part Seventeen & The Strange Adventures of Princess Blue: Part Eighteen (last time I touched this story blog was March 2010)
• Tales of the Unemployed and Unloved: Part Four (last time I touched this story blog was August 2007)

In some NON-fiction writing news:

• Everything At Least Once (This is a blog I created to talk about new stuff I have tried - or things I've tried for the first time.  It started off being mostly about food, but I'm trying to change that.)
• Woven Inspiration (Then, of course, there's the blog you're reading right now which I started this year.  *waves*  I had started a blog to chronicle my first time doing NaNoWriMo last year... and then I just got to thinking about writing about writing.)
• Moron Life: Lon, a fellow writer friend of mine, and I got to talking (about writing, duh), and he asked if I'd like to contribute to his website.  I said sure, but it was my first time writing for a website - other than my own blogs which no one reads *LOL!* - so admittedly I was a little nervous.  First I wrote a review of the season four premiere of True Blood and originally it was supposed to be a more regular thing, but my access to TV on a timely manner sort of made it a little impossible to keep up.  Then he got another idea for me to write something else, like "stuff I think y'all should be watching"... so then I wrote something about The Glades.  (I'm planning to write something for CHUCK before the the final season starts and see what he thinks. *grin*)
• TVFanatic I also did a couple reviews for the site for my friend Jim while he and his wife Leah were away on vacation.  I reviewed the Eureka episode "Reprise" (which I loved but didn't think I did a great job on) and the Leverage episode "The Van Gogh Job" (which I liked a lot better as far as writing goes, and the episode alone was just lovely).

Okay, I think that's it. If not, oh well.

Looking at it all written out like that... it sure looks like I've been busy.  Ha!

The last story blog I have left to update is Results of the Writers' Wheels-O-Wonder.  My brother made me this random prompt creator which consists of four laminated pages which fold together and have spinners (like literary Twister... past participle GREEN!) and each sheet is a component that contributes to a new premise.  (A + B + C + D = premise.)  I've only done one so far which was posted on February 2010.  I had planned to do more and hopefully I shall.  So this story as well as my novel (I promise honey... mommy will get back to you soon.) take priority.

I'm also currently trying to design an index/table of contents of sorts for all my pages so I can make that my homepage. A sort of "one-stop shop" for all my writing.  It's still in the concepualizing (<=== Is that even a word?  Frak, is now.)  I want it to act as my "homepage" (you know that spot in your profile of whatever website you're a member of that says "website" or "homepage"? I want something to put there that reflects ALL my writing.) So I think an index would be a groovy idea... though I'm not sure how to design it.

(Me = not too incredibly tech savvy.)

Another idea I had was to add a widget to my writing blog Woven Inspiration, but again, I'm not sure I can do that (or if I could do that) or how to fit it onto my page.

But I'm still tinkering around with ideas.

Anyone have any suggetsions?

[stands back and takes a gander at what I've written]

Holy crimoley Batman!  I think this is the longest post on this blog EVER!

And on that note!... *smirks lovingly and waves*

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

Moves Like Jagger, Writes Like Shit

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there 'cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
~from the song "Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5

Well... would you look at that.  It's been over a month since my last post here.

Good gravy!  I suck.

Truth be told, I haven't been in the right... head space.... to write anything much.  I've tried, and I've written little stories here and there in attempts to try and keep the creative juices flowing, but things feel more like they've been plugging up the plumbing of my creativity.

Let's see... a month ago, I wrote this for a short story contest.  I decided to post it a month later.  Still waiting on the results which I'm assuming (if I hear anything at all) I'll hear them sometime next month.

Then I proposed the idea to some friends that (if they wanted) I'd write a story for them.  I honestly didn't think anyone would respond, but then my friend Alithea requested an original fiction story about "ghosts with martinis".  So... I wrote this for her.  My friend Kathy showed interest in reading the "ghost" story but had requested further tales of Blue and her sister... so that I'm working on next.  My friend John proposed some idea that he found on an internet prompt generator, but I'm not sure what that prompt is any more.  He says he still has it so he'll send it to me if I need him to.  My seester Margrit recently wrote me a letter (she's quite anti-technology) and offered me up a prompt for her.  Oh good gravy!  I have no idea if I'll be able to do anything with it, but I'll try.

In other writing news, I've been thinking of adding to my Everything At Least Once blog page where I suggest something for people to try as opposed to just writing about new stuff I tried.  Still trying to figure out if I want to change up the format/layout of those posts versus the regular ones as well as what "prefix" would I put in the front.  Recommendation sounds boring.  Any suggestions?

Oh, I wrote this for a friend of mine's site.  When I'm feeling better, I plan to write one about CHUCK!

Thoughts of my novel keep dancing around in my head.  I really need to go through it and sort it out.  Tempted to print it all out, but that's a lot of pages, and I can't afford Kinko's at the moment.

I just haven't been feeling up to writing stories lately although I really want to.  Aside from being body exhausted, my mind and soul have been through the ringer leaving nothing but sighs and fetal positions in its wake.

Life has not been to keen for me lately, and I'm trying really hard to stay positive, but there are those days as I've previously stated where it's difficult to stay rosy and cheerful.  I'm tired of being in a rut, and I want out.

I recently tweeted "I miss the days when I was a rockstar... or at least felt like one. Wish I could have those days back."  I know I'm not as secure as I have been in the past due to the situations I'm in at present.  I am building myself up from nothing (or that's what it feels like), and it's driving me bonkers as well as destroying my self-esteem.  I'm having more and more days where I'm feeling like shit inside and out and there's nothing I can do about it.  I refuse to let the shitty win, but seriously...

WTF, man?!?!?!

In my present craptastic sundae, I have a scoop of almost every problem under the sun drizzled with heaping helpings of frustration and fatigue.  The cherry on the top of this frakked up concoction?  Friends and their guilt trips, poor health, feeling like a failure as a writer...

Yeah.  I'm just going to stop there.

I am determined to write tomorrow.  Hopefully I'll feel better and have the energy to do some work.  I have an idea for Kathy's story as well as a little something I started working on and thought I had saved but when I went to it the next day, guess what?  Yup.  Nowhere to be found.  I think I might jot that down tomorrow when I'm in the zone.

Okay, this post has turned into some sort of pity party, and damn... I'm not having that.  I'm in a rut that, aside from lack of sleep and not feeling well, has been contributing to the hindrance of my writing... and damn that needs to stop.  I vow to write tomorrow but at the moment I am tired, not feeling well, and just want to curl up in a ball and dream happy dreams.

Sure, it's 6:30am, but who's really counting, eh?

And to end this post, I will mention that it's one of my favorite peoples birthdays, and that special people is none other than...

Zachary Levi

An earlier tweet of mine: Huge HAPPY BIRTHDAY wishes to @ZacharyLevi! Hope you have a delightfully delicious day filled w/fun, laughs & love. Cause as much trouble as you see fit. ;-) (love, hugs & blessings to you sir!) *salutes* 

I'm sure he'll be having a lovely day.

And now without further ado, I bid y'all adieu.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

^_^ he SO needs to be my friend ^_^

Dear Novel: I Miss You. Love, Mom

"You ever read any Nietzsche? Nietzsche says there's two kinds of people in the world: people who are destined for greatness like Walt Disney... and Hitler. Then there's the rest of us, he called us "the bungled and the botched." We get teased. We sometimes get close to greatness, but we never get there. We're the expendable masses. We get pushed in front of trains, take poison aspirin... get gunned down in Dairy Queens."
~Jack Lucas [drunk and talking to the Pinocchio doll] from "The Fisher King"

I spy with my little Asian eyes that it's been a couple weeks since my last entry.

*pats self on back*

I had been thinking about writing in here off/on for the past week, and I was afraid that when I came back here, I'd find the last post was from eons ago.  Thank goodness that's not the case.

So, what have *I* been up to lately?  Well... since you asked, let me tell you.

I recently got a temp job doing some accounting at a car dealership.  The people there are very nice.  I started earlier this month (around the 4th and without having to interview which was faboo).  It's currently part-time until the chic I'll be covering for goes on maternity leave (which I think she said would be sometime next month - which I only heard her say in passing to someone else who asked).  She's currently training me now.  When she goes on leave, I'll be full-time until she gets back.

What seems to have happened is kind of what I was dreading: that work is killing my writing.

Sleep is all kinds of wonky, and now that I'm working again, I'm usually tired when I get home.  Most of the time I sit in my room feeling like some zombie-author with all these interesting stories to tell but all that comes out in Unnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!  (And I suppose the only craving for brains I would have would not be for nourishment but to help me think/work/write.)

Then again, if eating brains actually helped my writing...

I had one miracle week where my sleep was normal.

When I got back from San Diego and NERDHQ, my insomnia decided to take a vacation.  Either that or it was as if we accidentally ditched it back in the mountains or something.

Don't worry.  It came back... like the infamous cat.  (You know the one.)

To think, I had this wonderful week of waking up (naturally) between 8am and 9am and then going to sleep (actual sleep) no later than midnight.

Holy crap! - you say?  So said I... for a while.  But alas it was too good to last.

Anyway, I'm rambling.  (Back to writing.)

During training, I kept thinking of my novel (I can hear its cries of anguish and abandon right as I type this), but my mind has somehow built a wall around it and has suppressed it like a bad memory or something.  Literally - I think of my baby, and... nothing.  I'm trying to channel my Q abilities and materialize an axe or sledgehammer to help tear that wall down (since so far wishing it or commanding it away hasn't worked).  I think I'm chipping away at it, but it's a really SLOW process.  Ugh!

Meanwhile, back at the lab...

I wrote this on my Everything At Least Once blog (I'm trying to stray away from food since that seems to be the only thing on there that I write about - I want to write about a little bit of everything, and since I have curly hair and trying out new stuff on my hair, I thought... why not?)  In any case, it isn't much, but it's something.

One of my writing buddies (Maggie C.) emailed me this writing contest about past loves, and I entertained the idea that I was going to do this.  But then days turned into weeks and sure enough the deadline fast approached, and I had nothing.  I was thinking about giving up when all of a sudden [insert triumphant music here], I started formulating an idea.  Granted it was about seven days within the deadline... and it was just a glimmer of an idea (since I had NO idea how to write the damn thing in the first place)... and how I originally thought the deadline was the week prior to the actual deadline...

Yeah, I'm a doof!  Yeah yeah.  Blow me.

Work had me coming in late the day of said deadline (which was the 17th by midnight) so after work on the 16th, I was at home deciding to not go to bed until I was done with something I could possibly submit.

The premise?

*******

ENTRY REQUIREMENTS: No entry fee

Nearly everyone has memories of a former sweetheart. Write your true story of an earlier love, in no more than 700 words. Tell us about someone whose memory brings a smile or a tear, or both:

• What feelings arise if you allow yourself to be fully open to remembering that person?
• What is it about that special someone that you still cherish?
• IN PARTICULAR, how did that person's presence in your life change you and how you experience the world?
  

Your story may be heart-warming or humorous. Just tell about your earlier sweetheart as if you were talking to your best friend.

*******

So the only relationship that came to mind was my biggest, most dysfunctional one to date which stemmed from an "OMFG! What was I thinking?" time of my life.  Not being able to really wrap my head around any other relationship I've had, I settled on the "OMFG" option.

Now at first I thought I'd just submit a story I wrote a couple years ago per an assignment given to me by another fellow writing buddy (Alithea), and out of curiosity, I checked the word count of said old story.

Wanna guess on the word count? 

Go ahead.

...

I'll wait.

I guess you give up, right?  Either that or I'm just impatient.  In either case, the old story was over 6k in words.  (6246 words to be precise.)  The contest was a limit of 700.  Immediately, I wondered if I could condense 6k+ down to 700.  I was feeling pretty hopeless when I couldn't think I could do it.  The only choice was to write something new in the same vein.  As time went on, and I re-read the prompt, I thought the old story sounded rather depressing and serious... so the new challenge I had put upon myself was to make the new condensed version a little lighter.

While working on the story the night before it was due for submission, I had issues with editing.  I finally got the story itself done, but it counted at 800+ words so I had to cut stuff out.

Yeah... word limits?  They can suck my butt!

In the end I got my story done, complete with editing.

Being the weirdo writer I am, I wanted someone else to read it and let me know what they thought.  I had texted Maggie C., but she didn't have internet at her place yet and apologized for not being able to help me out.  I had Facebook'd and Tweet'd for assistance in the proofreading department.  I had spoken with my brother a day or so prior and brought up the contest with him in conversation, and he said he'd read it.  A couple of others said they would as well, so I emailed the story to them and then hit the sack.

Before I left for work, I checked my email (both via iPhone and on the minibook), and nothing.  Maggie C. texted me to ask if I'd gotten anyone to help.  I told her I had sent it out to three people but hadn't heard back from any of them.  She told me to email it to her anyway, and if she happened to be somewhere with internet access, she'd check it.  Since I was on my way to work, I said I'd send it through my phone if I could.  If not, when I got home. 

I checked my email all day.  No replies from anyone I sent it to.

When I got home, I sent it to Maggie C., texted her I sent it, and waited.  I had decided if I hadn't heard back from anyone, I would just send it "as is" by 9pm to make sure there wasn't a weird time zone issue, etc.

Almost immediately, I received a text back from Maggie C. who ended up reading my story on her phone.  Since she couldn't edit the document via her cell, she gave me comments.  I thanked her muchly and decided to wait for the others.

No one else contacted me prior to my deadline.

I prepped the email, freaked out, prayed to any deity/higher being that would listen, and hit 'send'.

One of my friends contacted me apologizing saying she probably missed the deadline, but she liked the story.  (That was two for two so far.  Yay me!)  I thanked her for trying.  She lives on another continent for frak sakes.  And at least she got back to me around the time of my deadline.

I'm just assuming with the other two people that life got in the way and left it at that.

So my story is out there... sent into the contest ether... and now... I wait.

Gawd, I hate waiting.

After Maggie C. read my story and told me to submit it (big ball of encouragement she is), she told me to write something new.  When I posed the question "Such as?", she replied with "a new essay, a new story" and then sent me a link to a site with possible writing contests, jobs, etc.  It looks really informative, filled with tons of stuff, and I want to write a story for one of them.  Being tired from work and insomnia being a cruel mistress, my brain takes one look at the site and turns to mush as well as my body not wanting to move any more once its... you know... stopped. 

She sent a couple other ones as well.  I think I'll look at them when my mind isn't so soft and liquidy and ready to seep out of my ears, pores or any other orifice it can escape from.


Sheesh.

My goal of being published by my 35th birthday (which is this November) isn't just for a novel (although that would be most excellent).  It's for anything: magazine, paper... contest?  I had asked this via my Twitter and Facebook, and now I post it here.

What do you consider "published"?  Does it have to be in print?  Like a magazine or a book or something of that nature?  Or would you consider having your work posted on a website being "published"?

Curious on your thoughts about this.

In other news, an idea that has been floating about in my noggin for another story (totally spy/scifi/action stuff).  I came up with the idea a while ago, but it's been poking my brain wanting attention.  I don't want to work on it until my book is done.  I want to finish it first... finish something of that magnitude first.  These little short stories and bits on the side are fine, but my novel?

Sheesh.

One novel at a time, brain.  Got that?  That okay with you?

Oh Calgon.... take me away... and don't forget the drinks!

All righty.  That's it for now.  Anyone have any helpful suggestions to get me unblocked from my lonely little novel?  Right now, I'm thinking a hammer to my head is a last resort, but I'm open to ideas?

In the meantime, I think I'm going to sign off on this blog post and catch some shut-eye.  (See ya around peeps!)

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

In A Writing Void Looking For Bread Crumbs...

"I'm going to slice your face off and use it to wipe my unmentionables!"
~Bad Bill from the animated movie "Rango"

Hey there ladies and jellyspoons!  It has been a while, has it not?

The quote?  Yeah, I chose it because it's how I've been feeling off and on lately (more on than off, actually).  And when I say that's how I've been feeling, I don't mean from the speaker's point of view either.

I haven't been writing much lately.  Not since I got back into town at any rate.  Before my trip, I was writing pretty regularly.  I was working on my novel as well as "homework" assignments from friends.  And then when I got to writing about my progress on my blogger page, I saw all my other pages (my babies or children, if you will), and then wheels started turning. 

I was writing a lot.  And it made me happy.  Sure, I seemed to have all the time in the world since I wasn't working or whatever, but writing... fleshing out the ideas I had... made me happy.

And then the void crept into town...

Maybe it started with the Write-A-Thon.  I was working on my novel from last year's NaNoWriMo, but every day I was finding it tougher and tougher to reach my goal of 500 words a day.  I wrote a lot last November, but the bits I had left weren't really enough to reach that daily goal.  Sure I have gaps in between segments, but they're small and not 500 words worth.  Shortly before I left on my trip, I was actually doing more piecing together than anything else.  I felt that I had pretty much written most if not all the book and just needed to work on making it one solid entity.  Unfortunately, my brain failed to load "puzzle mode" so not a lot of entity making was happening.

And then while out of town, I was too busy (much like with NaNoWriMo being the month of my birthday and Thanksgiving - July has San Diego Comic-Con).

I suppose I should talk of my trip now.  At least for a bit.

So San Diego Comic-Con (SDCC) is every year in July.  Due to being jobless and broke, I couldn't afford passes, and I resolved myself into accepting that I'd be missing SDCC again.  (If I could, I'd go every year, but I digress.)  But then the decision that it was CHUCK's final season had me sad that it was the last time I would be able to catch their panel.  (I'd never gone before.)  Even more bummed, I had heard Zachary Levi (my future BFF) talking about The Nerd Machine doing a convention of their own in the Gaslamp Quarter... and lo' and behold NERDHQ was born.  My decision to go was pretty last minute, but things started falling into place (I had a ride, I had a place to stay...), and even though I was pretty broke for the trip, I decided I needed a pickmeup.  I was tired of being bummed and stressed about my current life state, so... I went.  If anything it was to meet some cool people and possibly get pics with TNM crew (not just Zac).  It was four days of awesome.  I have dubbed Zac my satellite since he was always orbiting about me but never seemed to land (and I wanted him to frakkin land).  At least I had a great time, and a high-five from and pic with him.  (Granted, I don't look my hottie mama-est, but it's something.)

Dude makes the best faces.  Go-Go-Gadget funny face.  (Wish I'd also taken a serious one.)

So being distracted with NERDHQ and lots of walking and hanging with Twitter-folk, I didn't really have enough time to do any writing (and I actually tried).

Maybe that's what happened.  I stopped writing for five days and POOF! - my mojo is now lying with the fishies.

I used to think the stress of being unemployed was giving me tons of energy and inspiration to write, but as time went on and stress continued to pile up upon my shoulders and my life, and I guess it just became too much and eventually crushed my inspiration leaving me in some void of writer hell.

I think I'm getting it back.  Unfortunately my muses have taken a vacation from my novel.  (Guess they have issues with Abby and Luke?  I don't know.)  Also my energy as well as my positivity have been low, but I'm hoping that'll change soon.  It's difficult to continue to stay positive when you feel like you're constantly getting shit on.  I have dark moments, and they come in waves.  I'm hoping that'll change soon.

Fingers-crossed.

In the meantime my mind has been toying with the latest prompt a friend gave me for my A Boy, A Girl, And A Line blogger page.  Yeah, I will apologize in advance for it without telling you anything about it.  Maybe I'll have it up in a week.

In any case, I hope to be working on my novel again soon. 

As far as my "published" goal, about three months left...

Can I do this?  (headdesk)

All right.  I think that's all for now.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae