Seriously, I Got Nothin'

Brain: Our work here is done.

Scamper: "Our work"?  You spent the whole time playing with a piece of ribbon.

-from the movie "Igor"

Sitting in my room dealing with a leaky nose (thanks jalapenos) and wishing away the beginnings of a headache while I listen to some music as I think about what story blog to work on next.

I thought while I try to work out story ideas, I'd write a quick blog to say howdy and all that.

Let's start off with my accomplishments, shall we?  (Update-update time.)

• Penelope is on part eleven with Returned to the Nest
• Real Life I (just) Made Up is on part thirteen with A Necessary Introduction
• The Strange Adventures of Princess Blue is on part twenty-four
• Della is on part seven

I'm behind on a lot, but at least I did this much so... yay me?

I'm still tossing around ideas for the 100 day blog thing, but my mind's so all over the place, I'm not sure if I'm even going to do it.  I know I keep saying that, and I would love to, but I just can't decide on anything.

As it is, I'm behind on StoryADay for May.  I did one story for the entire month thus far.  It's the 18th for frak's sake.  And my OCD/anal-retentive brain wants to do them in order... so as you can see, the May 2nd prompt is leaving me agitated.

*head-wall-splat*

As far as "writing" goes, I've been thinking of the show Leverage a lot in a fanfictiony kind of way.

One thing to know about me is I'm NOT a fanfiction author by any means.  Yes, I've dabbled in some stories as gifts to friends, but that's where it ends.  I just never feel comfortable playing in someone else's sandbox like that.  Sure there are shows that I know a lot about, but I just find the whole thing intimidating and wouldn't want to muck anything up.  Granted that doesn't keep me from thinking up stuff.

Oh no, Sir!  It does not.

See... I love me some TV.  And when I say "love", I mean "LOVE".  But I guess that comes with the territory since I'm a writer (as well as an avid reader).  I just LOVE me some good storytelling.  So when I watch my shows, every once in a while my mind will conjure up some character (usually female since I imagine people I know in the roles of stories I write... with me as the main chic lead) that fits right into that shows universe.  I'll think about them from time to time, but that's pretty much it.

Okay... I write some things, but they're mostly just for me.

As with all the story bits floating around in my noggin, some kids refuse to quiet down while Mommy is working.  When that happens, I have to show them a little attention until they calm down, and I can get back to work.  So I write out what's in my head until it's no longer distracting me and go back to the story at hand... the story I want to focus all my attention on.

So yeah... I have a few tidbits or scenes I thought up that dwell in the realms of some of the shows that have entertained me over the years.

I think my fanfiction daydreams started back in the days of Doogie Howser, MD.  I never cared for Wanda or the way she treated Doogie.  I had envisioned a different girl for him, but of course there's was not an immediate thing.  They started off as good friends first.

Next up was Highlander: the series.  (I think I've seen all the movies and sadly cared for the series much more.)  I created an immortal who befriends Duncan and Richie, but has her own dark past as well.  Ohhh, and she and Amanda do NOT hit it off right away.  Tee hee...

I've played around with Sports Night (LOVED that show... should have had a longer run than just two seasons).  I wrote a love interest for Dan that eventually had to compete with Rebecca (since she came back at the end of season two).

I also thought up a character for the Blood books universe by Tanya Huff which takes place after the last book.  (A new love interest for Henry.)

Most recently I had an idea for an additional character for the show CHUCK (I WANT MORE THAN FIVE SEASONS!!!).  My girl fit into the beginning of season four.  She's a fellow CIA agent only sent out for a brief visit, but then ends up staying on to help out the team.  She becomes fast friends with Chuck, but Sarah doesn't trust her due to the last agent sent out to work with them and how well that turned out.  (Agent Shaw anyone?)

And now we have Leverage.  I know the show is back in July, but one day the show just popped into my head, and I couldn't stop thinking about it.  My girl who's path crosses with the Leverage team since they're after the same man for different reasons.  Then Nate sees something in her and offers to help her in her pursuits and as payment for his help, she must assist him and his team for the duration of her stay.  (There's also a friendship with Eliot that builds.)

Yeah... Leverage keeps trying to take over my brain, and it's driving me crazy.

I have eleven more story blog updates... twelve if you count the one I didn't do for last month... thirteen if you count the Pol story I never finished.

Then there's my story for Chris M as well as the Story A Day for May.  I did one so that leaves (gee, what is today?) seventeen left?

And possibly the 100 day blog challenge.

And my novels.

*head-wall-splat*

*head-wall-splat*

*HEAD-WALL-SPLAT!!!*

Add that to the life stress I'm already under... I'm amazed I haven't killed anyone yet.

(takes time to breathe and unwind)

Right now it feels that all I have is my writing, and it's driving me bonkers that I feel like I don't even have control over that.

It would be incredibly awesome if some incredibly awesome decided to bless me with its magic wand and turn my life around so perhaps the lack of stress would kick my insomnia in the junk and seduce my Muses into sticking around and help me finish some of my storytelling so I can feel better.

Oh to feel better.  That would be lovely.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

And the Gold Medal For Failure Goes To...

Writer's block: when your imaginary friends won't talk to you.

-Anonymous

So I feel like a loser.

Oh yeah.  I totally do.

I am WAY behind on my writing.  I mean WAY behind.  I haven't started on my May updates, and I still have one (I think) story update from April that I still have to do. 

I finally made a decision on what to write about for the 100 day blog challenge thing, and I'm excited about the Story A Day for May challenge.

And then there's the story for Chris M. as well as the damn Wheels-O-Wonder page.

Excuse me for a moment.  I need to bash my head against something until my skull splits open and my brain oozes out.

Seriously!!!

Frak you stress with the insomnia and other stuff that is making my passion suffer.  I hate you. 

Sure it'd be easy to blame them for my lack of productivity, but I just sit at stare at a blank page either it be digital or paper, and it just stares back alternately laughing and sighing and rolling its eyes.

It makes me want to cry, but I haven't been able to cry in a while.  The closest I've come is when I have any form of sinus issues that makes my eyes water, but that's about it.

Wait.  I take that back.  I cried at my friend Lorraine A's funeral last month, but that was more of a silent weep.  (I went to the bookstore we used to work at together a day or so after the funeral, and I got all weird on the brink of tears again.  She was a great lady, and I'm a broken idiot.)

I think that if something, just one little substantial thing, happened for me I could maybe get a grip on things, but nope.  As hard as I wish, nothing happens. 

You would think as broken as I am, I could use this drama and stress and pour it into my writing, and I used to be able to do that.  Now it's getting to the point where I can't function.

My friend John S is running a Shadowrun game, and we met recently to make characters, and I couldn't think of shit!  I got teased a bit with the whole "Oh, the writer can't make a character?", and a part of me wanted to punch people while another just wanted to punch myself... or throw myself in front of a Peterbuilt in a "it was fun while it lasted... at least the pain will stop" kind of way.

Wow!  I'm REALLY bummed.

(looks to heavens)

If anyone gives a damn and needs to throw a little graciousness and awesome somewhere... I'm RIGHT HERE!!!

In any case, I thought I'd make an attempt to post something here and hide behind the illusion of accomplishment but so far it's not working.

Calgon... take me the FRAK away.

Listening to my iHeartRadio app, and even though it's about romantic relationships, I'm going to take it as words of encouragement.

"Hold On"

by Michael Buble

 Didn't they always say we were the lucky ones.
I guess that we were once, babe, we were once,
but luck will leave you cursed, it is a faithless friend,
and in the end, when life has got you down,
you've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around.

So hold on to me tight,
hold on to me tonight.
We are stronger here together,
than we could ever be alone.
So hold on to me,
don't you ever let me go.

There's a thousand ways for things to fall apart,
but it's no ones fault, no it's not my fault.
Maybe all the plans we made might not work out,
but I have no doubt, even though it's hard to see.
I've got faith in us, and I believe in you and me.

So hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it will be alright.
Cuz it's you and me together,
and baby all we've got is time.
So hold on to me,
hold on to me tonight.

There's so many dreams that we have given up.
Take a look at all we've got,
and with this kind of love,
and what we've got here is enough.

So hold on to me tight.
Hold on, I promise it will be alright.
Cuz we are stronger here together,
than we could ever be alone.
Just hold on to me,
don't you ever let me go.
Hold on to me, it's gonna be alright.
Hold on to me tonight.

They always say, we were the lucky ones. 

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

May the "Fourth" Be With You!

Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.

-Yoda from Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

Yup!  Nerdy intro, I know, but dammit!  I'm a nerd, and damn proud.

Plus Yoda is a BAMF!!!

Sidenote: Yoda was voiced by the lovely and talented Frank Oz... who also does the voice of Grover.  I remember when I realized that and couldn't get images of Grover dressed in Jedi robes talking in that backwards philosophical BAMF speak while Yoda just ran around Sesame Street talking like all the other monsters explaining to the kids the difference between near and far as well as over, under and through.  Kind of like a Muppets Freaky Friday!  (And they should totally make a "There's a Jedi Master At The End of This Book" book in the same vain as Grover's.  That'd be AWESOMESAUCE!!!)

(nerd babble over)

Howdy my lovelies!  Yes, I know it has been a while, but I'm here now, and all is right with the world.  (Well, not in MY world, but I'll leave that alone for now.)

(looks at last post)

APRIL 16th?!?!?!  Are you frakkin kidding me?!?!?!

(takes a moment to chastise self before slamming head into wall)

Annnnnnnd... we're back.

Before I start to ramble and forget, let's do the update-update, shall we?

• Lost and Found is on part twelve 
• Penelope is at part ten with "Someone's Been Sleeping In Mother's Bed"
• Real Life I (just) Made Up is at part twelve with "This Is Not What It Looks Like"
• Tales of the Unemployed and Unloved is on part eight
• Enyo is on part thirteen
• Sanya is on part thirteen with "Not Enough Wine"
• The Curly Muse has a short story called "Quid Pro Quo" (more on that later)
• Everything At Least Once has a new review for "Rockstar Relax (Relaxation Drink)"

I'm behind on one April update for the story blog "a boy, a girl, and a line...", but I'm giving myself until the end of the weekend seeing as my head hasn't been in the right place lately.  Life stress has been effecting everything in my universe, and it's pissing me off royally.  There has been a drought in my creativity, and it's killing me.  Do you hear?  KILLING ME!!!

(CAPS LOCK + ! = hella stressed and frustrated)

I firmly believe that in keeping writing ANYTHING keeps the creative juices flowing.  I believe in working through your "stuck moments"... pushing through and persevering.  But I feel like I've been sucked dry.

I still need to finish my Pol story that I started for my Writers' Wheel-O-Wonder story blog.  That story blog only has two entries in it, and it needs more.

I also haven't decided if I want to participate in the 100 Days blog challenge on the other site I'm on.  I've gotten some suggestions from friends and while mostly entertaining, nothing has truly leapt forth and shouted "Pick me!!!"  (Maybe I just won't do it.  Meh.)

Then there's the story for Chris M. I need to write.  I have the idea, but my brain can't map a way to get it to the page.  Every frakkin time I write something, I slam into a wall.  (And he only wants THREE PAGES!!!)

(grabs hammer to bash head in with)

Then a few weeks ago, my friends (and fellow writers) Tammie B replied to one of my tweets...

Me: Another story blog update down.  Roughly ten more to go.  #amwriting

Tammie B: Write me a story!

Me: What would you like?  (Take into consideration I'm not sure when I'll get it to you, but I'll try.) #amwriting

Tammie B: Surprise me. 

So I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and write a short story for my "The Curly Muse" story blog, and send THAT to her.

But then nothing came.

Then a few days ago I tweeted (like I do)...

Me: Looking over my twitter feed before I start writing.  See if I missed anything.  (Also, "Boogie Shoes" is currently playing in my head.)
Tammie B: *cough*writetammieashortstorybecauseyoulovemeandiworkedtwelvishhourstoday*endcough*
Me: Once upon a time there was a girl named Tammie who worked a lot.  The End.  j/k
Tammie B: Wow!  That was epic!

The story I ended up sending her was the "Quid Pro Quo" one mentioned above which was inspired by the internet.

What's that?  Explain further?  All right, then.  I shall.

So it was nearing the end of April, and I had two blogs left to write anything for, one of which was "The Curly Muse" which is my miscellaneous page for anything that is not a series of some sort.

I wanted to write a short story for the April update, but I couldn't think of anything.

(mind = blank canvas with no paints in sight.)

During a moment of "stuckness", I did a search on the interwebs for writing prompts.  There used to be several pages on another community I'm a member of, but they all seemed to go away.  Then when I did a new search, the communities were all for fanfiction (which I don't really write) or hadn't been tended to in months/years.  I looked through those anyway since I was only looking for prompts and they didn't have postmarked this year or anything.  Just ideas.  I started an email to myself collecting all the pages I'd come across that I thought were remotely interesting from that site.  I also found a few from Tumblr and other sites... added those to the listing.  I really wanted to do something with one particular Tumblr prompt page, but again... no ideas came.

Then when looking through my Twitter feed on my phone, I saw a tweet from a lady I follow by the name of...

Debbie Ohi (@inkyelbows):  Are you ready for the @StoryADayMay challenge?  I'm using it to brainstorm pb & novel plot ideas: storyaday.org

I checked out the website and Twitter account found the prompts (their Twitter feed also has other writing suggestions and ideas).  I liked what I saw.  So I decided to participate (without signing up on the site and just doing my own thing). 

Now of course I'm behind, but I'm hoping I'll catch up.  And who knows?  Perhaps one of these prompts will help me write the stories I've been needing to write.

The first prompt was called "Keep It Short" and gives the only real limitation of length:  1200 words or less.  I started... and restarted... and rerestarted... several times, but nothing was working until I was looking through my bookmarked prompt sites for any ideas and saw a picture of a bridge.  I ignored the prompt that went along with the image and just stared at the bridge which had my attention.  

Then I started writing. 

Funny thing... as I wrote, the number "1200" streamlined across my mind like one of those electronic marquis you see at the airport of whatever.  So halfway through a document page, I paused to do a work count.  Then I'd write more, pause, do another word count.  And so on and so on.

400... 500... 700...

By 800 or so, I decided to stop checking and just write.  For some reason, I was pretty sure what 1200 words looked like.

Nope.

I stopped checking, I got my mojo working, had an ending in mind, and then... Voila!  DONE!  Happy with myself, I did a word count... and found I was at 1500+. 

(long list of impossible obscenities here)

I suck at editing.  My brain shuts off as if it say, "Nuh-uh!  I'm done.  Find someone else!"  But I made myself do it anyway.  I wasn't going to let myself go to sleep (or try to, anyway) until I was done with the story and posted it.

It was just like when I was writing the damn thing.  I started at the beginning and cut some things or condensed some things.  Pause - word count: 1490.  Dammit!!!  Cut some more.  Reword stuff.  Pause - word count: 1450.

Eventually I got down to 1204 and thought Four more words!  I can do this!  In the end, I whittled it down to 1199.  I gave it a title (Quid Pro Quo) and posted it to my "The Curly Muse" page where all my short stories will go.  (Which I think in doing a post for every day in May, I'll give myself a little slack for June... maybe July, too.)

I sent the link to Tammie B via Twitter saying, "How about this?"  (She's good for my ego.)  She said, "It was awesome.  I loved it."  

(blush)

(high-fives self)

I'm not sure how much writing I'm going to get in over the weekend since I'm seeing The Avengers with Leah G and Jim G through his work.  This Saturday and Sunday I'm feeding Geoff T's cats.  Saturday is Free Comic Book Day, so I'm hoping to stop by Anna C's store to visit, say hey, and perhaps pick up some freebies.  And then there's a Cinco de Mayo shindig at my Dawn S & Jess F's place.  Sunday might be a little laid back.  I usually watch Game of Thrones and sometimes other assorted goodies with Leah G and Jim G at their place.  Monday is a friend's birthday dinner which (being jobless), I just might stop by and give hugs and well wishes.  

Oh yeah!  And Tuesday is Character Creation at John S's place for a game he wants to run.  Thursday is Dusty's World.

Random note: Today while on the way to the Hall of Justice/Hall of Infamy (aka HOJI, aka the house in which my friends Kathy W - aka my Girlfriend, Steve C - aka Shteevil, and Geoff T live), I stopped off at the AM/PM near my house for a drink.  While walking back to my car (which was parked on the side of the building facing the bathrooms) a dude walked past me.  He looked a little agitated.  I saw he was walking to the corner of the lot where the back of the AM/PM met with a fence separating it from the business behind it.  I thought I saw a hole in the fence and thought the dude was going to go through  it, but then I saw him stop... to piss.  My first thought?: Does he know I'm, like, right here?  My second thought?: Dude! - the bathroom is RIGHT THERE!

Now... where was I?

Wow.  Wednesday's free.  That's interesting.  And then there's the weekend where being jobless and broke I am not able to see my family for Mother's Day.

(looks for hammer for self-head-beating again)

I know the base problem at the moment in my life is being jobless.  I've been calling and emailing and applying, but it just seems so frakkin hopeless.  I applied to some big places (oh... that would be lovely to get a job at one of those lovely places) and some little places as well.

I just want to work.

The stress of not having a job is to my insomnia as gas is to a fire.

I know if I had some steady income, I'd start to mend... hell, maybe even sleep, but I have to get that job first.  Right now I've got feelers out, and I'm always being told things will work out or just to concentrate on the good things, but staying positive when you feel like you're being shit on constantly by the government and the economy makes sustaining a sunny disposition a little arduous at times.

But hey... there's always alcohol.

So yeah, that's my life in a poverty-stricken nutshell.  I didn't mean to be a Debbie Downer, so I will end this post with a silly little Twitter convo from a few days ago between me and my omakase pal John S (aka Jaquas) - complete with links to certain babble in case you need them.  *grin*

Me: Not really happy today.  Quite depressed actually.  Hope some serious awesome happens before week's end.  I'd greatly appreciate it.

John S: *pouncehugs* I'd offer to hang out, but I'm stuck at work til 7, then off to Dad's to hopefully plan out Montreal.

Me: No worries. It's the same ol' same ol'. Was hoping a miracle would happen today to make me feel more secure. Alas no.

John S: I can probably pull something off tomorrow if you want to hang, or go to the meadery or what have you.

Me: Sounds good.  Drinking helps in moments of depression and anxiety.

John S: Nah, friends help in moments of depression and anxiety, drinking is just a social lubricant. ;)

Me: Ahhh, social lubricant... by Johnson & Johnson.  FDA approved.

John S: "It's so silky smooth!"

Me: Now made for him AND her.

John S: Accessories include: Beer goggles "Making people look that much more attractive every day" #sociallubricant

Me: Social Lubricant: to say what you don't really mean to say one slur at a time.

John S: Side effects may include memory loss, waking up in strange locations, and AWESOMENESS. #sociallubricant

Me: Side effects may include projectile vomiting, groping body parts that aren't yours, and visiting Candy Mountain without leaving the comfort of your barstool.  #sociallubricant

John S: Chaaaaarliieeeeeeeee #sociallibricant

Me: And here ladies we have a victim of #sociallubricant.  Nothing sushi won't cure though.

John S: Pffft.  Victim my arse!  #sociallubricant (Also, sushi sounds nummy)

Me: Did I say victim?  I meant "someone experiencing the effects of #sociallubricant."  (And sushi's always nummy.)

John S: Good cover.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

Too Frakked To Think Of A Title

Sam Weber: So how's your life?
Karen: Oh, great. How's yours?
Sam Weber: Not so great.
Karen: Ohhh, we're telling the truth. 

-from the movie "The Big Chill"

Hello my lovelies!  And how are we all this fine and glorious day?

Just to give you a heads up, it's around 4:30am when I'm starting this so that should give you some indication of how *I* am.

Yes.  Insomnia has been one fickle, torturous bitch that has been bullying me a lot more lately (and winning).  The other day, I didn't get to sleep until about noon.  The day after that?  Maybe between 10am and 11am.  Most days I get tired enough to sleep anywhere between 2am to 7am, but then housemates start to get up and make noise, the dogs bark, phones ring...

It would lovely and ideal if I could sleep at roughly a regular time every night and be awesomely functional with 3-5 hours of sleep... which I can (if kept busy).  The moment I stop or sit down?  Stick a fork in me cuz I be done!

There are other things aside from insomnia (which are most definitely aiding the evil wench in her mission to make me a sleepless zombie) that are happening/have happened that have not kept me in the best of moods and mindsets (drama betwixt my friends, failures in establishing occupational/financial bliss, potential car issues, deaths of loved ones, etc) leaving me a bit of an emotional weirdo, but I won't get into those because they are forever in my heart and mind and so talking about it on my writing bloggy blog won't really make a lick of sense.

But I could always use those feelings in my writing.

Anyway... on to the status of where I'm at presently with April's story blogs (in no particular order):

• Nedea is on part twelve.
• Tales of the Unemployed and Unloved is on part eight.
• Della is on part six.
• The Strange Adventures of Princess Blue is on part twenty-three.
• Stoically Challenged gets another homework assignment completed at the same time Kearie gets another installment with "Fever Dream".

So that makes six story blog updates, leaving (checks notes) eight blogs to update (nine if you count the Wheels-O-Wonder one I've been lagging on).

And by "lagging", I mean "completely stuck and have no idea how to fix it".

And none of those stories include the story that I'm trying to write for my friend Chris M,

LOL!  And my friend Tammie B. asked me to write her something.

Oh yeah... and I'm thinking about participating in a 100 Things Blogging Challenge on a different site I'm also on.  The basic premise is: 1. Pick a Thing.
and then... 2. Commit to blog about it 100 times.  (Problem is, I can't seem to think of a "thing" to blog about.

So much to do.  So little time.  (Even less sanity.)

Oh!  Oh!  Oh!  The coolest thing happened recently. 

What's that Rae?  Tell me more.

Well, I'll tell you!

The other day I was surfing my Twitter (Did that sound dirty to anyone else or just me?) when low and behold I found this little gem in my mentions (Again... dirty or just me?):

http://www.displacedkorean.com/

First I saw the "found an awesome blog" bit and was wondering how this concerned me.  Then I got to the web address, and my eyes about popped out of my head.  I must have reread the tweet a hundred times.  I was just filled with glee because...

• someone mentioned me on their account (of their own free will)
• they said my blog was awesome
• they said I was funny

Now I've used the words "awesome" and "funny" in jest when in reference to myself, but someone else thinking so?  That's just cool!

I haven't been this happy since Scheherazade K. expressed an interest in reading my work (nothing scary, violent or creepy since she doesn't dig that sort of thing which sucks since that is my sort of thing... sort of), and I let her read Clothes Make the Memory... and she cried.  I remember being torn since I wanted to hug my friend and comfort her since she was crying, but then was proud and ecstatic that something *I* wrote could evoke that kind of reaction.  I've been told to make someone laugh is one thing, but to make them cry is a greater accomplishment.

But that's my fiction we're talking about there.  What my pal Joshua from the above tweet is referencing is non-fiction.  (And as it is, I still need to find something to review for this month.)

Wonder how he came across my blog...

In any case, he's supporting me so I'll support him.  All the information is listed above in the tweet and caption.  Stop by his sites and say howdy! 

Ahhh, the sound of birds in the morning.  Sounds almost like the victorious banshee cries of insomnia winning again.  (Curses! and Drat! and all other sorts of exclamations of the pissed off variety.)

It's 6:30am, and I suppose I should sign off for now.  My last update was on the 3rd.  It's only been 13 days until this one.  I've stopped posting individual notices of when I've finished an story blog update and have just included them in my main blog posts.  In doing that, a part of me doesn't want to write a blog post if I don't have anything to show for it (meaning I haven't really written anything save the blog post).  Hopefully my writing mojo will kick back into gear and make it so I update more often.

We shall see.

Until then, I'll keep muddling through.

But for now... I shall sleep (or at least try to).

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

Aspiring Writer In Search of Her Mojo

"What am I supposed to do with this time?
If there's so many holes, I stay afloat
But I feel out of control
So petrified, I'm petrified"

-from the Maroon 5 "Runaway"

I am currently sitting in my room watching/listening to the Geek and Sundry YouTube show TableTop as Wil Wheaton discusses and plays the game Smallworld (which I don't think any of my friends own).  I should be sleeping... or trying to... but my mind is all over the place so I'm just chillin' with my kitty cuddled up next to me as the Smallworld game plays... which totally reminds me of when me and my friends play games.

Kevan F. and Greg L.  I still made longest road.

Chris C.  I still beat you in Combat Mission that one time.

LOL!  Okay, enough with my game winning highlights (which really aren't that many) and back to writing... stuff.

Over the weekend, I had a rather busy time which led to not much writing.  Sad, I know... but I thought about it.

Thursday a friend (Oscar B.) was in town for work, and he chilled with Kathy W., Geoff T., Alison T., and Steve C. for Dusty's World and a little socializing.  I played bartender (rum and cokes for everyone!!!) and Geoff T. made burritos (of which I survived mine from Mr. Spicy Pants).  I also helped him acquire The Hunger Games trilogy (in ebook form) since apparently when I press the "purchase" button on his iPad, it listens to me.

I got the touch!  I got the power!

The Transformers: The Movie?  Anyone?

Since I don't see Oscar B. a lot, I stayed rather late which means I went home late.  I set my alarm for 8am since I was helping a friend move the next day, and the appointed time was 9am.  I think I got home between 2am and 3am and awoke a few hours later to the elderly gentleman my landlady takes care of (who lives with us) barking back at the dogs.

Yeah.  You heard me.  Barking.

There's one dog that barks at EVERYTHING, and the other two just follow suit when they're bored.  When they bark at him, he usually talks sweetly to them or say "Ruff-ruff to you, too" or something like that.

This particular morning it was like he was a werewolf in heat and was baying at the moon... but I was so frakkin tired, I laid curled up in bed, not moving, quietly plotting his demise. 

Eventually my landlady woke up and bolted out of her room trying to figure out what was going on, and from what I could tell from my sleepy state was that her husband (who sounded like he was in the living room where this seemed to be taking place) said it was the elderly dude, and I thought If you were there and heard him, you should have told him to shut his yap since it was early and people were SLEEPING!!!  But since I wasn't there, I have no idea what really went on.  Nevertheless, I got up, showered, pounded down the energy drink in my car, and headed out for moving day (to which I brought donuts).

Friday was also the day cat duty started.  My friends Jim G. and Leah G. left out of state for the weekend for Jim's mom's funeral (RIP Joyce), and they asked me to take care of their cats while they were away.  (Taking care = feed all four and give insulin shot to one.)  I have a key to their place, and when they're not going to be home due to being out of town or whatever, I am welcome to escape the crazy which is where I live and chillax at their place and write, watch TV, or just simply enjoy the silence.

I kind of like taking care of their cats when they're gone.  I love the peace and quiet... accompanied by the occasional kitty mewing.  Getting out of my house every once in a while is always a blessing.  Going to their place, even if I don't write (although the atmosphere is good for it), is calming.

Sometimes you just need to be alone.

So I bailed on the latter half of moving (which was just cleaning, I think) and headed for cat duty.  By the time we finished a late lunch at Denny's, it was end of day commuter traffic, and I would have had to head back as soon as I got there anyway. 

I got to Jim and Leah's roughly an hour early.  I set up the minibook on the coffeetable, turned on the coffeemaker, and got ready to watch some DVR'd Justified.  (Love that show!)

After one episode (there were two I never got to), I sat alone at the coffeetable before the TV drinking coffee and listening to music (and singing a little bit) and tried to write... and came up with nothing.

It seems my writing juju is in a state of flux.

Let's do the update before I continue my tale of woe (aka no writing).

My "March" monthly writing is done (for the most part).  Here's an update...

• Penelope is now at part nine with We've Picked Up A Stray
• Kearie is also now at part nine with Unconscious Recollection
• Kai's story in Lost and Found is now at part eleven

Also...

• The Strange Adventures of Princess Blue are now at twenty-two since I felt inspired to write a little something extra after Kathy W. said she was caught up and wanted more. 
• In Everything At Least Once, I wrote about Lychee Pocky and Chewy Extinguisher Sour Citrus Candy.

In all honesty I haven't touched my "Pol" story in a while.  (I know.  Bad writer... no biscuit.)  I've been trying to work on my story for my friend Chris M.  The premise is simple enough, but my brain keeps reworking it so when I go back to what I've written (which usually isn't much), I look at it and think, "No no no" and do something else.  Granted, I've kept whatever I have written, but still it's frustrating.

"Pol" hasn't made a peep which bothers me.  Maybe he's just chillin', waiting his turn like a good little boy.  I have to say that I actually appreciate that since usually when I'm trying to work on stuff, other ideas cruise into my mind distracting me from the story I'm trying to tell at that particular moment.

Sometimes the kids cry for attention all at once.  So many kids, but only one me... and (weight jokes aside) there isn't enough of me to go around.

I went home Friday night after watching the one episode of Justified and the latest episode of Grimm (I swear to gawd, he better tell her in the next episode or else... ugh!)  I left my stuff there since I had hoped to do some writing when I got there.  I set my alarm to get up in time to feed kitties (meds need to be administered every 12 hours and that specific kitty needs to eat first).  So again after a little more sleep - albeit restless - I get up, freshen up and head on over.  I feed the kitties, shoot the one while she's noshing at her bowl, and then hunker down with a cup of coffee and a snack while I watch some TV.  I turn on the minibook in hopes that the Muses will be kind and help with something.  I had meadery plans with John S. which were followed by sushi plans after which turned into an impromptu visit with Jessie F. and Dawn S.  The original plan of writing the night away quickly change.  I went back to the condo to take care of the cats and then headed out to meet the girls.  John S. beat me there. 

We hung out for a little bit and then left when people couldn't keep their eyes open.  John S. got called into work for a few hours to cover someone's shift and headed home for a quick nap.  I headed back to the condo and figured I'd just stay the night so I'd be there to take care of the cats in the morning (since Jim and Leah were going to be home around 11am to noon.

I made a cup of coffee, snacked on some chips, did my taxes, toasted a couple of bagels (one with cream cheese, the other with peanut butter).  I did a little writing on my Chris M. story so that something.  A scene from one of my novels wanted out of my head so I jotted down a little bit of that.

I started to get a little fidgety so I paced about the condo.  I packed my writing bag, organized my tax paperwork, printed out the two pages of story bits that I had, shut off the computer, the lights in the office, rinsed all the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, checked the message that I left for them on their dry erase board (which in a spontaneous spur of the moment kind of thing I made look like a Draw Something game), took care of the cats, and headed home where I closed my bedroom door to the rest of the world, stripped, crawled under the covers, and died for as long as sleep would take me.

And everyday, I felt gradually worse and worse since powerloss started Thursday night.  I just wanted to curl up and die, but no... I had stuff to do.

I hate it.  Every month without fail not only is there one day that feels like someone is beating me about the midsection with a bat the size of Texas, but I also now feel completely depleted of any energy or will to live.  I lay in bed like a pill bug scared and curled into a tiny ball praying to any deity that'll listen and make the pain stop.

And don't get me started on the nausea and sore tits.  Ugh! 

So  yeah... I didn't do much writing this weekend.  Hell, I'd made a go at this post once or twice and guess what?  Fail time!

But here's this post.  Done WAY later than when I started it, but hey... at least it was started and done on the same day so that's something at least.  I did some writing today while at the bookstore killing time before dinner/TV show plans with Jim and Leah (Game of Thrones and Castle). 

And by "some", I mean "very little".

And the "very little" I wrote makes me unhappy.

Then again, I'm my own worst critic.

But I'm hopeful I'll get SOMETHING done this week.

(Muses?  You around?  You like chocolate?  How about beer?)

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

Never Enough Time... EVER!

'Cause who wants to be right as rain
It's better when something is wrong
I get excitement in my bones
Even though everything's a strain

-from the song "Right As Rain" by Adele

Let's see.  Today is the 18th.  My last post was on the 3rd.  (I'm tired so give me a minute to do the math.)  So yeah, that's 15 days - roughly two weeks - since I've posted here. 

Ta-frakkin-da!  Here I am.

Yeah, I know you missed me.  You don't have to say it.  I know.

Did I mention I'm tired?

My insomnia has been bullying me lately, and I really don't like it.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I have been standing up for myself as best I can, but dammit, she keeps on winning.  (Bitch!)

The daylight savings shift really didn't help matters.  I used to consider it a good night when I'd pass out around 1am or 2am.  Now I'm happy if I can fall asleep before the sun comes up.  Most nights as of late I manage to be tired enough to fall asleep just when the sun is rising.  I hear ducks and geese flying about, and my housemates start to get up around then.  The dogs start barking, the landlady goes to check on the older gentleman who lives with us that she takes care of, and he has no idea how to speak or walk softly, I hear conversations, animal chatter, the garbage truck if its trash day...

Eventually I knock out due to (my best guess) exhaustion - like my body just says "insomnia be damned, I can't do this any more" and shuts down as if I were Data and someone hit that switch on my back...

Star Trek: The Next Generation?  Anyone?  Oh well.

And then there are those people that think they know what's best for me, vomiting up their suggestions as if I haven't tried everything already.  In truth, I'm sure I haven't tried everything, but I'm sure you know what I mean.

I've done teas, tinctures, hot baths/showers, sleep aids, going for long walks, alcohol... I've even stayed up all day if I haven't gone to bed yet in attempts to get back to a decent sleep schedule.

Result?: Complete and utter FAIL! 

I hate it.

The plus side to being awake when I really should be (want to be) sleeping is that I get caught up on my Hulu viewing as well as some of my writing.

Let's do an update on that right now, shall we?  Before I head off again into non-writing rambles.

• Nedea is now at part eleven 
• Stoically Challenged has another homework assignment completed in the story Looking for the Lost (which is a continuation of a random story I wrote a while back and never gave a title)
• Della is now at part five
• The Strange Adventures of Princess Blue is now at part twenty-one 
• The Curly Muse has a new story called Whatever Happens in the Tower... 
• a boy, a girl, and a line... has a new story courtesy of my friend Scheherazade K's prompt called Don't Kill the Messenger (a continuation of Visitations of an Unknown Past part one and part two)
• Real-Life I (just) Made Up gets another installment with Hidden In Plain Sight
• Everything At Least Once gets a review about how I tried nem heo for the first time.
• Tales of the Unemployed and Unloved is now at part seven
• Enyo is now at part twelve
• Sanya is now at part twelve as well

I still need to work on Kai, Kearie and Penelope's stories as well as the short story of Pol.

(and now we take a break so I can take a FaceTime call with my brother and my niece)

they had to call back since we were having sound issues

and occasionally my brother forgets we don't eat our young

even Fancy Nancy came to the party

At one point my niece took the Star Trek phaser and kept shooting Fancy Nancy with it.  After each time, she'd say, "Oh no.  Now you got to go to the hospital!"

Love that little girl.

And I never look good in that little box.  Ugh.

(due to the late hour and occasional sound difficulties, we ended the call... which now leaves this post to be dated for the 19th which makes the time lapse from the last post 16 days... but anyway - back to my post)

Don't Kill the Messenger took a while due to Daylight Savings crap.  I would have every intention of working on the story but would be too tired from running errands or the minibook having issues, etc.  A happy thing was that I'd have ideas for the story, but then I'd be too tired to function.

If I could just have a computer note-taking system that could read my brainwaves like Gert's pet raptor Old Lace.

Runaways?  Anyone?  Sheesh.

In addition to writing all that (which is just a self-made goal and no deadline given to me by some magazine or publishing house), I have another story which I've given myself until the end of the month to do for my friend Chris M.  I've put that as a higher priority than the Pol story so hopefully I'll get the three remaining story blog updates done leaving me the rest of the month to work on his story.

And then there are my novels.

Oh my kiddies.  (I'm such a bad mother.)

I thought it was funny that my friend Kevin Z. this past Saturday at a St. Patty's Day party commented on how I write too much, and I had to laugh.  He's more of a blogger than a writer I suppose, and occasionally checks out my blog and I guess he recently saw all my updates on my story blogs.  Now bless him for thinking I write too much but really comparatively to a novel, it's really not all that much.  But still... for someone to say I write a lot kinda makes me happy.

Other stuff has been going on in my life that has added random stresses to me and my heart, but I'll be fine, I'm sure.  I'm a fighter, and I'm hopeful things will work out... and hopefully they will work out soon.

But until then, I think I'm going to get back to writing... or maybe make an attempt at some sleep?

In either case...

good night kisses

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

It's Been A While...

"And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that I've rendered

I've stretched myself beyond my means"

-from the song "It's Been A While" by Staind

February 13th.  Really?  Man, do I suck!

Okay, so here's an update that I've been thinking about for a while though I haven't gotten to since... well... now.

February was an odd month for me, and even though it's usually short a few days than a regular month, my mind immediately thought "oh crap... I have less time than I did in January".

The goal for updating all my story blogs (and non-story ones) on a more regular basis started off beautifully... though honestly the short story killed me a little bit.  I had to go through each story blog and reacquaint myself with what the kids had been up to.  I made notes and now hopefully moving forward it will take less time.

But damn those Wheels-O-Wonder short stories.  They get me every time.

So... I have amended my "update" goal since my brain is about to explode.

Originally I didn't think I'd be able to update everything every single month, but when I pulled it off for January, I had hopes.  Then February hit (not going to get into it, but some of it had to do with health issues, a failed attempt at trying to donate platelets, and an out of town family visit).  Already somewhat of a short month (not really), I tried working on the short story first since it usually took the longest, but then I found myself stuck - constantly starting and stopping.  I tried to tell myself just to keep writing, but things weren't working out.  Nevertheless, I have an idea for the story - it's just taking longer than usual.

In the meantime I worked on other stuff and pretty much updated most of everything by the end of the month (some posted in the first three days of March), but the short story was still an issue.

I even added three new story blogs (yeah, what was I thinking, right?), and updated those.

Hey look at me.  I'm babbling.  (What a shocker.)

Anyway, the new goal is this: I will try and update the story blogs as best I can on a monthly basis.  The short story blog I will do my best to update on a bi-monthly basis.

Ta-da!  Brilliant!... until it is not.

I need to work through my road block when it comes to the short stories.  Ugh.  I took up the challenge since the randomness of the prompt generator was a challenge in itself spewing out weird shit with every spin.  (One of these days I'll post a picture of the damn thing so y'all can see what I'm talking about.)  When I wrote Antonina, I thought I started off strong, but it didn't end well.  I think I did the violence okay, but overall, I didn't think it gelled with the first half and strayed from the premise/prompt altogether.  But it was my first shot, so I thought it was okay for a first shot.  Right?

And then I wrote Jacob which I thought was better.  It stayed with the premise/prompt for the most part (at least that's how I feel), but it took even longer than the Antonina story. 

The next one I'm currently working on is quite interesting although is proving just as difficult.  If I could just get "Pol" to gel at the beginning a little more (it's currently in blurbs), then maybe I can get it to flow a little better.

Or maybe I'm just not good with short stories?

All righty, I haven't decided if I want to continue updating my social network (Facebook, LJ, Google+ and Twitter) with every story I write or just post them on this blog and hope that everyone reads it and goes to the links.

Nevertheless, the update (in no particular order)...

• Nedea is now up to part ten
• Stoically Challenged was updated twice with drabbles and Charlie & Daphne
• Della is now at part four
• The Strange Adventures of Princess Blue is up to part twenty (which makes me smile as well as amazes me a little since it just started off as a little story to cheer up a friend)
• The Curly Muse got a poem
• a boy, a girl, and a line... got the Charlie & Daphne story (Killed two story birds with one... story.  I took Chris M's boy/girl/line and incorporated it into one of Alithea S's homework assignments.  Ta-da!)
• Real Life I (just) Made Up got an Impromptu Sleepover - which makes it up to part ten, I think.  (I'm seriously thinking of changing the title, etc, of this story blog since it's changed considerably from its original intent.)
• Tales of the Unemployed and Unloved is now up to part six
• Enyo is now up to part eleven
• Sanya is up to part eleven 
• Everything At Least Once talks about bacon soda 

And then the three new ones that I added to start work on last month...

• Lost and Found (aka Kai's story) is now at part ten
• Penelope is up to part eight with Deja Vu, Reja Vu
• Kearie is up to part eight with Truth Be Told

So yeah, that may look like a lot of writing... but... yeah, okay, it is. 

Now a friend of mine (Chris M.) asked me to write him a three page story that he could make a short film out of.  (Yeah, no pressure.)  So I have an idea for it, but I need to sit down and really flesh it out.  From our conversation about it, it's pretty simple for the most part.  Hopefully I can get it to him some time this month.  That'd be swell.

In novel news, yeah... I've been thinking about Chloe and Abby a lot lately and have sort of rewritten a scene for Abby (in my mind) as well as plotted out a few scenes for Chloe (in my mind), but with all the work on the other stuff, I haven't written much for my girls.

What kind of mother am I?  (Don't answer that.  I'm fabulous.  End of story.)

I also haven't read much lately which saddens me since I love books, but I've been writing so much, I don't have time to invest in a book or two or several... like I want.

Why does the time-turner from Harry Potter that Hermione used not exist?  Or perhaps I need a Tardis.  Or just more time in the day.  Or more than one of me.

No.  Not more than one of me.  I don't think the world can handle it.  I can barely handle myself... and I am me.

Wow.  Getting weird again.

So many things to write.  So little time... or at least it feels like that.

And there's that story I was working on with Jim G. that sort of took a backseat to life and other things.

(stream of obscenities that would make sailors blush)

So yeah.  That happened.

All right.  So that's all my writing news as of late.  Right now I'm getting ready to hit the library and a couple other places for some quick errands before I meet up with some friends for some hot toddies and a movie.

That's a lot of "some" going on in that last bit.

I need food... or a smoothie... or a giant bowl of mochi... or a steak...

(Can you tell I'm PMS'ing?)

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae