Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Aspiring Writer In Search of Her Mojo

"What am I supposed to do with this time?
If there's so many holes, I stay afloat
But I feel out of control
So petrified, I'm petrified"
-from the Maroon 5 "Runaway"

I am currently sitting in my room watching/listening to the Geek and Sundry YouTube show TableTop as Wil Wheaton discusses and plays the game Smallworld (which I don't think any of my friends own).  I should be sleeping... or trying to... but my mind is all over the place so I'm just chillin' with my kitty cuddled up next to me as the Smallworld game plays... which totally reminds me of when me and my friends play games.

Kevan F. and Greg L.  I still made longest road.

Chris C.  I still beat you in Combat Mission that one time.

LOL!  Okay, enough with my game winning highlights (which really aren't that many) and back to writing... stuff.

Over the weekend, I had a rather busy time which led to not much writing.  Sad, I know... but I thought about it.

Thursday a friend (Oscar B.) was in town for work, and he chilled with Kathy W., Geoff T., Alison T., and Steve C. for Dusty's World and a little socializing.  I played bartender (rum and cokes for everyone!!!) and Geoff T. made burritos (of which I survived mine from Mr. Spicy Pants).  I also helped him acquire The Hunger Games trilogy (in ebook form) since apparently when I press the "purchase" button on his iPad, it listens to me.

I got the touch!  I got the power!

The Transformers: The Movie?  Anyone?

Since I don't see Oscar B. a lot, I stayed rather late which means I went home late.  I set my alarm for 8am since I was helping a friend move the next day, and the appointed time was 9am.  I think I got home between 2am and 3am and awoke a few hours later to the elderly gentleman my landlady takes care of (who lives with us) barking back at the dogs.

Yeah.  You heard me.  Barking.

There's one dog that barks at EVERYTHING, and the other two just follow suit when they're bored.  When they bark at him, he usually talks sweetly to them or say "Ruff-ruff to you, too" or something like that.

This particular morning it was like he was a werewolf in heat and was baying at the moon... but I was so frakkin tired, I laid curled up in bed, not moving, quietly plotting his demise. 

Eventually my landlady woke up and bolted out of her room trying to figure out what was going on, and from what I could tell from my sleepy state was that her husband (who sounded like he was in the living room where this seemed to be taking place) said it was the elderly dude, and I thought If you were there and heard him, you should have told him to shut his yap since it was early and people were SLEEPING!!!  But since I wasn't there, I have no idea what really went on.  Nevertheless, I got up, showered, pounded down the energy drink in my car, and headed out for moving day (to which I brought donuts).

Friday was also the day cat duty started.  My friends Jim G. and Leah G. left out of state for the weekend for Jim's mom's funeral (RIP Joyce), and they asked me to take care of their cats while they were away.  (Taking care = feed all four and give insulin shot to one.)  I have a key to their place, and when they're not going to be home due to being out of town or whatever, I am welcome to escape the crazy which is where I live and chillax at their place and write, watch TV, or just simply enjoy the silence.

I kind of like taking care of their cats when they're gone.  I love the peace and quiet... accompanied by the occasional kitty mewing.  Getting out of my house every once in a while is always a blessing.  Going to their place, even if I don't write (although the atmosphere is good for it), is calming.

Sometimes you just need to be alone.

So I bailed on the latter half of moving (which was just cleaning, I think) and headed for cat duty.  By the time we finished a late lunch at Denny's, it was end of day commuter traffic, and I would have had to head back as soon as I got there anyway. 

I got to Jim and Leah's roughly an hour early.  I set up the minibook on the coffeetable, turned on the coffeemaker, and got ready to watch some DVR'd Justified.  (Love that show!)

After one episode (there were two I never got to), I sat alone at the coffeetable before the TV drinking coffee and listening to music (and singing a little bit) and tried to write... and came up with nothing.

It seems my writing juju is in a state of flux.

Let's do the update before I continue my tale of woe (aka no writing).

My "March" monthly writing is done (for the most part).  Here's an update...

In all honesty I haven't touched my "Pol" story in a while.  (I know.  Bad writer... no biscuit.)  I've been trying to work on my story for my friend Chris M.  The premise is simple enough, but my brain keeps reworking it so when I go back to what I've written (which usually isn't much), I look at it and think, "No no no" and do something else.  Granted, I've kept whatever I have written, but still it's frustrating.

"Pol" hasn't made a peep which bothers me.  Maybe he's just chillin', waiting his turn like a good little boy.  I have to say that I actually appreciate that since usually when I'm trying to work on stuff, other ideas cruise into my mind distracting me from the story I'm trying to tell at that particular moment.

Sometimes the kids cry for attention all at once.  So many kids, but only one me... and (weight jokes aside) there isn't enough of me to go around.

I went home Friday night after watching the one episode of Justified and the latest episode of Grimm (I swear to gawd, he better tell her in the next episode or else... ugh!)  I left my stuff there since I had hoped to do some writing when I got there.  I set my alarm to get up in time to feed kitties (meds need to be administered every 12 hours and that specific kitty needs to eat first).  So again after a little more sleep - albeit restless - I get up, freshen up and head on over.  I feed the kitties, shoot the one while she's noshing at her bowl, and then hunker down with a cup of coffee and a snack while I watch some TV.  I turn on the minibook in hopes that the Muses will be kind and help with something.  I had meadery plans with John S. which were followed by sushi plans after which turned into an impromptu visit with Jessie F. and Dawn S.  The original plan of writing the night away quickly change.  I went back to the condo to take care of the cats and then headed out to meet the girls.  John S. beat me there. 

We hung out for a little bit and then left when people couldn't keep their eyes open.  John S. got called into work for a few hours to cover someone's shift and headed home for a quick nap.  I headed back to the condo and figured I'd just stay the night so I'd be there to take care of the cats in the morning (since Jim and Leah were going to be home around 11am to noon.

I made a cup of coffee, snacked on some chips, did my taxes, toasted a couple of bagels (one with cream cheese, the other with peanut butter).  I did a little writing on my Chris M. story so that something.  A scene from one of my novels wanted out of my head so I jotted down a little bit of that.

I started to get a little fidgety so I paced about the condo.  I packed my writing bag, organized my tax paperwork, printed out the two pages of story bits that I had, shut off the computer, the lights in the office, rinsed all the dishes and put them in the dishwasher, checked the message that I left for them on their dry erase board (which in a spontaneous spur of the moment kind of thing I made look like a Draw Something game), took care of the cats, and headed home where I closed my bedroom door to the rest of the world, stripped, crawled under the covers, and died for as long as sleep would take me.

And everyday, I felt gradually worse and worse since powerloss started Thursday night.  I just wanted to curl up and die, but no... I had stuff to do.

I hate it.  Every month without fail not only is there one day that feels like someone is beating me about the midsection with a bat the size of Texas, but I also now feel completely depleted of any energy or will to live.  I lay in bed like a pill bug scared and curled into a tiny ball praying to any deity that'll listen and make the pain stop.

And don't get me started on the nausea and sore tits.  Ugh! 

So  yeah... I didn't do much writing this weekend.  Hell, I'd made a go at this post once or twice and guess what?  Fail time!

But here's this post.  Done WAY later than when I started it, but hey... at least it was started and done on the same day so that's something at least.  I did some writing today while at the bookstore killing time before dinner/TV show plans with Jim and Leah (Game of Thrones and Castle). 

And by "some", I mean "very little".

And the "very little" I wrote makes me unhappy.

Then again, I'm my own worst critic.

But I'm hopeful I'll get SOMETHING done this week.

(Muses?  You around?  You like chocolate?  How about beer?)

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!

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