Dear Novel: I Miss You. Love, Mom

"You ever read any Nietzsche? Nietzsche says there's two kinds of people in the world: people who are destined for greatness like Walt Disney... and Hitler. Then there's the rest of us, he called us "the bungled and the botched." We get teased. We sometimes get close to greatness, but we never get there. We're the expendable masses. We get pushed in front of trains, take poison aspirin... get gunned down in Dairy Queens."
~Jack Lucas [drunk and talking to the Pinocchio doll] from "The Fisher King"

I spy with my little Asian eyes that it's been a couple weeks since my last entry.

*pats self on back*

I had been thinking about writing in here off/on for the past week, and I was afraid that when I came back here, I'd find the last post was from eons ago.  Thank goodness that's not the case.

So, what have *I* been up to lately?  Well... since you asked, let me tell you.

I recently got a temp job doing some accounting at a car dealership.  The people there are very nice.  I started earlier this month (around the 4th and without having to interview which was faboo).  It's currently part-time until the chic I'll be covering for goes on maternity leave (which I think she said would be sometime next month - which I only heard her say in passing to someone else who asked).  She's currently training me now.  When she goes on leave, I'll be full-time until she gets back.

What seems to have happened is kind of what I was dreading: that work is killing my writing.

Sleep is all kinds of wonky, and now that I'm working again, I'm usually tired when I get home.  Most of the time I sit in my room feeling like some zombie-author with all these interesting stories to tell but all that comes out in Unnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!  (And I suppose the only craving for brains I would have would not be for nourishment but to help me think/work/write.)

Then again, if eating brains actually helped my writing...

I had one miracle week where my sleep was normal.

When I got back from San Diego and NERDHQ, my insomnia decided to take a vacation.  Either that or it was as if we accidentally ditched it back in the mountains or something.

Don't worry.  It came back... like the infamous cat.  (You know the one.)

To think, I had this wonderful week of waking up (naturally) between 8am and 9am and then going to sleep (actual sleep) no later than midnight.

Holy crap! - you say?  So said I... for a while.  But alas it was too good to last.

Anyway, I'm rambling.  (Back to writing.)

During training, I kept thinking of my novel (I can hear its cries of anguish and abandon right as I type this), but my mind has somehow built a wall around it and has suppressed it like a bad memory or something.  Literally - I think of my baby, and... nothing.  I'm trying to channel my Q abilities and materialize an axe or sledgehammer to help tear that wall down (since so far wishing it or commanding it away hasn't worked).  I think I'm chipping away at it, but it's a really SLOW process.  Ugh!

Meanwhile, back at the lab...

I wrote this on my Everything At Least Once blog (I'm trying to stray away from food since that seems to be the only thing on there that I write about - I want to write about a little bit of everything, and since I have curly hair and trying out new stuff on my hair, I thought... why not?)  In any case, it isn't much, but it's something.

One of my writing buddies (Maggie C.) emailed me this writing contest about past loves, and I entertained the idea that I was going to do this.  But then days turned into weeks and sure enough the deadline fast approached, and I had nothing.  I was thinking about giving up when all of a sudden [insert triumphant music here], I started formulating an idea.  Granted it was about seven days within the deadline... and it was just a glimmer of an idea (since I had NO idea how to write the damn thing in the first place)... and how I originally thought the deadline was the week prior to the actual deadline...

Yeah, I'm a doof!  Yeah yeah.  Blow me.

Work had me coming in late the day of said deadline (which was the 17th by midnight) so after work on the 16th, I was at home deciding to not go to bed until I was done with something I could possibly submit.

The premise?

*******

ENTRY REQUIREMENTS: No entry fee

Nearly everyone has memories of a former sweetheart. Write your true story of an earlier love, in no more than 700 words. Tell us about someone whose memory brings a smile or a tear, or both:

• What feelings arise if you allow yourself to be fully open to remembering that person?
• What is it about that special someone that you still cherish?
• IN PARTICULAR, how did that person's presence in your life change you and how you experience the world?
  

Your story may be heart-warming or humorous. Just tell about your earlier sweetheart as if you were talking to your best friend.

*******

So the only relationship that came to mind was my biggest, most dysfunctional one to date which stemmed from an "OMFG! What was I thinking?" time of my life.  Not being able to really wrap my head around any other relationship I've had, I settled on the "OMFG" option.

Now at first I thought I'd just submit a story I wrote a couple years ago per an assignment given to me by another fellow writing buddy (Alithea), and out of curiosity, I checked the word count of said old story.

Wanna guess on the word count? 

Go ahead.

...

I'll wait.

I guess you give up, right?  Either that or I'm just impatient.  In either case, the old story was over 6k in words.  (6246 words to be precise.)  The contest was a limit of 700.  Immediately, I wondered if I could condense 6k+ down to 700.  I was feeling pretty hopeless when I couldn't think I could do it.  The only choice was to write something new in the same vein.  As time went on, and I re-read the prompt, I thought the old story sounded rather depressing and serious... so the new challenge I had put upon myself was to make the new condensed version a little lighter.

While working on the story the night before it was due for submission, I had issues with editing.  I finally got the story itself done, but it counted at 800+ words so I had to cut stuff out.

Yeah... word limits?  They can suck my butt!

In the end I got my story done, complete with editing.

Being the weirdo writer I am, I wanted someone else to read it and let me know what they thought.  I had texted Maggie C., but she didn't have internet at her place yet and apologized for not being able to help me out.  I had Facebook'd and Tweet'd for assistance in the proofreading department.  I had spoken with my brother a day or so prior and brought up the contest with him in conversation, and he said he'd read it.  A couple of others said they would as well, so I emailed the story to them and then hit the sack.

Before I left for work, I checked my email (both via iPhone and on the minibook), and nothing.  Maggie C. texted me to ask if I'd gotten anyone to help.  I told her I had sent it out to three people but hadn't heard back from any of them.  She told me to email it to her anyway, and if she happened to be somewhere with internet access, she'd check it.  Since I was on my way to work, I said I'd send it through my phone if I could.  If not, when I got home. 

I checked my email all day.  No replies from anyone I sent it to.

When I got home, I sent it to Maggie C., texted her I sent it, and waited.  I had decided if I hadn't heard back from anyone, I would just send it "as is" by 9pm to make sure there wasn't a weird time zone issue, etc.

Almost immediately, I received a text back from Maggie C. who ended up reading my story on her phone.  Since she couldn't edit the document via her cell, she gave me comments.  I thanked her muchly and decided to wait for the others.

No one else contacted me prior to my deadline.

I prepped the email, freaked out, prayed to any deity/higher being that would listen, and hit 'send'.

One of my friends contacted me apologizing saying she probably missed the deadline, but she liked the story.  (That was two for two so far.  Yay me!)  I thanked her for trying.  She lives on another continent for frak sakes.  And at least she got back to me around the time of my deadline.

I'm just assuming with the other two people that life got in the way and left it at that.

So my story is out there... sent into the contest ether... and now... I wait.

Gawd, I hate waiting.

After Maggie C. read my story and told me to submit it (big ball of encouragement she is), she told me to write something new.  When I posed the question "Such as?", she replied with "a new essay, a new story" and then sent me a link to a site with possible writing contests, jobs, etc.  It looks really informative, filled with tons of stuff, and I want to write a story for one of them.  Being tired from work and insomnia being a cruel mistress, my brain takes one look at the site and turns to mush as well as my body not wanting to move any more once its... you know... stopped. 

She sent a couple other ones as well.  I think I'll look at them when my mind isn't so soft and liquidy and ready to seep out of my ears, pores or any other orifice it can escape from.


Sheesh.

My goal of being published by my 35th birthday (which is this November) isn't just for a novel (although that would be most excellent).  It's for anything: magazine, paper... contest?  I had asked this via my Twitter and Facebook, and now I post it here.

What do you consider "published"?  Does it have to be in print?  Like a magazine or a book or something of that nature?  Or would you consider having your work posted on a website being "published"?

Curious on your thoughts about this.

In other news, an idea that has been floating about in my noggin for another story (totally spy/scifi/action stuff).  I came up with the idea a while ago, but it's been poking my brain wanting attention.  I don't want to work on it until my book is done.  I want to finish it first... finish something of that magnitude first.  These little short stories and bits on the side are fine, but my novel?

Sheesh.

One novel at a time, brain.  Got that?  That okay with you?

Oh Calgon.... take me away... and don't forget the drinks!

All righty.  That's it for now.  Anyone have any helpful suggestions to get me unblocked from my lonely little novel?  Right now, I'm thinking a hammer to my head is a last resort, but I'm open to ideas?

In the meantime, I think I'm going to sign off on this blog post and catch some shut-eye.  (See ya around peeps!)

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

In A Writing Void Looking For Bread Crumbs...

"I'm going to slice your face off and use it to wipe my unmentionables!"
~Bad Bill from the animated movie "Rango"

Hey there ladies and jellyspoons!  It has been a while, has it not?

The quote?  Yeah, I chose it because it's how I've been feeling off and on lately (more on than off, actually).  And when I say that's how I've been feeling, I don't mean from the speaker's point of view either.

I haven't been writing much lately.  Not since I got back into town at any rate.  Before my trip, I was writing pretty regularly.  I was working on my novel as well as "homework" assignments from friends.  And then when I got to writing about my progress on my blogger page, I saw all my other pages (my babies or children, if you will), and then wheels started turning. 

I was writing a lot.  And it made me happy.  Sure, I seemed to have all the time in the world since I wasn't working or whatever, but writing... fleshing out the ideas I had... made me happy.

And then the void crept into town...

Maybe it started with the Write-A-Thon.  I was working on my novel from last year's NaNoWriMo, but every day I was finding it tougher and tougher to reach my goal of 500 words a day.  I wrote a lot last November, but the bits I had left weren't really enough to reach that daily goal.  Sure I have gaps in between segments, but they're small and not 500 words worth.  Shortly before I left on my trip, I was actually doing more piecing together than anything else.  I felt that I had pretty much written most if not all the book and just needed to work on making it one solid entity.  Unfortunately, my brain failed to load "puzzle mode" so not a lot of entity making was happening.

And then while out of town, I was too busy (much like with NaNoWriMo being the month of my birthday and Thanksgiving - July has San Diego Comic-Con).

I suppose I should talk of my trip now.  At least for a bit.

So San Diego Comic-Con (SDCC) is every year in July.  Due to being jobless and broke, I couldn't afford passes, and I resolved myself into accepting that I'd be missing SDCC again.  (If I could, I'd go every year, but I digress.)  But then the decision that it was CHUCK's final season had me sad that it was the last time I would be able to catch their panel.  (I'd never gone before.)  Even more bummed, I had heard Zachary Levi (my future BFF) talking about The Nerd Machine doing a convention of their own in the Gaslamp Quarter... and lo' and behold NERDHQ was born.  My decision to go was pretty last minute, but things started falling into place (I had a ride, I had a place to stay...), and even though I was pretty broke for the trip, I decided I needed a pickmeup.  I was tired of being bummed and stressed about my current life state, so... I went.  If anything it was to meet some cool people and possibly get pics with TNM crew (not just Zac).  It was four days of awesome.  I have dubbed Zac my satellite since he was always orbiting about me but never seemed to land (and I wanted him to frakkin land).  At least I had a great time, and a high-five from and pic with him.  (Granted, I don't look my hottie mama-est, but it's something.)

Dude makes the best faces.  Go-Go-Gadget funny face.  (Wish I'd also taken a serious one.)

So being distracted with NERDHQ and lots of walking and hanging with Twitter-folk, I didn't really have enough time to do any writing (and I actually tried).

Maybe that's what happened.  I stopped writing for five days and POOF! - my mojo is now lying with the fishies.

I used to think the stress of being unemployed was giving me tons of energy and inspiration to write, but as time went on and stress continued to pile up upon my shoulders and my life, and I guess it just became too much and eventually crushed my inspiration leaving me in some void of writer hell.

I think I'm getting it back.  Unfortunately my muses have taken a vacation from my novel.  (Guess they have issues with Abby and Luke?  I don't know.)  Also my energy as well as my positivity have been low, but I'm hoping that'll change soon.  It's difficult to continue to stay positive when you feel like you're constantly getting shit on.  I have dark moments, and they come in waves.  I'm hoping that'll change soon.

Fingers-crossed.

In the meantime my mind has been toying with the latest prompt a friend gave me for my A Boy, A Girl, And A Line blogger page.  Yeah, I will apologize in advance for it without telling you anything about it.  Maybe I'll have it up in a week.

In any case, I hope to be working on my novel again soon. 

As far as my "published" goal, about three months left...

Can I do this?  (headdesk)

All right.  I think that's all for now.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

Writing, Nerds & Living On A Prayer...

“Like ‘love’, ‘hope’ is one of those ridiculously disproportional words that by all rights should be a lot longer.”
- Harry Dresden from the book “Turn Coat” by Jim Butcher

I had originally intended to update this every week while participating in the Clarion Write-A-Thon, but alas... my timing was flung into chaos.

I'm here now though.  *note the smiley face insertion*  :-)

In any case, I have been writing my daily goal of at least 500 words/day.  It's funny how such a little thing (which felt like a huge thing when I originally made my pledge) can make you feel so proud and accomplished.

I remember I was trying to do this notebook thing a few friends told me about where you try to write at least three pages a day of whatever the frak is on your mind.  Anything.  Could be a story idea, recent events, a rant... anything.  I think the idea was to get the creative juices flowing or something like that so it would get easier and easier and then something would come from all that daily activity.

I remember days when it was easy, but I remember the days where I struggled to make a page, much less THREE.  The little devil on my shoulder suggested writing bigger, that it would fill up space faster.  The angel, on the other hand (or shoulder to keep a theme consistent), walked over to the devil, flicked it in the center of the forehead saying that wasn't honest and was a bad idea.

Yeah... I tend to listen to the forehead flicker regardless of how appealing the forehead flicked's ideas are.

I found the same difficulty when trying to follow the habits of Terry Pratchett who said that he writes at least 300 words/day because he felt that if he didn't write everyday, he couldn't call himself a writer.  There were days where that goal was easy... and then there were days where I wanted to stab my brain with a Panzer.

But writing is work, right?  I mean, sure we can all be imaginative and create various things/ideas, but we all must work to get there.

Frak, everything is work, but to do work that we love... yeah, that's the shit right?  I mean, if someone told me I could do a Kill Bill type movie but all I had to do was go to the gym and train?  Frak yeah, I'd do it.  NO BRAINER!  What?  I get to wield a sword and do martial arts and kick tons of ass.  The gym ain't nothing.  (It's sort of like the little boy being told he can't play his video games until he does his homework.  He does the necessary to do the fun which with the payoff doesn't really feel like work at all.)

Yeah, I'm babbling right now.

So, back on track.

Since I'm a week behind on this, let me update you on the past two week's progress, shall I?  (Yes, I shall.)

Week #3

Sunday, July 3rd - 628
Monday, July 4th - 812
Tuesday, July 5th - 581
Wednesday, July 6th - 510
Thursday, July 7th - 749
Friday, July 8th - 689
Saturday, July 9th - 839

TOTAL for Week #3 =  4,808

Week #4
Sunday, July 10th - 1,789
Monday, July 11th - 500
Tuesday, July 12th - 901
Wednesday, July 13th - 538
Thursday, July 14th - 513
Friday, July 15th & Saturday, July 16th -1,366

TOTAL for Week #4 = 5,607

Combined total for Weeks #3 & #4 = 10,415
Total so far (as of but not including today) = 18,996

I will admit, I am a little impressed with myself, but it's all getting strained a bit.

I had started working on this novel in November 2010 and have been pecking away at it since then.  I had written a series of segments with notes in between and have been trying to fill in those empty spaces with segments that somehow link the whole thing together.

I feel like I'm running out of things to write.

I need to go through what I have (which is in several different docs), sort them and outline a bit, but I want to do my daily 500.  Ugh!  (Sometimes I feel I make things hard on myself... but honestly, I don't mean to do it on purpose.)  I just need to get organized.

And things are going to get trickier in the days to come.

I am presently trying to figure out a way to head out with friends to San Diego.  It's that time of year again for San Diego Comic-Con (aka SDCC), but when passes went on sale, I couldn't afford a 4-day and all passes went like hotcakes.  Even the resale of the returned passes went like crack-hotcakes.  So I thought okay... I'm going to miss out on SDCC... again.  It was extra bummeriffic since one of my favorite shows (CHUCK!) was on the bubble yet made it to yet another season, it's fifth, which would be it's last.

(insert sobbing here)

Thinking that my friends would go off to SDCC and leave me home to be bummed and all that for another year, something awesome happened in the way of NerdHQ.  It's a convention of sorts put together by the lovely people of The Nerd Machine.  So with that dropped bomb of saucesome, I re-thought my So Cal excursion and debated on actually going.

The amount of people that reached out and wanted me to go... even went as far as offering up their rooms as a place to crash.  And these people have never even met me!  (GO NERDS!!!)  I really REALLY want to go and meet my NERD brethren and sistren at the premiere of NerdHQ.  I also would like to meet all the peoples of The Nerd Machine (including Zachary Levi since I won't be able to make it to any of his panels at SDCC).  I'm also hoping that even though I was late with my form (since most of my plans wouldn't be solidified until last minute - as in the day before my friends and I would leave), they'll let me volunteer.  Hell, I'll be available the entire four days there.  I'm sure I'm not the only one, but meh... we'll see.

So if I go to that, I have a ride and a place to stay but I'll be drinking water, licking crackers, and doing an immense amount of walking.  I'll pretty much be going in broke (since being unemployed and bills will do that to a person) but hopefully I'll be so damn excited, I won't care.  And who knows?  Maybe I'll lose some weight due to this? 

The plan (if I go) will be to bring pens, notebooks, a book, mp3 player and camera with me so in case I'm left alone to my own devices, I'll have a way to entertain myself.

But see, the thing that's also gnawing at me is my writing.  Like when I was doing NaNoWriMo last year, and I had my birthday and Thanksgiving to contend with.  I'll have NerdHQ to deal with.  The plan is to leave hella early Wednesday morning and come back Sunday... sometime.  In the fantasies of my mind, I imagine that I will be SO jam-packed with meeting people and playing games and such that I will be way too busy to write. 

That's FIVE WHOLE DAYS, people.  And the Clarion Write-A-Thon ends shortly after I get back (on the 29th).  It's on the honor system, I know, and I want to do my part, but I don't think I'll be able to do my daily word goal while in San Diego.

(head-slam-wall-repeat)

Now in realizing this, I immediately thought I'll just write a lot before I go and when I get back, but I'm at a part of my writing where I think I'm nearly done with the main first draft writing part (with bits and bobs here and there that need filling in), so I'm not sure how I'd fulfill my daily goal.

I'm thinking too much on it, I know.  I'm like that.  (sigh)

In other writing news, I'm still having issues with that "ex-love" piece.  On the flipside of that, while my friends' are out visiting family in Texas, I am not only taking care of their kitties (they've been nieces and nephews to me at this point), but am also filling in doing two reviews for Jimbo while he and his wife are on a mini-vacation.  I'm admittedly a little nervous but it's writing.  I'm always nervous when my writing goes... out there... into the ether... for people to read... and hate and criticize...

I'm covering Leverage tonight and Eureka tomorrow night.  I'm less nervous with Leverage since I'm all current with that show, but Eureka is a little stressful (well, to me) since I've only seen a smattering of episodes per season.  I know the general gist of the series, but I'm not familiar with all the nooks and crannies of the characters, relationships, storylines...

Jimbo thought this past Monday was going to be the premiere of the new season when in fact it's just the second half of the last season.  Originally he had invited me over to watch the new episode so I could get a feel of the new season and write from there, but after realizing it's the same season, he suggested I could write it from a newbie standpoint.

(head-slam-wall-repeat)
(intermittent internal sobbing)
(head-slam-wall-repeat)

I'm sure I'll be fine.  I'm just having performance anxiety... like when I'd audition for school plays or perform in competitive speech.  I'd always be all gut-twisted, lump in my throat, "holy crap, what the frak am I doing?", but as soon as I started, I was cool.

I still have to write my True Blood reviews for Lon.  I'm so behind.  I have no idea if he even wants them.  (sigh)

In writing this, I feel like I suck... and badly!

Okay, I think I should sign off on this for now.  Need to chill out for a while as well as run some errands and cheer myself up.  Hopefully I'll be able to do that.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae


PS (to the Universe)... Bring me good news Monday please?  I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

My World Is Shakey, But At Least I'm Writing

I just want to be perfect.

~Nina from "Black Swan" 

Hello there my delicious cupcakes!  I should be in bed right now.  Okay, well I AM in bed with the minibook on my lap, but you know what I mean.  I should be trying to SLEEP right now, but instead I'm updating this blog.

I need a life.  Either that, or to type faster.  OR to be able to project my thoughts into a word doc and post it while I sleep.

Oh fantastical technology of my dreams.  Why do you not exist?

Anyway, I think I've been doing a good job meeting my goal every day (save the one day I went to the beach after not sleeping for almost 24 hours, and I died when I eventually got home, but I made up for it the next day).

Quick update on Week #2 of Clarion West Write-A-Thon:

Sunday, June 26th - 628
Monday, June 27th - 505
Tuesday, June 28th - 1,138
Wednesday, June 29th & Thursday, June 30th - 1,020
Friday, July 1st - 586
Saturday, July 2nd - 528

That's a total of 4,405 words for Week #2... an uber grand total of 8,581 as of Saturday.  So I think that keeps me ahead again this week with roughly a day's worth of words ahead of the minimum.

Go ME!  It's my birthday!  Go ME!  Get busy!

I'm surprised that I'm able to write at all with all the drama and stress I've been dealing with. But then again perhaps that's what I'm drawing from for my stories.  Perhaps if my life were perfect I wouldn't have anything to write about.

When I think of my poetry, I don't think any of it is happy.  It's best written in my darker, sadder moments.

Then there's that saying of "write what you know".  I've also said I have problems with writing love scenes, creepy scenes and fight scenes.  I think I've got the creepy taken care of.  As far as fight scenes go, I feel I'm much better at verbal than physical, but I've gotten better.   

Love...

Anyway, maybe after the Write-A-Thon is done, I'll start piecing everything together.  It'd be nice to finish the novel (even in first draft form).  Then I can go through editing.

Ack!  Editing.

In other news, I really haven't done anything with the "former love" piece.  700 words or less.  Oh dear me.  Another deadline.  This is going to kill me.

I did, however, finish a show review piece for a friend of mine as sort of an audition to see if he really wants me to write for his site.  He'd proposed the idea to me after we'd hung out at a friends' engagement party.  We'd talked about writing, and he messaged me via the ever-social Facebook to say he was "hurting for content and could use a new voice on there frequently" and asked if I'd like to be a contributor.  "Maybe do some reviews, some editorials, whatever. Maybe provide our nerd updates for the week or something?"  I emailed it to him earlier in the day.  We'll see what he thinks.  I think it's crap but hey... this is me about my writing we're talking about here, right?  I'll just wait to hear what he thinks, and we'll go from there.

I have been writing more than I have been in a while.  Granted it's not all for my novel, but writing is writing and is a good thing, right?  I mean... I wrote out a dream I had that would not leave my memory so I wrote it out in a story (adding a few bits here and there).

Writing is therapy for me.  (The same with video games.)

I wrote this bit during my first week of the Write-A-Thon.  And I wrote this as well as this latest bit last week.

I guess looking at my blogger pages has been stirring something in me.  I had hoped that I would be able to play with each of my "children" on a somewhat regular basis, but alas some of my children have been left unattended for a long time.  But I recently visited a couple of them and revamped their layouts a little bit... like this one and this one.  I want to do something with each of them so bad.

Ideas are formulating.

I've been eying this page (which I also changed the layout) lately which I think is the next one I'll be writing for.  I have an idea milling about in my brain area.  I'll write it out when it becomes a little more solid and... present.  Unlike "Stoically Challenged" in which I allow myself to bounce about with the assignments, with "a boy, a girl, and a line..", I'm doing them in order as I get them.  Of the suggestions my friends gave me, I think I went halfway through them... ish.  I got stumped with the last one I was given from my friend Oz, but now... I just might have something.

I think fondly of Nedea and Blue and Enyo.  And Noemi...

Oh my girls!  I'm such a bad mother.  Can you ever forgive me?

Okay, this post has taken a while to get through, and the sun's about to come out.  I really should retire.

I'm taking care of my friend's cat during the holiday.  They have four but one needs her shot twice a day.  They are taking care of the morning, and I'm taking care of the evening.  I think I'm going to take advantage of their empty house to get away from distractions and delve into a change of scenery.  Also, I didn't stop by Sunday night to watch our shows so I've got that to catch up on.

And I will totally be getting intimate with their coffee machine.  Awww yeah!!!

So I think I'll end this update here.  I hear the birds chirping, and I have to pee.  (TMI?  Well deal.  LOL!)

Before I go, I ask all of you ("you" being whoever decides to go slumming down in my blogger parts):

• Do you find it easier to write when you're happy?  
• Do you find it harder to write when you're depressed or angry?  
• Do your moods effect you're writing output?  Productivity?  Quantity? Quality?

Okay my darlings... I'm outta here.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

PS... HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY EVERYONE!!!

Goodnight Sweetheart, Well... It's Time To Go...

"My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun"

~from the song "Who Needs Sleep?" by The Barenaked Ladies

Hello my darlings!

I will try to make this quick seeing as I'm sleepy and am hoping to fall into Slumberland soon after I do this post (which I've been mentally saying to myself that I've been going to do for the past few days).

But that's neither here nor there.

As y'all know, I've been participating in the Clarion West Write-A-Thon since Sunday - June 19th (aka Father's Day).  My goal was to write (at least) 500 words a day in attempts to add on to (and/or possibly finish) my NaNoWriMo novel from last year.

Let me update you of my daily progress, shall I?

Sunday, June 19th - 529
Monday, June 20th - 588
Tuesday, June 21st - 694
Wednesday, June 22nd - 545
Thursday, June 23rd - 619
Friday, June 24th - 578
Saturday, June 25 - 623

Not counting this Sunday, I've done a little over 4k in words.  If I actually did 500/day, my "at least" weekly limit would be 3,500, and I've passed that by at least a day's worth of words.

*high-five myself!*

I really need to organize and plot out my work.  As it is, most of my novel as of last year and this year (pre-Write-A-Thon) is in one place.  And then there's my thumb drive.

What I have is my work in one document with notes in places I couldn't think of what to say or how to say it but knew what I wanted to "kinda/sorta" happen there.

As for 500/day bits, to help keep track, I've been saving a document per day, and each day I write a new scene or more of a old one (that I can remember without looking at the thumb drive or whatever).  Most days I go until my brain shuts off.  Others I just go until I hit at least 500 and then call it a night due to my being brain/body/soul tired.

In all honesty, I don't necessarily fall right to sleep when I shut down, turn off the lights and tuck myself in.  Sometimes I just lay there, unable to fall asleep.

Oh to fall asleep when you wanted to and for how long you wanted to.  Wow!  What a super power THAT would be!!! 

In other writing news, I tried writing that 700 (maximum) piece regarding an old love.  Only one comes to mind, and I've already written about him, but now I'm trying to write it differently in 700 words or less.

I think I can do it... maybe...

There are other writing bits that I'm looking into, but I think for them to truly pan out (especially one in particular), I'm going to have to work on breaking down some inner walls of paranoia and fear and start boosting my self-confidence.

Trying to compartmentalize my present fears and drama and keep that separate from my writing since it's a little toxic.  The two are like oil and vinegar (if you know what I mean.)

Okay, my eyes are getting watery and droopy, and I keep slouching more and more as I write.  Oh good gravy.  Goodnight y'all!

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

A Full Plate of Life & A Whole Lot of Stress

Will: I read your book last night.
Sean: So you're the one.  

~from the movie "Good Will Hunting"

It's been a small amount of time.  Not too long, but a bit of time has passed since my last post.  Nothing much has happened since then in the ways of writing.

I still have my two novels that I'm working on (the one I started a couple years ago as well as the one I started for NaNoWriMo last year) though lately it hasn't been so much writing as it has been thinking about writing.

I'm going through one of those stuck periods where I have all this crap going on in my head - some of it writing - and I can't seem to get it sorted so I can tap into that writing bit in my noggin and... you know... write.

I've also been sick which took a LOT out of me.  Usually it's just insomnia messing with me, but it's been my sinuses, my innards, my bones...

I got a cold from... somewhere.  I couldn't breathe and I couldn't stop coughing for the life of me.  I would have coughing fits constantly.  One night I coughed so hard, I brought up bile (didn't have much appetite during the bad days) and phlegm and other nasty things.  My chest hurt as did my back.  My throat ached and burned.  If I could talk at all, I sounded like a man or some deviant that would cause you to lock up your children and have 911 on speed dial.

Whenever I laid down, I'd start coughing.  Later I had to lay on my back because laying on my side would start a fit.  I got some cough suppressant and took double the dosage each time.  I think it kind of worked but the cough would always come back.

It eventually got better, lessening slowly as time went on.  Then it became that annoying dry cough that just wouldn't go away.

I joked that with all the coughing I was doing, I should at least have some "no pain, no gain" results to show for it.  In my reality, I should be sporting a six-pack right now.

But no... it's still a keg.  *sigh*

Also around this craptastic time, I experienced my power loss so that made everything extra special.  (Yes, that was sarcasm for those textually-nuance-inept.)

I hate being sick.  Congestion made it hard to read due to the pressure in my head and nose.  I couldn't even properly daydream or plot out storylines in my head since it hurt to try and conjure something and then a cough would erase all my hard work like Unicron or Galactus destroying worlds and realities.

Oh good gravy!  Did I just go there?

So power loss + sick + insomnia = no writing for yours truly.

The good news now is that I feel better, and I'm writing again.

I am presently trying to write a 700 word limit story for a contest due in a couple months as well as... (wait for it)... participating in Clarion West Write-A-Thon.  It started yesterday and goes until July 29th (I think).  People can sponsor me (translation: donate to Clarion West... the link I provided is to my personal page).

We were encouraged to create goals that were a little stretch for us.

My goal?

At a Terry Pratchett event, he spoke of how he tried to write everyday since he felt he couldn't truly call himself a writer if he didn't in fact write.  (Then he was just a lazy bum.  His words, not mine.)  His personal goal was to try and write at least 300 words a day.  I've actually tried to follow in his footsteps and have failed miserably.

So in setting my own personal goal, I made mine a daily goal of 500 words a day.

Yes, yes, yes... I know.  What have I gotten myself into?  And do I have enough alcohol for the journey?  (The answers are "I don't know" and "no".)

My first day I did 500 and change which causes me to high-five myself and my awesomeness, but it's merely day one, and I have so much stress in my life right now, I really wasn't sure if I wanted to do this or not.  I felt that perhaps it was just going to add more stress.

But hey... I'm attempting to remain positive that life will work out in my favor (the extreme sooner, the hella better), and this is my writing after all.  Writing is my passion, my blood... as is music, singing and dance are like my mind, body and soul.

Okay, I'm getting a little deep here.

What do I hope to gain from this little venture (all other stress and depression and grumbleyness aside)?

I'm hoping to get more work on my novel done.  I seem to reach a 100 - 150 page peak and then hit a brick wall.  That's where I was with my last novel and now this one from last November.  I'm hoping beyond hope that these next few weeks I can break through that wall with my mighty Thor hammer of awesomeness and get some work done on my novel to the point of completion.

I also hope to raise some money for Clarion West.  (So please click my name and donate to a worthy cause.  Writers/Writing FTW!!!)

I can do this.  I can.  I know I can.  I just need to get back into my groove.  I need to reconnect with my mojo.

I need to find my Thor hammer.

Hi. My name is Slacker. Please save your tomatoes until the end. Thank you.

If you *really* wanted to screw me up, you should've gotten to me *earlier*.
~Rob from the movie "High Fidelity"

It's been a whole month!

Yes. I know. I suck. But let me explain.

No wait. I just suck.

Frak the fact that I haven't truly written in a few weeks now.

Frak the fact that when I was writing, I didn't blog any (which you might be able to forgive since I was, in fact, WRITING, but I digress.)

Frak the fact that I was sick with allergies that made my head want to explode, my throat hoarse with nasal drippings, and my nose so crazy I was sneezing about every half-second.

Frak the fact that I've been insomnia's bitch for most (if not all) of last month.

Frak the fact that I took a weekend off to visit with my family (and visiting with them, I NEVER get any writing done... EVER.)  Just note NaNoWriMo last year.

Frak the fact that recently I had to deal with acid reflux, dehydration and allergies.

Frak all of that.

[looks at above]

Wow. That's a lot of frak.

And frak that I'm only single-spacing between sentences. Ohhh, I know, I'm a bad girl rebel without a clue.

Blah blah blah.

So I'm trying to get into the swing of things. Really I am. But there has been so much wear and tear on my body lately, my brain has this stream of creativity running along the back of it, and if I could just merely think my thoughts onto the page (whether written or typed), I'd have so much crap put down you could hardly shake a stick at it.

Where did that saying come from? The "stick shaking" one. Why the frak would you want to shake a stick at something. Sounds like you're just asking for trouble one way or the other if you ask me. You're either a tease or a troublemaker... and neither in a good way.

Onwards...

I think stress has got me licked lately (and again, not in a nice way). I'm not going to bore you with all the details of my life, but let's just say all is not well in my world. I need a leprechaun, a voodoo priestess, a shaman, a double-rainbow, a pot of gold, a horseshoe, a four-leaf clover and whatever anyone can find in order to get my life back in order (which it has been out of for quite some time).

But that's enough of that.

So aside from trying to figure things out in my novels, I have been having these dreams that have been weird yet also posing new story ideas... THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MY CURRENT NOVEL PROJECTS!!!

The goal for the day is to head to the library, do some writing (including the dream whose memory will just not leave me alone), and make it closer to my goal of happy happy joy joy (aka finishing a novel). Still need to stake out some contests to enter in attempts to get published... you know, that whole GOAL of mine before my next birthday.

Yay! Let's hear it for the elderly! (To which, I mean ME!!!)

Anyway...

While away this weekend, I chatted with my fellow writing buddy Oscar, and it got my creative juices flowing again. He's one of my writing pals that has actually gone to a writing conference. Other friends of mine (Chris R. and Maggie, for example) have gone to Clarion. Yeah, I'm jealous. If I had that kind of time and fundage, I would totally go, but I don't so...

*whimper whimper sob whimper*

Writing conferences and workshops are something that I would LOVE to do but then again are completely afraid of... so that's kind of why I want to do them. Perhaps it's a kick in the ass I need.

I've looked into taking a summer course or something for writing but for frak sakes, it seems if you want to do anything but writing commercials, you'll have to sell your sell your soul, your first born and a kidney made from the tears of Jesus just to make a class for a few weeks.

Frak me up the ass with a pine cone, that just seems pretty redonkulous to me!

I've had writing dates with Maggie before as well as her and Chris R. None with Oscar. The writing dates as with the chats with my friends have seemed to really help. Even if no writing gets done, at least the "round robin" discussion of it all gets the mind working and hopefully something good comes out of it.

I really did like sitting with Oscar and having a nice writers heart-to-heart. We need to do that more often.

And now it is up to me. None of my writer friends are nearby anymore. They were either out of town to begin with or moved away recently. Then there are some that just prefer to work on their own... which I can dig. I need some alone time to really get into something at first. But then once in the groove, I can just go with it.

So now I'm all alone.

Lonely writer looking for fellow writer companions to chat and write with.

Okay... it's getting a little late (ahem - 4:10am - ahem), and I really should be finishing this post and getting the hell out of dodge so I can finish the other stuff I've been wanting to finish before the sun rises.

Or maybe I'll just stay up all day until the end of the night. That might work... right?

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae