Goodnight And Have A Pleasant Tomorrow*

*the floggings will continue until morale improves*

I think I'm in a funk... perhaps a mild, minor depression.

I've been here before. It's nothing too serious. It's just me stuck in my own head wanting to do more but then opting to hide out instead. And tonight I sat on my bed watching shows on my laptop and where some of it brought me joy, the rest of me was in this fuzzy state of blah.

I still have plans and go out and do stuff. Tomorrow I have a dinner at my friend's house. This Saturday is a costume birthday party. And sometime later in the month, I have my niece's big birthday party.

Tonight after work I went to the craft store to see if I could make a tie for the party (it's Harry Potter themed, and I'm a Gryffindor). I couldn't find the right color fabric, I couldn't find the correct fabric paint... and I was getting quite grumpy about it. I ditched the craft store and headed two doors down to Kohl's where I found two ties that would work... but they were $30-$40... and I'm not paying that much on something I'm only (in reality) going to use once.

Feeling defeated, I went home and almost polished off the last of the vodka and soda (meaning whipped cream vodka and diet orange soda). I ate dinner, washed some dishes, cleaned my stove top, washed my face, brushed my teeth,.. all in all a delightful evening.

Right now I'm tired and really should get to bed, but I just felt the need to write this out. Not really sure why. The idea just crossed my mind that I wish there was a way to make an hour's rest seem like 2-3, but aside from actually having 2-3... I guess I'm shit out of luck for the time being.

My lower back is killing me, and I know why - powerloss is coming. Should be starting at the end of this week or the beginning of next. Joy! (Yes, that was sarcasm.)

I really need more in my life than my job. There have been days in the past where all I did was get up, go to work, come home, sleep... lather, rinse repeat. Today I was the first person to be assigned a new task - something everyone is going to take their turn in, but I was just the initial rep to try it out. I did okay, but it's a task that I don't really enjoy, and I don't feel should be tackled by my department. In all honesty, I feel a temp would be better suited to do this task instead of one rep taking an hour out of their day to devote to making these... well, sales calls is what I guess you could call them.

I need more. To be more. To do more.

And I need the desire to do it.

I need out of this rut.

Help?

Okay, time to really hit the sack. If anything, it'd be nice to have some really nice dreams to make up for my reality not being all that hot, but sleep is sleep.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae



*Note: SNL Weekend Update sign-off