And I don't mean in a poetic "Can't you even imagine you're in the depths of despair?" Anne Shirley type of ache. I mean... my body hates me.
For the past couple weeks I've been waking up when my alarm goes off to get ready for work and BAM! - my back screams a giant FUCK YOU at me, So my day will start off with me barely at a 90-degree angle and then - much like the Tin Man and his oil can - I'll ever-so-slowly get moving and my joints (my back, mainly) will grow less grumpy the more I move.
But oh... that initial pang. I just want to curl up in a ball and die for the rest of the day... but I can't.
And to top it off, I'm going through powerloss at the moment - which makes everything a BAZILLION-TRILLION times WORSE!!! Let's forget the fact that I have absolutely no idea why women have to go through this once a month, but on top of that WHY THE FRAK does it have to make every little ache and pain, nick and scrape, bump and bruise I've ever suffered hurt TO INFINITY AND BEYOND?!?!?!
My back is a little achey usually, but with powerloss, I go through about one week of PMS (the bloating, beginnings of fatigue, etc) before the week of wanting to just lay about and be completely useless as I fall in and out of consciousness only getting up to pee and maybe eat or drink something.... maybe.
I've been trying to research things I can do to help the lower back issue out, but so far nothing really concrete. I recently got a yoga mat to do stretches and poses at home. I'd like to get into the habit of just as I wake up and before bedtime. Not sure how that will help my back though. I keep thinking of this pillow they had at my chiropractor's office - one you put between your knees when you sleep on your side. I think it's supposed to help your back.
I am SOOOOO getting a massage after my powerloss ends.
In general, I don't feel old at all. It's not that I don't feel my age or anything. I'm just not really aware of it. But damn, my body sure does feel old. Granted, getting hit by A LOT of cars doesn't help either. That last one messed me up a bit. But I'm not going down without a fight... or maybe a whimper.
For now? Time for bed.
Later my lovelies. (Thanks for letting me rant.)