Sadly, I had been in a few - each one progressively worse than the one before - all of which were other drivers colliding into me and my car being absolutely totaled.
The first of the two major ones happened in my Honda. I was on my way to work. It had just rained so the ground was wet. I was about to go over a tall, arching bridge when just before my ascent, I heard the screech of tires and then something slamming into the back of my car which sent me sailing into the car in front of me. My Honda was now pointed in the two-o'clock position, the airbag had deployed, and I was a complete wreck. I ended up taking an ambulance to the hospital, was okay as the adrenaline wore off, was prescribed meds that all medical people said I could take together but had warned me would knock me out - but my odd metabolism proved them wrong.
The second major and more recent one that happened roughly several years ago was in my Jeep. I was headed out of town to see my family for the weekend, but I had to work late and didn't get on the road until after 9pm for roughly a three-hour drive. I was about two blocks from my mom's place when some dude in a giant red pickup ran a red light and t-boned the left side of my car sending me spinning a few times, hopping cross-traffic median (it was almost 2am so there really was no other traffic).
When life started to get back to normal, and I was driving either the rental or a borrowed car from a friend or eventually my new car - I was all kinds of anxious. I was a little "shell-shocked" after my first accident, panicking when passenger-riding in other people's cars. I would be that person doing the pressing her foot on the floorboard thinking I could slow or stop the car when I started to feel tense. I eventually chilled out and was okay with driving and not so panicked, but it all came back with the second accident. When I was driving, I would slow going through intersections, my head whipping left to right checking for any oncoming speedsters or potential hazards. I remember driving with a friend in the car, and she commented on how I didn't have to slow in the residential area when crossing an intersection where I had the right of way and the cross-traffic had stop signs. I knew she was right and told her I'd be better about it later. At that moment, with each intersection, I kept flashing back to having the green light and the red truck guy (who in the police report stated along with his girlfriend in the truck with him that neither of them knew what color the light was - thank gawd an off-duty deputy saw the whole thing and corroborated my story) ran the red and hit me. She understood and let it go.
Every once in a while, I'll think back on my accidents and realize how they've each been progressively worse - and then my morbid mind thinks "Dear gawd, at this rate, the next accident will kill me." I immediately try to shush that part of my mind, but it does have the tendency to go there. The majority of the time in my entire life, if there's an easy option for something, it's rarely the option I end up with.
Since then, I've witnessed crazy drivers (like for the love of gawd, someone PLEASE tell me why people feel the need to drive more like a maniac in bad weather conditions? Do they think, "Ohhh this fog is making it impossible for me to see where I'm going. I'll fix it by exceeding the speed limit and possibly hurting others as well as myself."), and I get all kinds of worried and occasionally slightly tense, but I'm more or less okay. The remnants of the crazy still linger for a time, but I'm fine.
And then one day I had a bit of a panic attack.
On my day off, I decided to run a couple errands. Both of the stores that I wanted to go to were in the same plaza which I always find convenient, but I needed to eat. I had decided to grab some drive-thru, pull into a nice shady parking spot in a quiet lot somewhere, eat, and then head to the store. With food acquired, I was headed to a parking lot where I could eat and listen to my audiobook when I witnessed a car accident.
I was stopped at a red light, three cars back. I looked at all the cars around me in all the lanes, and one of the vehicles was a motorcycle in the lane to my left in the first spot behind the crosswalk. I remember feeling a little... uneasy? - not sure if that's the correct word. Then the light turned green, the cross-traffic stopped, and I and all the vehicles with me started to move forward. From the right in the cross-traffic's far-right lane was a red compact car that sped through the light and hit the guy on the motorcycle. The rider tried to maneuver around to avoid the car but couldn't make it and was hit. The woman stopped her car right in front of the median on the other side of the intersection and immediately went to check on the rider who had stood up favoring one leg and limped to somewhere safe he could sit.
I was freaking out. My hands were at my mouth as I was saying "OHMY GAWDOHMYGAWD..." over and over again. Traffic started to move a little then, and I thought I needed to stay as a witness or something, but no one else was stopping. I slowly cruised past, saw the car, saw the pedestrians that had been waiting to cross when the car passed them, and hit the rider. They were on the phone calling 911. As I passed, I saw the rider in the shade of the car, away from other traffic/cars.
I wasn't driving very fast when I passed everything, but I could feel my heart thudding a million miles an hour. I kept thinking of the crunch of the bike when the woman hit it. I turned down the next residential street and tried to breathe. What I had witnessed had happened to me - someone running a red and hitting me from the side - only I didn't have any time to defensively drive out of the way.
Feeling the need to drive back and check out the scene and being ready to be a witness, I saw there were a number of people already gathered around, and seeing everything again, I became emotional and utterly useless. I reasoned that they had all the assistance and witnesses they needed and drove off. I saw an ambulance on the freeway going in the opposite direction as me and knew immediately where it was going. I hoped the rider was okay - speaking it into the universe and hoping it would reach him.
My heart didn't slow its beat until I was at my first stop. I parked in the garage away from everyone and tried to eat my food. I calmed down enough to repark closer to the entrance when I was done eating and proceeded with my errands - all the while having little flashbacks of the accident. After I was all done with all my errands, I headed home - completely avoiding that street/intersection.
After that day, I started to slow in intersections again, snapping my head both ways and having mini-freakouts as I drove through them when it was my right of way or my turn.
Some months before this, I was running errands on another day off, and I was heading to a grocery store. At an intersection. I had the red light. It was a huge, multi-lane intersection all ways. I was in the first position of my lane. I remember a city bus pulling away from the curb and getting into the far right lane. Our light went green, we all slowly started forward, and again - in a white compact car - a woman sped past all the people that were stopped at the red light and zoomed through the intersection. I slowed... we all slowed... and I remember getting really mad at that white car, but for the rest of the way to the grocery store, I was squeezing the steering wheel and randomly swearing like a crazy person
I'm at that point when psycho drivers speed past me or play Pole Position with everyone's lives, I tense and swear and it takes me a while to relax. It feels like every morning on the way to work I have to deal with people who don't know how to use their turn signals. I usually get cut off with no warning OR they turn their signal on after they're practically moved into the lane they want, but all I see is a quick flash of the signal.
Whenever I see a crazy driver, I wonder if they've ever been in an accident - like a serious accident. I would imagine "normal people" having experienced something like that would then realize "Oh shit, I better chill out and drive like a sensible person." I imagine though they probably get mad that they were in an accident and that the person was in the way of where they wanted to be and had no patience... or sense!
I don't think I'll ever be over this. I mean there was a time a LONG time ago when I was walking home in the light drizzling rain back to my apartment, and as I was crossing the street on MY GREEN LIGHT with MY OWN TWO LEGS... a speeding van nearly hit me. I felt the whoosh of wind as I stopped in time and it whipped right past me. I remember being emotional and EXTREMELY pissed off and wanted to be home already. The van's driver had parked at the gas station across the street, ran across the street toward me and began to apologize. I just wanted him to go away. I heard him say the brakes weren't working, and I thought 1. you seemed to be able to stop the car after you almost hit me, and 2. YOU WERE SPEEDING, ASSHOLE!!! I just ignored him and kept walking, and he followed me a bit, but I didn't turn around and did my best to ignore him since if I didn't, I would have dropped everything I was carrying and throttled him.
What have we learned here?
- drive the posted speed limit
- use your turn signals correctly
- pay attention to street lights and stops
- AND STOP HITTING PEOPLE!!!
Later my lovelies.
Have Goodness!
Rae
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