I did it again. I slept most of the day.
This weekend was set to rain... a lot. I personally haven't noticed a tremendous amount of rain. Granted I stayed up and watched "WandaVision" when it hit midnight yesterday before hitting the proverbial sack.
So I went to bed late and woke up late - and when I woke up, it was raining.
I sleep best when it's raining. Why? I don't know. I just know that I have trouble sleeping, and when I pass out in bed, and I wake up refreshed and feeling well-rested, I look out the window to find either it has rained or is currently raining.
People have suggested getting a nature sound machine, and I've even checked out the occasional app to see if it helps with my sleep, but it's like my body knows it's not naturally occurring. It has to be in the moment rain and not recorded-for-playback rain. The recordings sound lovely, but they don't help me with sleep.
Occasionally I think back on when this all started. At best, I can recall sleeping well as a kid. Elementary school was fine, too. I do recall around junior-'high/high-school starting to not really fall asleep when I was supposed to. For a time I wondered if maybe the structure of bedtime and its relation to school and being a regularly-scheduled thing, too, helped in something of a regular sleep schedule/pattern, but nope. I couldn't do anything really to bide my time while I was awake since my mom wanted me in bed. I couldn't go to the living room and watch TV until I fell asleep. I couldn't stay in my room and quietly read a book because I was supposed to be asleep. I don't think "insomnia" was in my mom's vocabulary, but it was definitely in her daughter's.
Today I woke up a little over eight hours after I had nodded off after watching my show. Sometime later, I thought about curling up under the covers with a book... but then I ended up passing out again. And now - here I am.
When people think of insomnia, they usually think "no sleep whatsoever" but that's not true. The definition is the "inability to obtain sleep, especially when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness," I would say I get an average of 4-5 hours of sleep a night - if I'm lucky. I think I've gone almost 48 hours without sleep. Sometimes I don't know how tired I am until I stop moving. If I'm mentally kept busy - like at work - I don't really notice that I'm tired... like I'm so busy I don't have time to sleep.
I sometimes think of all the varieties of things unique to me and wonder why can't the ability to be completely rested and energized by less than the popular "eight hours a day" requirement. I had a college professor who worked off of 3-5 hours a day. It was just how her body worked. Sitting there in her class I would wonder why I couldn't be like that. I could get more done - homework, leisure reading, house cleaning, etc - but nope. My body peters out after a while, and I just have to admit defeat.
I just looked at the clock, and it's 2:30am. I'm slightly tired - blinks are lasting a little longer each time I do them - so I think I'm going to end this here and try to call it a night. I'm off tomorrow so I don't really have anywhere to bed. That plus quarantine equals no real reason to go outside. I think I'm going to try and fall asleep now... with hopes of getting up (without the help of an alarm) at a decent hour.
At least before lunch.
I'll hold off on posting this until I see how my sleepy time goes. [Bye for now.]
[And now it's Saturday, y'all.]
So... I woke up close to 12pm. Haven't really done much so far - brushed my teeth, washed and moisturized my face, made a turkey-swiss wrap for lunch, took my vitamins - and now I'm sitting here trying to ignore the fact that I feel like crap [thanks to powerloss] but overall, I feel okay.
I have the window open. It's nice and sunny outside. It's not raining at the moment, but it might tonight... and the weather channel shows rain throughout the week. That should be fun. I keep meaning to save all my errands for my days off, but then since I've been basically staying home those days, I've been saving my errands for right after work on the way home. It's been working out well lately, but there are days I just want to go straight home from work.
I just sneezed and realized I forgot to take my allergy medicine. (One moment please.)
And I'm back.
My home is still a bit of a mess. Mentally - I'm seeing myself moving things around, reorganizing this area and that one, and being so productive - it's amazing. In reality, powerloss is making my body feel less than groovy so I'm basking in my mental productivity, cheering her on, being that proud friend that is always encouraging, and living vicariously through their accomplishments.
But in the end, it's still just me not doing anything in real life so I think I'm going to try and do something. I know that one of these weekday-after-work-errand-trips will have to be to The Container Store or IKEA and maybe Home Goods, but I need to make sure I'm completely ready for at least one of the projects before heading out there.
Ugh. Whenever I feel like crap due to powerloss, I often wonder what if men had something similar - some monthly physical discomfort that lasted several days. Men can never imagine going through something like this and are quick to dismiss it with "That can't happen to me cuz I'm a guy" mentality. Then usually on the flipside of things, they don't really understand what it feels like for a woman every month and think we're faking it or overexaggerating things, and I try my best to ignore the little comments here and there, but when they get REALLY dumb, I have to speak up. I remember once a guy told me "Oh come on, it can't be that bad. Just walk it off." I asked them, "When's the last time you bled from your privates for a week?" They just looked at me, stunned. Then I tell them, "That's what I thought. So until this actually happens to you, don't talk about things you don't know anything about it."
Okay, I think it's time I try and be productive - like physically and not just all up in my mind with the ideas. I also need to take some meds to make my body feel like it can actually do things with less grumbles and complaints.
Later my lovelies.
Have Goodness!
Rae
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