I know life is hard, I think everyone knows that in their hearts, but why does it have to be cruel as well? Why does it have to bite?
-from the book "11/22/63" by Stephen King
My life as of late has been filled with random occurrences of odd and a whole lot of boring with a dash of fed-up.
I had to work Saturday night. I work the closing shift EVERY Saturday night... which is a bit on the crap side but oh well. What can ya do, right?
Working Saturdays kinda bums me out since a lot of social events happen on those days. I've missed many a gathering, many a time at the meadery... I feel left out of the world. I sit at my desk and look out the window across the room to my right and even though the blinds are shut, I can still see the sun shining outside... until eventually when I look and see that the sun has gone, and it makes me feel like I've missed something.
And each time I feel that, I feel like nothing and no one is missing me, and I'm slowly being forgotten.
Aside from missing out on a local social life, working Saturday nights makes it a little difficult to visit my family who are three hours away. Since my accident last year, I'm a little on the phobic side on heading to see my family after a closing shift from work. (Hell, I'm a bit phobic when crossing intersections.) As it is, I still imagine that even though it's my right of way, SOMEONE is going to come out of nowhere and hit me. Then my mind starts to race with what if it's worse this time? What if I break something or I'm hospitalized? So far, I've just been achey/sore... although the accident from February 2013 left me with bruises and swelling and a whole mess of bad stuff that I don't want to relive EVER! (Crappiest part about that whole time was that I couldn't play with my niece like I usually do. I could only sit there and play as best I could. But at least I got to be with her so that was a plus.)
I think that I could do it anyway and then come back Monday night (since I have Sundays and Mondays off and have to be at work by 9am on Tuesday), but matching finances with timing... plus, the past several Saturdays I've closed (alone *sigh*), I've gotten out close to 11pm, and driving three hours (at best) to get to my mom's around 2am-3am? Sheesh.
I wish I was one of those people that could survive on three hours of sleep. I mean, truly survive on that much sleep and not act/look/sound like a zombie the next day. (Then again, I wish I didn't have insomnia, but that's a cursed tale unto itself.)
I have to remember to email my manager about time off in July for NERDHQ. Aside from extenuating circumstances (like getting hit by a truck and not having a car or money to go), work couldn't promise me the time off even though I put in the time off MONTHS in advance. I realized that logically I wasn't able to make it and ended up essentially recalling my time off request. Right now, we're having "issues" filling the final CS position so as it is everyone is getting an extra few hours added to their schedule here and there (for example, I'm usually off Sundays and Mondays, but a couple Mondays this month I'm scheduled to work 9am-1pm.) I would really like to be able to get the time off, but I always "expect the worst and hope for the best" so I'm banking on nothing happening in my favor.
But hey... concentrating on the things you can change, right?
Let's talk about something writing related! I know... TIME TRAVEL!!!
I was working on that time travel short story for a contest via Figment. The submission deadline was Friday - May 2nd. And I was having such a hard time figuring out what to write. I had a couple ideas, and both were a little on the depressing side. I ended up going down the more violent-ish route in a way. It wasn't until about two days before the due date that I had an idea and the words started to flow, and I was happy... but then there was the issue of having the energy to write. Oh I hated it.
I mentioned the time travel prompt to a friend of mine at work - Aaron C - and he came up with an idea that we bantered about, and then he asked if I could send him the link to the contest. So I did when I got home from drinking with a friend. The next morning, I get a message back from him saying he has a draft for me to read. (Bastard!) Later that day at work he told me it took him an hour - he had played some Diablo, saw that I messaged him the link, and BOOM! - wrote it out. (Double bastard!) Now when cursing him, I'm not really upset at him... I'm upset at me since it was so easy for him, and so... NOT... for me.
Being limited to 1k of words for a story hurt my brain. It's bad enough to try and condense my verbosity in real life... but in my stories? Frak that! I ended up writing until I had some semblance of a story. I was at 1,075-ish word count. I reviewed the story and bolded what I thought could be cut/condensed.
Eventually I got down to 987 words. (Yay for me.)
Then I had to come up with a title. (headdesk)
And a synopsis. (double headdesk)
Since I was overthinking a title and synopsis and spinning out of my mind, I finally submitted my story around 9pm (even though I was done with the actual STORY hours earlier). I have no idea how long judging takes or how they go about it, but my head still hurts from him.
I shared the other contests with Aaron on Saturday... one of which is a Good vs Evil scenario about you having a twin and deciding who's good or bad or if you're both one or the other, etc. The part of the contest that made my brain twitch was the word limit: 400.
There's another contest where the word limit is something like 750, but my first thought is If the 1k limit hurt me, less might kill me.
Oh yeah. It's also STORY A DAY IN MAY. I always mean to do this in good faith, but I don't think I could keep up. The first prompt is from Neil Gaiman. Yeah, that's not carrot-dangling at all! *sigh*
So the writing that I've been WANTING to do or ACTIVELY working on at the moment doesn't come to mind leaving me a drooling Hodor of a person. But hey, a completely random writing inspiration came to mind as an ending of another story that I've been dabbling with here and there but not working on since I have no semblance of beginning, middle, and end. Finding out the ending of THAT story made me so damn excited, I wanted to write that one, but all I have is a vague idea with a solid-ish ending.
And to top things off, I've been dreaming lately.
(The following is copied/pasted from my FB.)
1. A group of friends of mine and I live in this giant multilevel house (that in real life me and Kathy W saw on our way to an author event a few weeks back). In it, I had just started dating Nathan Fillion. Later on in the day, Kathy is walking Steve C to the door, and I tell her that Nathan wants me to come to the event in LA this coming weekend. Apparently we're all staying at one person's house, and she tells me that our host (no idea who) doesn't want Nathan to stay at the house. When I ask why, it's because he's been in and out of their lives as friends and our circle so he can't stay at the house for the weekend. Then Steve said, "But it's Nathan Fillion! Who doesn't want Nathan Fillion staying at their house?"
2. I'm dining at some lovely, cozy family-owned restaurant, and for some reason I'm singing and dancing around the room at various tables, etc. I'm spinning, my dress is twirling, I'm having fun and apparently I'm a good singer. (Remember, this is a dream.) I finish, everyone applauds, and it's time to leave. I'm saying goodbye to the hosts/owners, and Matthew Morrison (who I'm not sure if he's playing him in this dream, but oh well) comes up and says, "You're a wonderful singer." I look over my shoulder at him and say, "I'm not all that great. I just do it for fun." He ends up following me outside, and we talk some more. I think I say something about singing wherever/whenever I can, and he suggests on us finding someplace to sing. Across the street is a church with loud beautiful choir singing booming out of it. He suggests we go, and we cross the street.
3. In this dream, I go to Kim M's house to help her with her room some more, and I see two dressers and a desk (none of which are actually hers or in her room) completely bare and empty of stuff. I ask what happened, and she said, "This is what happens when you have time for laundry. Every question I had about her room was answered with a laundry answer... even if it had nothing to do with laundry. The entire time in the dream she was dressed in a big fluffy white robe.
4. Last dream that I can recall, I had my own place. It's not too big, but it's comfortable enough to have people over for games or movies, etc. The place is clean, and I have Jessie F over. There's some big friend event coming up, and I suggest we have it at my place. She is doubtful that we can fit a lot of people in my place. -- I also remember being alone at one point and cooking. (I think also in this dream I have some kickass job, I'm financially secure... I just seem happy.)
Since these dreams - which happened last month for the most part - I had a dream during a nap I took within the past week. I can't remember much of it, but I was in some dark garden/cemetery type of place where the only light came from the moon which was off/on blocked by the clouds. There were two girls that apparently had been separated from their families - maybe from each other - and it was my job to reunite them somehow. I remember finding the first girl who was the youngest but trusting, and she had a light green aura surrounding her. On the other end of the property, I found her sister(?), and she had a coppery aura about her (like Sandy from Rise of the Guardians - but brighter). I had knitting needles that were similar in color to her so it was assumed they were hers. She was older than the other girl but more shy and less trusting. I said, "Hello. I think these are yours?" She shied away from me when I held them out to her. I took them back and apologized if I scared her. I was talking to her in soothing tones, and I can't remember if I told her my name was Becca or I thought her name was Becca. In either case, she seemed to realize something and let me get close to her. Then we hugged and got a little weepy.
And then someone through the fourth wall said, "Okay, that's good, but next time could you give her a little more time and not rush it so much?" We both looked at this person (who I have no idea who the hell it was or supposed to be)...
... and then I woke up.
Okie dokie artichokie... I think this post has gone on long enough so I will end with a comment on my work commute.
It all started maybe a month or so ago.
I think my work commute - on a good day - is roughly 20min on average. I hop on the expressway near my house, connect to another expressway, take the exit a couple blocks from my work and BOOM! - I'm done.
Now anyone that lives in a metropolitan area knows that commuter math is harder than Chinese algebra. I could never understand if I lived 10-15min away from somewhere, why does it take me two hours to get there? Yes, I know it has to do with everyone trying to get somewhere at the same time, but when I used to work 10am-6pm, I'd leave my house no later than 9:30am and get to work with time to spare. Forget the fact that I got to use the carpool lane. All lanes of traffic were flowing like rain in a thunder storm.
Now that I'm working 9am-5pm, I leave about 30min before I'm due at work and get there with time to spare... at least I used to.
When it started, Tuesday would always be fine, but it was always a toss up between Wednesday through Friday on which of those days was gonna frak me. I'm make my right turn, gradually move over to the center lane, and within a couple blocks, traffic would give me the finger and say "Frak off, Missy!" I always managed to take surface streets around the first expressway, and by the time I would get to the second, there'd be no traffic. I think a couple times there was construction or a car accident - and y'all know how people like to rubberneck but in the same breath bitch about everyone else being slow in traffic.
Then the first expressway would start to be packed and slow more than one day a week... then almost every day that week. My surface street work around then got frakked and that would be a parking lot, too. I would get off the second expressway, take surface streets and make it work a few minutes after my start time.
Then the red lights turned against me. No matter where I turned, I would hit every red light. I'd hear them laughing at me as I sat in my car WAITING. The last light on the second expressway right before my turn off would turn red with me right behind the crosswalk, and I swear it felt like a million years passed before my light turned green again.
The latest addition to the chaos is people cutting me off AND people slowing down in front of me FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER!!! There's no one in front of them. There's no police cruisers in sight. Once I was on my way to work, and I was in the far right lane. Before me was a car in each of the lanes going the same speed so if I wanted to pass, I couldn't. Then they all slowed... and we were the only cars on the road. I look at clock and I have a couple minutes to get to work. Then at the light just before my turn, both cars speed up and merge to the left lane to turn/u-turn, and I swear I wanted to choke them out.
And then that light turned red.
Oh, and I have tried compensating for the traffic issue. My usual routine is to get up two hours before I'm supposed to be at work to shower, dress, and head to the office. When I started showing up late to work (at the most 20min, I think... which I stayed late to make up for my tardiness), I would leave earlier and earlier for work. 45min. An hour. NOTHING HELPED!!!
Ever since my two car accidents last year, I will not take the freeway to work in the mornings. Saturdays when I'm closing, however, I will take the freeway. There's an on-ramp near my house, and the commute is quick and painless.
This past Saturday, I was PMS'ing so I decided to go to the Taco Bell down the street for some nachos. I pulled into the drive-thru and placed my order about 45min before my shift was to start. There were two other cars in front of me, the lead car at the window. I guess they were busy or behind on orders or something so I ended up waiting a while. And then when I got to the window - I had ordered nachos, a taco and a drink - the lady holds up a small bag about to hand it to me. I ask, "Nachos and a taco?" She said, "Yes," then looked down at the bag and said, "But it looks like they made you two tacos. Be right back." I watch her remove one of the tacos and talk to someone to make my nachos. Now the lady was sweet and nice so I overlooked the mishap, but I chance a look at the clock in my car, and I have 10min to get to work. REALLY? You have got to be kidding me?! Eventually I get my nachos and pull forward in the drive thru. I WAS going turn left from the lot to get to the light, turn left and then turn left again at the next main street... but there were city workers doing some surveying crap and standing in the road near the left turn lane... so I went right. When I got to the main road that leads to work was when I met up with the two cars going slow and blocking me from passing them. They went left, I hit the red light and look at the clock.
Light goes green, I speed off, turn into the business district where my office is, park in the back, grab my bags and my food and clock in a minute or two after my start time.
And then the opening guy starts to talk work shit to me before I've even set anything down much less touched my desk. I told him to calm down and wait... but that's a whole other story.
So yeah... it's like the universe doesn't want me to go to work or something. As much as I would love to stay at home and sleep or write or read my books or go to the movies or do whatever I wanted, I have to work. It's bad enough work has been making me grumbly as of late, but the whole constant road obstacles of the damned isn't helping my mood or stress levels.
Yeah. I could do with a lot less stress in my life. *sigh*
And I'll think I'll end it here on that note. Need to hit the sack. Gonna try and leave earlier tomorrow and see if that helps. Probably not, but the universe is gonna have to stop boning me sometime, right?
Now to sleep and possibly have some more strange dreams.
Later my lovelies.