Lick Me! I Taste Of Awesomesauce!!!

Oh my God! Oh my God! What the fuck just happened? 

-Wesley [after being scooped into Fox's car] from the movie "Wanted"

I'll tell you what just happened.  I actually reached a goal.  THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!!!

Booya!  Raise the roof!  Check out my happy dance!  Awww yeah!!!

Granted this is just the first month, but holy oh my good gravy with a side order of amazing awesomeness!  I did it!  I didn't think I'd be able to, but I did.

My goal was to update all my story blogs as of 2011 and then start keeping them relatively current after that.  I was having problems with the last story blog for 2011 and finished the story for it earlier this month, but after that, I had no idea how to go about updating stuff or what order to do it in.

Then the process just sort of came to me... and I started writing.

Each story blog was its own monster, and since it'd been a while, I had to go back and take notes on what happened and who people were and what everything looked like.  Each story blog was like that.  I had previously blogged that I didn't think I'd be able to update all the story blogs each month, and I totally expected to maybe do half or less.  (Aside from this main blog, there are twelve blogs to update - eleven story, one not-so-story.)

And then I posted the last one a little while ago, and I realized...

HOLY SHIT!  I DID IT!

I'm trying not to get too excited, but woo hoo!  I feel mighty proud of myself.

So starting where I left off from the last post in regards to what I've written...

Two days ago, I posted the next segment to Real Life I (just) Made Up titled An Unexpected Visitor (which was last updated October 6th last year).

The day after that, I wrote Part Nine for Nedea (which was last updated October 8th of last year) as well as a blog description (which I don't think is very good) and toyed around with the blog layout.  Still think it needs something.

I also wrote Part Ten of Enyo (which was last updated October 9th of last year).

And then just a little while ago, I posted another review on Everything At Least Once for Rockstar Coconut Water (which was last updated December 7th of last year).

After I realized I had updated them all, I immediately thought I need to do it all over again, but a part of me decided not to.  That instead I would just keep it as a monthly thing (this blog being the only one that I could update as often as I wanted), and in the meantime work on other things.

Like my novels.

So far "Chloe" has been on my mind though I keep wondering what "Abby" and "Luke" are up to.  Most of my stories usually have a female as the main character... like with "Chloe" and the rest of the characters in the story, although important, are more supporting than in the "Abby/Luke" story.  The two of them share the spotlight in a sense, but in reality, "Luke" is essentially the main character. 

I find it interesting.

Hopefully I'll be able to get some novel writing done before I go back to updating the story blogs.  I've been writing a lot lately, and I'm hoping that the creative flow continues at this pace.  It's nice going to bed and your last thoughts before falling into the black are of your stories and where you can take them.

Still, with the story blogs, I have already gone and made an updated list of all the blogs and the dates they were last updated and then, like before, put them in number order.  I will be updating them the same way, oldest to most recent, but I won't start until (at least) February 1st.

Oh yeah.  This year is Leap Year.  Neat!

Per my revised list, the first story blog I will be starting with is Results of the Writers' Wheels-O-Wonder which ALWAYS proves to be the most difficult since it's from my brother's manual spinner prompt generator.  After my last update, I consulted the spinners and got my new prompt so I can already have it in the back of my head for next month.  As it is, I kind of have an idea of what to do, but I'm trying to keep it simmering on the back burner of my noggin until I'm ready for it.

I'm honestly expecting some lag in my writing stamina in the coming months, and who knows?  It might start next month.  And it is a shorter month even with the extra day this time around.  I'll keep whatever I can crossed in order to keep this up.  I'm taking it as a sign that things will turn around for me, and this year will be better than times before.

Anyway... here's hopin'!

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

Insomnia's A Bitch, But At Least It's Raining

I'm not the greatest; I'm the double greatest.  Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round. 

-Muhammad Ali

Sitting in my room (chillin' like a villain) and drinking a couple beers while I listen to the rain.

Ahhh yes, the rain.  It makes me happy. 

You know what also makes me happy?  Writing!  (And I've been doing a lot of that lately.)

So when I finished my Jacob story about a week ago, I immediately thought It's time to start on my other writing.  Trouble was... I couldn't decide on where to start (and I REALLY wanted to).

My solution?  I made a list of all my story blogs and the date of the last post.  Since then, I've been working my way from oldest to most recent.

First up was Stoically Challenged, the last post being June 28th of last year.  Alithea S. had started posting homework assignments again and told Kathy W. to tell me that I was slacking.  (I was, but it's good to get a little friendly poke every now and then.

Yeah, I know how that sounds.  Anyway, moving on...

I'm behind on a lot of her other homework assignments, but I got into the habit of not doing hers in order so even though I got the new assignment, I ended up doing an older one and four days after "Jacob", I wrote "Rest Stop" which is a continuation of "Out For A Drive" which I thought just going to be some random one-shot kind of thing, but nope.  I wrote more... and even gave the chic a name.  (Go ahead and applaud if for nothing else than to make my ego feel loved.)

Also on the same day, I posted another segment for Sanya (last updated on June 29, 2011) called "A Story To Tell".  I had to go back, as with other story blogs, and take some quick notes to remind myself what people looked like and their names and all that.

I'm pretty fly for a slant-eye!  (LOL!  It just popped into my head and made me laugh so I wrote it.  And if you don't like it?  Tough!  I'm Asian.  Get over it!)

The next story blog I tackled was a boy, a girl, and a line... (which was last updated on July 13, 2011).  This story blog is similar to Stoically Challenged except for some reason, I feel the need to do the assignments in order (all of which I got back in the Spring of 2010).

See?  Slacker!  *grin*

The next prompt up on the writing block came from my friend Chris C. who gave me the very first prompt that started this story blog in the first place - "The Assignment".  The rule was if you already gave me a prompt, and I wrote a story for it, you could give me another one (if you wanted to). 

And so he did.

The prompt alone sounded rather science fiction B-movie, and I had originally meant to make it as campy and cheesy as possible... but then things took a turn (not sure for the better or worse), and a day later, I ended up with "Not In the Moo'd". 

If your brain melts out of your ear and your eyeball slide out... blame him.

On the same day, I posted "Romantically Hopeless" on The Curly Muse (which I hadn't posted to since September 22, 2011).  I had actually written a good chunk of the poem the night before in a stream of consciousness kind of thing.  I figured since I hadn't written a poem in a while, why not post that?  It felt like something was missing, but I tweaked it in the end.  I'm not all that sure it's any good, but I like it.

Number Five on this countdown goes to Della.  The last post was from October 2, 2011, and a day later after my poem and "I blame Chris C. if this sucks" story, I posted Part Three of this story.

The following day I posted Part Nineteen to The Strange Adventures of Princess Blue (which I last posted on October 3, 2011). 

I'm hoping it makes my "Girlfriend" Kathy W. happy.  (Perhaps I'll make it into a children's book someday... maybe... perhaps... I have no idea.)

The day after I posted more "strange adventures" for Princess Blue, I posted Part Five of Tales of the Unemployed and Unloved.  (In case you can't tell, I started writing this story whilst depressed.  Ain't life grand?  It hands you shitty lemons, and you make stories out of them.)

Where's my beer?

Found it.

(gulp, gulp...)  Ahhhh, refreshing.

Where was I?  Ah yes, I was where I was now... which is working on something for Real-Life I (just) Made Up.  This story blog had originally started out to be something completely different and is now kind of like "Tales..." but not.  As it is, I'm trying not to have anything weird happen in that story since everything else seems to have some odd angle or twist in it (for those familiar with my writing know what I'm talking about), but it's really hard.  For some reason, my brain wants to take reality and shake it up a bit.  Right now, when I think of that story, it makes me think of Lemony Snicket's "Series of Unfortunate Events". 

I keep thinking of the first chapter of the first book "Bad Beginnings":

If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle. This is because not very many happy things happened in the lives of the three Baudelaire youngsters. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire were intelligent children, and they were charming, and resourceful, and had pleasant facial features, but they were extremely unlucky, and most everything that happened to them was rife with misfortune, misery, and despair. I'm sorry to tell you this, but that is how the story goes.

Granted my story is about a girl named Arwyn and not the three Baudelaire orphans, but I get an "unhappy ending" feeling about Arwyn and her story just the same.  For some reason when my brain entertains the notion of making the story weird and fantasy horror.  It's like she can't be happy or happy things can't happen to her if I keep it in reality.  There has to be some strange otherworldly reason she's suffering and once she slays the dragon or finds the magical tome or save some kingdom from an age old curse... then, and only then, will she find true happiness and happiness will be thrust upon her.

Did anyone else read the subtext of that bit as "the writer's got issues and needs serious help"?  Or was that just me?

Anyway...

I have three more story blogs (one not so story blog) to write something for, and everything will be all caught up as of this month.

Wow!  I'm kind of excited. 

Hello sense of accomplishment.  Wanna buy me a drink?

I know I've babbled about this before, but it'd be nice if I had followers/subscribers/whatever.  There are days when I post something, and I feel a little lonely and sad since I know only a few people read the stuff I write and they leave comments on Facebook or Google+ or Twitter where I post notices saying "Hey!  Come read this thing I wrote!"

Oh to have followers.

Oh to have a writing job.

Oh to have a job.

Anyway, enough daydreaming. 

I've taken my notes on the next story blog and have a few ideas, but I have some plans this weekend so I might not get to it until a few days from now.

Or if my insomnia takes hold again (as it has been A LOT lately), maybe sooner than that.

All righty.  Time to plot... and (maybe) sleep.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

Story Done. Sore Thumb. Now What?

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.
-Harry Crews, novelist and playwright (b. 1935) 

Well hello and happy new year to one and all my lovelies out there!

I thought that was quote was appropriate seeing as this story pained me to write it.  Pained me in the sense that every time I tried to work at it, it just sat there and laughed at me like some childhood bully that just spilled my chocolate milk all over my dress.

Or something like that.

Okay, perhaps that's just a skosh of an exaggeration, but you get my meaning.

Also (most likely from working on this story so much) yesterday my right hand started aching - specifically the joint area below my thumb up to the knuckle and also the meaty part of my palm.  I'm pretty sure it's from typing as well as moving the minibook around (lifting it out of the way of the cat and all).  I finished editing and posting yesterday as well as blogging all this with an achey thumb.  You never realize how much you need your thumb until it's taken away from you... well kinda taken away.

Oh the suffering I do for my art. ;-P
Moving on...

My brother's random "Wheel" prompts kill me.  I had an interesting idea with "Antonina", but what started out as a cool idea turned into "Holy crap!  What am I going to do with this?  How am I going to end it?"  With that story, I felt that I started off strong (I liked the violence I wrote in the beginning and the "fight scenes" thereafter), but I didn't feel it was really any good... at least the latter half (especially the ending).

Now with "Jacob"... my original goal was to finish it before the end of last year, but due to frustrations and creativity blockage mixed in with the holidays, insomnia and catching the plague... I ended up postponing my original goal to January 2012.  It would have been nicer if I finished it within a few days of the new year, but damn that plague.  Hacking and wheezing and sniffling and body aching... kind of makes it a little difficult to function.

I most likely got this from my family when I went to Fresno to visit for the holidays.  My brother and his family seemed to be passing it around to each other.  My mother had visited them and got it, too, though hers turned into pneumonia before I left.

During my drive home, I felt a little tickle in my throat.  The next day I visited ye ole drugstore and loaded up on meds.  (That's my way!  I'm a big medicator.)  I don't get terribly sick all that often, but when I do, I want it to last as short as possible.

In any case, I'm feeling better now.  I killed the sickness after a few days, but I still have a lingering sniffle and cough.  (The body ache is now from my upcoming bout with powerloss.)

Meaning... sometimes I hate being a girl.  Once a month I wish I could just scoop out my cervix with a melon baller and put it in a mason jar for five days until it's over.

Anyway, back to what I was talking about before.

It took me a while to get the "Jacob" story going.  No beginning felt right.  Then I found one that wasn't terribly formed well, but I felt I could work with it so then I just continued on my merry little way, making notes as I went, and then like fertile bunnies the pages kept multiplying. 

On the day before Christmas Eve (the day I was to venture to the land of Fresno), I posted on my Facebook my progress with a mild question of curiosity:

16 pgs & a possible ending. Huzzah? O_o How many pgs is the longest short story? #amwriting  

For some reason when I think "short story", I think "short".  Granted I've read from short stories that seemed to never end, but I guess when you love an author and a story so much, you don't want it to, and you get so lost up in it that you forget you're reading a short story and not a novel.

In response to my question, my friend Jonathan S. (aka Jaquas) posted this:

From the internets, so take with a grain of salt:
# Novel: a work of 40,000 words or more
# Novella: a work of at least 17,500 words but under 40,000 words
# Novelette: a work of at least 7,500 words but under 17,500 words
# Short story: a work of under 7,500 words

My other friend June B. had commented that the longest short story she had seen was 30 pages.  The longest she'd written was 24.


I was at 16 with a possible ending in my mind.  I just had to knit the words from page 16 to the end... wherever that would be.


And just so you know, I don't knit well.


Out of mild curiosity from what Jaquas posted, I did a word/character count, and proceeded to have this little chat with him via the post.


Me: Jaquas: I just counted 8300+ words/44+k characters... and I'm still not done. (I just feel like I'm rambling at this point.) #sigh
Jaquas: So you're at Novelette status :)
Me: Oh dude, am I? Or maybe I'm just at bullshit status? LOL!
Jaquas: Well, yeah, you're always at bullshit status though. :P
Me: Someone's gotta keep up with you. ;-P

And there you have an example of me and my friends.  (Cue Randy Newman's "You Got A Friend In Me")

I purposely did not bring the minibook with me over the holidays since I didn't think I would get much work done.  Also, I had some cuteness I needed to play with.

my adorable niece Bella in a new Christmas dress

Like I always do, I brought a notebook with me and ended up filling my moments of insomnia with some writing.  I worked on Jacob and amazingly enough one of my novels (Chloe).


My Facebook comment to the short story thread on December 29th:


I handwrote some stuff at my mom (thanks Insomnia... you bitch). Now I need to add it to the monster of whatever this story has become. Oh dear! O_o

January 3rd:

Finished typing up what I wrote while in Fresno. At 23 pages and at 11k+ words. *headdesk*

This short story was going to kill me.  Plus it was getting more difficult to get it done and out of my head since my other children were wanting Mommy to play with them.  I had made a goal that Monday would be the day that I would finish my story, Tuesday would be editing, and Wednesday would be posting.  Now if you follow the rule "It's not tomorrow until the sun comes up" then I did post it yesterday.  When I posted it on my various social networking places (Facebook, Twitter, Google+), I added an author's note (like I do) as well as this comment:

17,480 words and 33 pages, I give you... crap!

Looking at the word count now, per Jaquas's internet findings, I was 20 words away from a novella.  

So I wrote a novelette.

...

...

...

Fascinating.  

The author's note explains my feelings toward the piece.  Granted I wrote it late... hella late.  I refused to go to bed until I finished.  (Oh dear gawd.  Writing's hard!  But I love it so.  LOL!)

My friend Jery T. commented on my Facebook posting "Oh, I bet it's not as bad as you think."  My reply back?  "You obviously haven't read it. ;-P"

So now to continue on with my goal of upkeeping the various story blogs I have.  Most likely I will not be able to write something for every story blog every month (sorry kids and readers), but I will try my hardest.

I still entertain the notion of vlogging one of these days.  I had thought "I'll do it at the beginning of the new year."  But then the plague said, "I don't think so," and took not only beautiful and enchanting stage presence (NO ONE looks good when they're sick) as well as my voice (there were times I sounded more like a dude than I usually think I do giving Barry White a run for his money, and then there were times where I thought I could have subbed for the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin.)


Oh well... maybe some day... when I grow the babbalones to do it.  (That was a reference my Seester would get.)


Anyway, I posted the story yesterday.  I don't think anyone has read it yet.  Oh well.  I'm not sure anyone even reads these posts or any of my stories.  Well, I know some of my friends do, but my secret desire is to have subscribers and a readership, but that'll take some time, I guess.  Or maybe it'll never happen.


But there I go.  Being shiny happy positive again.  Why?  Because that's how I roll.


All right.  I reached my other goal of blogging about this before I head out for the night.  My friends have moved into a new place, and we're going to listen to our SoCal friends' internet radio show Dusty's World at the Hall of Justice (aka their new abode).  I need to run some personal errands, grab some grub for myself as well as some apple juice for the Jager tonight, and I'm good to go.


Later my lovelies!


Have Goodness!
Rae

A Possible Ending In Sight... Maybe...

My stories run up and bite me in the leg -- I respond by writing them down -- everything that goes on during the bite. When I finish, the idea lets go and runs off.

-Ray Bradbury, science-fiction writer (b. 1920)

Not usually what happens to me.

For me, I usually get a nibble that lasts for a little while.  Then it runs away.

A few days later another nibble.  It runs away again.

It goes on like this for a while.

Reminds me of grade school when a boy would like you, and he'd come up and slug you.  The action is repetitive, somewhat painful, but the end result can be something awesome.

Right now, the nibbles are few and far between.  As it stands, I have about a week and a half to finish my "serial killer" story, and then it's a new year.

And hopefully that new year will bring me something great... something much better than what I've been dealing with so far.  And I'm not talking about my loving family and friends and the little things here and there.  I'm talking about the aggravating bits, the enduring of crap, the waiting for the "you'll get something soon, honey" moments that never seem to happen.

It's difficult to stay positive, but I try.

And here we pause for a comic strip break.

Penny Arcade (http://penny-arcade.com/) "Usurpers, Plural" strip dated 12/12/11

To fill the void of not-writing, I had turned to the one thing to comfort me in my time of need: the internet.  (Mainly cuz I'm out of booze.)

If a writer stops writing, and no one's around to hear it, can you still hear them cry? 

I checked my email, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, and caught up on several of my comics - Penny Arcade being one of my faves.  I read this and immediately shared it with Maggie C., who later told me that I was an artist.

She always says the sweetest things.

And back to serial killing.

While drinking and gaming at a friend's house, I took a pee break (I had fueled up on a lot of beer.  Don't look at me like that.  I was helping.  Just ask Kathy.), and while in the ladies room, I had an epiphany.

Why are most epiphanies found in the bathroom?  (No, that wasn't the epiphany.)

I was trying to figure out how to have a mundane figure out who the killer was, and then it struck me.  (No I'm not sharing it with you now.  You'll just have to wait.)

I'm not really sure how I'm going to write it, but I've started to.  It's sort of coming together... sort of.

Another comic break!

Wondermark (http://wondermark.com/) strip dated 12/16/11

You can thank Jaquas for this one.  He posted it to my Facebook just for me.  And you know why it's funny?  Cuz it's true.

My cat is currently reminding me that her ass is toxic.  Why can she never make her catbox smell of roses and cinnamon? 

Pardon me while I deal with her foulness.

(time lapse)

All right, I'm back.  Now she's just being anal (no pun intended) cleaning up litter and whatnot.  I hear her in there scratching/pawing all over thinking "Did you explode in there?  What the hell are you doing?"  One of these days I'm going to find markings on the wall like akin to things you'd find carved into trees or park benches or whatever.

It would be cool if that were true I found Portal "the cake is a lie" sketches.

Yeah.  I'm a nerd, and it made me laugh, so deal!

Back to the killing...

So yeah.  I need to go back and do some editing for fluidity sake.  I also need to add things to make transitions a little better.  I just took the time to write here since I wanted to write here more often than I have been.  The plan is to head out of town to see my family for the holidays by the end of the week so if that's the case, you won't be hearing from me for a few days since my mom's place has no real internet access.  Also I'll be spending most of my time with my family and hopefully getting to see Margrit (aka SEESTER) so I don't think I'll have any real time to write.  Maybe during my insomnia moments I'll be able to finish or work on my story (which at worst case scenario will be posted when I get back), but yeah.

Maybe I'll just leave the minibook at home when I leave and just bring a notebook and a pen.  (Ohhhh, kickin' it old school.  WHADDUP?!?!?)

All righty.  I should really hit the sack.  I'm going to the movies with Leah G. since her husband Jim G. does not want to go see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.  (I am her date.)  I had hoped to read the book before watching the movie, but I do want to see the movie.  She listened to the audiobook and LOVED IT!  A chic I temped with at the beginning of the year watched the foreign version first after reading the book and thought it was crap.  Everything I've been hearing, the US version is WAY more spot on.

I can always read the book next year.  *grin*

All right.  I'm going to go now, but before I do, I'll leave you with one more comic (which I found today).  I like nerdy humor, and since I'm passionate about writing, writing is one of the things I'm nerdy about.  With that said, I share with you and then hit the sack.

I Love Charts (http://ilovecharts.tumblr.com/) strip dated 12/20/11

Time for bed.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae




PS... In case it needs to be said, NONE of the comics are MINE.  (Websites noted below each comic.) Kthnxbye.

Would It Help If I Bashed My Head Against The Wall A Few Times?

Hey, I almost had an achievement!

-Dutch from the video game "Halo 3: ODST"

Damn!  Damn!  Damn!  With some more Damn!  And a side-order of Damn with an extra heaping dollop Damnitty-Damn-Damn-it-all-to-hell!!!

Now that I've got that out of the way... I'm stuck!  (And not like "Timmy fell down the well" kind.)

So I've talked about my goal of having all my story blogs (as represented by the lovely tabs above) with 2011 posts and then by the start of the new year (which is frakkin two weeks away) to update all the story blogs on a somewhat more regular basis.

All that was left was my "Wheels" story blog (which has the least on it since it was started last with much intention to have more on it than it actually does), but it's proving to be more difficult as time goes on.

The story on there that it posted is not my best work, but hey... it was my first try with my brother's prompt generator.  (One of these days I will remember to post a pic of it).  But that's what happens when you try something new, right?  With each attempt you hopefully get better and better.

I'm not sure attempt number two will be any better than the first one.

With the bits I was given via the "Wheels" prompt generator, I looked at it and thought "How the frak am I going to be able to make anything from that?" 

Then I started writing.

Then I had to kill someone.

Now this couldn't be just a regular "oh someone got mugged and a gun accidentally went off" kind of thing.  The killing was intentional.  And the killer isn't caught. 

But there's more.

The murder turns out to be one of a string that have happened.

And a civilian is supposed to track down the bastard responsible.

You heard me.  A civilian. 

I feel like I'm kind of out of my element on this one since I'm not really a suspense/mystery writer.  I'm more of the slice of life, stuff that's sort of happened to me but altered a bit, sci-fi/fantasy/horror-ish weirdo.  Straight up murder mystery writing is not my thing.

First I tried my hand at several beginnings... and eventually settled on one (for the moment though I'm still not happy with it).  Then I introduced the victim that starts it all and how that person died.  Then I transitioned back to the main character and how he's found other victims and their link...

And that's where it ends.

Now the intro bit took a while.  Eventually I beat the crap out of my OCD, made a couple notes, and forced myself to move on.  The next part took a bit of reworking and OCD brow-beating to move on from there.  (I was stuck with how to kill the victim.)  When I got to the last part, I was having issues with what the main character would do.  Would he stay where he was?  Would he relocate?  What kind of person would he be compared to before? 

Blah de blah de blah...

I have to say though I have been most impressed with the last bit that I wrote.  It was all coming together nicely, flowing from my mind through my fingertips over the keys.

And now... I'm stuck.

Being a writer, I'm also a book lover and being so have been to various author events.  One author once said that there was no such thing as "writer's block"... that you're basically just stuck until you work through it and are unstuck.  Since I heard that, I don't like using the term "writer's block".  It sounds kind of negative and defeated-like.

Which is kind of how I feel right about now.

Every time I open the story doc, the cursor just blinks at me in a belittling way that makes me want to smack it with a truck the size of Texas.

Meanwhile the voices in my head have been stirring.  The kids are getting rather chatty.  They haven't knocked on my door so far in their "Mommy!  Look at me!  Look at me!" way but I can hear their murmurs.

There's IC and GA as well Chloe and my NaNoWriMo novel attempt from last year.  There have also been stirrings from the novel project Jim G. asked me to co-write with him.  (That's been sort of put on hold due to life being a little on the chaotic side.)  Some of my other kids have been making a little noise, but I'm hoping they can either entertain themselves long enough to let me finish this story or possibly offer some insight as how to proceed.

Maybe I can find some help in a bottle of beer.

Now if I just had some beer.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

The Kids Won't Let Me Kill (What's Up With That?)

"This place feels so unfamiliar and yet I know it well.

I think i used to belong here."

-from the song "Spanish Doll" by Poe

The kids are restless again... only this time, it's more than just IC and GA.

Chloe (from my first novel pre-NaNoWriMo) is starting to talk to me again.  I thought she'd be busy with her art and such, but nope.  She's got some things to say about her story.  Her whispers in my ear haven't been as constant, but combined with the other kids and their chatter, it's been a little distracting.

I've been having random voices chatting about in my head during the day.  Sucks that I don't have a Matrix-like USB port in the back of my head where I can just download the voices into a thumbdrive and save it for later.

But nope.

It hasn't helped much since I haven't been feeling up to snuff these past couple days.  I'm better now, but sheesh... I wasn't great before.

Thursday night I was hanging out with Leah G. and Jim G.  We had dinner, watched some shows, hung out.  I had a bit of a headache which was sinusy-related.  I snacked on some chips before mealtime so as to not spoil my dinner, and I was drinking water (since sometimes my headaches are dehydration-induced).  Perhaps the headache was from not having eaten yet that day.  Insomnia had kept me awake again for most of the night so I didn't actually fall asleep until the sun came up.  In trying to get some rest, I got a text from Leah G. about coming over.  She picked me up around 4pm, I went with her to the store and then it was off to home.  The headache had started earlier that day but was weak.  I had hopes that food would help which would fill my stomach leaving me not hungry and with enough grub in me to take some meds.

Yeah.  No.

Jim G. got a cold pack for the back of my neck which helped the back of my head (since the pain went from the front left of my head to the back leaving the top of my head untouched).  Getting cold from the pack, I curled up on the love seat and draped a blanket over me.  We watched Burn Notice (which is one of the shows he reviews).  I think I nodded off for small bits at the end.  Then he disappeared into the office with his notes to finish his review while Leah G. and I chilled in the living room.

The pain got worse and started to make me feel nauseous.  Jim G. thought caffeine might help and made me a cup of coffee.  I had taken a Sudafed a couple hours before and with the mild nausea, I did not want to tempt fate with other meds.  I wasn't truly sure the coffee was such a good idea, but when you're in that much pain, you'll try almost anything to stop it.  He made me a small cup as I sat on the love seat and disappeared back into the office.  I had debated on grabbing a can of soda from the fridge instead since I thought that would go down easier, but I just concentrated on being still and willing the pain away.

Usually I hang out late, but I asked Leah G. to take me home.  Jim G. put my coffee in a travel cup and hugged me.  I hugged Leah G. as well even though she was taking me home since I didn't know what state I'd be in when we got to my house.

The drive home was a little painful.  They don't live that far away from me, but I sat there awkwardly, breathing in a lamaze kind of way, staring at a fifteen-degree angle appreciating the view of part of the dashboard and my knees.  When we got to my house, I eventually made it to my room where I just collapsed with my cat next to me and died...

... for about six hours.

Yeah.  That's right.  I slept for about six hours.

For some frakkin reason my body thought it needed to be awake.  There were no car alarms going off or garbage trucks or dogs barking or whatever.  I just apparently HAD to be awake.  I checked my phone.

It was 2:30am.

All the water I had been drinking needed to be set free so I meandered to the restroom and let it loose in the wild via the plumbing.  I avoided the mirrors on the way back to my room (one in the bathroom, two in the hallway) and tried to die again, but my body wasn't having it.

Still feeling headachey and tummy-icky (though less so at this point), I popped open the minibook and attempted to entertain myself.  I had hoped that I'd tire of the internet and head off back into the blackness, but no.  YouTube and Hulu and Twitter and Facebook proved to be distractors (<=== is it just me or does that sound like a Decepticon line of Transformers?  Five robots that transform into YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Hulu and your email.  Together they form DISTRACTOR!) 

Yeah.  I've lost it.

Anyway, I tried to get some writing done in the process but the serial killer thing didn't get much attention.  IC and GA got some time.  It wasn't much, but what there was turned out to be about GA... and I introduced his mother.  There was also mention of his father.  Wow.  Perhaps I am turning this into an actual story.  Goodness me!

My head was starting to ache again so I grabbed the coffee I hadn't touched since I got home (sleep and all that, you know) and sipped at it cautiously in case it told my stomach to do something funny.  It was cold though yummy.  (Jim G. had brewed me some half-caff.)  I also noshed on the apple Leah G. didn't use in her dinner recipe (which was YUMMY by the way).

It was plump and delicious.  I must ask them what kind it was since I have no idea.  I just know it's different than the usual ones I snack on.

Sleep finally came again well into the lighted hours.  Head was less crappy, but my tummy was not amused.  I cuddled up with my kitty and proceeded off into Slumber Land.

As I tried to nod off, for some reason my favorite song from Maroon 5's "It Won't Be Soon Before Long" album was stuck in my head ("Won't Go Home Without You"), but the thing was every time it started to play in my head, it would immediately transition to "Never Gonna Leave This Bed" which is from their recent album "Hands All Over".

Yes, I'm a fan.  Problem?  Tough.  Get over it!

So I grabbed my mp3 player, buried my face into my pillow, and listened to Adam Levine sing, "I asked her to stay, but she wouldn't listen..."  I replayed the song several (billion) times.  I even have my own video version of the song that plays in my mind when I hear it.  I was like that with all their albums.  It's just how my mind works.

Don't judge me!

The fragmented sleep I got Friday left me in bed most of the day.  I ate some cracker-like cookies when I eventually got up.  I popped open the minibook and proceeded to check into the world via the interwebs.  My head started to hurt again so I used my nasal decongestant spray to hopefully unblock stuff... which made my nose a little runny... and then I wiped at my nose with tissue and it came away a little bloody.

Yay!  (<=== that was sarcasm in case you were wondering)

Eventually I got hungry enough to leave my room, so I shoved some tissue up my nose and headed into the kitchen.

Landlady: (passing me in the hallway) Hey.
Me: (mumbling while shuffling since yes... my left calf was still slightly Charlie-horsed and my foot was stiff/sore for some reason) Hey.
Landlady: You okay?
Me: (mumbling again) Head hurts. Bloody nose.  Tummy hurts.  Leg's bothering me.
Landlady: Oh.
Me: (mumbled sarcasm) So other than that, I'm great.
Landlady: (laughs)

I reheated some broccoli mushroom chicken and rice my mother had sent me home with from Thanksgiving and brought it back to my room to eat it while watching some Hulu.  (I need to time when I watch American Horror Story better so I can watch it just before bedtime so I can have interesting dreams.)

I've had weird dreams lately anyway (partly maybe due to the sleeping aid pills I've been taking on occasion or just because my brain is possessed).  One of my dreams had me wake up in a bedroom that looked like it was part of a log cabin or cottage (wood walls, etc) but it was really nice.  I had no idea where I was so I peeked through the blinds and saw a town I didn't recognize.  Then it turned out that I was there to marry some royal someone or other to further the royal line.  At first I protested but in true romance novel, Lifetime movie fashion, I got to know the guy (who in my dream was HOT and great in the sack... kind of like a cross between the Sheriff from Once Upon A Time and Henry Cavill from The Tudors.)  We ended up getting married and living all kinds of happily ever after.

And for some reason I was really comfortable walking around naked.

Again... don't judge me.

Anyway, veering off topic.

I started writing again only this time it was Chloe's turn.  IC and GA had gone off to play or whatever, and Chloe was telling me about her interactions with other people in her story.  So I started writing about that.  (Right now she's about to have Chinese food with a friend and tell him a big secret.  Way to go, Chloe.  That's mighty brave of you.)

And that means nothing to any of you since none of you know the story.  (Sorry.)

So here I am now trying to finish this post to so I can try and go to bed.  I have nothing to do this weekend due to being stranded at home, and I can't afford to go to a friend's dinner party (boo hoo for me, I know), so maybe I'll do laundry (I have one load) and clean my room and maybe write more.

I also have some Hulu to catch up on.  I have Being Human and Terra Nova to finish up as well as two episodes of New Girl.  I'll probably have a new episode of Grimm tomorrow as well.  And I've been re-watching Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip (thank you YouTube).

I'm an Aaron Sorkin fan.

Nothing much else to report.

Well, I wrote a few things over at Everything At Least Once.  Other than that, I've been trying to be a serial killer whenever the kids leave me alone long enough to be one.

Since this is my main page, I'm trying to write more often in it than I have been (it looks like I've been averaging a post a month... and that's just sad, yo'!).  I checked over at my friend's (in my head) blog - The Bloggess - and she writes like every two to three days... and she has way more going on writing-wise than I do.  So I should be able to keep up with that.  She is my writing model.

And hopefully by the beginning of the year I'll have my story blogs updated in a timely fashion, and I'll have many subscribers and people to chat with via my blog and maybe I'll be discovered by someone who saw my blog and thought it was clever and funny and great, and that person will give me a cool writing job because I'm so cool and...

... and maybe I'll wake up one morning with a nicer rack, slimmer waist, and awesome skin.  My hair will magically be tame and do my bidding, I'll be able to eat as much as I want and not gain weight, I'll be debt-free, I'll have a house made of gold, a unicorn ranch, and Hollywood will be beating down my door.

Yes, dearies.  That was more sarcasm.

Baby steps, woman.  Baby steps.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

A Serial Killer and the Voices in My Head

"You're just jealous because the voices talk to ME!"
-Unknown

Why is killing people so hard?

Usually it's relatively easy, but for some frakkin reason it isn't now.  Perhaps because I've always done it in onesies and twosies.  Never a sling of them.

How does one get into a serial killer mode?

Music usually helps.  Perhaps I shall peruse my collection of auditory inspiration and crank up some Disturbed or Linkin Park or some other helpful band.  Maybe that'll help.

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is 3D blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I can't control my shakes
How the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory? 
-from "Wait and Bleed" by Slipknot

Yeah, I think that's a good place to start.

In other news, the voices have started again.

I'm the kind of writer whose characters speak to her.  (I've always considered myself a healthy schizophrenic which I guess is helpful for a writer, but my characters - my children - are additional voices to add to the cacophony already running amok in my noggin.)

Now the kids are usually polite, clearing their throats in an "um, excuse me" kind of way.  If the kids are in a story I'm working on, that usually works in my favor.  I find them helpful.  But if I'm working on something else, and they try to get my attention, I have to pull the "not now, honey... mommy's busy" card.

And usually they understand.

Usually...

I suppose some explaining is needed here.

As a writer, I collect words, phrases, sayings, names, etc, that pique my interest or strike a chord in me that thinks I could use it in a story someday.  Some time ago (I'm talking years here), I created this lovely name for a character.  (For the sake of this post, I'll abbreviate the name as IC.)  I just loved the name.  Sure, perhaps being the writer, I'm a little biased but let's not pick nits, shall we?

So I had IC tucked away, just a name - no background or physical attributes (though I'd always imagined it to be a girl's name).  I didn't have a story for her yet, but I kept her with me in case one arose.

A couple years later I created another character name - this one we'll abbreviate to GA.  Same thing as IC - a girl name with no story, details, etc.  That was it.

So with the new goal of updating my story blogs to be current as of this year, I was on a roll with updating every single one of them, but this last one has been giving me grief.  (Yes, the serial killer one.)

Wait... I need a refresher...

I... I stand, not crawling, not falling down
I... I bleed the demons that drag me down
I... I stand, (for nothing), not crawling, (the center), not falling down (of calms within the eye)
I... I'll bleed, (for no one), The demons, (but myself), that pull me down (for me and no one else)

- from "Not Falling" by Mudvayne

Ahhh, that's the stuff.

Where was I?  Oh that's right.  My kids.

Every time I open the file on the minibook, the cursor often blinks at me as if to say, "Go on... I dare you."  More often than not, I lose the battle.

Damn you blinking cursor.  How I loathe thee.  *grumble*

Mid-last-month while I worked to "get my serial killer ON", these little voices started pecking at me.  As time went on, they grew more and more persistent (all the while remaining polite as punch).

IC & GA: *clears throats*
Me: (continues to write, swear, eat chocolate, writes again)
IC & GA: *clears throats louder*
Me: (continues to write, swear, whine about lack of chocolate, writes again)
IC & GA: *clears throats even louder*
Me: (giving up for a moment before minibook suffers my wrath) Yes?
IC: Hello.
Me: Yes?  Hello.
GA: Hi.
Me: Can I help you with something?
IC: We need to talk to you?
Me: I'm kinda busy at the moment.  Can it wait?
GA: I don't think so.
Me: I really need to get this done.
IC: But we need to talk to you about something.
Me: What about?
GA: Us.
Me: Both of you?
IC & GA: Yes.
Me: (stares at blinking cursor, wishing for a stiff drink) Okay.  I'm listening.

We started chatting.

As we talked, I had my planner out that my friend Maggie C. gave me at the beginning of the year.  It's a writer's planner with little goodies and such to assist the writer with... well... writing.  I had noticed when initially looking through it that it had a "starter line" on the first of every month.  I had gone back and flagged each starter line.  I had always wanted to do something with those lines and while I talked to the kids, I flipped to January 1st and read the first starter line.

Then I opened a new Word doc... and starting typing up some stuff up off the top of my head.  That made the kids happy, and they went off to play for a while.

Admittedly I didn't write much, but it was something.  And it made the kids happy so it was a sort of "win-win".

I put it away and headed back to serial killer stuff.

Excuse me for a second.

Relax while you're closing your eyes to me
So warm as I'm setting you free
With your arms by your side there's no struggling
Pleasure's all mine this time

-from "Scream" by Avenged Sevenfold

I'm back.  Thanks for waiting.

While out at my mother's for Turkey Day, I actually wrote stuff which is hella odd since my time is limited and the vibes there are usually just wrong for creativity.  But thanks to insomnia, I had some time on my hands.  Granted I should have been sleeping, but insomnia said, "Oh no no no.  If I have to be awake, so do you.  What shall we do to pass the time?  Play some rummy?  Brush our teeth for the hundredth time?  Pick random body parts and test their limits?"

I opted to be productive and try to write... something?  Anything?

I ended up working on the serial killer story, polishing up the segments I had already written and making them into one somewhat cohesive story leading up to the investigative serial killer part.

I must say, I felt rather accomplished.  *takes a moment to high-five self*

That productivity only lasted one night sadly, and it wasn't until I got home that the kids decided to pay me another visit.

IC & GA: *clears throats*
Me: (staring at story, coming up with nothing, and welcoming the distraction) Yes?
IC: You okay?
Me: Just a little frustrated, but what else is new?  How're you guys?
GA: We've been all right.
Me: I'm glad.
IC: But...
Me: But what?

We chatted some more, catching up on this and that.  Then they went off to play with the other kids leaving me alone with the blinking cursor.

So I did what any Writer Mother would do: I opened IC & GA's story and made that blinking cursor my bitch!

Awww yeah!  Take that!  Put your mockery in your pipe and smoke it, wench!

Eventually my steam left my body.  I saved my work, shut the minibook off, shut the lights, and curled up in a ball letting the darkness and sleep take me.

Their story at present is pretty rough.  I have vague ideas about things, like when to reveal more details about the kids (GA is a dude now.  Who knew, right?) and all that, but as far as an actual story?  Yeah.  I couldn't tell you.

For some reason, when I need an opinion on something, I immediately reach out to Maggie C.  I tried sending her what I had written via Facebook, but apparently I'm too much for Facebook, so I ended up emailing it to her.  (I'm still waiting to hear back from her.)

I hung out with Jim G. & Leah G., and when I told them about the kids, Jim G. said, "You could have sent it to me.  I'm a writer.  Hello?"  I honestly hadn't thought of him since his work schedule has been crazy as of late, and when he's home, he's usually watching shows and writing reviews for them for TVLine, catching up on well-deserved sleep, spending time with his wife (Leah G.), or playing SWTOR.  But now his schedule's back to what it once was, and he's back to riding the train, so he's got time.  (I sent it to him tonight when I got home from their house.)

The kids seem happy for the moment.  I can hear them playing, but they haven't needed to talk to me again.

Meanwhile, I'm making headway on the serial killer thing.

Wait a minute.  I need one more hit.

All I've learned, IT'S LIKE POISON
All I've done, INSIDE MY VEINS
All I've seen, ITS LIKE VENOM
All I know, IT'S ALL THAT REMAINS 

-from "Bulletproof" from Five Finger Death Punch

Yumscious evil!  So tasty.

So yeah.  I would say I'm about halfway, maybe more than halfway actually, done with the killing thing.  I'm currently setting it up for something.  Hopefully I can do it.  I don't think I've written something like this before (meaning this scenario), so it's a bit of a challenge for me.  Hopefully I can pull it off, and people will like it.  (Due date is by the end of this year or sooner if I can manage it.)

All righty then.  I think I've blathered on enough.  It's almost 5am (frak you insomnia), and I have stuff I need to do when I wake that requires some sleep.

Tra la la.  Teedle da.  Hibbledy hobbledy.  Shim sham sha-boing.

And you can quote me on that!  *grin*

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae