Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Life Is Like A Broken Pencil

Who's there?
A broken pencil.
A broken pencil who?
Nevermind. It's pointless,
So... I suck.

But to be fair, I have genuine reasons for being a little suckety-suck-suck... and that's work.

And yes, I'm aware I that's just one word, but one word has taken up so much of my energy and time lately, it just deserves to be used in the plural sense.

I mainly suck because this blog has gone to waste again. I still think my bloggy-ness isn't all that great, but my writing plan was going well... until I just gave up - not because I wanted to, but because I was too busy or too tired.

My writing has suffered lately due to the fact that I'm worn out from work. Not an excuse - it's fact.

My manager is on maternity leave (gave birth about a month early)... and then two ladies left my department within the same week... which leaves me as the most senior person in my department. I've been sort of acting like a manager since there was no one else to really take up the reigns, and I'm not one to let the ship go down no matter what.

NOT ON MY WATCH! (<=== not really sure where that came from)

Eventually came the new schedule and then the new title and promotion. I open weekdays - get in at 7am and leave (supposedly) by 3:30pm, but that doesn't really work out that way most days. Most of the time, I stay behind a few hours here and there, and in the beginning I felt bad. There was this voice in my head saying "You should be able to do everything before 3:30pm." In reality with all the hats I've been wearing at work I know that's not the case, but it's taken me a while to realize that and come to terms with it.

You want me to do my usual tasks... as well as other leadership tasks... do some invoicing... expect me to train new people and know all the new things going on when no one is telling me about the new things going on? Yeah, that's going to take up extra time I don't really have, but I don't want to fall behind and clean up some giant mess in the long run because I'm not a quitter.

I'm kind of expecting someone to say "You know, you have all this OT. What's that about?" And then I'd have to kill that person. (Okay, I wouldn't but the people that try to make light of my stress by joking about my stress even when I've asked them to stop and they continue to do it? Those people are on a short list of "If you don't shut the frak up, I'll shut you the frak up for both of us."

I work in customer service and have to deal with asshats on the phone ALL DAY. I don't need it from people I see every day. I try to remove myself from toxic/angering things, but I can't very well do that at the office.

I'll just have to start bringing a flask to work. (Kidding... not really.)

By the time I get off work, there are errands that I try to keep for the weekend, but most weekends I end up sleeping all day Saturday and then trying to convince myself to get out of bed Sunday at a decent hour to make up for the crap I didn't do on Saturday.

And now come the holidays... and various things I'm invited to... and they're all on the same day around the same time. My rule of thumb is to go to the first thing I said 'yes' to. (And why is it that when I don't have anything going on, nothing is happening - but as soon as I'm invited to one thing, everyone wants me to come to their thing. It's like a conspiracy or something.)

I'm going to try and get back into my writing. The original plan was to blog Tuesdays and Thursdays, and then the rest of the weekdays would be answering these silly little questions from a book I got from the clearance journal section of Barnes and Noble... which I think was mainly supposed to help with either writing in general or just for shits and giggles. (I have two of them actually, and I vowed that I would not skip any - that I'd go in order.)

And that would leave the weekends for novel writing, but these days I'm so tired from work during the week, that I feel when I wake up on Saturday (no alarm, just whenever my body decides to get up), it feels like I've pretty much slept the day away. And then that leaves me feeling unproductive and lazy, but it's that whole working 40+ hours a week at work to make sure stuff gets done since my manager is out and we're short-staffed.

Lately I've been dealing with a serious lack of communication at the office, and I'm trying to be proactive and ask questions and get information so new ventures will run smoothly and not get frakked up, etc, but so far I feel like I'm being annoying to people - which is fine for me because that means at least I'm stirring the pot and getting people to think about things. But all the replies I've been getting lately are on the vague side, and when I press, it's still vague or the peolpe 'looking into things' never get back to me -- and there's this part of me that wants to rear its ugly head and dominate the situation with the attitude of "Well FRAK it then. I tried, but it's like beating a dead horse. You can't get mad at me for something I didn't know about or you continually forget to tell me about so I can let my team know so they know how to handle things. Stop apologizing and start taking care of things. I'm tired of dealing with your crap."

Can you tell how happy work makes me? *sarcasm*

I'm also trying to work on my energy levels and managing my stress levels as well. I feel my ability to keep my stress in check is faltering - partly due to work and peoples lack of common sense. (I mean really - when I say "I'm on lunch. For the next 30min unless you're dying, bleeding or on fire... or the building is on fire, don't bother me." And guess what happens.) And also I'm just tired of feeling like a punching bag that's been worked for almost 24 hours straight. A bit of an exaggeration perhaps, but it paints a picture, doesn't it?

Why wasn't I born one of those people that loves mornings and is full of pep and only needs 3-5 hours of sleep? Instead... I'm this. (Don't look, you'll turn to stone.)


I also need to get back to the gym. I stopped going due to not having the energy to (yes, I know, shut up) and then I needed to get my tires replaced so I didn't want to drive to my gym (which is a ways away from my apartment) until my tires were secure.

I also need to plan meals and work on some kind of menu for myself. My Flubber-like physique is starting to depress me more than it usually does.

And let's hear for Winter weather and extra achey aches and pains.

I need a new Winter coat.

I am babbling. Sorry.

I'm going to go now. I feel that the beginnings of babblings will become more rampant if I continue on further. And yeah, sleep... that's always a thing.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!

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