It's been over a month. Yes, I know. I suck. Let me play my littlest violin I have for you.
I've been feeling a little out of it lately. No other reason for my absence from my own blog. Yes, I've been doing things... the usual things... but ever since I've moved into my own place, I've been a little "off".
Like right now? I SHOULD be in bed -- well, I AM in bed since I don't have a desk yet -- asleep, resting for work tonight. Sunday was supposed to be filled with a small list of things I wanted to get done [glares over at post-its on calendar], but my body and my will were just not willing.
I woke up feeling exhausted, like I hadn't slept in days. Now yes, my insomnia is a fickle and cruel mistress that loves to frak with my life so perhaps that's a part of it. There was this notion I had that hoped when I moved out of the crazy house, I'd be better, that my sleep would be better.
It was sucking for a while that when I had a day off, I'd wake up with my sinuses telling me "Bitch, stay in bed and be pitiful." (Oh how I hate you, sinus migraines.) I feel like there should be some extra day that you can just sleep away and not miss anything. That's how I feel when I sleep the day away - like I did Sunday. Not really that I've missed anything, but I've missed the chance to do something.
Now don't get me wrong. I do love my lazy days, just laying around reading, drinking tea, taking a little snooze here and there, but I feel like I need to get out more.
Last Friday, I went out to the movie with some work people. We saw Jurassic World. I took Kathy W with me. Overall it was nice. After hanging out with her and co-workers for a while, I dropped Kathy off and headed to Jessie F's for some socializing. Hadn't seen her in a long time. She made a fort in her place.
Sometimes you just need to lie down and drink booze with a friend in a fort.
Part of the conversation - fueled by a smoothie of love and alcohol - was her stating that the reason why some people treat me the way they do is due to them finding me intimidating. Apparently there's some belief that I'm awesome and have so much to give, and if these other people are intimidated by my awesome and hence treat me differently or less than they should.
I'm still marveling at the "intimidating" part. I'd only heard that said by another friend once before in her analysis of another woman - a woman a guy friend of mine was with mistakenly for a time - and I thought that was pretty spot-on then since the general consensus about her is that she used her looks, etc, to get people to like her and get what she wants. (This is where I would normally insert a joke like "Since I don't have any looks to woo people with-" but I know one of my friends is hiding around the corner to squirt me with a water bottle at the sheer suggestion that I am less awesome than I actually am.)
Truth is, I haven't really felt too awesome lately. I'm still a work in progress. Wonder when I'll feel awesome again. Can't remember the last time I felt awesome.
The weekend prior I went to Fresno for my brother's birthday. The usual family hilarity ensued, It was a good time overall. Yes it was my bro's birthday, but my main source of joy was seeing my niece. She makes me feel awesome. I love that little weirdo. Had the usual row with my mom. It seems like one a visit is mandatory. I really wish it wasn't, but then again, it's never her fault, but I digress.
Work is still work. A couple people are leaving from the company. One is my boo, Shari. She's moving on to bigger and better things. I'll miss her. Her last day was last week Thursday. I'm surprised there was no cake or anything for her for a last big hurrah.
I've been trying to write more. Working on fleshing out my outline. Been writing a lot of "flashback" type of scenes. Slowly coming together. Really hope it comes together a little faster. I'm hoping when I get my desk and chair, I'll be a little more comfortable to write, etc. Sitting on my bed -- currently my only seat in my apartment besides the bathroom -- is putting strains on my back that I'm not happy with.
Nope. Not happy.
Okay. The yawns have started so I guess that means I should get some sleep. I will need to work on my blogging more. To have a month go by with nothing from me -- even if no one really reads this -- depresses me... even more than no one really reading this.
Crap. Another yawn. Hopefully the next post will be soon... and more entertaining.
Later my lovelies.