It is currently 12:10am on a Friday morning as I start this post.
I worked today and since I had been staying a little longer than during the week to take care of things that I need to take care of for myself and my department, I decided to leave early. Now, when you're scheduled to work until 3:30pm and you leave at 3pm - is that really early?
Ran a quick errand to Lowe's after work - they didn't have what I was looking for - and then I went home. Thursdays I usually have a Zoom call with some of my lovely lady friends, but since I didn't sleep all that well the night before [FUCK YOU SLEEP PARALYSIS!] as well as my period [FUCK YOU POWERLOSS!!!] hitting me hard this morning after being roughly a week late, I was absolutely wrecked and texted my ladies that I would not be in attendance since I needed to be unconscious ASAP.
This was around 4pm.
I changed into comfy clothes - complete with some new kitty slipper socks that are super adorable - opened my window and passed right out.
I think I woke up around 9-9:30pm rested but still feeling like shit. [I'M LOOKING AT YOU, POWERLOSS!] After taking care of the post-sleep "I need to pee" feeling, I plopped down at my desk with my lunch leftovers from work and zoned out on some YouTube. (YouTube, Instagram, and Pinterest are the three rabbit holes that I can spiral down and lose all sense of time and space. It's okay when you have nothing to do or nowhere to go... like, you know, during our current PANDEMIC!)
So here I am, sitting at my desk drinking some tea that I saw on YouTube that a woman said she drinks to help with her body aches, etc, during her period. It's essentially black sugar and ginger. I found something similar at an Asian market I frequent, and I will say - it does help. I also found a good that will do in a pinch - black sugar and a packet of Ginger Honey Crystals. When the "monthly nausea" settled in, I had started drinking "Stomach Ease" from Yogi Tea which helped with that. I just now wondered if I combined the two, would it still help? Or would it taste awful? (Stomach Ease has black licorice in it - which I hate - but in tea, it seems to be all right.)
At present, I am low-energy. Most of it is due to my period [FUCK YOU, POWERLOSS!] but some of it I am attributing to the current state of the world as well as my current mental/emotional state.
[We now interrupt this post to turn the kettle on and prep another mug of tea.]
And we're back!
And? We're tired.
My current mental/emotional state is sad
Back in March - which seems FOREVER AGO - I had planned to see my family in the latter half the month. But then SHELTER IN PLACE became a thing as well as riots spreading about causing a curfew... it was SO LAME! In any case, I canceled my time off request and would wait until things cleared up and it was okay to travel again.
[insert the biggest eyeroll and grumbly sigh here]
I live alone, so my daily routine since everything started has been work, home, and the occasional trip to the grocery store. In the beginning, I figured I would try to be somewhat productive and do some things that I didn't really have the time to do before but apparently now have SOOO much spare time, I'm literally drowning in it.
People started to be productive in all their spare time. As time went on, the tune changed to "you don't HAVE to be productive" - which really resonated with my inner sloth. A friend said he chooses one thing, and if he accomplishes it? Great. If not? It's not the end of the world.
Me? I say "DO YOU, BOO!" Do what you want. Be hella-productive or slightly productive. It's up to you. I would just say don't take this time to slag off else when shit starts to resemble some kind of normalcy, you'll be fucked or severely tuckered out as you play CATCH-UP.
I have been wanting to take advantage of this time to write, read, catch up on shows, play video games, and re-organize my apartment.
Has any of that truly happened? In bits and pieces here and there.
The organization part has been slow and steady-ish. I have reorganized my fridge and my freezer - though recent PMS said GET PIZZA so I grabbed three frozen pizzas from the store which caused a bit of an organization snafu since I have a tiny freezer. I'm not sure how I did it since it felt like I was forcing a square peg into a round hole... but you get the gist. In the end, I was victorious... and two of the three pizzas are gone.
I recently got a craft cart for next to my desk to sort out stationery supplies and some crafting stuff. I also recently bought myself a new trash can since the last tone I had betrayed me, and I had to trash it.
Trashing your trash can. Is that meta?
I've reorganized the foyer (aka the area by the door) and have sorted the bathroom a little bit. I'm currently sorting through a 5-shelf organizer I have, and I'm going to be emptying a few of the drawers/
I've reorganized by booze cart. It's a cart I got from IKEA (shout-out to IKEA!). I had intended for it to be ALL BOOZE, but I live alone so I wouldn't need the WHOLE cart to be booze. The booze resides on the bottom shelf of the cart - with a little overflow to the second shelf, but that's just small bottles like a variety of bitters and some small 2oz bottles of booze I've collected. The top shelf is all breakfast smoothie stuff - chia seeds, hemp seeds, collagen, PB powder, etc. I will be ordering some containers that I will consolidate each ingredient into so they can sit nicely in the cart versus all uneven and messy. There's a little first shelf overflow on the second shelf. Not much - just a little.
I have ideas for the top of my fridge as well as the shelving unit by the front door and shelving unit in my "living room" (that is in quotes since I live in a studio apartment).
The kitchen counter is still being thought out. The area next to the fridge has been worked on, but I'd like to get a new cutting board. Working on that.
The biggest thing I'd like to accomplish and COMPLETE is to clear off the rug in the middle of my apartment. It's been an organized pile of shit since when organizing something, you really have to pull things out, go through that shit, and then put back everything you're keeping. It's annoying, but I'm getting there.
I used to be this person that had energy and tapped her creativity on a regular, energetic basis, but my mojo is low and needs a good jolt. The Zoom/GoogleHangouts/Discord chats with people have been great, but it's still not being in the room with someone you care about and being able to at least sit near each other and have a nice chat.
I really miss hugging people. I REALLY miss hugging my niece.
It's one thing when there's a reminder that brings you back to a time of sadness and you wallow a bit before pulling yourself out of that depression ditch and go back to running your life. But now the world is that constant reminder - all day/every day - and it's going to be like this for a while so I need to adapt. I need to get over this funk that seems to be consuming me at a slow and steady pace.
Like this blog and my writing, for example.
I love writing, but when I get home from work, I usually pass right out into a napcident that I didn't mean to fall into.
How does one spark joy and energy into themselves to get shit done that needs to be or you want to be done? Coming home and sloth'ing about is not good. My insomnia is having a field day. It's like every day is Christmas for it. And I hate it.
At present, my schedule has changed to have Friday and Saturday off as opposed to the weekends. Usually, on my days off, I sleep until I naturally wake up. I don't set an alarm or anything. But since I have insomnia, my body says "Sleep at a decent hour? Fuck that!" And I stay awake until the wee hours of the morning so when I pass out and have no alarm, my body will wake up close to 12pm.
Oh how I wish I could live off of 3-5 hours of sleep and still be chipper and perky for the rest of the day, but no... that's not an option for me, sadly.
And for fuck sakes. I started this post a little after midnight, and a tea refill and pee break later, I think I might be done?
Dear mojo - please help this Stella get her groove back. She's tired of being tired all the time. She needs to "wake up" and get shit done. HELP!!!
And now... I need to pee again, finish my tea, and hit the sack. (Hopefully the next post won't be so... blah... though I truly cannot promise anything.)
Later my lovelies.
Have Goodness!
Rae
PS - Obviously the picture at the start of this post is not mine. I wanted to add a note below like you used to be able to do before the updates, but the lower border says where the image comes from so I'm not lying that it's mine or anything. So yeah - just wanted to give proper credit, but I can't figure out how to - hence the PS-note.
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