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Sunday, January 1, 2017

Holidays, Happiness & Happy New Year

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR MY LOVELIES!!!

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday season and rocked in their New Year's in their own way and cheers to all!

Me? I haven't been feeling all that well lately. It started around Christmas, and I've been trying my best to kill whatever might be happening with meds and for a while it was working. But now? My nose is a little sniffly/congested, and my throat feels gravel-light as if a random piece of dust or some teeny-tiny particle is stuck and no amount of water, tea, coffee, wishes, or prayer will move it. It bounces about like a spastic child on too much sugar tickling my pipes making me cough at unexpected times - sometimes sounding like I'm on the brink of death - and leaving me to sound like an extremely old man that smokes too much.

BUT... I have pretty much been going home each day from work (where I have to talk a lot), and headed medicated and straight to bed. Today I wanted to get out of the house for New Year's - and since there were no parties or anything going on - so I picked a movie that would run until post-midnight (La La Land = lovely movie!!!) and then went home... to blog?

*waves* Hola.

So where shall I start?

Blogmas was a bust. I was stretching myself too thin dealing with work and Christmas prep and not getting much sleep EVER. Add into that my sinuses (or getting sick which to be honest my sinuses/allergies and a cold are basically the same starting out so I never know what I actually off the bat), and I was pretty wiped all month. Still I feel a little bad since I know there were other people that did Vlogmas with more on their plate than I had and was still able to make it work. (But I'm not going to slam on myself - I'm just going to plan better for next year.)

I used to be so much better at organizing and planning and accomplishing things. As time has gone on, I feel more slothy than usual. I'll look at my apartment when its in disarray and think "I want to clean/sort/organize you" but what the rest of me says is "FRAK IT! GO TO BED" It feels like a part of myself has gone missing - the part that cared more. I dunno. Maybe I'm over-thinking things, but I'm hoping to make a better effort in the new year... not that it's a resolution or anything, but hey... it's only a couple days away, and the plan shall start on the first of the New Year. (I'm still recuperating from the holidays... which have taken the last of whatever energy I had in my tank and in reserve.)

My holidays were pretty okay. Due to the slowness of pre/post holiday days, I got to leave work early last week Friday and got Monday off. Sadly the early departure from work didn't really help much. The schizo-rain that was happening all day also wasn't helpful. (I had to haul my presents to my car in garbage bags due to the morning downpour.) Eventually I made it to my mom's and slept like the dead. The weekend was filled with family, presents and good times. It was a little odd having bro-sis time earlier than usual on a Monday evening, but it was still nice.

Currently sitting at my desk with candles and my laptop lighting the way. I have a small desk lamp that I sometimes use, but I like the mood of candles. It's peaceful and soothing.

One thing I'm kind of looking forward to for this new year - and hope it's actually taken seriously - has to do with one of the gifts I got for my mother for Christmas.

My mother is a Negative Nancy, and I don't like it. I catch her making comments like her own version of Tourette's but instead of swearing, it's something bad. I've talked to her about it before and asked why she had to be so negative all the time, but then she's also non-confrontational and will try to shut down or change the conversation. Most days there is no talking to my mother about these types of things which upsets me greatly, but I roll with the punches and try when I can to get my point across. I even challenged her during one of my visits to only say positive things all day. (She failed within the first five minutes.)

During my holiday shopping, I knew I'd get my mom some books since she asked for more mythology stuff. While at the bookstore, I saw this cute little positivity journal. It was this red, chunky, tiny, square journal where you're supposed to write one happy/positive thing a day. It immediately made me think of my mom. Now it's not like she is gloom and doom all day-every day, but she has these moments where instead of choosing to see or comment on the happy side of things, to seek out the positive, she immediately focuses on the negative or mean.

When I got to town Friday before Christmas, I stopped by the bookstore, but couldn't find the original journal I saw back at home. So I got her the closest thing to it - The Happiness Project: One Sentence Journal (A Five Year Record). Same principle. One sentence a day - one good thing a day. When she opened the present - I had put all of hers in a gift bag and made sure the journal was on top - I explained to her what it was. She seemed a little confused, and I kept telling her the same thing - write one happy thing in it a day - AND NO REPEATS!!! (I can see her writing "I love my granddaughter" or something like that over and over again.) I remember meeting up later on with my brother and his family later Christmas evening at his cousin(-in-law)'s house, and when I got home later, my mom started talking to me about the journal again. One of her comments was that she should have had this journal a long time ago. (Maybe so.) She also said it should have a padlock on it. (Like a diary?)

When I got out of the movie theatre, there was a text from my mother wishing me a happy new year. I wished her one back, and then remembered the journal, and reminded her that it was the start of the new year and her journal assignments. She says she's looking forward to it. I really hope she's not jerking my chain. I've been witness to my mother starting things and never finishing them. There are also times when she thinks up the idea and doesn't even start them. Like I've often suggested she read more so she learns knew words and broadens her vocabulary and maybe even help with her English. (She's only read a few books that I know of, all of which are biographies.) So when I got her interested in mythology, I told her about the Percy Jackson books (young adult, light read, mythology), but each time I asked her if she'd read them, she said no. She hadn't gone to the library yet. So when I was in town next, and we were at the library, I found the first book for her, and she checked it out. (She says she read it, but I'm not so sure.) I asked her recently if she read the other books, and she said no. When I asked why not, she said there was no one to go to the library with. I asked her why can't she just go herself. But she wouldn't budge. (So one of my presents was the Percy Jackson boxset - so BOOM! No excuses now!)

I'm going to try and do it, too. We'll see how that goes. I need a little extra happy in my life so this will be a fun exercise.

Okay, in looking at the time, it's currently 6:18am, and I really should be getting to bed. Yeah, I've been medicating and sleeping all day, but I think I'm feeling better (maybe a little?) and really need to not screw up my sleep schedule anymore than my insomnia does.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

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