Weekly Blog #3 - Feeling Feelings & Trying Not To Scream or Kill People

MONDAY - JULY 13, 2020

Today was a lame day.

So... when I got into work today, shit got missed or wasn't done due to... we'll say "poor planning." And none of it was on me since I kept bringing it up and asking about it and politely pointing out how things would be missed, etc.

A couple of the things that were missed were two customer issues where the customer tried to use our online customer service chat, but since the person that was working remotely 1. Didn't know they were covering the shift since their manager never told them, 2. Didn't have the work phone that was supposed to have been shipped to them before the weekend, and 3. Does not have access to the client ticket/chat program the rest of my department does.

This morning I had to deal with the two customers - which I did - and miscommunications with other clients involved - and in the end, I got it sorted.

Here's the thing that chaps my hide. Our East Coast Guy who is helping out until I get in had posted on the board tagging the whole group that these two customers had issues, tried to chat in last night but could not reach anyone. I started corresponding with him on the channel that everyone has access to (but apparently never reads, but when I miss a message/post, it gets pointed out, and I feel like someone slapped my hand as a warning or something) asking him follow-up questions, etc, and him replying. Then I start the process of handling the two issues.

One of the two issues was easily resolved, but the second one was taking a while since the client in question wasn't responding, and the customer was periodically chatting or calling in. I'd politely update her, telling her we were taking care of it, and she appreciated it. (There was this whole issue with the client not returning any of my messages - phone, text, email - and earlier when I posted on the board THAT EVERYONE CAN SEE updates to the issue at hand, they acknowledged what was happening and that was that. So I thought, "Okay. We're all on the same page."

Apparently not.

A member of my team that is currently working remotely from home tried reaching out to the client again (I was keeping her updated on the situation), and she said that the guy yelled at her and wouldn't listen to her, and hung up on her. She tried calling back, but they wouldn't answer. 

The next thing I know, the caller ID on my phone is the client, and the guy is talking to me well enough, but then starts to complain that he JUST got a notice via fax (and this call was happening around 11am). I politely explain that we had been trying to reach them since 8am - that we had sent the fax at 8am, trued to call both numbers we had on file but either no one answered or the voicemail was full. We also texted as well as emailed - all of this being three hours prior. Now it was obvious that they had been there well before 11am, but for some reason weren't checking phones, faxes, or messages. I believe the man realized he was in the wrong, and we resolved the issue. I made notes on the account and everything was done.

Or so I thought.

When I updated the issue was taken care of on the board, I got a "thank you" and then suggestions on how to follow up with the customer. I said there was no follow-up since the customer changed their mind and no longer needed the order that was placed. I even referenced the message that our East Coast Guy had posted at the beginning of the shift, but still - I was being told how to handle something that was already handled. Then East Coast Guy got on the channel and supported what I had said, and only then was it let go.

Taking a breath and trying to cool down - thinking MY WORD should have been enough - I proceed to work on other things. It's then Captain sends me an email basically saying the same thing the other associate was saying on the board earlier. It was one of those "Hey, you should have done this but you didn't but make a note for next time. Thanks." kind of messages and I got a little heated again. (As a side note: Lumbergh has the tendency to jump the gun when seeing a recent email or hearing about something that has happened, and instead of trying to figure things out or asking the right questions, he basically goes on the attack to who he thinks is responsible and makes it out to be their fault. When this has happened, comments have been made that he really needs to "investigate" things before making accusatory comments like he does. But then - the people that say this about him do not practice what they preach.)

Case in point: Captain.

Not really able to let it go, and feeling the need not to correct him but update him on the things he missed that morning. I do my best to include everything in a succinct manner so he understands what happened - INCLUDING how the customer tried reaching us last night but since the person covering didn't have access to the chat/ticket program, it got missed and East Coast Guy posted it first thing this morning.

I then get a reply acknowledging the explained issue but there was still stuff he was telling me I did wrong. AND I GOT MAD! I started an email reply to him, but then stepped away from it and started to work on other things. I would go back to it on occasion and then eventually just let it go. Any effort I made would fall on deaf ears and since blind eyes don't see me. So I sucked it up and deleted the draft in my email. 

There were three people in my department scheduled to work today - me included - but one of them texted me to say she had to go to the doctor for some non-COVID related issues. So it was just me and one other person - and the lovely East Coast Guy helping out. 

I also had to do timesheets which was a pain in the ass since we're using a new time clock software since our previous one broke. I'm learning it from our Oregon Guy. I pretty much have it down save for the fact that the program uses a different dictionary than I do... but hopefully it'll all work out in the end.

Eventually, I made it home. I had meant to clean my apartment - since it's become too messy by my standards though lately my standards have been tinged with apathetic fuckery due to my mood so I've only thought about cleaning and haven't actually made any actions to follow through on those thoughts - but instead I zoned out on the internet and made myself an Old-Fashioned or two.

Also, POWERLOSS started!!! (Imagine the weakest, least-enthused "Yay" here.) It started last night with a faint spotting whisper of things to come. 

I really hope this week isn't a heaping piece of shit. I really, really do not need this right now. I don't think my soul can take it.

TUESDAY - JULY 14, 2020

Work, work, work, work, work... like Rihanna but less sexy and less fun.

I feel like I just need to stop giving a fuck and let things happen, and when people start to crawl up my ass about why something wasn't taken care of, I can then turn it back on them to say this is what I was trying to prevent in the first place. 

I get it. We're all stressed, and the world is suffering right now, but if we just give in or ignore things, mistakes are going to happen, and I can only do so much on my end to prevent or fix them.

Right now, work for me is the only structure I have. Get up - get ready - go to work - work - solve problems - help people - come home. But when I get home, there's nothing really holding me accountable to accomplish and complete things. Work is necessary since it gives me a paycheck to take care of my life (home, bills, etc), but even though the non-work stuff is still important, my personal structure has been suffering, and I don't like it. I let my apartment go in terms of organizing it. I procrastinate since I'm tired since I'm not sleeping well. Sometimes just the idea of running an errand (gassing up the car, going to the store, etc) just tires me even thinking about it - the driving, the parking, the walking, the dealing with people, the hauling stuff up to my apartment - even it's one thing! I'm getting better, but when the one thing in my life currently has any kind of structure in it starts to falter, it's annoying 

I decided to hit the library on the way home to see how long the line would be to get my books. I had requested two books and one audiobook, but only the books were ready. I wanted to wait for all three but I figured the audiobook may have to wait. 

When I got to the library, the line was HUGE, it was hot, and I didn't feel like standing outside for a long time. So I decided to skip the library and head to the bookstore a friend works out since Peace Talks by Jim Butcher was FINALLY OUT!!! I got the email notice this morning and was so excited. I posted it on my Facebook, and my friend JM said he had tons of copies at his store. (He's a manager.) So I thought WHY NOT!? 

His store is in a grocery store shopping center and near my friend GT's place (who is in the process of moving to Seattle although I'm not sure of his ETA). When I got to the store, JM wasn't there - just missed him - but I GOT THE BOOK!!! (She is so pretty!!!) I also got some other little bits and bobs, and then headed back to my car... but I couldn't decide if I wanted to hit the grocery store or not before heading home.

The thing is - I've been seeing Aperol Spritzes all over the place online - from friends or on YouTube. So I thought I'd give it a shot. I also found another Aperol drink to try (which I think I like better), but overall, I don't think I'm an Aperol girl.

When I got back to my car, I texted GT to say hi since I was in his neighborhood which made me think of him. He said I should log on to the chat tonight. (A lot of my friends have been having Zoom gatherings, but GT has moved around so much for work that he started an online get-together back when he was in Illinois. When he moved back to my neck of the woods, he started hosting at his place. Then the cooties outbreak happened, and I didn't have my own internet yet so I wasn't able to participate on Tuesday nights.

Today I could.

I came home and followed the calendar event to the Google Hangout and made Porto's pastries and made cocktails. Then I thought it'd be funny if my friends helped me with a Mad Lib that my niece sent me (among other things in a little goodie box). I kept having to say SHE'S 12!!! In the end, I think we had a good little story.

As everyone started to log off, me and KW talked for a bit, and that's when I found out GT was hitting the road as of Friday. We chatted a little longer before calling it a night.

And now I'm going to try my best to get some sleep.

WEDNESDAY - JULY 15, 2020

Not feeling too great - mainly due to my emotional/mental state teaming up with my powerless to leave me in a most stellar of listless moods. I wanted to go home and sleep, but I don't get paid to sleep. So my day was all about breathing, drinking lots of fluids, and a mixture of allergy/sinus meds and ibuprofen.

I woke up a little later than I had wanted - mainly due to my nethers screaming bloody murder (no pun intended really). I didn't really eat any lunch - mostly snacked - since nausea likes to drop by unannounced and often during this time of the month.

Yeah. I hate my period. I don't get cramps, but I feel like I get everything else.

When the end of the day finally arrived, I was grateful. I had a sneaky suspicion there was another reason for my lethargy, but I let it go. And when I got home, I passed right out.

THURSDAY - JULY 16, 2020

Today is my Grandma's funeral.

I woke up not really feeling my best. I kept wondering if the service started or if my father made it out or who was there. I wanted to be there, and in normal circumstances, my brother and I would be there, but... stupid COVID. But still, I feel a little guilty for not being there.

I talked a little about it with DL when he got to the office. He had nothing but kind words for me which helped a great deal. (He was the only one I told at the time - not just at the office but anyone.)

Work was... work. As always - it was a mixture of grumpy and frustrated with a small dash here and there of happy.

When I got home, it was time to Zoom with friends, and my mouth ran off with no sense of direction. I think it was compensating for how I was feeling. I never want to be a burden to anyone, but then keeping it inside is bad, too. And recently, a good friend told me (in a nutshell) I was being an ass - and ever since then we've talked it out, and I guess it's all good, but I still feel like the weirdo standing on the sidewalk looking at a great party happening nearby.

My friends were lovely and distracted me from real life for a while. Then we all logged off, and I was alone. I had texted my brother before I left work to tell him today was Grandma's service, and I was thinking of her, and I wondered if anyone had called him. I was guessing probably not. He had texted me back to say that he wanted to talk later about Grandma. When the Zoom was over, I texted him to say I was free, and he FaceTime called me, and the first person I saw was my niece which always makes me happy. (I miss her a lot.) I also saw my sis-in-law AMA, and then my brother got on the call. He didn't really want to talk ABOUT Grandma - he just wanted to connect since we weren't able to go to her service. I appreciated that.

I didn't do so much after the call ended. I eventually just crawled into bed, and played a few games on my phone before knocking out for the night.

FRIDAY - JULY 17, 2020

Today is my day off, and I woke up with a sinus headache. 

I had decided last night I was going to get shit done. (We also got a notice from management that PG&E will be by to replace our showerheads and redo our weather stripping for energy efficiency. Also, this week would be smoke detector/alarm tests. Thankfully I will be at work when this is happening, but still, I want my home to look somewhat presentable.)

Still, my head ached - so most of my morning was spent tending to my sinuses. Things cleared up close to lunch. I made myself breakfast for lunch - waffles, eggs, and sausage - as well as an iced matcha latte (and a glass of water) to drink. Once done with that, I did a little cleaning.

Dishes. I did the dishes, y'all! Huzzah for me! 

Okay, so there was a little more productivity than just dishes, but living in a studio apartment, sometimes one dish in the sink is a mess. When you only have so much counter space, cleanliness and organization can make a HUGE difference.

Over the course of the rest of the day, I made an iced coffee, made some iced tea, updated my calendar, did a little more cleaning... and then basically became a potato at my desk while catching up on YouTube videos (which lately have been DIY's, organizational videos, "booktube" videos, and slice of life videos from people that I enjoy watching since they're very real and comfortable and I like the way they talk).

Feeling a little tired, I retired to bed and read some before eventually giving up for the day and going to bed.

SATURDAY - JULY 18, 2020

I LEFT THE HOUSE!!!

I tried planning out my day which consisted of the following things in no particular order:

• library to pick up my books
• Home Goods
• Daiso
• Korean Market
• Grocery store

First I hit the library. 

Since I had driven passed previously and saw a huge line, I thought I would go close to closing in hopes there was a smaller line. I parked in the small street-level lot they have and looked over at the sidewalk to see the social-distancing markers - but no one standing there.

HUZZAH!

I walked almost all the way up to the front of the line - there were maybe a few people in line before me. The process seemed pretty simple. When it's your turn:

• read the attendant your library card number and confirm your name
• the attendant walkie-talkies the info to attendants inside
• you then move to the pickup line and wait for your name to be called
• the attendants put all your books in a brown bag with a handle for you
• YOU WALK AWAY WITH BOOKS!!!

It felt like Christmas! 

I decided the next place I wanted to go to was HomeGoods - mainly since I was looking for something I could use as a tinderbox - and I know that's not really the right word, but I was mainly looking for something to put extinguished matches in so they didn't make a mess and are usually still hot after they're out that wouldn't get damaged. Needless to say, I didn't really find anything that suited my needs or ideas of a "tinderbox" - but I did see some other things that caught my eye. I'm currently debating on something for my bathroom, but it's already small in size so I'm not sure if I really need it or not.

After HomeGoods (which I didn't get anything from there - I was only window-shopping), I hit Daiso, but it was closed when I got there - so it was odd to the Korean market, but I made a pitstop at Ranch 99 for some black sugar ginger tea... and a few other things that caught my eye. 

THEN I went to the Korean market. I only really wanted the matcha and pearl tea drinks, but I got a few other things, too. They were sold out of the milk tea that I wanted so I got something that I thought might be a decent equivalent. 

After the Korean market was Nob Hill - which seems to be the only place I can get the oat milk that I like (which is really aggravating). I like Planet Oat Oatmilk - Original Extra Creamy. The half-gallons are a little less than a half-gallon (being 52oz instead of 64oz), but meh, I don't care. I like what I like, dammit.

And then - it was home. 

I was really tempted to hit a drive-thru on the way since I was feeling slightly lazy at this point, but nope - I was a good girl and cooked at home. (Yay, me, right?) 

I ate, read a little, and then had to go to bed. Why? Because of work!

SUNDAY - JULY 19, 2020

YAY WORK! [Yes, that was sarcasm.]

I made it work on time and did the things you do while at work. I was the only one there - per the usual Sunday mornings - and then when the next remote person logged in, and I updated them on what needed to be done, I high-tailed it out of there.

Once back at home, I felt a little peckish so I made myself a snack: sliced tomato with mozzarella and basil. I added a little olive oil and salt and pepper. I didn't have any balsamic else that would have been on there, too. Then I tried my hand at making pesto.

I know that traditionally pesto is made with pinenuts, parmesan, and basil with some olive oil and some salt and pepper. Being a fan of cooking videos and shows, I had seen alternative pesto recipes made with other greens and nuts. So I thought "Why not?" I had some greens left over (kale and spinach) and some almonds and pecans (I didn't find the pecans until later so I used the almonds). I don't have a food processor. I have a mini-chopper which isn't the same thing. So I used my Nutri-bullet. Since I love me some garlic, I put a little more in than what the basic recipe I found on the internet asked for. Blending was a chore and obviously would have been better if I had a processor but since my apartment has limited space, I made do with what I had.

The sauce smelled GARLICKY and had a thicker consistency than I'm used to with regular pesto sauces I've had, but it tasted delicious. I made some quick butter noodles with a small amount of parmesan that I didn't use in the sauce - et voila! Yummy dinner time!!! (I still have some sauce in the fridge)

I made enough noodles for about two servings (didn't mean to), so I had some lunch for tomorrow... along with some cut-up fruit for breakfast (doughnut peaches and purple apricots).

Goodnight!

[Thus ends week three.]

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!

Rae