Weekly Blog #1 - Trying Something New

So here I am - trying out a new idea/format of sorts. 

I've seen people on YouTube do weekly vlogs so I thought why not do a weekly blog post? Work and insomnia and basically sheer slothfulness has been making it difficult to keep up with daily posts - add to that this whole cooties pandemic (aka COVID/Corona Virus)

MONDAY - JUNE 29, 2020

Today wasn't too adventurous.

I got up later than I would have liked. I felt rather sluggish when my alarm went off so I hit snooze several times before finally getting up. I thought it was odd that even though I got up later than I had meant to and with how listless I was feeling, I was still early to work.

How does that happen?

Work is... work. We recently had to go through another round of furloughs which sucks, but it's happened. My department is now down to five. (We were originally ten but then over course of a few months, three members put in their notice - one before Shelter At Home started.) Our boss doesn't want anyone having any OT during this time so the schedule has been a huge pain in the ass - especially since only TWO people have ever really been able to cover Sunday. I thought it was three but that person didn't really say WHY they couldn't work Sundays until sort of "last minute" - but that's just something I need to deal with. 

[insert angry grumbles here]

Along with the schedule, our time clock has been on the fritz for a long time now - and it's been in need of replacing for an even longer time. So now we're using a new online timeclock... and I still need to work out everything about it since before we started using the new time clock, I've been entering everyone's times on an excel workbook and sharing it with the accounting manager who then calculates stuff and then forwards her info to the boss who processes payroll. 

I'm almost done with completely learning-ish the new timeclock stuff, but it's still annoying.

And then when I go home. 

I think the pandemic as well as the limited... EVERYTHING is truly getting to me. I have things I want to do at home, but my insomnia and whatever part of my body that despises productivity says "just lay down and stretch for a second - you'll be okay" - and then I pass out in a napcident for a few hours.

When I eventually got up, I did my best to be productive. I cleaned up my Google calendar and added tasks for me to do (things that I would like to get done), but then I zoned out on YouTube for a bit after Google calendar update success. And of course, on all socials, all I keep hearing about is this damn Netflix movie "365 Days." So when I should have been getting ready for bed - though I wasn't tired at all from since the napcident - I thought "Why not?" and looked up the movie.

[insert a variety of eyerolls here]

This movie is like a combination of "50 Shades" and every other "50 Shades wannabe" all wrapped into one. Like they put all possible ideas for things to happen in the movie - including character profiles, etc - into a hat and picked shit at random and then said "Hey, this will be great!"

The only positive thing I can pull from this movie is that the male lead is attractive. The female lead is pretty, too. But that is superficial - and nothing about the movie is cohesive or makes sense. 

Let's see if I can sum up the plot: The male lead who is son to a mob boss doesn't want to run the family business but when a deal goes south, his father and he are shot. His father dies, but his son lives and is forced to take over for his father. A few years later, he sees a woman at the airport who is the same woman he saw before he and his father were shot, and since he's been obsessed with her. He finds her - while she's vacationing with her boyfriend and friends for her birthday - and kidnaps her, telling her his story and giving her 365 days to fall in love with him.

Now it's established the female lead has a heart condition, but they don't really tell you specifically what it is. When she gets home from work at the beginning of the movie, she tries to seduce her boyfriend, but he comments on how he doesn't want to tax her weak heart. Later, after she's been kidnapped, and she can finally roam the house where's she's been locked up in and sees a portrait of herself, the male lead comes out, and she faints. (When she awakes, he gives her an ice cube to suck on since he didn't know she had a heart condition and the sedative used on her must've been too strong.) Sometime after that, when she tries to make a run for it, and she sees him and his man execute a bad man (for selling young girls to brothels), she faints again. But then they can have hella energetic sex? For hours? How the fuck is fucking not taxing on her weak ass heart?

There are a whole mess of other things, but the male lead seems like someone I'd like to hang out with since we seem to share a lot of similar interests - meaning music, etc. He also is a musician and singer and contributed a few songs to the movie soundtrack, so I guess that's another plus for the movie.

TUESDAY - JUNE 30, 2020

Work work work work...

I made myself a berry smoothie as well as a yogurt cup with granola. 

We were doing a test order with a restaurant (which failed) so I had to go out and get something quick (which ended up being McD's nearby - nuggets, fries, and a Sprite). We had tried all morning to call the restaurant, no answer. Driver got there, restaurant neighbor said it was closed since there was no one there. Then later (as in a few hours later after the driver left and I had come back with fast food) the restaurant called in saying they were open, and they could do the order now. A driver was sent back, but they didn't have the order. It was resent, but I think they may have worked off the driver copy since even though the driver was there and the order was 3-4 items (like wraps, etc), they took a REALLY long time to get everything in order. 

So... the test was a fail (obviously).

Not a lot of people are working IN the office due to COVID, but I and the new guy come in basically every (week)day. He and I get along super well and are oddly almost twins - lots in common. Due to the furlough situation, everyone left has been burdened with more tasks than they usually are responsible for, and the new guy - who kicks ass in his own right only having been with the company since December 2019 - still needs help with the things he's supposed to work as well as the additional stuff he's been tasked to help with during this time. So I help him as much as I can since I've been with the company pretty long (8 years or so) and no one else would really be able to help him. We try to message each other via Slack, but sometimes we need to talk things out so he comes to my desk or I go to his office (outside the door, masks on). I can tell my boss is not pleased when this happens, but I keep telling him there are things that are easier explained in person (like he does sometimes when keeping a safe distance from others) so the same goes with me. I try to ignore his watching people. I know he's stressed about the current state of the world and everything that's going on, but I'm following the rules he and I agreed on. So I do my best to hold my tongue, ignore the "watching" and then head back to my desk ASAP.

I also have to work with Portland. We recently expanded there, partnering/buying out a smaller company to work with us. His company was small with a handful of staff, but at present everyone at his office has been furloughed save him. So sometimes he has questions, and I help him out. I scheduled a Google meeting with him to go over the time clock thing that his company had been using so now we're using it in lieu of our old broken one. 

We've been starting an hour later in the day, but I'm still staying a little later to take care of things since I like to plan ahead and make sure things are taken care of. I don't stay too much longer - maybe about 30min or so.

Today I decided to check out a Korean market I'd seen but never went to. (I like checking out new Asian markets - any markets really, but a lot of Asian ones.) A while back, I saw these brown sugar boba ice cream popsicles and (loving boba like I do) had tried to look for some at various Asian markets I frequented - but with no luck. But as usual, when the manic-craze for something has died down, guess what I found at the Korean market? 

I also got some Soju and Calpico.

And then of course when I got home... I had another napcident (after I put the ice cream away, of course). When I woke up a few hours later, I was hungry and made myself a little something to eat (because I know me, and I know that if I didn't, I would wake up not feeling well at all). And after the late dinner, I also had some of the boba ice cream, and it was yummy. 

And then... to bed.

WEDNESDAY - JULY 1, 2020

Today was a weird day.

All-day, people were saying weird things, customers were acting strange, co-workers were being odd... it was just all-around odd.

Most of the time when days like this happen, I muse to myself whether its a full moon or not. One or two things being "weird" is one thing, but consecutively throughout the day? That's rare for me.

Also on the way to the freeway to get to work, there was nasty fresh roadkill in the middle of the street.

I should have taken all of these things as an omen.

During the latter half of my shift, my Uncle G called, but since I was working, it went to voicemail. He didn't leave a message (which later when we spoke he said my voicemail was full, but I checked it, and it wasn't, but he claims it was - I'm thinking of all the people he called that day, he must have confused me with someone else).

Toward the end of my shift, my brother texts me to say he needs to talk to me and asks when I'm available. I tell him I was going to the store (to get the things I couldn't from the Korean market) and then wash my hair when I got home (I wash my hair twice a week). I told him I'd text him when I got home.

After putting all the perishables away, my uncle calls again, and we chat. 

So... a little backstory. My father's mother (Grandma H) wasn't feeling well and had to go to the hospital. There they found bedsores and other sorts of things wrong so they kept her in the hospital. (My grandmother had six children. Aunt P passed away many moons ago, so now it's just the five kids. Uncle G, Uncle D, and Aunt I live in the same town in SoCal as their mother. My father and his wife live in Oklahoma, and Aunt B and her family live in Arizona.)

At this point, I already knew she had been to the hospital and then transferred to a hospice while Uncle G worked on making the house spic and span for inspection so Grandma H could come home and be cared for there. He even had given me her number while in the hospital, and she was really out of it. Hearing her sound so... weak and defeated and sad (the only words I can think of to describe how she sounded) made me feel really sad. She was most likely also medicated, but I remember flashing to when Aunt P had gone into the hospital because she (if I remember correctly) she had to have a hysterectomy, and then there was an infection, and she had to have surgery again. I had called her while she was in the hospital and spoke with her, but she was fine - sounded upbeat and on the road to recovery. My brother and I were making plans to see her at the end of the week, but she passed before the weekend.

What happened this morning was that while in hospice, she started to feel really bad pain. I'm not sure of the specifics, but things were bad enough to rush her to the hospital - where he was calling me from.

In previous conversations regarding my grandmother and her health, Aunt B was always involved, so I asked if my dad knew.

And that's when Uncle G told me my dad's wife died this morning (she'd been fighting brain cancer), and my father was in the hospital due to what I thought was a lung infection, but my brother later clarified was a blood infection.

Talking with Uncle G, I had to bite my tongue with the way he was talking to me. I knew he was spinning, and there was nothing I could do about it - especially with stupid COVID causing havoc everywhere. I would say something, and he'd snap at me then immediately start to complain about people. He'd get at me for things I hadn't done or said, but I let it go since there were more important things he was dealing with.

Aunt B was driving straight from Arizona to be with Uncle G and her mom. And that was basically it. Nothing from Aunt I or Uncle D. And my father was in a hospital in Oklahoma. Uncle G started to end the call, but then someone was calling him so he quickly got off the phone to take that call.

I sat and processed all of that for a moment before texting my brother to let him know Uncle G had just called. I had decided my hair could wait.

My brother and I had a long talk about family and how we felt basically helpless - especially in regards to our father who has basically lost his hearing even with the help of hearing aids. We can't communicate with him, he's at the hospital with just hospital staff (we assume that his wife's family is aware of where he is and hopefully will come see him if possible, but we have no contact information for his wife's side of the family so... there's that.

We thought "he lost his wife - may lose his mother - and in his condition, may be headed down the same path." I worry about my father. We don't have the best relationship, but I still care for him - but being in another state especially during COVID makes things that much more difficult.

Hearing about our father's wife's passing, my brother said he and his family hugged a lot. My niece was sad, but I think it's a mixture of knowing she was family in a way but not really knowing her - but she also feels a lot, so she's also most likely sad that someone has died.

My brother was worried about me since I live on my own. He suggested me hugging someone - like a friend or something - and I told him I couldn't. I guess we were caught up in the serious family chat that he forgot about social distancing. 

My feelings cycle through waves where I'll find something funny or get distracted by something and then flip to feeling sad... then back again.

But I got to Zoom with my niece - so that was happy-making.

THURSDAY - JULY 2, 2020

Went to bed late, and like always, I set my phone to Do Not Disturb and set my series of alarms to wake me up in the morning. I was a bit groggy when I hit snooze for the umpteenth time, but when I checked my phone for the time, I saw that I had another missed call from Uncle G... which left me not feeling well at all. 

While I was getting ready for work, I texted my brother to let him know about the missed call and asked if he'd heard from our uncle. He texted me back as I almost ready to leave saying he just got off the phone with him and wanted to know if I was available to talk. I waited to text him back when I was in the car since I'd have time while my car warmed up.

Grandma H passed away this morning.

It was from a variety of things, and in the end, she apparently told the doctors that she didn't want to be brought back, so... she passed on.

Uncle G is obviously a mess since now he needs to deal with the arrangements. I'm hoping Aunt B helps him with everything since all of that on my uncle... I think he'd snap.

When I got to work, I wasn't well. I just felt heavy and didn't really want to be at the office. My mood changed a bit when the new guy came in. He starts at 9am but he usually gets in around 8:30am and comes by and chats with me for a bit. We chit-chat and vent at each other throughout the day when necessary. It helps the day go by during these craptastic world times.

Does anyone ever feel bad for laughing or smiling or feeling happy when something bad has happened? I do... and I've always wondered if I'm the only one. Like when something worldwide or something just personal to my friends of my family happens - I feel it. But then something strange happens - like that odd random moment when something is phrased a certain way or the dog comes into the room doing a weird thing or a child unknowing of the event that has just happened to make a noise - and that random thing triggers that silly, happy part of you causing you to react by reflex and you smile or laugh. 

When that happens to me, I find myself cutting off the happy reaction and thinking "No. This isn't a time for that." It's like a reflex reaction - like I have to give the terrible thing its moment before I can feel joy again - but then I never know how long that moment is. Eventually, it seems that part of my brain stops keeping track, and I go back to "normal" - whatever that is.

My niece wanted to Zoom after I had gotten home. It was late - close to 10pm - and I told him that would be an okay time since I was making a snack. He said 10:30pm would be better, but then texted me back to say my niece wanted 10pm instead. That's fine. Seeing her and talking with her made me happy, and a part of me felt guilty for being happy, but I did my best to ignore it.

FRIDAY - JULY 3, 2020

Today was a pretty lazy day. First Friday off since I'm working Sundays for the time being. (I will keep my grumbles of discontent to myself about this.)

Woke up a little late this morning - in comparison to when I get up for work, at least - around 9am-ish. I LOVE not having to wake up to an alarm, but my body seems to just want to sleep all day/every day. I know what it is. My sleep schedule is so out of whack that it tries to make up for the sleep I didn't get before. Like at work - when you come in early that day so you leave early to make up the difference. My body being the severe mathematician it is, reasons "You've gotten an average of 3-4 hours of sleep each weeknight this week. Come Saturday, we're putting you into a coma."

I've had this odd default setting where if I have to work, I'll get up and make it happen. Then during the workday, my brain is so consumed with work - constantly working out the work - that it has no time to be tired. But then when I get home? Out like a light.

I stayed awake since I was expecting my delivery from Porto's [Bake At Home]. I wanted to make sure I got it in time so it didn't sit out and get taken by someone else (though I don't think that would happen since there are cameras EVERYWHERE in my building so even if it did, it could be tracked and then I'd find them and COVID or no, I would SMASH THEM WITH A HAMMER!)

If you get the reference above, we might be able to be friends. Also, don't mess with my Porto's order.

It arrived around noon. I was home and when I refreshed the tracking page, it said it had arrived, and I thought "Is it in the lobby with the mailboxes?" When I opened my door, it was at the door. I don't remember a knock or anyone ringing my doorbell. No worries. I GOT MY PORTO'S!!!

I bought some for my brother and his family, and his order was still en route, but then he texted me when he got it. 

After unpacking the box - which had my order is small boxes that I was able to fit in my freezer (yes, I felt very accomplished since I have a small fridge - TETRIS FTW!!!) - I was a bit productive with cleaning about my place, but then I eventually passed out again. Then I got back up and snacked and wrote, worked on my calendar, meal-planned, and then eventually... to bed again.

SATURDAY - JULY 4, 2020

INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!

I'm not as jazzed about this holiday as I once was. I mean, back in the day as a kid, I loved fireworks. My faves were the spinning flowers, the occasional rocket, and the classic sparkler I would always get and I would write my name in the air with it.

As I got older, I just enjoyed watching the fireworks since in later years, they had varying legal issues depending on where you lived. But of course, you have those rebels that just love breaking the law and blowing up some fireworks they got from wherever they got them from, but that's not really the part that bothers me since back in the day - these people would just set off a couple pretty rockets which was fine. As time went on? People got REALLY DUMB!

I remember one year I went to the beach with friends to watch the fireworks and just hang out. That's all we did. Hung out with each other, walked about the beachfront, eventually pick a spot near the water, sat our asses down in the sand, and enjoyed the show. (I remember always being impressed by the people on their boats shooting off fireworks. Those were pretty over the water.) But then we started to head out to beat traffic, etc, and when we got up to the street, we stopped for one last look, and I remember seeing someone have a firework mishap on the beach and instead of it shooting up into the air, it shot toward a small cluster of people. Anyone could see that was an accident. But then some jerks started to shoot fireworks INTO crowds of people. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? And they thought it was funny.

At that point, the police on ATV's at one end of the beach where no one was at started their engines and moved forward, this wall of defense giving them their best "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!"

Nowadays there are the people that just shoot off fireworks willy-nilly - holiday or no holiday. I will concede if you're going to shoot off fireworks, at least be safe about it... and do it on the ACTUAL holiday. It always seems now that you hear explosions the week leading up and some days after the actual holiday. I mean, I heard fireworks periodically this week leading up to the fourth. 

And now more than ever are the freaked out animals. Jiminey Christmas, people! Use some gawddam sense, would ya?

In other news, my brother and I were talking about needing to tell our mom about recent family events. She's a little out of the loop when it comes to our dad's side of the family, but we felt the need to tell her together. She's also not that tech-savvy so it took a while to get her on a call. She didn't understand how Zoom worked (aka "click the link, Mom) and the three-way call via FaceTime took a couple tries (accept the call like you always do, Mom). Eventually, we got things to work, and we let her know everything. She kept asking me how I felt, and I just told her sad - which I was. She was crying, but that's how she is. She's a bit more emotional than me. I'm not saying I'm cold-hearted or anything, but the relationship my brother and I have with that side of our family are different than our mother's, and I'm not sure that's something she'll ever truly understand.

After the update, we all chatted for a bit, and then the call ended. My mother's really happy that she now knows we can three-way call so she can see both her children at the same time. She expressed her worry about me since I'm all alone, but I assured her that I was fine - which I am for the most part, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one (living alone or with roommates or family) that are feeling what the world is going through right now. 

And that's why I drink! LOL! (Just kidding... well... somewhat.)

After the call ended with my family, I worked a little more on my laptop before loading up HAMILTON on Disney+. OMFG IT'S SO GOOD! ALL THE FEELS! I APPLAUDED EVERY NUMBER! I CRIED! Oh I HELLA cried at the end.

Damn. Just... damn!

SUNDAY - JULY 5, 2020

Woke up and went to work today.

Sounds exciting, I know, but hey - it's what I do. I drove to the office which isn't far from where I live. I made lunch and snacks to bring with me. Made iced coffee (and brought a Rockstar as a backup, just in case.) I got caught up on some work which was nice. 

Now - just as an FYI - I do have the means to work from home, but in reality, the phone situation would be a bit complicated since my desk is at one side of my apartment, and the phone jack is on the other side of the apartment, and I don't have a long enough cord to make it reach my desk, and I have no real set-up for my laptop, etc, by the phone jack. Also, to be honest, aside from the desk real estate at work (I have three monitors and more desk space than at home), it's really also a nice change of pace. I mean, ever since March, I've basically spent a HUGE chunk of my time at home. Sure it's the office, but at least it's not the same four walls that I've memorized like the back of my hand. If my apartment were a person, I'm pretty sure it would tell me "I think we need a break. Maybe see other people/apartments?"

You get the gist.

Also, I'm the only one at the office during the weekend so it makes me happy.to essentially have run of the place. Don't get it twisted - I'm not throwing raves or anything while I'm there, but it's a little more of a relaxed environment. No loud neighbors or guys with small dick energy revving past my building in their suped-up sports car or motorcycle. (Hey man, I'm sure you got a nice car and all, but the fact you have to cause a ruckus to show people you got it? Compensating much?) Okay, that's not necessarily what they're doing, but for frak sakes - especially now - it's bad enough we deal with that shit every day, but mixed with the fireworks (and stupid anti-mask people), calm your tits and just drive like a normal person, would ya?

The highlight of my day is when I replied to an email from the new guy just asking for clarification on something. He has the habit of checking his email off/on when not at the office or on his days off, and I knew he and his lady and their roomies were moving this weekend. My email could have waited until he got in tomorrow, but nope - he saw it and replied. I told him to stop doing that, but it's me so he was fine with it. I don't stress him out like other people sometimes do. I also help him try not to stress out, so there's also that. He kept replying to my emails which I was frustrated with him but also was happy to hear from him since he's been the nicest part of my work-time.

After work, I hit the bank to make a deposit and then had the inkling to go... somewhere... but of course, choices are limited. I drove past the Korean market I've been to lately but couldn't really justify a reason to stop. So I came home, deep-conditioned my hair, futzed around on my laptop, but then started to feel sluggish and laid down. I set my alarm for a short nap, and when I woke up, I just laid there. A wave of recent events and emotions just hit me, and I was waiting for it to pass before I got up.

Hopped online to finish this week's first entry and made the mistake of checking my socials and seeing utter human chaos, It's all evolving into a big ball of fucked up, and I want to blame the Cheeto since a of things just socially exploded because I feel he just waved the Grand Prix flag of Disorder and all the sad sacks came out in the open a la 28 Days Later spewing their ignorance and vitriol. And the crazies? I mean, OMFG! 

Perhaps the world just needs to be nuked with a huge Xanax or lithium does to calm the frak down, take a breath, and just stop doing this shit.

[Thus ends week one.]
Later my lovelies.
Have Goodness!
Rae