Are You There Lovelies? It's Me. Rae.

The road to hell is paved with works-in-progress.

-Phillip Roth

It's been a while, hasn't it?

Yeah, I know. There really is no excuse.

I've been told: When in doubt, just write. Even if you have no idea what the hell you're doing or saying, just get it out. You can always edit later. 

Ahhh editing. How I hate you.

But what if there's nothing there? Nothing to write? Nothing to say? What if you sit there in front of a notepad with pen or at the laptop, hands hovering over the keys... and there's nothing? 

And what's worse? What if you have no desire to write... at all?

I think I've mentioned this before, but since my car accident back in February, my passion for writing left my body, heart and soul. Usually I'd be exhausted and though my mind would be racing with ideas, my body and frontal lobe were in agreement that it didn't have enough energy or consciousness to life that pen or to type out whatever it was that my children were telling me at the back of my mind. That always killed me, but I'd eventually get something out. But after the accident, after the adrenaline died down and the pain faded, I would just look at my notebooks or computers and think... meh. 

Around this time, I barely even wanted to read. I just wanted to do anything but what I loved to do. Most of my time was spent going to the chiropractor, talking to lawyers, filling out paperwork, taking meds, icing and elevating my leg, public transporting myself to work which meant going to bed early and getting home late, shopping for a car (and finally getting a car)... and let's not forget work itself. Ugh. 

I had writing spurts here and there. I'd update one of my story blogs here and there and try to stay current (which is always the goal), but I swear to gawd it was like pulling teeth.

And then I decided to do something stupid: NaNoWriMo.

So the last time I did NaNoWriMo was back in 2010. Back then I had a beginning, a middle, and an end. I even developed an outline of sorts, made character notes. I was all over that shit like white on rice.

This year? Yeah, wasn't as "prepared" as I was before. November is already an off month for me due to Thanksgiving and my birthday, but last month was just full of fail. I knew I should have just skipped it, saved it up for next year. I had maybe three or four ideas that were still in the blurb phase - just an idea that would be the equivalent of the small blurb on the back of the book telling you what it was about only not so developed or detailed. But something in me wouldn't let go. I just HAD to do NaNoWriMo. 

So... I did. 

Midnight of the first day... BOOM! I wrote... something. Not to sound like a defeatist, but I knew right away I wasn't going to make my goal. 2010 I was very close to the end goal. This year? Oh HELL NO! I won't further embarrass myself with telling you my goal. I really should have just let it go. Or hell, picked a month that has nothing going on for me in it so I can devote all my time to writing. February is good. All that has in it is Valentine's Day, and I'm single for frak sakes. In any case, last month NaNoWriMo was a bad idea for me.

So now I'm back here... trying to keep up with this blog as well as my other writing projects. Before my sad hiatus from the blog world, I did manage some little story blog updates. And they are as follows (in no particular order).

• Kai is at part twenty-four
• Kearie is at part twenty-three with No Good At Being Patient
• Sanya is at part twenty-four with Gates & Tunnels
• Della is at part seventeen
• Arwyn is at part twenty

Yeah. Those were back in October, but they still count. (I'm trying to turn a positive spin on everything.) And even though I didn't make the NaNoWriMo goal, I still wrote some. Toward the end, there were some moments where I had a groove going, and I think what I wrote was pretty good. So yeah... that's something.

Last month while I was trying to work on NaNoWriMo, an idea has popped into my head that just wouldn't be ignored. Currently writing the crap out of that until it behaves and then I can go back to finishing one of my novels.

I feel like I've fallen off track this past year. Could have started with the car accident, but I'm much more organized than I have been these days. My room goes through cycles of improving to holy crap. My energy levels have been utter crap lately. That is in part of the sleep I get.

My insomnia is irritating as hell, but it's usually manageable. Lately I've been getting less and less quality sleep. The older gentleman that lives in the house I'm renting a room from is a bit on the loud side.

He stomps around like an elephant wearing cement loafers. When he talks, he has volume control issues. When he's home, he sits on a chair next to his bed, door open, watching TV. (If you haven't guessed, his room is right next to mine.) In any case, he'll hear something interesting on the news and then have to go tell my landlady about it like a kid saying "Hey Mom! Guess what happened at school today?" But he calls out to her from his door as he's walking to find her. Usually when I'm home, I'm in my room cleaning or reading or writing or watching something on the laptop, but knowing what hours I keep, she's under the impression if I'm home, I'm sleeping, so I constantly hear her telling him to be quiet. He remembers for a second but then goes back to being loud. 

When he's asleep with the door closed, I can still hear him snoring though the sound is muffled. This week he's been having health issues (leg pains from what my landlady has told me). So he's been sleeping with his door open these few days. And the hall light has been on. Now I've already established that the dude is a snore machine (what I call "chainsaw symphony"), and since the house has wood floors, sound carries. So imagine me in bed, door closed, lights out... with his door open SNORING AWAY! My landlady's room is on the other side of me. She keep her door closed, too, but she's got the master bedroom so her bathroom is the first space past the door and then her room. Meanwhile, I share a wall with Captain Snore Pants, and MY GAWD!!! He also talks in his sleep, and the bed he has now is very springy and squeaky. 

Now the dude is lovely. He's sweet and caring, and I'm not usually home for very long. I work in the middle of the day, and then I try to run my errands as much as I can after work. Sometimes I have time to be social, so I'm not there all the time, but when a girl is trying to sleep, she can't do that when she's being serenaded by someone nose and throat.

The other night I thought I could use the timer on my Songza app and let it play me out to sleep, but it's late, and I can't have the volume up else it wake people (or my landlady's dogs) up. Plus, I use my phone as an alarm, too, so I need to keep the volume up for that to wake me up in the morning. So right now, I'm just making due, but I fear one of these days, I'm going to snap at him since I'm not a pleasant creature when I first wake up in the morning, and he likes to say hello and try to chat with you even if you're walking away. Since he's been keeping me up the past couple nights, I'm afraid if this keeps up, I'm going to tell him to frak off or something, and I don't want to do that. I'm a good Jedi, dammit. No Sith allowed.

Okay, I've babbled on long enough. I think I need to post this and be done with it.

Just wanted to update everyone that I'm still here, and I'm EPIC FAIL when it comes to writing these days. But hopefully next week (or should I really start next month?) will be better?

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness! 

Rae

One Day I'll Blog About Writing Again...

A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist.

-Stewart Alsop

It's Wednesday... Hump Day... and I'm in a mood.

Maybe cuz my sinuses are acting up. Maybe cuz I might be getting a cold. Maybe it has to do with my back pain seemingly getting worse or at least getting less localized than it has been. I dunno.

I'm tired. I'm moody.

We got a little pizza party today so huzzah to me and my department. It had to do with clearing out the returned email folder since it was at one point over 30k and we got it down to 500 or so. (Yay us!) We had pizza and sat in the conference chatting and whatnot. Our boss who usually heads up the meetings is in SF at the other office. So it was a pretty chill hour.

Wish I had know we were going to have a pizza party so I wouldn't have ordered lunch. Sheesh.

Been too tired to write. I hate this feeling. I really do. The ideas play themselves out in my head, but there are even times when working out stuff in my noggin, it's hard to concentrate and focus on scenes that I'm mentally working on.

Dammit! I need some crack! That must be it!

I'm here until 8pm tonight. Couple of my friends are gaming tonight and were wondering if I could take care of their kitties (mainly the one that needs her shot twice a day). Normally I'm like "no problem" but then today I was originally planning on stopping by another store to possibly get me a laptop. I know with how tired I've been lately, as soon as I get to their place, I'm just gonna sit on my ass and not move for gawd knows how long. I wouldn't be able to drop in, do what I gotta do and then go. So I would have to run my errand first then head to their place but they said they can give her the shot before they leave (they were only checking with me to see if I could do it - if not, they would).

A part of me feels crappy about that. Like I let them down. Or they're mad at me. I dunno.

I know it's perfectly fine to be selfish on occasion, but I think I take those moments less often than I should. There is stuff that I either HAVE to do (laundry, prepping for a trip, etc) or WANT to do (get myself a massage, take myself to a movie, etc) and then people ask me to hang out or do them a favor, and there are times when I've put my stuff on hold to help them out which I don't mind doing... but then stuff starts getting backed up, and...

Ugh.

Maybe I just need more energy. Maybe I should just take power naps. Maybe I should just get an IV-drip filled with crack coffee.

Right now, I have an ice pack shoved down the back of my pants resting along the left side of my mid-lower back in hopes of numbing myself into some form of happiness.

Today the men (or man?) started tearing up the kitchen floor to do whatever they need to do so the kitchen and laundry room are off limits for at least a day. Suits me just fine. I'm not really there anyway. I do my laundry at least once a week.

Aw crap. Laundry.

I'm debating on next time I need to do laundry, taking my stuff to the laundromat so I can do three loads at once. Sharing the washer/dryer is okay, but the dryer usually takes two tumbles to completely dry when I consolidate my laundry for the week in one load. And lately colors that didn't bleed before are starting to now. I need to be able to do a small load of whites... which means now I need bleach...

Oh damn. And my windshield. It's not major so much as annoying.

*collapse*

Too... much... crap. Not enough energy to blink.

*sigh*

Okay, the rest of my lunch break is gonna be spent walking around to stretch out my aches and pains. Hopefully it'll help.

Thank GAWD I get to see the chiropractor tomorrow.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

I Want to Write! REALLY! I Do!

So Monday. We meet again.

We will never be friends - but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership.

-Julio-Alexei Genao

Happy Monday ladies and jellyspoons!

My mid-left back hurts and my lower back is not too far behind with its gripes. Damn. My body SO needs a timeout from all this pain shit!

What has happened in my life since last I blogged on Friday?

Well two of my friends (Kevin Z & Diana M) got married on Saturday. It was a lovely wedding. There was rain that I wanted to play in SO BAD, but I had to remain girly for the wedding so nope... no dice. The ceremony was beautiful, the entire wedding party looked stunning, and I had a lovely time. I ended up not having to "behave" since someone that was supposed to sit the same table as me didn't... but really, I think that was all for the best. Didn't dance much if at all. Ate a lot of cookies. Had a lot of beverages. Mingled a lot. Laughed a lot. Didn't get a shot at the picture booth. (There was always a line.) A lot of people told me I looked good which I thought was weird but nice. A number of people didn't even recognize me. (I'm guessing it was because I straightened my hair, wore some makeup... oh yeah, and I was wearing a dress.)

I swear, you do one thing out of the norm and BAM! it becomes a thing.

I was also told by some new acquaintances who were fabulous tablemates that it was lovely meeting me, and that I was very entertaining. (Is that another way of saying "interesting"? Cuz we all know what that means.) The common theme that evening was that I was better than cable so... I guess that's a good thing?

Sunday I got up early and trekked all the way to Sacramento for Greg L's birthday. We spent the entire day (board)gaming which was nice. I think every game I played was something I hadn't played before. I won nothing, but I don't ever set out to. I only play on to have a good time, and I did. The subway game "Underground" made me think of "Ticket to Ride". The "flea" card game was cute, and I really enjoyed the German card game "6-something or other...". (My German is a little rusty.) I got to see Kevan F and Janise B and meet some new people. At the end of the night, there were four of us left, and we went out for dinner. Yummy place called "Ma Jong's". Curry noodle are yummy! Just sayin'!

Made it home at a rather quick time than I thought so yay me! I always enjoy going through Benicia at night since it looks spooky and dark. I refer that stretch of freeway near the tollbooth "Gotham". (If you've been through there, trust me. You would totally expect to see our caped crusader batarang'ing his way across towers, etc.)

And now... I'm here.

It's lunch time. I have leftover curry noodles, a potsticker and a piece of orange chicken as my lunch/dinner. I also have a big bottle of Powerade and an orange "ACTIVE" can of AMP. I bought a number of them for the Sacramento excursion since they were on sale, and I wanted to make sure that I was awake for my trip. (I had finished the audiobook of Mary Poppins - SOOOOO not the Disney movie, by the way - and have now gone on to my second to last audio book from the library "Heart Shaped Box" by Joe Hill which is read by Stephen Lang who I think is quite handsome and has a nice voice to listen to... even though he's essentially telling me a ghost/horror story.) In any case, as sweet as he is to listen to, I needed some backup to keep me awake for the drive. I was fine for the most part. My McD's breakfast (sausage mcmuffin with egg, no cheese & a sausage biscuit) even lasted me until practically there.

So yeah. No real writing (as in typing or pen though lots in my mind) has happened. I've been thinking a lot about it though. Just been so tired. I have all sorts of scenes with dudes in my head (and NO, not THOSE kind). There's my spy one where the main characters is talking with her husband. There's another of two old school friends at a wedding. There's a confession scene between best friends. There's also a couple other scenes, but aside from work, my mind just generally gets lazy with creative stuff. (Maybe that's why I lost all the games I played yesterday.) LOL!

Oh well, I will try my hardest to do some writing this week. I promise.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Weddings & Road Trips

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.

-Willy Wonka from the movie "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" 

Currently at the office sitting at the slowest computer known to man. It's slower than a snail running through molasses.

Sooooooooooooooooo slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowww...

Anyways...

I got in at 10am, and since it's Friday, it's a little more lax than the rest of the week though it still has its busy moments. I'm currently on lunch snacking on a salad I got from Hobee's (minus the walnuts) and thinking about my weekend coming up.

I had asked for Saturday off since my friends are getting married. I have a dress and shoes and spanx for the occasion. Tonight I'm going to the Dry Bar after work to get my hair straightened (though Kathy W mentioned that the weather has been overcast lately so I'm not sure if my hair will survive -- here's hoping). Last night on impulse, I got a mani/pedi. The OPI color I used was called "Every Month Is Oktoberfest" which is not only a cool name but a cool color. I got in on my toes and fingers. I even did the oh-so-stylish "different color on the ring finger" thing just to see if I liked it. The dude put silver/sparkles on it. Looks nice. (I had meant to do a load of laundry when I got home, but I was so damn tired, I pushed it to today after my hair appointment.)

So Saturday is the wedding, and Sunday...

I will be trekking to Sacramento for the day. Why? Cuz I have a car, and I love my friends, and it's Greg L's birthday. (I don't see Greg L and Kevan F as often as I should. And Janise B will be there, too.) I had asked for Saturday off for the wedding but for some reason I got both days off. When I got last Saturday off for the bacherlorette party, I had to work the next day so I thought this would be the same thing. Since it's not, and Kevan said, "HEY!"... I'm going.

Other than that... yeah. Nothing too exciting happening in my life. Most of my time has been booked up with prepping for other peoples' stuff. LOL! Ain't that grand?

Need to remember to call the chiro on Monday and make an appointment. Back's feeling a little wonky. The two hour meeting yesterday might have something to do with it. I tried stretching and cracking my back, etc, during the meeting but it didn't help much. Then we broke for a couple minutes after which our boss wanted to play a game. During the break I got up and stretched a bit. Then for the game he broke us up into two groups making me move to the other side of the room. I took my chair and spun it around so I could lean forward against the back of the chair. Someone joked about how I was a cool kid for sitting that way, and I said, "Do I have to keep reminding everyone I was hit by a car? This way is more comfortable and helps me stretch out my back." I kid, but there are people that forget about the big car accident I was in back in February and ask questions like "Why does your leg hurt?" or "What's wrong with your back?" or "Why are you limping?"

*headdesk and facepalm*

I feel a little accomplished today. I did my assigned emails, my assigned restaurant checks, handled customer/restaurant calls, and was working on a menu revision when I had to go to lunch. Almost done with the menu revisions, I finished the price changes for the main part of the menu and then will be working on the catering stuff when I clock back in.

Also been drinking A LOT of water... been keeping up on the hydration train... which makes a lot of stops in piss city. Yeah I get it. Drinking water is good for you, but it makes me feel like I've got the smallest bladder in the world since I keep having to get up and piss Niagra Falls every five minutes (or at least that's what it feels like). I suppose the getting up and walking to and from the ladies room can be considered exercise... even as minor as it is. It helps to get out of this chair every once in a while, stretch out my back and legs.

Unfortunately not a lot of writing news. (Yeah, I suck. Stop looking at me like that.) I was looking over my list of story blogs and kept thinking Maybe I'll wait until October and start afresh. It is rather late in the month - it's more than half over - and I have fourteen blogs to update on a monthly basis (yeah, that was the original plan) as well as update this lovely little creature three times a week. But this blog seems to have become more life stuff versus "I'm writing so much amazingly fabulous crap it's ridiculous" stuff.

I was working on some Kai stuff yesterday so that's at least something, right?

I just get stuck in these moments of "What now?" I enjoy what I wrote so far, and I like it, but what the hell? These are continuing series. In my head they play out like television series I watch and enjoy, the fangirl thinking even though they may end in reality, they stay alive in my mind.

And now what?

I hate being stuck.

I'm stuck on my two novels. I have over 100 pages on each of them (maybe 75% - 85% done, minus the editing polish), but I have blank spots. I've tried following the rule of "just keep writing" since I've been known to dwell on something as small as a name for a character thinking "I can't continue on without a name. What the frak am I going to call her?" sort of thing. I make notes in between scenes that I've written so I know WHAT to write, but how to write it... the words are just missing! I hate it when that happens. With my story blogs, there was this stream of "this sounds like a good idea" mixed in with a little "I'll do this" and a little "And now I'll do that"... and then it just all goes POOF! - and I don't like it.

*headdesk*

In any case, I think I've babbled on long enough. As it is, I started munching on my Hobee's salad since noon. Been pacing myself in regards to Wednesday when I talked about taking time with your food. Now I didn't mean for it to last THIS long, and eating a salad all day isn't such a bad thing. I feel so much thinner!

*looks down*
*pouts*

Frak you reality. You win again.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Can I Haz A Nap Now, Please?

Jack Taylor: [curtly] My attitude is derived from your attitude.

Melanie: "Derived"? You must be a writer.

-from the movie "One Fine Day"

It's Wednesday... and I'm at work.

Yesterday was my day off, and it was chock-full (<=== how DO you SPELL that?) of lunch, cracking bones, shoes, disappointment, success, video games, friends, TV shows, junk food cravings and denied naps.

My day started off with lunch with friends. I was invited to join lunch with Jimbo and Leabo. They were lunching with a co-worker who I'd met on a couple of occasions and thought it'd be okay they +1'd me for lunch. I had an appointment at 3:20pm, so 1pm lunch seemed doable. We went to Islands. I went there once before in SoCal (where Jimbo & Leabo fell in love with the place). I had gone just the once with my brother, sister-in-law and their roommate Nate M. I liked the place well enough. Since then I guess the restaurant chain branched out and up. Our waiter was nice though he reminded me of Grumpy from "Once Upon A Time". There was a lot of talk about work, and I remained quiet eating my fries and sipping my raspberry iced tea. Lunch was done by 2pm giving me plenty of time to head out and see my pop doc.

My chiro appointment was at 3:20pm. I got there a little early which was fine since all that tea made me have to pee. While I waited, I looked through some magazines which were mostly health related in some fashion. There was this article that had to do with eating your food slower (since it takes about 15-20min for your stomach and brain to be on the same page in regards to when you're actually full). It was talking about more than chewing slower (which I had heard a long time ago that when you chew slower, you get fuller faster). But the article got more zen-ish about it. That you should savor your food, appreciate it more. It also mentioned distractions such as talking to other people while you eat or playing with your phone, etc, and how you're not really paying attention to your food.

Now I honestly have tried to do this over the years. I have tried to take my time, savor my food, etc, etc, but sometimes I can't help but be a little piggy. If eating with my mom (especially if she's cooked the meal), and she doesn't see her food disappearing off your plate fast enough, she will question her cooking or if something's wrong with you or bug you about why you're not eating (when in fact you ARE... just not at a level she would prefer). I've also been in social circumstances where I'm socializing with friends, and there's still food on my plate and someone essentially says "shut up and eat". I need to get into that mindset of just not rushing my food no matter what anyone else says. After my life dies down a bit (post-wedding, etc), I need to check on gym memberships. My only option really is 24 Hour Fitness since I work such odd hours. I'd love to take a cardio hip hop class, but those are usually earlier in the day (as are dance classes in general) so at least I'll be able to cruise on a treadmill while listening to some audiobooks. Or even some music... if I can ever get my mp3 player back.

Dr. Rob called me back to put me on the stim table. He asked how I was since he wasn't able to see me last week, and I told him I was okay. I told him how much pain I was in last week Monday and how I treated myself to a massage which helped. Then the pain came back so I treated myself to follow up massage a couple days later. But as of then (and now), I feel a lot better save a tiny bit of pinching in my lower left back,

Dr. Rob: How's your shin?
Me: Oh, you know... still contusion-y.

This time was different. Normally he adjusts my upper/mid back (if needed) and my lower back (which is ALWAYS needed). When adjusting my lower back, I usually have to lay on my side, but when he did that and then had me lay face down, he poked around and then asked me to turn on my other side and popped me again. So no lay flat. Just sides for my lower back. And I'm guessing since he didn't see me last week and after hearing how much pain/discomfort I was in, he decided to see me next week and then go back to every two weeks.

I headed back home stopping at the outlet mall in search of shoes for the wedding. Unable to find anything that I liked in my size (frakkin Sasquatch feet), I went to Dave & Buster's and played PacMan Death Match. I walked around first to see what they had since I hadn't been there in a while, and they took out practically ALL the joystick games (and the retro corner) and had lots of shooter games like "House of the Dead" or driving games like "The Need for Speed". I saw some new games out there... though a few of them were based off of smart phone games like Fruit Ninja and Temple Run. Other than that, my games were pretty much gone. The retro wall held Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Jr, Spaced Invaders and Asteroids. They still have the single machine that has a lot of old games like Joust, Robotron, Street Fighter... but the power was off. They didn't even have more recent games like Tekken anymore. (Sadness!!!)

Where have all my arcade games gone?

After leaving the mall, I thought about going to Target to grab underthings for the dress and anything that can make my midsection smaller than it actually is (*cough cough* HIPPO! *cough cough*). But then I remembered DSW so I went to this shopping center near the mall that had one... but that one either closed or moved so I had to go back to the one closer to my house where... I FOUND A FRAKKIN PAIR OF SHOES!!!

I found a couple pairs of black heels with the strap around the ankle that were my size and comfortable (and in the clearance section), but they showed my foot which meant I'd have to make time to get a pedicure (cuz honey, my feet look atrocious). I had intended on getting a boot-type heel and had settled on two at Payless that would work if I couldn't find anything else. But then I found a pair. (Yay me!) There were some really cute Dr. Scholl's shoes that were like Mary Janes in a patchwork type of style. They had them in brown and in black. They were also on clearance/sale, but they didn't fit quite right so I didn't get them.

I drooled over some of the boots but didn't buy any. (I'm not a shoe whore like the stereotypical girl. I do love boots, but if I can't justify the purchase, I won't buy them. Also, depending on the length of the boot, I'm usually not able to fit them over my calf since - sadly - my calves are the fittest thing about me.)

The rest of the night was spent eating chili cheese potato wedges and drinking a strawberry shake while I caught up on some shows at Jimbo and Leabo's place (who later went out to get themselves some dinner and brought me back two corn dogs).

Eventually I made it home and to bed.

Nothing too exciting happened today. Got here toward the end of the lunch rush. Answered phone, didn't go to a meeting since we're having some big group core meeting tomorrow. Didn't get around to a menu revision I was given (just prices), but I downloaded a copy of the menu I was supposed to be revise and saved it to my network folder. So yeah. I'll do that tomorrow when I get in.

So yeah. That's all that I've done since last we spoke. Well, I've thought of some story bits and ideas and contemplated NaNoWriMo again, but it's still not solid enough for me yet. I have to sit down with a pen and paper and see if I have enough notes/idea to make something work. I'm also needing that laptop to do my work on so...

Yeah.

And... (looks at clock)... it's almost time for me to get the frak out of dodge so I'll sign this bad boy off right now. And maybe - JUST MAYBE - I might have some ACTUAL writing to report in Friday's post.

Now onto more wedding attire crap.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Life, Writing, Hopes & Other Stuff

Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should be smiling

A girl like you should never look so blue.

-from the song "Treasure" by Bruno Mars

Well hello Monday... you bastard.

I am currently sitting in the back corner where the PC is that has the program on it that I need to work on production type stuff. After training Matt H on Friday, during the lunch rush today, he seemed to knock a whole mess of stuff out of the park leaving me with not much else to do. After the rush had died down, I started on returned emails.

See, we have this automated system where we send out email reminders to our customers. Unfortunately, the companies we're contracted with don't let us know when someone has left the company so then we get all these emails bounced back to us since the messages keep sending even though the email address it's going to is inactive. So bossman wants us to (when we have the time, of course) go through the returned emails, look up the account it was sent to, change the settings (aka de-select the "please send me email reminders" etc), and then delete the emails pertaining to that one person.

*headdesk*

From my joyous desk head plop, you can tell how much I enjoy this, but alas... I do it. Why? It's part of my job. Sure it makes me cross-eyed after a while, and I have to stop to rest my peepers, but it's really not all that bad. Tedious? Yes. But not that bad.

At the moment I'm eating a peanut chicken salad with peanut dressing. It isn't all that great, but it's food. I also got some white corn guacamole and chips as an appetizer. Still pretty healthy in my opinion. That'll be a snack for later.

So what has happened since last I spoke with y'all.

Had my work review on Wednesday. Been here a year, and it was all good in the hood. My little raise will be effective on my anniversary date.

Thursday powerloss started which made me grumpy. Had to go to the store to get stuff since all my supplies were at home. I also went with friends to watch Rifftrax version of Starship Troopers. That was fun. After that we went to a pub and ate a bit and then went home.

Friday after work, I found a dress to wear to my friends' wedding. (Huzzah!) Now I just need shoes. I found a couple pair at Payless that looked cute, but I'm going to check out a few other places and see what else is out there before I commit.

Saturday I woke up feeling like death warmed over (due to powerloss) as well as a terrible sinus migraine. Truly no bueno. Was asked to come to the bride-to-be's (Diana M) house early due to exploding penis cake (it was ejacutastic - Jess F makes the best cakes). There were pictures before dinner where I had yummy sushi. Then it was off to karaoke where Diana sang in Japanese. WTF? I had known that she liked anime and stuff, but wow. I sang a few songs. Jess wouldn't sing, but then I suggested that we duet on Careless Whisper since she plays a mean sax solo. The song was wrong, rearranged differently so I messed up the singing part but Jess was the star of that duet. Eventually we made it back to the house where we were all mostly tired and didn't bother drinking. I didn't have any dick cake. The head of the "penis" sat on a plate, the cream having long since dried and the outer shell of the crown had gotten hard (no pun intended). Being around it made me not hungry for cake. I headed home where I think I slept decently for a little bit and then prepped for work the next day.

Work was all right. Got a little nauseous and migrainey toward the second half of my shift, and I have no idea if it was random or due to powerloss. I'm betting the powerloss. Took a LOT of meds (I'm a medicator), and drank LOTS of water (I pee a lot). I got out of work on time. Tried paying my car insurance online but apparently when I got the insurance, they store the card info that you input and do an automatic debit from that card. I'd rather not, but oh well. I'll live with it. I have a car. That's all that matters to me.

Nothing much else happened to me. I went to Sprouts and got some lunch before heading to work yesterday. (They make yummy things.) I need more Good Belly. I bought some on my way to Fresno a couple weekends ago, and my mom likes it now. I wonder if my brother ever got the other container I left for him.

I've been writing in my mind... not so much on the page or anything. I've also been reading/listening to books. Recently finished "Frankenstein: Prodigal Son" by Dean Koontz (the reader sounds like John Tesh but isn't him) and "Catching Fire" by Suzanne Collins (gave that book to Tom G since he was interested in it). Presently listening to "Marry Poppins" in the car and reading "Vampire Academy" when not in the car. I have a goal to read all the young adult stuff that's coming out in movie form. Question is, The Last Apprentice series is what the movie Seventh Son is based off (I think it comes out next year, January some time). But which book? I read stuff in order. Part of my OCD. Ugh! It's based off a book that comes out in
December? WTF? Frak you internet!

I have a few months before the movie comes out so we'll see. There's that and "Divergent". And I'll have forever until I need to read "Mockingjay". (I really don't like the way they ended "Catching Fire". "The Hunger Games" ending was fine: cliffhangery with a sense of completed story. "Catching Fire"? That ending can suck a dick.

Okay. I really need to sign off on this post. I'm getting bibliogrumpy. LOL!

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Running On Fumes...

You're fucking up my chi.

-Stanley from the movie "Swordfish"

Woo hoo! Pardon the loopy. Not a lot of sleep, and I plan on working a little overtime.

Why? Cuz I get off at 4pm, and working the overtime won't get me out of here too late. I need to get some production stuff done (per the request of my team). Also I still have dress shopping to do as well as find shoes... ugh.

Okay. Today I opened which meant I had to be here at 7am which meant I had to get up around 5am due to where I live and who I live with. I didn't get much sleep the night before so coming to work was crap. I got here and since I was by myself for a couple of hours, I had nothing to really keep me busy. Before you ask, NO - I did not fall asleep at work. I would never do that. I have taken naps during breaks or lunches, but I have never fallen asleep during a shift.

Eventually people came in and things started getting busier so that helped a bit. Had a Red Bull and a soda during the course of the day (soda was some awesome Butterscotch Beer I got from Ike's Lair... tasty).

Toward the end of my lunch, I was asked if I could train the admin dude up front (son of one of the drivers) how to use the production program I was using so he could help out with the new SF menus we'd been getting in. Now let me just say that I haven't been doing production much, and after the office manager trained me on just a few things, she went on "vacation" for a couple weeks, and left me pretty much to my own devices. So really? Train someone else? It's like, "Hey, you know the holiday Thanksgiving, right? Teach this guy how to cook dinner." WTF?!?!?

The only lead was going on lunch after me and then one of the other associates was going in for her review after that, so I was going to wait until my lead got back (he wanted there to be two CS people in the department) before I went off to be a teacher.

Admin guy (Matt H) is pretty cool. I babbled about like I do making pop culture metaphors and comments, and he was laughing CUZ HE UNDERSTOOD THEM!!! Praise Jeebus and the holy awesome angels! Someone that speaks NERD! So I walked him through an entry and then let  him do one on his own for me to review and VOILA! - it was all good. The training part took a little longer than I thought since I wanted to make sure he had the proper authorization to do everything. In the end, training started at 2pm and ended when my scheduled shift was up. I logged out of the Mac I was working at, moved to the PC computer in the back corner and hopped online, getting on our instant messenger so Matt could ping me if he needed help... which he did. Not able to fully understand his two questions, I had to stop what I was doing and walk up to the front to see what he was talking about. He asked, I instructed, all was well. He left at 5pm (my original intended time to stay until for overtime), but then helping him, I wanted to get a little more done than I had, but then fatigue was setting in so I just stayed until 5:30pm. I grabbed my gear, hopped in my car, and headed to ROSS (the location nearest work). But then that location is near The Milk Pail... so I stopped for snacks (and a healthy energy drink), gulped the drink down and headed into Ross.

Now there are several locations around me, and the first one I went to, I actually found dresses in my size but they just didn't fit or look right in one way or another. Other places I had gone I had no luck (everywhere the only dresses that seem to be available are prom dresses so... frak that). Ross was my first success so I reasoned I could find something if I just bounced about from location to location. And there was much luck.

My method of trying stuff on (before they put a limit on how much crap you can bring into a fitting room) was to grab a frak ton of stuff so I can get it all over in one fitting. (I'm not too keen on trying on clothes. Not sure I ever was. After successive failed attempts at fitting something right or feeling pretty in something or finding something that didn't make me feel like I looked like a jelly rhino in a tubetop two sizes to small, I gave fitting rooms the finger and only did it when it was absolutely mandatory.)

Even before I got as pleasantly thick in the bod as I have at present, my body was already a weird structure with things not fitting right. (Thanks Mom and Dad for mixing your DNA together and making my figure as frustrating as all hell.) The plan is to slender down some. I don't think I'll ever get back to the double digits, but hey... low triples would be nice. And a gal can dream, can't she?

So the plan for the evening became hanging out with Jim and Leah. We had dinner at IHOP, made Leah almost piss herself by doing impressions of nerdy voices as well as Bob Dylan sings the greatest hits. Then it was back to their place for Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (which I had never seen, but they had, but then realized they didn't actually own). So now I can safely say I have seen the first movie before the second one comes out.

Almost passed out on their couch since my belly was full of breakfast for dinner, I was all snuggly on the love seat.

Overall it was a long day, and sleep is my prize for surviving it.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Remember, Remember, the 11th of September...

Remembering is painful, it's difficult, but it can be inspiring and it can give wisdom.

-Paul Greengrass

A sorrow's crown of sorrow is remembering happier times.

-Alfred Lloyd Tennyson

I'm not really sure what to write about here.

I always feel weird on this day.

I can't believe it's been twelve years. Twelve.

Was it really that long ago?

I was living in Tracy, CA at the time commuting to my job in Mountain View, CA. It was a two hour trip via train or car, but at least by car I didn't have to deal with the other commuters and had some control over my environment.

My friend (and then housemate) Chris C was doing his usual thing of riding along, reclined beside me, hat and hoodie drooped over his face catching some extra ZZZzzz's and not helping me stay awake like I would have preferred. (Boys. *grumble*)

I was driving on a side road that ran mostly parallel with the freeway but was usually less congested. It was early. The sky was still kind of grey. I was listening to my morning radio show "Sarah & Vinnie" on Alice 97.3FM when I heard the news. I think I was driving through Pleasanton, CA at the time. I remember it seeming really quiet and then... it happened.

I just felt increasingly numb not able to process what I had heard. I knew what was said but it was such an strange thing to have happened and to believe what had happened. It was so unreal.

That day was rather quiet. We got to work, and the entire day passed like a silent movie, the score being the news that was always on either on TV or the radio. Just when I would level out a bit and start getting back to some semblance of normal, I'd walk past a television set or I'd hear co-workers talking about it...

There was just nothing our world new except this horrific thing.

Gradually we coped and mended and began to accept what had happened. We were angry and frantic. I remember I had a friend living in New York at the time, but I had no idea where he was when the towers fell, and I remember calling the only number I had for him over and over again, leaving message after message. Eventually he called me back to say he was fine and nowhere near the incident, and I just wanted to crawl through the phone and hug him.

It is devastatingly sad what happened, but it was nice to see us as a people overcome this tragedy and continue on.

...
...
...

I don't know what else to say.

No writing. No nothing.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

No Pop, No Doc, Feeling The Pain

Behind every beautiful thing, there's some kind of pain.

-Bob Dylan

It's been two weeks, and that means... chiropractor. I'm in intense amount of pain... well, okay... discomfort... but still.

Now the problem is my chiropractor is doing legal stuff this week as well as going out of town for the latter half of the week SO... no pop doc for me. Sucks, but I will be treating myself to a massage after work because really... sitting on your right ass cheek all day since your lower left back on down is not happy? That is mucho no bueno.

On a plus side, various parts of me snapped, crackled and popped to the point where it helped some, but yeah... waiting for a massage. Maybe I'll treat myself to something spiffy.

Have I mentioned I hate being broken? Yeah. I do. I REALLY hate it.

In other news (aka writing news)...

Aside from thinking about my LEVERAGE fanfiction that keeps dancing about my noggin from scene to scene, one of my story/novel ideas has crept back up to the surface and is showing itself to be a possible contender for NaNoWriMo in a couple months. If the little one keeps coming up with ideas, I might just have to start trying to outline or make notes, etc. Still working on that laptop issue. Oh well, we'll see.

Other than that, haven't written much either online, offline or in a notebook. Yeah, I know. Bad writer, no biscuit. But dammit. It's that whole energy level thing.

Also I went to Fresno this past weekend to see my family. My niece was waiting up for me since she knew I was coming. She wasn't supposed to be up so late, but I got to see her. Spending time with her makes me happy. I mean... how can you not be in a good mood when you're around an adorable little girl that wants to play with you? While I was visiting, she gave me some seawood strips since she saw I had them last time I visited. She saw them in Sprouts and wanted to get them for me. There was regular and teriyaki. We tried the teriyaki together, and she said it was good, but she didn't like the taste. LOL!

When I initially got into town, I really had to pee (had driven non-stop to Fresno). Gave my mom a lesson in how to use an iPhone to make a call (she will NEVER have an iPhone no matter how much she claims to want one since she never remembers how to use it when I teach her), and we called my brother. Bella wanted me to come over to see her, so I went and took my mom with me. When we arrived, my brother and Bella were playing Gauntlet on his XBox. He relinquished his controller to me so I could play with my niece. She plays well though she was more preoccupied with stabbing me in the butt as opposed to killing our enemies... since it made her laugh (and funny always wins).

After a while we switched to Marble Madness. I remember my brother playing this in the arcade. It's completely trackball, no joysticks or button. And you know when someone is playing this game in an arcade because all you hear is someone slamming their hand on the machine making sure your ball doesn't fall over or get eaten by alien creatures or disintegrated by acid... or whatever else the game throws at you.

WAY past her bedtime, she changed into her jammies, and I read her TMNT until she fell asleep (which was rather quickly), and then mom and I left for her house.

Took her on errands with me and my mom. Then we hung out at my mom's for a while. She had stayed up late to see me and then woke up early since she's used to getting up early for school. She was fading by the end of the day. Her parents showed up later for dinner with us, and then I took her home. She was trying so hard to stay awake and play. By the end of the night, I read her some more TMNT and then it sleepytime.

My brother and I went to the movies for some bro/sis time, and we saw World War Z. I have a copy of the book that I inherited from my friend Geoff T who periodically goes through his stuff and purges what he doesn't need or want anymore. I had planned to read it before the movie was released (and I thought I'd get it done since the movie kept pushed back and pushed back). So now that I've seen it, it'll be interesting to see what they did to the novel. (I still need to finish "I Am Legend" by Richard Matheson, but from I have read, I can tell you the movie changed some stuff that made me a little grumbly, but that's basically because of what I read.)

When I got back to my mom's place, she dyed my hair again since it started to grow out. I keep telling her to start from the bottom to the top, but nope. She does it her own way leaving my fro hella bright at the top. That's okay. I like it so no worries.

The next day I took my mother out for a belated birthday lunch and movie. My brother joined us for lunch at Red Robin where my mom tried my rum cocktail and made a pretty face.

Mom: What is that?
me: (says name of cocktail from menu that I can't remember at the moment)
Mom: Let me try. (takes sip, makes face) What is in that?
me: (grinning) Rum.
Mom: (eyes grow wide)

She knew it had booze in it. Even though the name of the drink doesn't convey it has booze in it, I said it had. The fact that when my mom heard it had booze in it, she was like a child with candy, all "gimme gimme". Afterwards, we took my brother home and headed out to the mall where we watched "The Butler". Good movie! And kudos to my mom for not talking during the film. (She's usually only quiet during musicals.) After the movie, I dropped my mom off and headed to my brother's so I could see my niece. She had school the next day so we played a bit and then I read her one of her new books. Then I hugged and kissed her, told her I loved her and let her sleep. Then my bro walked me to my car, we chatted a bit, I headed back to my mom's, she packed me a lunch for the next day. I gassed up my car, grabbed some drinks (and some sour watermelon gummies) and headed home.

Oh, I forgot to mention my brother made me a game. It's on his computer right now, but it's pretty cool. Reminds me of the 7th Guest and Eleventh Hour days. The concept is that my brother and his family and I go on holiday at this resort on a remote island. They all go to check out the beach, and he asks me to go to our rooms (adjoining suites) to wait for the luggage since we were late to arrive to the island. The object of the game is to find my family and leave the island safe and sound since there's a ZOMBIE OUTBREAK. It was cute watching him watch me play the game. It's a simple thing but cute. I could tell when I was going to die. I'd pause, look over my shoulder, and my brother would be peeking at me around the corner. He's such a weirdo.

Overall the weekend was good. My niece is awesome. And my body is still broken as frak.

What has been going on in your world lately my sweetie pies?

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Needing A Big Beer & a Long Nap

Jessica: Oh, I'm a terrible insomniac.

Helen: I'm so sorry. Since when?

Jessica: Um, I don't know, since birth.

-from the movie "Kissing Jessica Stein"

Happy Friday! Happy Friday Everyone!

That was my version of a Tiny Tim moment, minus the holidays and crutches.

In any case, I'm at work again. It's Friday. It's a little slow at the moment so I thought I'd try and play catch up while I can. I'm sitting in the corner at the lone PC left in our department. We converted to Macs a little while ago, and aside from where I'm at right now, our department is all kinds of AppleMac-y. The desk right around the corner from where I'm sitting is one of my leads, and she has a PC and a Mac that she can switch between, but the switcher that is connected to them really doesn't do shit. And every time I have sat at her desk, the systems act up, so I opt to sit here at the computer with two monitors and is slower than an elderly snail with a limp running through molasses.

The PC has a program on it that we do not have a Mac version for that we use in conjunction with our production stuff. They recently (can't remember if I mentioned this in a post or not) asked if I could help out with program stuff. It's overtime wherever I can fit it in. I've done it a few times as well as tried to fit it in during the day during slow moments. Yeah, I could have totally taken the overtime, but this was when I didn't have a car still, and the idea of working more and walking to public transpo and then walking home just to do it all over again the next day REALLY wasn't all that appealing to me.

As of this moment, I've done very little in the programming/production category. As it is, I've been in a mood all day, and I'm not sure why.

Today is a company wide meeting. Had to deal with Ben & Jerry's about a cake order. No one answering at the location. Manager not answering or returning the messages we left him. Today I managed to wrangle SOMETHING. (We order a cake to celebrate all the birthdays for the month. As it is, I had to get two. It was left to me, so if no one likes it, they can suck it!)

Today is also Brain Tacos Day with Kathy W.

In other non-writing related news, I'm working on my hydration levels due to my leg, health, and the fact that I can't stand waking up with a Charlie Horse in either one of my calves. Oh, how I hate that. So part of the issue is hydration. So I've been downing water and occasionally Gatorade type drinks to hydrate myself. I'm usually drinking water when I'm having drinks with friends, but now I'm even doing it when I have soda or anything other than water. Per a medical website I read an article on, it's not a definite science on how much water you need to drink, but per the article, it is suggested that women drink a little over two liters a day. I will get a bottle of Powerade or something which is usually a liter or so in size by itself and then I refill it during the day at work. The minimum goal is to drink down two bottles, but I try and aim for more. I could do without peeing every five minutes (or at least that's what it feels like), but hey.. the price to pay for no Charlie Horses, I will gladly pay in piss.

The same article suggested men drink three liters (I think). Not sure, but I know it's more than women. Perhaps it has to do with general body mass? I dunno.

Oh hey! I just remembered something having to do with writing.

Went to an electronics the other day and just wandered about -- browsing at laptops and other things -- then on the way to the front of the store, I walked past some mini recorders and stood there, staring.

Are any of my fellow writing peeps write by dictation? I've seen it in movies and TV shows where authors can talk out their scenes. I usually just type mine out, but I don't think I could talk/act mine out. I've tried listening to myself, and I get all weird in the head about it. Perhaps I'm just self-conscious, but oh well. Anyone use this method? Anyone have any success in it?

All right. I think that's all I have time for today. Hopefully I'll have more writing stuff next week. As it is after work today, I'm heading out of town to see some lovely crazy people known as FAMILY. First time taking my new (used) car out for a long distance spin. Let's see how it goes.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

PS... (NEWSFLASH!: Brains Taco Day was a little less than exciting. They were softer than the tongue ones we had last month and not as impressive. Next time, we're most likely going to try the tripe. Stay tuned!)

Some Babble For Your Mid-Week Enjoyment

The world is not a wish-granting factory.

-from the novel "The Fault in Our Stars" by John Green

Hey look! It's Wednesday! The humpy day in the middle of week!

Working and Not Writing...

Walk, don't run, to the nearest exit.

-Edward 'Ned' Seton from the movie "Holiday"

Happy Labor Day my fellow weirdos!

A Horse Named Charlie

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

-Mitch Hedburg

Today is Friday, and I'm at work. I'm tired. A little cranky. A little loopy. And I can't fathom why the hell people are obsessed with my car.

Pain, Fatigue and Fiction

Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

-William Goldman from William Goldman: Four Screenplays

My left knee hurts, my shin is grumpy and my ankle needs an attitude adjustment.

Aches, Pains and Games

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

-Narrator from "Fight Club"

It's me again. Trying to keep up with all this shiznit. Man I'm tired already, but I'll get to that later. I only updated one story since last time, and that would be (drum roll please...):

It's Been A While...

It's been a long (long time), we shouldn't of left you (left you),

Without a dope beat to step to (step to, step to, step to).

-from the song "Try Again" by Aaliyah feat Timbaland

Okay. So it's been a little over a month. I'm still working on getting my juju back up and running. I've been a little successful I think... at least where the stuff on here is concerned.

Speaking of which (in no particular order):

• Blue is at part thirty-two
• Della is at part sixteen
• Sanya is at part twenty-three with Almost Home
• Kearie is at part twenty-two with Contemplating Madness
• Arwyn is at part nineteen

And now that's out of the way...

I don't think that I'll be able to update everyting this month, but it seems the creative juices are a-flowing again so that's something at least. I've also been writing in my notebooks lately as well. (Let's hear it for my crappy penmanship.)

New developments in my life...

I have a car again. (Pardon me as I happy dance.) I'm still paranoid as FRAK about driving. There are moments where I'm completely chill and going the ACTUAL POSTED SPEED LIMIT as opposed to my usual 5-10mph above (and before you judge me, just know that even though I'm technically speeding, there are cars that HATE ME on the freeway and Zoom! past me going what feels like twice as fast as me), and then I'll cross some random intersection and have a flashback of the night I got T-boned. Usually there's a quick twitch of my head going left to right to make sure nothing or no one is coming to get me, and then I melt back into the seat and relax. Currently avoiding freeways if I can during rush hour traffic moments as well as avoiding turning cross traffic. I usually take a side street nearby that's got a stop light and wait my turn. In any case, the accident that totaled my Libby happened at the beginning of February. Not sure how long it's going to take to get me "normal" again since I still have the occasional "something's gonna hit me" moments from when my Honda became an accordion over ten years ago, but I'm getting better.

Baby steps, y'all. Baby steps.

Work has been giving me more responsibilities so even though it's a little more work, I'm taking it as a sign that they like me, and I'm a good worker. I'll have been with this place for a whole year next month. Wow! To be employed and hit the year mark. Kinda nice.

What else has happened since the last time I blogged...?

Saw my dad. He was visiting California for a few weeks so I saw him when he first got to town (he stayed with my brother and his family for a few days at the beginning and end of his visit) and towards the end. Can't remember the last time I saw him in Fontana before he moved to Oklahoma. Wonder when I'll see him again. (Oh yeah. He also got married to the lady he's been living with for a while. 20 years he says. It was a courthouse type of deal. It's nice to know they have each other.)

My niece graduated Pre-K, took swimming lessons and played T-ball over her Summer break, and is now officially a kindergarden student. Woot! I am SO proud of that little weirdo of mine, and I love her bunches and bunches.

Dyed my hair red... ish. My mom did it for me. She starts from the top to the bottom so it looks brighter the higher up my noggin you go. So far I've received nothing but happy comments. One of the chics I work with wanted to dye her red and said my shade was what she wanted. I showed her the pic I Instagram'd of the box (yes I Instagram, and the pic was part of a 365 pic a day challenge I'm doing). She's still "ombre" (that how you spell it?) so I'm not sure if she's gonna do it or not, but she calls me Red all the time. I kinda like it.

My brother got hit in the face with a baseball and camera. (What?) So from what I understand, during my niece's T-ball games, my brother was taking pics of games for work. Apparently he had a really nice SLR type of camera and was poised, camera to face, to take a pic when a ball slammed straight at his face, hitting the camera into his face. Both suffered the damage. My brother eventually went to the doctor. He seems good when I spoke to him shortly after it all happened. I was talking with my mom, and she said, "Your brother got hit in the face with a ball." Being an "interesting" storyteller, I called my bro to get the skinny, and he told me of his ordeal. He said he was going to have a scar.

Brother: You familiar with the HBO series Game of Thrones?
me: (knowing right away what he was going to say) You do not look like Tyrion.
Brother: You watch the show?
me: You do not look like Tyrion.
Brother: You remember the Battle of Blackwater?
me: Yes. And you do NOT look like Tyrion.
Brother: (ignoring me) Remember what Tyrion's face looked like?
Me: (rolls eyes, facepalm) Yes.
Brother: That's what I look like.
me: I can guarantee you do NOT look like Tyrion.
Brother: I'll be scarred for life.

*some of the above has been paraphrased to infer my brother's sense of humor, my sarcasm, and also simply for my entertainment value.

I bought a bookshelf from IKEA and have been slowly uncluttering my room. It's one of those cube types, looks like a giant two box by four box ashtray. It helps not take up space so that I'm happy about. It's just a matter of taking things out of my room to add to my storage unit is a pain due to the doggies in the house. They bark at EVERYTHING and now the door is warping or something so now I have to play with it in order to open and close it. My landlady just says "Ya gotta pull on it" or whatever but it's kind of like... um, lady? Just please fix the door. *sigh*

I've started taking my lunch to work again. Woo hoo! Been bringing cereal (bought some coconut milk and left it in the breakroom fridge so I can have some Special K at the start of my shift), peanut butter and honey sandwiches, cereal bars and salt and black pepper Triscuits. (Snacking on the cereal bars right now while I work and update this blog. Yeah. I'm multi-tasking. Yay me.)

Books I've recently finished: "Flirt" by Laurell K. Hamilton, "A Beautiful Friendship" by David Weber, "The Host" by Stephanie Meyer, "The Care & Feeding of Stray Vampires" by Molly Harper, "Driving Mr. Dead" by Molly Harper, "And One Last Thing" by Molly Harper, "Nice Girls Don't Bite Their Neighbors"...

Yeah. I like Molly Harper (and Amanda Roncone who reads most of her books). *grin*

I'm currently reading "Catching Fire" by Suzanne Collins. The movie comes out in my birthday month. I read "The Hunger Games" before the movie came out, and I'm hoping to do the same this time around (even though a certain someone TOTALLY ruined the series for me with a few spoiled points that fell from her spoiler lips ON PURPOSE after I told her I'd ONLY read the FIRST BOOK).

But I'm not bitter or anything. Ha!

I think that's it for now. Trying to get things back in order... my life and such. Looking to join a gym to get rid of this mass that has cemented its jelly-like virus upon my person. I swear, if you split me in two, there's enough here for me to be twins. *sigh*

When I have some time, I need to take my new ride to Fresno and visit my family. As it is, my niece (with the prodding of my brother and mother) asks when I'm coming to see her. We have (tentative) plans to have octopus next time I'm in town. Looking forward to that. Miss that little weirdo. She gives good hugs and cuddles.

Hope all y'all have a lovely weekend, and I'll hopefully catch you on the flipside.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Today's Word is "CONFLICT"

There are three principles in a man's being and life, the principle of thought, the principle of speech, and the principle of action. The origin of all conflict between me and my fellow-men is that I do not say what I mean and I don't do what I say.

-Martin Bruber

Drama usually has some sort of intense conflict.

-Clint Eastwood

*******

Every story needs conflict.

What kind and how much is usually where I get indecisive.

As a general rule, my brain is always working, creating random scenarios and playing them out like a movie in my mind. (Sometimes I also act them out to help write them out. Am I the only one that does this?) I will play/act out, reorganize, rewrite, edit, etc... in my head until I get a "scene" that I like.

Not all of these ideas or scenes ever lead to anything more than what they are but some of them start to take on a life of their own and like a fungus or virus begin to spread into something bigger and greater...

Wait. Did I just compare my writing to a virus and fungus? Guess so.

Anyway, sometimes an idea will just take off on its own and need to guidance from me in terms of where it's going and what's going to happen, conflict or otherwise.

But the smaller scenes and vignettes lately have got me thinking more and more.

If the little scenes become big grown up stories and/or books,  what kind of conflict do I put in them?

For example...

The other day I was thinking up a lovely romantic bit between two people - friends reconnected over a long period of time - but then I thought "This is too perfect." The main character already has conflict she's dealing with, but then I think "Is it enough?"

I'm a selfish writer - meaning I write what I like and what interests me, and I think if other people like it, that's cool. I don't write for the masses. I write for me, and if others like it, then that's just extra cherries on my author-ly sundae. And regardless of writing formulas or whatever, I can't just write an "everything goes swell and nothing bad happens" kind of story. That's just not me and it's not real. And really... who wants to read that stuff? Even in guilty pleasure romance novels there's conflict even if it ends with the expected happily ever after.

How much conflict should go in a story? How much is too much? Or not enough? What sort of conflict should there be?

I'm fine with the conflict being something as simple as an argument or a disagreement, but it's got to be over something substantial. Disagreeing over what brand of toothpaste to use is not substantial enough... at least not to me.

Is any of this making sense?

So what do y'all think? What's a good amount of conflict? What's a good or bad example of conflict that you've read in a book or watched in a movie or played out in a video game or even experienced in your own life?

Okay. I think that's all. I'll end this post here.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Thinking About Writing. Does That Count?

Paul Krendler: Jesus, Starling, what are you doing sitting in the dark?Clarice Starling: Thinkin' about cannibalism.-from the movie "Hannibal"

*******

Let's see what I can do in 30 minutes.

Yeah. I'm on my lunch, and I just spent the first half of it surfing the net (mainly Facebook). It also took me forever to get into my frakkin Chinese chicken salad.

Yesterday was my only day off this week until Saturday (but I will be in Fresno that day visiting my father before he heads back to Oklahoma on the 8th). So I had to run errands (two of which I forgot since the heat made me bonkers... I'll be trying to do those today after work). I triumphantly made it to food after finding a pair of shorts (as well as a blouse on clearance). I had also spritzed some more Adam Levine on me before leaving Kohl's and heading to Panera (which was conveniently in the same lot). I ordered some tortellini and some soup and drank a frak ton of iced tea while I enjoyed the lovely A/C.

I thought about doing some writing while I was there, but I was stumped on choosing a girl's name. I wanted a name that was a girl's name but could be shortened to a boy's name. I've already used Sam and Charlie (my favorite go-to's). I thought about Jacky, Tony and Andy. Straying from Dani for some reason. Maybe I'll change my mind later.

But yeah, this girl is the main character of a story idea that I have about her going home for a bit where she's more accepted for who she is as opposed to where she was where she was being turned into something she wasn't. A part of that is the nickname which shows acceptance and comfort and love for who someone is.

But my brain stopped at the name since I had a scene in my head (still do) about an interaction between her and someone else. Can't write a scene when I don't know what to call the main person.

In any case, my sinuses made it impossible to function so I just put the notebook away, went through the rest of my food, hit the drugstore on the way home, and passed out. My cat (who I love most dearly) has the tendency to whine at me lately. It's not constant, but sometimes she'll hop off the bed to grab some water or food or whatever and then whine. I always ask her what's wrong... like she can understand me. But in any case, I feel like she just wants to be acknowledged. So I look at her, and she stares at me, and I check out the obvious things (cat box, food dish, water), and when everything is fine (which it usually is), I just look at her and ask, "What's up?" She's staring at me as if to say, "I'm on the floor. Why am I not on the bed with you?" I tell her, "You can come back up here. You know you can." Then she looks at me as if to reply, "I can? How?" I tell her, "You've done it before." Her look then seems to say, "I'm not sure if I can make it." I tell her she can. Then she whines one last time and then BOOM! - she's on the bed.

I understand the whining when I've been gone for a few days or all day cuz of work or something... since that's just "Mommy! I missed you! Sit down so I can sit on you and you can pet me!"

But when I'm in the room?

Perhaps if I had my own place where she could roam about wherever things would be different. As it is, I know she's very Mommy-centric. At an old place I had with a couple other girls, if I closed my door for any reason, and she wasn't in the room with me, she would HOOOOooooowwwwllll!!! Ugh. I love her, but it's like "Baby. Mommy loves you too much to muzzle you so PLEASE shut up!"

Okay. Times up.

Things I gotta do in the next few days: go to the bank, go to the post office, mail off car stuff, do laundry, make lunch, try to clean my room a bit, pack, sleep, drink lots of water, plot out my July 4th, go to the chiro... I think that's it (for now).

All right, time to post this thing and get back to work.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Not A Lot of Writing & A Whole Lotta Pain

No, I'm serious. Try that again, and I will take your balls.

-Faye from comic "Questionable Content"

*******

I'm not the happiest camper right now, but I'm trying to keep calm.

In the meantime, really... don't frak with me. Seriously.

I have found that I'm a little sensitive to negativity lately... and by that I mean toward me. Most of my friends are good at getting when it's time to stop giving me shit for something, but my family is a different story. And I love them, and I know they mean it in a jovial light hearted matter, but really... if I ask you politely to stop? Stop.

I also don't need to be reminded about the stupid shit that's going on in my life... at the break neck speed of a snail running through crazy glue.

*headdesk*
*sigh*

Got in the car Monday to head over to the chiropractor. Left lower back was none too pleased which left me rather unhappy. Driving was a bit of a feat since sitting normal was not quite helping with the pain. When I got to the office, he noticed that I didn't get up too quickly. Mentioned it had been bothering me. I laid down on the table, and he plugged the electrodes to my lower back, added ice, and shocked me for about ten minutes. Later he brought me into his office, and I think he was working out the sore bits near where I told him my back was unhappy. His table is rather low to the ground so when he hit a sore or tender spot, I flailed my arms a bit and smacked the floor.

Chiro: Don't like that, do you?
Me: Not one of my favorite things, no.
Chiro: Well, you'll take it and you like it.

He giggled at that but kept prodding. I told him that most likely would be the highlight of my day... my chiropractor telling me that I would take it and like it. He laughed even louder which, even at my expense, is always nice to hear. Then came the popping which was happymaking though after I left and got to work it started to act up again. The lower left side of my back to my ankle had varying degrees of "FRAK YOU!" aches and pains that made sitting difficult. At one point I had to stand at the computer I was working at because as grumbly as it was to stand, it was a little more grumbly to sit. By the end of the night, my back and leg felt a little better.

Tuesday was my day off, and I was kinda happy that I actually had a day to myself. I wasn't driving anywhere, didn't have a doctor's appointment or a lawyer meeting. There were some things that I could have done, but I chose to sleep in. (Joy!) Sadly a sinus headache took me over and left me a little unhappy, but then I had enough of the dog barking and other little things that were keeping me awake. I nasal rinsed my head (which didn't help much) and headed out for salad and friend time.

As the day wore on, my back grew progressively grumpier. At the end of the night, I still wasn't able to fall asleep when I would have liked or had a decent amount of sleep. My phone volume was turned down for some reason even though when I set the alarm it said it was all the way up. I barely heard the Hawaii Five-0 theme, and I think I only heard it since I was awake due to my cat whining at me for something. I got up, showered, took surface streets (since I'm still a little phobic about the freeway in commuter traffic), and then hobbled into work.

I plan on making a doctor's appointment when I can -- the girly doctor variety -- since my powerloss is acting out of control and my chest hurts where the seatbelt restrained me during the February accident.

So Wednesday went off without too much of a hitch. My back was still aggravating me, and I kept adjusting in my seat like I was sitting on razor blades or shards of glass or something. No way to get comfortable. Other than that, work was fine. I ate Advil like candy and decided I was getting a massage.

Drove out to the Ranch 99 plaza where this massage place was. I tried them once before and was quite happy. This time it was a woman that kneaded me like vehicularly damaged dough. After she was done, I could walk again without limping. It was fantastic! The thing I thought was interesting was that the chic that beat on me (and I use that term in good humor since I was very tense and she literally had to apply lots of pressure to get things to move) massaged me differently than that guy did from my first visit. I was under the impression (of my own thinking) that they all did the same stuff - no fuss, no muss. This lady started off the same, but then when I turned over and she started working on my back, I think she felt the solidness of my lower back (not sure they saw me limping and grimacing when I had walked in and was waiting my turn). So just when I thought I was done, I felt her pull down my pants and underwear just enough to expose my lower back. Then she lifted up the back of my shirt and (with my permission) undid my bra... you know, like when chics nude sunbathe. She placed a towel on top of my clothed bits, and she started working on my lower back using this slightly mentholated oil. It felt warm and slick and she went to town. As she worked on my back, I heard lots of snaps, crackles and pops, and I grinned with my face in the donut while she continued to work out my kinks. She then placed a hot towel compress on my back, covered me with a towel and worked on my legs and feet. When she was done, she removed the towel, wiped up any excess lotion and oil, pulled up my pants/panties, reclasped my bra, and fixed my shirt. I got up slowly, my face having been smooshed into the donut and tissue. I blinked my eyes open and the first thing I saw was that my hair was HUGE. All the Asians in the place were looking at me and my fluff. My masseuse chic gave me tea and when I was ambulatory once again, I paid her and smiled when I stood up because nothing hurt anymore. Oh sure, I was going to ache later since she punching bagged the shit out of my back, but I didn't care. I was as close to normal as I'd been in a long time since the accident.

Huzzah!

In all the time I ever got a massage, I had never bruised from a massage. Normally I was a little sore since I don't get massages every day so my body is not used to that kind of workout. Also she worked me good. She beat me well, and this morning there was a little soreness in my upper back and as I got in the shower and caught my reflection, I saw a slight bruising along my upper spine. I'm sure it'll go away in a day or so, but overall, I'm still in motion, and that makes me happy.

The only thing that aches at all at the moment - and I mean truly aches - is the contusion on my leg, but that'll ache good and long for a while. That sucks, but I had never been t-boned before so I'll be content with being above ground and breathing. Still, it'd be nice to have my body back, but that'll come in time.

So yeah... no real writing has happened since last post, but then again, I've been a little busy. I'm dreaming of a nap right now as I finish off this post, but I'll be heading to my friend Kathy and Steve's for Dusty's World after work. Woo hoo. I'll most likely cut out after the show (or try to) so I can hit the sack early, but meh... we'll see how that goes.

In conclusion, I'm on the edge so don't give me grief else I Hulk out and SMASH your ass!

Other than that, have a nice day!

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

A Little Something Before My Head Explodes...

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.
-Willy Wonka from the movie "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory"

So... I've been writing a little.

It's not much, and not all that great so don't expect too much, but I am a little proud and happy with myself.

As mentioned previously, Noemi is at part twenty-three with Suspicion and Worry. In addition, other stuff I've written (in no particular order)...

• Kearie is at part twenty-one with A Bit of Turbulence
• Tales of the Unemployed and Unloved (aka Arwyn) is at part eighteen
• Penelope is at part eighteen with Lost in the Dark
• Nedea is at part twenty-one
• Sanya is at part twenty-two with The Elderly and the Wounded

So far so good, right?

What else has been going on in my life?...

Car -- Yeah, I've been hit twice in the span of five months. Woo hoo! The universe can blow me. Today I went to the chiropractor, and he's mainly been treating my back for the second accident so when hitting the stim table today, he asked how I was feeling, and I told him about how my leg (now mainly the ankle and knee) have been grumpy and the funky feeling in my thigh has come back. So after stim, he had me prop my leg up on the table with my foot dangling off. He held my foot and asked me where it hurt. I told him, and he grabbed my ankle with both hands and did this motion and it POPPED!!! Of course I made a noise... kind of along the lines of a whine mixed with a grumbly grimace. He giggled at me and asked if I was okay, and I told him that was NOT one of my favorite things. (We'll see how things are tomorrow when I go back.)

Family -- My father has officially been in California since yesterday and neither my brother or I have heard from him. I sent him a message about my time off availability and have not heard back from him. I'm trying not to take anything personally, but without getting into it... I have Daddy-issues... or more over Issues with Daddy. Nevertheless, I'll be able to see the rest of my family (including my awesome fellow weirdo niece). It would be cool if we could plan a trip to Fontana to see Grandma, but that's not looking like an option though I'm not sure. Maybe something can happen.

Hair -- Scheduled a last minute appointment at DryBar last week Friday after work - partly since I felt the need to be pampered and partly cuz I had a sinus migraine that was killing the front and back of the left side of my head, and I thought a scalp massage would help. I didn't get the girl that I had the two times I went before who was there - just busy. The chic I got was nice though didn't seem to be able to tame The Beast as well as my usual girl can. When booking an appointment, I can request someone if they're available, but usually you get who you get when you walk in. There's one dude that works there, and I want him to do my hair at least once. He's shampooed me once for my usual girl, and he is fabulous. I wonder what he would do with my tresses. -- I also need to dye my hair. Maybe I can get my mom to do that this weekend. I dunno. Will have to see. I have WAY too many colors going on in my hair. I need to consolidate that mess into one color (if I can). I thought about doing an off-color color (like purple or blue or whatever), but it's too much hassle at the moment, and bleach hates my hair and red fades too quickly... *sigh*

FatAss -- So I live near a track that's part of a recreation facility type place, and I decided that I am going to start walking again. This whole "exercise" thing is a little difficult to schedule working the shifts I do... add on top of that all the extra crap I've been doing (doctor appointments, car drama, regular personal errands, etc), the only time I seem to have is late at night... which really isn't all that convenient for me, but I started pushing myself to take my happy ass dressed in work out/walking clothes and sneaks to the track to walk at least four laps (in school I was taught four laps is about a mile). My leg is still a little cranky so I usually walk as much as I can until my leg decides that it's gonna pitch a fit and wants to go home. Walking the track at night is peaceful and cool, but I wish it were better lit. The new sneaks I got just for walking needed some breaking in so that stopped my walks for a couple days while my feet settled from their blisters and raw skin. At present I'm dealing with powerloss and also prepping for family time so I'm hoping I'll be starting up the walking again. I have my work schedule for the next two weeks. I'm thinking Monday should be a good time to start walking again? I close that night so I'll try and remember to bring a change of clothes with me to work.

San Diego -- I had originally planned to go to San Diego for NERDHQ this year, but as July neared, I found that work still hadn't told me that I would get the time off. The more drama the universe dished out to me, the more unlikely it looked like I wouldn't be able to go and have a good time even if I had a ride there (which I was hoping to have a car by now) as well as a place to sleep (I could always sleep in my car?). Regardless, I emailed my Lead that does the schedule to tell her that I wouldn't need the time off anymore. All the legal stuff, car stuff, chiro appointments... it just seemed impossible. Admittedly she was a little grateful. I mean, I asked for the time off a couple months ahead of time at least, but then I get an email earlier this month that even though I put it in so far in advance, there was no guarantee that I would get the time off. Then one chic didn't show up to work for a while, and then another girl left for another job... so we were a little short staffed making the schedule a week to week thing versus a month to month. Not being to plan for San Diego made me a little grumpy and bummed. So Kathy (who is also staying home from San Diego this year) will be passing the time together drinking and watching movies/shows. There was the idea of turning SDCC/NERDHQ into a drinking game, but it's just an idea at this point. -- So yeah, I'm totally jealous of all my nerdling peeps who'll be at NERDHQ this year. I gotta keep thinking... there's always next year, right? (Although in a fantasy state of mind, it would be fabulous if there was a way I could see First Date on broadway to make up for missing San Diego. I think with everything I've been through, I deserve that, right?)

Yeah. I know.

All right. This post has gone on long enough. I think I'm going to finally post this. I'll talk to all y'all later.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

I Am SO a Beautiful & Unique Snowflake... Aren't I?

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

-Narrator from the movie "Fight Club"

*******

I am Rae's frustration.

Guess where I am? (waits...) I'm at work. (Sorry if I didn't give you enough time to answer the question. It was one of those rhetorical ones, ya know?) There was a mix-up with one of the other girls leaving no one to close tonight so... here I am.

I'm a little bummed since I originally had today and tomorrow off, and (selfishly) tonight is the season three finale of GAME OF THRONES!!! But the awesome Jimbo & Leabo will be saving it for me so huzzah to my friends.

I am Rae's gratitude.

In other news, I actually wrote something I forgot to include in my prior blog post but oh well. I'll share it here.

• Noemi is at part twenty-three with Suspicion and Worry

I am quite proud of myself on that one. I actually have thought of what will be happening next for that story, and am a little excited to write it.

Still doodling in my notebook, but I think (trying not to get my hopes up) I'm getting my writing mojo back. It's slow and steady - like the adorable turtle - but I think it's there.

I am Rae's happy dance.

Been working on getting healthier, too. Been going for walks after work while listening to audiobooks to keep me company. (Don't worry. I'm very mindful of the shadows.) I downloaded a pedometer to my phone that monitors my steps and distance. Not too impressive yet, and I usually stop when my left leg pipes up saying it's time to head home. I bought some "workout" clothes so I can be comfortable when I walk... as well as some sneakers so I'm not abusing my only all-around all the time good pair. The new kicks gave me blisters when breaking them in so I think I'm going to take today off and let my feet rest.

I am Rae's fat ass.

Did not have the best time last night and this morning. My Landlady texted me last night while I was still at work to let me know her son would be sleeping over on the couch (which was fine since he stays over once in a while). I made a beeline for my room, changed into jammies and passed the frak out... or at least tried to. 

The older man that lives with us that my Landlady cares for has been sleeping with his door open lately (which none of us know why), and he snores like a chainsaw symphony on crack stuck on repeat with a booming sound system hooked up to his throat and nostrils.

And even when awake he's not a quiet guy.

So last night, I set my alarm, got everything ready for the next day, and tried for sleep. Captain Elderly Pants made it a little difficult to pass out even as tired as I was. Then in the morning, I heard him on the phone. It woke me up but then I managed to pass back out again. Then my landlady's dogs were barking up a storm. Again, managed to pass back out. I heard him yelling at the dogs trying to get them to be quiet, and even heard a comment of "I wonder how Rae can sleep through all this".

Awake-pass out-awake-pass out...

I am Rae's exhaustion.

To top off this entire joyous state of being I seem to have gravitated into, there are moments where I feel the beginnings of tears welling up behind my eyes. I guess it all started with the initial accident back in February (and all the reminders of how I could have died didn't really help either). But then weeping has always been my emotional outlet as of late. Stressed, mad, sad, lonely, frustrated, stuck, broke...

I am Rae's psychotic break.

There's too much going on in my world, and it feels like I don't have enough time to deal with it all as well as not having enough time or energy to do anything that I want to do - like write or read or whatever. Sleep is still illusive, and I think that the stress of life is turning me from a deep sleeper into a "waking up every hour to the slightest noise" sleeper.

Not sure I can remember when life had any kind of normalcy to it or when I wasn't so tense and grumpy and bummed...

I am Rae's pessimism.

In any case, I'm just trying to roll with the punches and not punch anyone in the process. In the meantime, I am dreaming of eating my feelings, washing them down with lots of alcoholic chasers while daydreaming of a better life filled with a smaller waist, a flatter stomach, unblistered feet, a regular steady job, a car that is my own, and not feeling like the world is out to get me.

Oh yeah. And write, too.

I am Rae's hope.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae