It's currently 2:25am... and I am awake.
While at work today, I drank two Rockstars - one regular one in the morning and one sugar-free one toward the end of my shift (which I didn't finish and brought home with me).
And yet... I still passed out when I got home.
To be fair, quarantine has really frakked with my sleep schedule. I already have insomnia of sorts, but today was the first day of powerloss (aka my period) which just adds fuel to the fire which is my body not wanting to be upright and conscious anymore. When I'm at work, I kick into this auto-pilot where my mind is kept busy with work - so in some pseudo-sleeper-soldier-way, I stay awake.
Then I get home... and all bets are off.
My reasoning is that I have to work to get paid to pay bills and rent and all the important adulting things... so my brain keeps me "awake" to do all these "necessary things." When I get home, it's less "important" to do home things. I mean, yes - I wash dishes, make dinner, do laundry, etc... but the little voice in my head that says "okay, we're doing to do all these things when we get home today" ends up crying in the corner while I slowly become a sloth and not want to move.
And powerloss doesn't help much either. My body is already telling that little voice in my head "You want to do what? Do you not realize how bloated and heavy and achy we feel? No no no. We are going to channel our internal fluffy housecat, curl up in a little ball, and ignore everything."
When I got home today, I put my work bag and purse down, changed into jammies, turned on my laptop to turn on music or podcasts to listen to as I eyed the progress of my "reorganization extravaganza" of my apartment... and then went to lay down after taking meds to help the icky-feelings that go along with menstruation... and passed out.
If I had to guess, that was around maybe 5-6pm... and I woke up around midnight. And here we are!
I thought about making a snack and watching the latest episodes of some shows that I watch that came out today... but my common sense and powerloss-fatigue said "Nope. Go back to bed." But then a part of me said "You could blog. You've been meaning to pick that up again and - like with a variety of the world's New Year's Resolutions - you keep pushing the restart date back."
So here we are.
I plan to try and make things reasonably short and sweet since I am tired, and I don't feel too well (fuck you, powerloss-nausea). I'm hoping this will kickstart my brain to send messages to my gumption to remind me of my passions in life and get my writing back in gear. (I've actually sort of started getting some writing mojo back, but I'll save that for another blog post... if my quarantine-addled brain can remember.)
Looking at the clock now, it's almost 3am, and after I end this post and publish it so people can see it, I will shut off all the lights, curl up in bed, and most likely just lay there almost 100% tired enough to pass out, but that small one-or-less-than-that-percent will keep me awake for some time before passing out... and then my many alarms (oh yes, I have several in five-minute intervals with different chimes that will start going off in a little over three hours from now) will start to sing their annoying songs at which point I will periodically slap their snooze buttons until I have convinced my body to get the fuck up and move about the cabin to prepare for the day.
My breasts ache. Not really an important thing to say - it's just what came to mind this second.
So before I sign off for the night [it's not morning until the sun comes up!], I will just share some random thoughts I've had lately for no other reason than... cuz I am.
- Kathryn Hahn and Ana Gasteyer should play sisters in something. (In the same vein where Zachary Levi and John Krasinski should play brothers in something.)
- What if cars couldn't turn/change lanes without activating the turn signal? I think this often since I have been at the mercy of asshats that either do not use their signals and almost collide into me or use them last minute and almost have me collide into them. Either way, annoying and not happy-making.
- I can't decide if I truly need a handheld stick blender. Or maybe a milk frother for that matter.
- I want an espresso machine but don't really have space for it. What's the smallest espresso machine one could get? With a steam wand? (I have some cafe experience and know my way around an espresso machine somewhat.)
- Do I want to get a Nespresso machine instead? They recycle their pods. But with Covid, can I actually enter a Nespresso establishment?
- Heard "Novocaine" by The Unlikely Candidates yesterday, and the lyric "Guess you could blame it on my left-side brain" made me think of another song... which I had to sing the line a bit before I remembered it was "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train where they say "on the front lobe of my left-side brains."
- I have old electronics that I need to e-cycle. I just need to find a place to drop them off at.
- I want to live in Shondaland... but as one of the good guys.
- I want this cooties epidemic to be over with so I can hug people again - mainly my niece.
- I fear all this quarantining is making me a homebody. It's definitely messing with my mind as well as my insomnia.
- I have been craving birria tacos. Perhaps I can try making them at home???
- A friend of mine from an old job passed away a few years ago, and someone has now hacked his Facebook account and is tagging all his friends with RayBan ads. There is a special level of hell for you, asshole. Stop doing shit like that and get a better hobby... like knitting... or just being a better human being.
- Several of my accounts have been hacked lately - as have some of my friends that I have noticed - so of course, I've had to go in and update some things. I feel there has been an uptick in shit like this, and I understand quarantine has left people at a loss for things to do... but for fuck sakes... read a book or bake a cake or something and leave peoples' lives alone!
- I'm swearing a lot more than usual. Hmm...
- Tomorrow's Inauguration Day... wonder what that will be like.
- I miss people.
- I should go to bed now.
Rae
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