Not A Lot of Writing & A Whole Lotta Pain

No, I'm serious. Try that again, and I will take your balls.

-Faye from comic "Questionable Content"

*******

I'm not the happiest camper right now, but I'm trying to keep calm.

In the meantime, really... don't frak with me. Seriously.

I have found that I'm a little sensitive to negativity lately... and by that I mean toward me. Most of my friends are good at getting when it's time to stop giving me shit for something, but my family is a different story. And I love them, and I know they mean it in a jovial light hearted matter, but really... if I ask you politely to stop? Stop.

I also don't need to be reminded about the stupid shit that's going on in my life... at the break neck speed of a snail running through crazy glue.

*headdesk*
*sigh*

Got in the car Monday to head over to the chiropractor. Left lower back was none too pleased which left me rather unhappy. Driving was a bit of a feat since sitting normal was not quite helping with the pain. When I got to the office, he noticed that I didn't get up too quickly. Mentioned it had been bothering me. I laid down on the table, and he plugged the electrodes to my lower back, added ice, and shocked me for about ten minutes. Later he brought me into his office, and I think he was working out the sore bits near where I told him my back was unhappy. His table is rather low to the ground so when he hit a sore or tender spot, I flailed my arms a bit and smacked the floor.

Chiro: Don't like that, do you?
Me: Not one of my favorite things, no.
Chiro: Well, you'll take it and you like it.

He giggled at that but kept prodding. I told him that most likely would be the highlight of my day... my chiropractor telling me that I would take it and like it. He laughed even louder which, even at my expense, is always nice to hear. Then came the popping which was happymaking though after I left and got to work it started to act up again. The lower left side of my back to my ankle had varying degrees of "FRAK YOU!" aches and pains that made sitting difficult. At one point I had to stand at the computer I was working at because as grumbly as it was to stand, it was a little more grumbly to sit. By the end of the night, my back and leg felt a little better.

Tuesday was my day off, and I was kinda happy that I actually had a day to myself. I wasn't driving anywhere, didn't have a doctor's appointment or a lawyer meeting. There were some things that I could have done, but I chose to sleep in. (Joy!) Sadly a sinus headache took me over and left me a little unhappy, but then I had enough of the dog barking and other little things that were keeping me awake. I nasal rinsed my head (which didn't help much) and headed out for salad and friend time.

As the day wore on, my back grew progressively grumpier. At the end of the night, I still wasn't able to fall asleep when I would have liked or had a decent amount of sleep. My phone volume was turned down for some reason even though when I set the alarm it said it was all the way up. I barely heard the Hawaii Five-0 theme, and I think I only heard it since I was awake due to my cat whining at me for something. I got up, showered, took surface streets (since I'm still a little phobic about the freeway in commuter traffic), and then hobbled into work.

I plan on making a doctor's appointment when I can -- the girly doctor variety -- since my powerloss is acting out of control and my chest hurts where the seatbelt restrained me during the February accident.

So Wednesday went off without too much of a hitch. My back was still aggravating me, and I kept adjusting in my seat like I was sitting on razor blades or shards of glass or something. No way to get comfortable. Other than that, work was fine. I ate Advil like candy and decided I was getting a massage.

Drove out to the Ranch 99 plaza where this massage place was. I tried them once before and was quite happy. This time it was a woman that kneaded me like vehicularly damaged dough. After she was done, I could walk again without limping. It was fantastic! The thing I thought was interesting was that the chic that beat on me (and I use that term in good humor since I was very tense and she literally had to apply lots of pressure to get things to move) massaged me differently than that guy did from my first visit. I was under the impression (of my own thinking) that they all did the same stuff - no fuss, no muss. This lady started off the same, but then when I turned over and she started working on my back, I think she felt the solidness of my lower back (not sure they saw me limping and grimacing when I had walked in and was waiting my turn). So just when I thought I was done, I felt her pull down my pants and underwear just enough to expose my lower back. Then she lifted up the back of my shirt and (with my permission) undid my bra... you know, like when chics nude sunbathe. She placed a towel on top of my clothed bits, and she started working on my lower back using this slightly mentholated oil. It felt warm and slick and she went to town. As she worked on my back, I heard lots of snaps, crackles and pops, and I grinned with my face in the donut while she continued to work out my kinks. She then placed a hot towel compress on my back, covered me with a towel and worked on my legs and feet. When she was done, she removed the towel, wiped up any excess lotion and oil, pulled up my pants/panties, reclasped my bra, and fixed my shirt. I got up slowly, my face having been smooshed into the donut and tissue. I blinked my eyes open and the first thing I saw was that my hair was HUGE. All the Asians in the place were looking at me and my fluff. My masseuse chic gave me tea and when I was ambulatory once again, I paid her and smiled when I stood up because nothing hurt anymore. Oh sure, I was going to ache later since she punching bagged the shit out of my back, but I didn't care. I was as close to normal as I'd been in a long time since the accident.

Huzzah!

In all the time I ever got a massage, I had never bruised from a massage. Normally I was a little sore since I don't get massages every day so my body is not used to that kind of workout. Also she worked me good. She beat me well, and this morning there was a little soreness in my upper back and as I got in the shower and caught my reflection, I saw a slight bruising along my upper spine. I'm sure it'll go away in a day or so, but overall, I'm still in motion, and that makes me happy.

The only thing that aches at all at the moment - and I mean truly aches - is the contusion on my leg, but that'll ache good and long for a while. That sucks, but I had never been t-boned before so I'll be content with being above ground and breathing. Still, it'd be nice to have my body back, but that'll come in time.

So yeah... no real writing has happened since last post, but then again, I've been a little busy. I'm dreaming of a nap right now as I finish off this post, but I'll be heading to my friend Kathy and Steve's for Dusty's World after work. Woo hoo. I'll most likely cut out after the show (or try to) so I can hit the sack early, but meh... we'll see how that goes.

In conclusion, I'm on the edge so don't give me grief else I Hulk out and SMASH your ass!

Other than that, have a nice day!

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

A Little Something Before My Head Explodes...

So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.
-Willy Wonka from the movie "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory"

So... I've been writing a little.

It's not much, and not all that great so don't expect too much, but I am a little proud and happy with myself.

As mentioned previously, Noemi is at part twenty-three with Suspicion and Worry. In addition, other stuff I've written (in no particular order)...

• Kearie is at part twenty-one with A Bit of Turbulence
• Tales of the Unemployed and Unloved (aka Arwyn) is at part eighteen
• Penelope is at part eighteen with Lost in the Dark
• Nedea is at part twenty-one
• Sanya is at part twenty-two with The Elderly and the Wounded

So far so good, right?

What else has been going on in my life?...

Car -- Yeah, I've been hit twice in the span of five months. Woo hoo! The universe can blow me. Today I went to the chiropractor, and he's mainly been treating my back for the second accident so when hitting the stim table today, he asked how I was feeling, and I told him about how my leg (now mainly the ankle and knee) have been grumpy and the funky feeling in my thigh has come back. So after stim, he had me prop my leg up on the table with my foot dangling off. He held my foot and asked me where it hurt. I told him, and he grabbed my ankle with both hands and did this motion and it POPPED!!! Of course I made a noise... kind of along the lines of a whine mixed with a grumbly grimace. He giggled at me and asked if I was okay, and I told him that was NOT one of my favorite things. (We'll see how things are tomorrow when I go back.)

Family -- My father has officially been in California since yesterday and neither my brother or I have heard from him. I sent him a message about my time off availability and have not heard back from him. I'm trying not to take anything personally, but without getting into it... I have Daddy-issues... or more over Issues with Daddy. Nevertheless, I'll be able to see the rest of my family (including my awesome fellow weirdo niece). It would be cool if we could plan a trip to Fontana to see Grandma, but that's not looking like an option though I'm not sure. Maybe something can happen.

Hair -- Scheduled a last minute appointment at DryBar last week Friday after work - partly since I felt the need to be pampered and partly cuz I had a sinus migraine that was killing the front and back of the left side of my head, and I thought a scalp massage would help. I didn't get the girl that I had the two times I went before who was there - just busy. The chic I got was nice though didn't seem to be able to tame The Beast as well as my usual girl can. When booking an appointment, I can request someone if they're available, but usually you get who you get when you walk in. There's one dude that works there, and I want him to do my hair at least once. He's shampooed me once for my usual girl, and he is fabulous. I wonder what he would do with my tresses. -- I also need to dye my hair. Maybe I can get my mom to do that this weekend. I dunno. Will have to see. I have WAY too many colors going on in my hair. I need to consolidate that mess into one color (if I can). I thought about doing an off-color color (like purple or blue or whatever), but it's too much hassle at the moment, and bleach hates my hair and red fades too quickly... *sigh*

FatAss -- So I live near a track that's part of a recreation facility type place, and I decided that I am going to start walking again. This whole "exercise" thing is a little difficult to schedule working the shifts I do... add on top of that all the extra crap I've been doing (doctor appointments, car drama, regular personal errands, etc), the only time I seem to have is late at night... which really isn't all that convenient for me, but I started pushing myself to take my happy ass dressed in work out/walking clothes and sneaks to the track to walk at least four laps (in school I was taught four laps is about a mile). My leg is still a little cranky so I usually walk as much as I can until my leg decides that it's gonna pitch a fit and wants to go home. Walking the track at night is peaceful and cool, but I wish it were better lit. The new sneaks I got just for walking needed some breaking in so that stopped my walks for a couple days while my feet settled from their blisters and raw skin. At present I'm dealing with powerloss and also prepping for family time so I'm hoping I'll be starting up the walking again. I have my work schedule for the next two weeks. I'm thinking Monday should be a good time to start walking again? I close that night so I'll try and remember to bring a change of clothes with me to work.

San Diego -- I had originally planned to go to San Diego for NERDHQ this year, but as July neared, I found that work still hadn't told me that I would get the time off. The more drama the universe dished out to me, the more unlikely it looked like I wouldn't be able to go and have a good time even if I had a ride there (which I was hoping to have a car by now) as well as a place to sleep (I could always sleep in my car?). Regardless, I emailed my Lead that does the schedule to tell her that I wouldn't need the time off anymore. All the legal stuff, car stuff, chiro appointments... it just seemed impossible. Admittedly she was a little grateful. I mean, I asked for the time off a couple months ahead of time at least, but then I get an email earlier this month that even though I put it in so far in advance, there was no guarantee that I would get the time off. Then one chic didn't show up to work for a while, and then another girl left for another job... so we were a little short staffed making the schedule a week to week thing versus a month to month. Not being to plan for San Diego made me a little grumpy and bummed. So Kathy (who is also staying home from San Diego this year) will be passing the time together drinking and watching movies/shows. There was the idea of turning SDCC/NERDHQ into a drinking game, but it's just an idea at this point. -- So yeah, I'm totally jealous of all my nerdling peeps who'll be at NERDHQ this year. I gotta keep thinking... there's always next year, right? (Although in a fantasy state of mind, it would be fabulous if there was a way I could see First Date on broadway to make up for missing San Diego. I think with everything I've been through, I deserve that, right?)

Yeah. I know.

All right. This post has gone on long enough. I think I'm going to finally post this. I'll talk to all y'all later.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

I Am SO a Beautiful & Unique Snowflake... Aren't I?

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

-Narrator from the movie "Fight Club"

*******

I am Rae's frustration.

Guess where I am? (waits...) I'm at work. (Sorry if I didn't give you enough time to answer the question. It was one of those rhetorical ones, ya know?) There was a mix-up with one of the other girls leaving no one to close tonight so... here I am.

I'm a little bummed since I originally had today and tomorrow off, and (selfishly) tonight is the season three finale of GAME OF THRONES!!! But the awesome Jimbo & Leabo will be saving it for me so huzzah to my friends.

I am Rae's gratitude.

In other news, I actually wrote something I forgot to include in my prior blog post but oh well. I'll share it here.

• Noemi is at part twenty-three with Suspicion and Worry

I am quite proud of myself on that one. I actually have thought of what will be happening next for that story, and am a little excited to write it.

Still doodling in my notebook, but I think (trying not to get my hopes up) I'm getting my writing mojo back. It's slow and steady - like the adorable turtle - but I think it's there.

I am Rae's happy dance.

Been working on getting healthier, too. Been going for walks after work while listening to audiobooks to keep me company. (Don't worry. I'm very mindful of the shadows.) I downloaded a pedometer to my phone that monitors my steps and distance. Not too impressive yet, and I usually stop when my left leg pipes up saying it's time to head home. I bought some "workout" clothes so I can be comfortable when I walk... as well as some sneakers so I'm not abusing my only all-around all the time good pair. The new kicks gave me blisters when breaking them in so I think I'm going to take today off and let my feet rest.

I am Rae's fat ass.

Did not have the best time last night and this morning. My Landlady texted me last night while I was still at work to let me know her son would be sleeping over on the couch (which was fine since he stays over once in a while). I made a beeline for my room, changed into jammies and passed the frak out... or at least tried to. 

The older man that lives with us that my Landlady cares for has been sleeping with his door open lately (which none of us know why), and he snores like a chainsaw symphony on crack stuck on repeat with a booming sound system hooked up to his throat and nostrils.

And even when awake he's not a quiet guy.

So last night, I set my alarm, got everything ready for the next day, and tried for sleep. Captain Elderly Pants made it a little difficult to pass out even as tired as I was. Then in the morning, I heard him on the phone. It woke me up but then I managed to pass back out again. Then my landlady's dogs were barking up a storm. Again, managed to pass back out. I heard him yelling at the dogs trying to get them to be quiet, and even heard a comment of "I wonder how Rae can sleep through all this".

Awake-pass out-awake-pass out...

I am Rae's exhaustion.

To top off this entire joyous state of being I seem to have gravitated into, there are moments where I feel the beginnings of tears welling up behind my eyes. I guess it all started with the initial accident back in February (and all the reminders of how I could have died didn't really help either). But then weeping has always been my emotional outlet as of late. Stressed, mad, sad, lonely, frustrated, stuck, broke...

I am Rae's psychotic break.

There's too much going on in my world, and it feels like I don't have enough time to deal with it all as well as not having enough time or energy to do anything that I want to do - like write or read or whatever. Sleep is still illusive, and I think that the stress of life is turning me from a deep sleeper into a "waking up every hour to the slightest noise" sleeper.

Not sure I can remember when life had any kind of normalcy to it or when I wasn't so tense and grumpy and bummed...

I am Rae's pessimism.

In any case, I'm just trying to roll with the punches and not punch anyone in the process. In the meantime, I am dreaming of eating my feelings, washing them down with lots of alcoholic chasers while daydreaming of a better life filled with a smaller waist, a flatter stomach, unblistered feet, a regular steady job, a car that is my own, and not feeling like the world is out to get me.

Oh yeah. And write, too.

I am Rae's hope.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Something's Missing...

I hate my life sometimes, I really do.

-Liberace from the movie "Behind the Candelabra"

So Thursday was full of no sleep and globetrottingishness... but some scribbling in a notebook was done so it wasn't all a total writing loss.

Yesterday was my day off so I had scheduled a trip to the Chiro office for my re-exam regarding the accident I had back in February. My lawyer - who I had met through the Chiro many many moons ago - wanted to meet regarding Monday's accident. I told him of my appointment, and he suggested we meet before it. Chiro was at 11am. Lawyer wanted to meet at 10:15am relatively nearby the Chiro neighborhood.

My plan was to get up early enough to hit the CHP office to get the driver info page of the accident report so I could hand it off to the Lawyer, but I was afraid of getting lost and being late to the Lawyer and then to Chiro so I just headed out to the designated Starbucks to meet with him.

It's been 10 years since I've physically seen my Lawyer so when I got there ten minutes early, I called him. He wasn't there yet but would be soon so I waited. Eventually when he got there, we discussed Monday's accident, and I gave him all the info I had at the time. I told him what happened, I signed some paperwork, and then we left.

Chiro was fun. I got to turn in the borrowed wobble board - so no more nightly exercises with my cat looking at me with a WTFrak expression. Of course there was paperwork. When I was done with it, Chiro and I went to a room to chat. He poked and prodded my neck, back and leg. After all that was done, he retaped my leg (purple instead of blue this time), I got to go on the stim (aka electro-stimulation) table for ten minutes. (Oh how I have missed that table.) This time it was accompanied with ice versus the heat pack from memories of days long gone. When my stim session was done, I was adjusted though I wasn't aware anything moved. I had to ask. He said, "Yes it moved," with this pseduo-DUH! expression. Normally I feel it more or hear a loud BOOM! or POP!, but that time I didn't. In any case, I felt better.

Then it was off to Leabo's for some Liberace, but I had to make two pit-stops - one at the car dealership to get info on parts quotes (need to go back to that area since their AutoMall area is rather large, and I need to do some car shopping for myself) and then to the post office for a money order (and more stamps that I bought mainly because they were pretty).

Leabo, Scherbo and I watched "Behind the Candelabra" which I liked, but dude... Matt Damon has some strategically sparkly speedos. And I absolutely loved Carlucci (Bruce Ramsay) and how he walked and moved, Debbie Reynolds was fabulous as Frances Liberace, and Rob Lowe just made me laugh too much merely by the way he acted and looked - didn't even have to say anything.

Jimbo had come home toward the end of the movie. Scherbo and I left but ended up chatting with Jimbo and Leabo before we really did leave. Kim had ordered Chinese food for dinner for Dusty's World which I made it before the show started. I toasted with a Pacifico and tried not to be too greedy with the walnut prawns Kim ordered for me. (One of the only two times I'll eat walnuts... the other is in baklava.)

After the show, Kim left and so did I shortly after. I was running on fumes by that point. I had maybe 2-3 hours sleep with barely any the night before and the night before that.

When I got home, it felt odd not to have to do the wobble board exercises. I plotted out my Friday. Had to get gas in the car and then try to find the CHP office. (Google maps/directions fail.) Found the place, parked next to an empty spot that had an eaten cob of corn in it (which I thought was odd since my friend just sent out a mass text about a BBQ she's having this weekend which ended with "... and I think someone is bringing corn." Anyway, I got the front page of the report (the actual report should be ready by Wednesday or so according to the people in the office. I forgot to ask how much that cost since the police report for my February accident cost some green to get. I just need to remember to ask when I call to check and then stop by an ATM on the way back... whenever that'll be.

I just want my life back.

Sure, it wasn't ideal to begin with, but all this... crap... that's been going on. It's just been driving me cooky. I'm a heaping pile of bummed dipped in stressed rolled in frakkin tired as frak. I want my body back, I want this legal shit to be done with, I want a car, I want people to stop hitting me with theirs, I want to be a part of San Diego this year... I want a little regularity in my life which I don't think I've had in a long LONG time.

I'm just tired. So tired.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Crash! Bang! Boom! WTF?!?!?!

Just when it can't get worse, I've had a shit day (NO!)

Have you had a shit day? (NO!) We've had a shit day. (NO!)

I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss.

I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.

-from the song "Blow Me (One Last Kiss)" by Pink

So yesterday totally sucked Joffrey's balls. (Yeah, it was THAT bad.)

One of my coworkers called out, and so the person that opened (who happened to be one of my leads) texted me to see if I could come in an hour early. There was no way I was getting back to sleep (I had already been woken up a few times that morning pre-text) so I replied that I would be there as close to 9am as I could.

Which ended up being 10am.

Heading down the freeway in my friends' manual shift Honda that's being lent to me until I get my own vehicle, I get stopped in bumper to bumper commuter traffic. (Insert sarcastic yays here.) So I get past the college passing an interchange when...

Boom!

I get hit from behind.

A guy two cars back hit another car who tried not to hit me... and failed. But yay for effort! We were all in the center lane, and I was able to get over to the center divide. They did as well. We tried to exchange information, and he called a tow while I called the police. CHP showed up a little while later and separated the three of us. The other girl's car was sticking out in the carpool lane, so one of the CHP dudes moved it for her, so I was equidistant between two broken cars.

The only damage done to the car that I was in was the bumper which was all kinds of cockeyed. The CHP dude that moved the other chic's car told me to keep my car idling so I turned it back on and sat in my car (as the other two were doing in their respective cars).

After giving the other CHP dude our information, he told me that the information would be available the next day at 8am. Once the CHP gathered all the information for their report, I was told I could go... after CHP dude who told me to idle ripped the bumper clean off saying the tow truck driver would take it away. They made sure traffic was clear before letting me go, and I headed to the office. (I had called and texted updates on what was going on, but finally arrived at 10am - my original shift starting time.)

When there was a lull in work, I spent my entire lunch calling my friend's insurance and returning the call of the insurance of the dude that caused the accident. Since the collision, my left leg got a little more grumpy than usual. I started feeling twinges in my thigh. I iced, elevated and medicated... but what else can I do.

I also called my chiropractor to schedule my re-exam for this Thursday. When still on the freeway, the CHP dude told me to see a chiropractor ASAP, and I told him I'd be seeing one this Thursday. He said to let my chiro know about the accident. When scheduling the appointment, I passed the info onto the receptionist who told the chiro who told the lawyer who called me.

He wants to meet.

So my Thursday will consist of meeting him, going to chiro, watching shows with Leabo and then hanging out with Kathy in the evening. I'm still waiting for something else to add itself on to my list of "What to do on my day off?" as well as "How much drama can we add to Rae's life before she explodes?"

After work I went shopping for jeans and shorts. I have next to nil in shorts, and jeans are not bad to have around. Going by the sizes I've been wearing, I headed to the thrift shop I like and did my usual "grab as many clothes as I can carry to the dressing room and prepare for abject humiliation".

• I didn't find anything that fit or looked good.
• Labels lie.
• Mirrors suck ass.
• I wanted a peanut butter chocolate shake (but didn't have one... restraint ftw!)

I immediately thought "I'm a fat fuck" and wanted to do something about it. In truth, I already had a plan of sorts but it required some small planning and minor supplies. But the whole thrift store quest took the wind from my sails so I saved plotting and planning for another day.

Went to Whole Foods and checked out their Whole Body store. I like that place. There were some things I was interested in, but I held off and went next door to grab some dinner. I wanted something light so I grabbed various drinks and then also grabbed a yummy quinoa salad as well as some cottage cheese. There was a bin of yummy cookies - of which I only grabbed four and trust me, there were a lot more than that to choose from.

I came home, started laundry, did my wobble board exercises with a little bit of (difficulty?) which I'm not sure if it was from the refreshed bang up job on my body or the fact that I was tired... or both?

I watched a little Hulu, snacked on some salad and cottage cheese, was annoyed by a fly that kept buzzing around my room, found several what feel like ant bites on the top of my right foot. They kind of itch now, but not too bad. (I have a lot of other crap to distract me.)

When laundry was done, I passed the frak out only to be awoken by dogs and an old guy (which all reside in my house). My landlady constantly tries to shut them up, but nothing seems to work. The dogs don't seem to care and the old guy most likely doesn't remember.

Man I wish I had my own place... and a car... and a life...

Yeah yeah yeah... I know. I'm in a mood. Do you blame me for feeling all "woe is me"?

So now it's close to the end of my shift. Coworker and Lead went out to have a smoke. After here, I'm going to the dealership to try and get something my lawyer asked for though I doubt I'll be able to get it for him. Tried to tell him that I didn't have a 9-5 type of job, but I'm not sure he actually got that. *sigh*

Left leg is acting up. Kind of annoying. When I drove off from the collision, things were twitchy/spasmy-like, and yeah... not happy making. We'll see what the chiro has to say Thursday. Also gonna try to to stop by the SJPD tomorrow before work to get some report info.

Took surface streets today. Cuz I could. People still trying to kill me... not happy about it. Getting really tired of the whole Survivor Pole Position that's been going on in the world lately. Frakkin traffic.

Oh! Did I mention that someone almost got into an accident while we were waiting for the CHP and the tow truck driver? All we heard was a squeal of breaks but thankfully no boom. (Thank gawd!)

Okay, I should really sign this thing off. As it is I've been doodling (at best) in my notebooks though not typing anything and the events of yesterday have sort of sent my writing juju progress sliding backwards into Meh-ville.

*headdesk*

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae