Feeling Defeated and Done In

"Keith... you're losing it. And when it's lost, all you are is a loser."

-Watts from the movie "Some Kind Of Wonderful"

So with the highs of keeping up with my goals last month, I feel like I'm falling behind this month.

Oh yeah.  Big time.

I have ideas for a few stories.  Right now I'm trying to work on a beginning for another one of my Wheels-O-Wonder stories, but it's just not gelling.  I think I can make it work.  I just need to get back in the zone as well as get out of the house and some place quiet to do some work.

On top of that, I decided to add three of the six stories I had started in Stoically Challenged for fear of them not getting lost in some void.  I mentioned them in my last post , and I think created story blogs for them shortly after (if not the day after) of that post.

So we have Kearie, Kai and Penelope.  (Hello kiddies.  Mommy has missed you.)

The original plan was to do the stories in order like I did last month - oldest to most recent, but I think I'm going to save the three new girls for last this time around.  I need to refresh my memory of where I last left off with them.  Then maybe over time, if I write more for the other girls (Ashlock, Abernathy and Piper), they, too, will get their own story blogs.  We'll see.

As it is, I haven't even thought of a name for the dude I'm writing about now which is odd, but hopefully I'll come up with something tomorrow.  The plan is to hit a cafe or coffee place and just get out for a while.  I've been feeling a little out of it at home and aside from my "powerloss" beating several kinds of poo out of me as it always seems to do when it comes around every month, I haven't been very productive with anything for most of the day.  Thank goodness it's almost over so hopefully that'll work out in my favor and who knows??? - maybe I can crack out fourteen stories and one review by the 29th.

That's right, my lovelies, this year is a LEAP YEAR!

Then again, I've already written one story... well... ten little stories for one of Alithea S's assignments.  I wrote ten drabbles in the Montana-movie-fandom which were loosely based off of the movie-verse and my birthday gift to Alithea S. fanfic-verse (minus the Percy Jackson-Artemis part).

So that's one story down, thirteen and a review to go.

Oh yeah!  I can just taste the failure.  It's just sad with a hint of despair.

A "plus" to my glorious blogging/writing ways, a friend of mine and fellow writer - Kevin Z. - featured me recently in one of his blog posts.  The post itself tickles me beyond belief.  Looking over the post as well as listening to my recording of the post (I come out loudest because 1. my phone was closest to me, and 2. I'm Filipino.) is just delightful!  LOL!

I feel I need to explain the post (and maybe a little bit of the recording, too).

A while ago, Kevin Z. and I chatted about writing, and how his writing sort of fell to the wayside and now he simply blogs.  He had said he never had the time or energy due to working long days, etc, and I said something positive and encouraging like, "If you really want to write, you make the time."  Then I decided to challenge him by giving him a prompt from the Wheels-O-Wonder.

His prompt?

A: an alcoholic
B: that hates kids
C: hunts for lost treasureD: to find a mythical animal

My Facebook messages tell me I gave him this prompt October 9, 2011.

His reply?

That sounds like it will really put me out of my element. Challenge accepted.

After poking him periodically with "How's the writing going?" check-ups, I decided to give him until the end of the year to finish the story.  That would be a few months.  PLENTY of time, right?

About a week ago at a game night at his and his girlfriend Diana M's place, I jokingly checked on him and the story again.  (Diana M. wanted me to give him way more shit than I had been, but she seemed to do that better than I ever could, so I merely just once in a while would ask once and leave it at that.)  He'd occasionally tell me what he'd plotted out in his head but so far nothing had been written/typed out.

At one point during the night, he was sitting at his computer, and I was sitting on the floor with some other friends chatting.  He nudges me to look at his computer, and what do I see?  A word document open with the following...

And the smartass award goes to...

I took a pic of the screen with my phone cuz I thought it was funny and posted it to my Facebook with the message:

Dear Kevin:

I love you. LOL!!!

Have Goodness!
(your Asian Sista from another Mista...)
Rae

He saw that later on which I guess prompted him to blog about it.  Some time later he nudges me again to look at his computer, and that's when I saw him playing around with the pic for the post.

And then The Beast (Rachel's Hair) attacked
Kevin and he was never heard from again. -JF

Originally the pic (taken by Jessie F.) was just of him and me at an outing with friends to the meadery back in April 2011 (which reminds me I haven't been in a while and really should fix that).  I believe I had my hair pulled back earlier in the day but had let it loose later.  There was a comment about The Beast (a loving nickname for my hair) being loose, and Kevin Z. made like he was scared of it (like B-movie horror scared). 

So... I attacked him with it.

The thing I like about this pic is that you can see my ass which, in recent years, I have come to embrace and not think to be this hideous mass behind me.

The thing I do NOT like about this pic is, even though I love that shirt (hella comfy yo'!), in the pic it balloons forth as The Beast goes after its latest victim, leaving me to look large... like an expanding marshmallow in a microwave.

After seeing the pic - resized to fit his blog - I had suggested in jest that since you can't see my face that he should do a little bubble to the side showing what I actually look like.

Hence the second photo.

True friends hold your head up when you
no longer can. -JF

The other pic cropped and used in his blog shot (also taken by Jessie F.) was taken at a recent Girl's Night (January 2012) whilst playing a game of Trivial Pursuit.  (We were drinking so we used to the kids cards.)  In the original pic was me and my friend Dawn S. 

From my vantage point, her head was tilted at an awkward angle and looked like it hurt and could potentially cause damage... so I thought I'd help her out.

Now if you listen to the audioboo clip (yeah, ya heard me right... audioboo!), you'll hear me gripe about how he covered up my booty with... well... my face, but left the big parachutey shirt billowing before me as if to hide my cow stomachs.

Moo, mother fuckers!  Moo!

But the two Photoshop gurus ignored me and continued on talking shop about the photo.

Cutest anime eyes EVAAAAR! -JF

(Note: Disregard the comment in the recording about "Carlanka" unless Kevin Z. wants to explain it.  Besides it's about a friend of his that I don't know, so he knows the story better than I do.)

Since they were playing around with the picture, I had suggested (again as a joke) if they could give me "anime" eyes.  In a picture from Dawn's birthday back in 2010, there's a pic of me and Wes M. that Jessie F. took, and I have no idea what happened - if it was the flash or the angle or what - but I ended up having adorable anime eyes... and being Asian, I found that quite amusing.

Since I more often than not DO NOT like the way I look in pics, I kept making jokes about myself, and Jessie F. offered to fix the picture

Last year in May was Makers Faire, and she and Wes M. showed up a little later and met up with me and the rest of the people I arrived with.  Later when I saw the pics Jessie F. posted of the event, I actually liked how I looked in some of them... and of course had to joke about it even then.

Whud up. -JF

One pic she took of me (as shown here to the right) was a pic that didn't make my stomach turn.  My comment on her Facebook?  

Like this pic. I don't look fat in it. Wait... did you Photoshop this?I think I had made that comment a couple times before on other pictures, and of course like with all my friends... you make a joke like that, there's a good chance someone is going to take it and run with it.

So guess what happened?

You caught me, Rach. I've been photoshopping pictures of you
to make you cuter for daaaaaaaaaays. Here is a completely
un-photoshopped picture of you. *eyeroll* ♥ -JF

Jessie F. Photoshop'd me up REAL good.

When I saw the new pic, I think I laughed so hard, I almost pissed myself.

Me: Lol! It's like a Willy Wonka acid trip!
Jessie F: Enjoy your Justin Bieber hairs!

Man, I love my friends.

So yeah, Jessie F. offered to doctor up the pic to make me look amazing, but then Kevin Z. said he wouldn't use it sooooo...

In the end, I shut up and told him it was his blog, and he could do whatever he wanted.  And like I said, I was going to mention his post/blog in my next post proud that I got an "honorable mention".

Hey, it's the little things, ya know?

In the end, as far as pics go, like with my writing, I don't think all of them are that bad and will share them with the world.  Only the truly hideous ones (again, decided by ME) will never see the light of day... and I think those are few and far between.

And would you look at that.  I have managed to bring it back around to writing.  I had veered off track somewhat and am now back to me and my stories.  (Ugh!) 

Oh!!!  I almost forgot!  I recently hung out with a couple friends of mine (Chris M. and Renee M.) who I hadn't seen in FOREVER, and Chris M. asked me to write him a three page story that he could make into a short film.  So that story is running through my head as well as the Wheels-O-Wonder one.  I have an idea for it, but I have no idea how to go about it.  Okay, that's a lie.  I do... but I have to think it through some more.  I think I can make it work.  The idea I have is based, as is all of my writing, my life and experiences.  I just hope I can make it good enough for him.

All right.  I think I should try and get some sleep.  As it is, I'm amazed I've blogged so much.  Well, you could have spent all that writing time actually working on a story.  Yeah yeah yeah... leave me alone annoying inner-voice. 

I'm planning to leave this Thursday for a family visit (fiending for some niece time) as well as maybe... if I can... donate platelets this Tuesday.  I kind of want to do it this week... but we'll see how it goes.

And who knows?  I might actually get some writing done at my mother's house.  It's been known to happen.  Not a great amount, but some?

And donating platelets... perhaps after a giant steak, I'll feel awesome!  We shall see.

Ack!  It's 5:30am.  Frak!  Maybe I'll just stay up until tonight to try and get my sleep schedule back to normal.  Then again, I tried that the other night and look how well it's been working out for me.  (sigh)

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae