If I Were A Man...

Occasionally I think... what if I were a man?

At work, I'm in weekly meetings with mostly men - occasionally a couple of other women - and I will often wonder... 

Would people take me more seriously (if I were a man)?

Would I be included in more things (if I were a man)?

Would people actually hear me and listen to me (if I were a man)?

The main plus-side to any job is that you have one, but to be heard and respected and occasionally appreciated? Well, that just seems to be a cherry on top of the sundae, doesn't it? And in all the jobs that I've had, I've only felt appreciated and valued in ONE of them (and it's not my current one).

Trust me. I've thought about this.

All my life, I've heard all the comments...

Girls aren't [insert occupation here].

Girls don't [insert activity here].

Girls can't [insert anything here].

...
...
...

You get the gist.

And the reasons were always "because you're a girl" which usually meant anything from weak to stupid to... fuck if I know.

In talking with a group of men and women, a topic would come up that I would know something about, and men would look at me as if my forehead split open and a unicorn crawled out. I never found it astonishing when I would find out men knew how to garden or bake or iron clothes or whatever else is stereotypically "male" - but more men than not seem to wonder if I'm real. 

I'm not a party trick, fellas. I'm just a person who has a variety of interests. It's really not that an astonishing thing to grasp.

Early on, I became "one of the guys" since I wasn't a girl that traditionally looked and talked like a girl. (Hello! My name is Rae, and I'm a tomboy.) So guys would be comfortable with me and occasionally ask me questions about girls like "What do girls like?" or "What should I say to a girl I like?" Now - I'm a different breed of woman who knows what she likes, etc, but I've known a lot of women who aren't the same as me. Some of men's "women" questions are common sense with answers like "just talk to her" and "be honest" - but everyone loves playing mind games for some fucking reason (which is ALL KINDS of annoying). The other questions that would be dependent on the person and nothing that I in my presumed all-seeing mind could possibly answer (mainly since I don't know these women) are left unsolved - leaving me unhelpful but then later abandoned since now the male friends I thought I had would then have girlfriends resulting in me no longer being one of the guys.

Tale as old as time, yes?

It's bad enough that women are treated differently than men by men, but women are also being treated differently than other women. (It's all just too much stupidity, and it really needs to stop.)

I remember going into an auto-parts store looking for 40wt oil for my car. I was due for an oil change but would have to wait until I could afford it, and I wanted to top off my car if needed just in case. There were no other customers in the store. Having been there before, I went to the back wall for the oil and saw no 40wt in any brand. A male employee came out and asked me if I needed help. I told him I was looking for 40wt oil. He immediately said, "They don't make it." They? I told him my car has 40wt in it, and I want to top it off, and he kept telling me, "They don't make it." I saw him grin and realized that this guy was either at the end of his shift or just didn't care. I said, "So you're telling me that none of these brands make 40wt anymore." He grinned and said yes. I waited for something to happen - for him to stop being an asshole, for someone else to come out and help me, for the feeling of me clubbing him over the head with the closest thing I could find subsided - and when none of that happened, I just said "Okay" in a tone that showed my disbelief and walked out.

Needless to say, I found the oil elsewhere.

When I went car shopping a few years back, I asked a guy friend of mine to come with me, and he knew exactly why. Having been to dealerships before just looking around, I've had salesmen approach me with their "hey there little lady" attitudes practically talking to me like I was five and following me around the lot as if all of the cars would confuse me. We went to a few places together over the course of a week, and I found that some of the men talked to my friend more than they talked to me. Thankfully, the final place we went to, the man that helped us was really nice and actually treated me like a person instead of some ignorant, helpless woman who knew nothing.

At work, I continue to be the squeaky wheel - asking questions, raising my voice, constantly trying to get answers (and no answers or aid is given? - well I just do it my own damn way - at this rate, it gets done, and if anyone has a problem with how I handled things, I can always come back with something with the underlying theme of "well, if you would have answered/helped me when I asked you about a buh-jillion times previously, then it would've been handled differently, but since that didn't happen?"

I think I'm just tired. I've dealt with being treated the way I have been by certain people in the world because I'm female. I've put up with it with jobs and a variety of male-dominated avenues, but when I was with family and friends, I was just me. The world is so far behind in treating people like people regardless of gender, color, ethnicity, preference... 

I mean, how did all this start? Did Adam treat Eve like she was less than? 

I don't know anymore. My brain has turned to mush just thinking about this. It's all so disappointing feeling less-than when you know you're more than people realize.

Okay, that's enough from me for now.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae