Goodnight Sweetheart, Well... It's Time To Go...

"My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun"

~from the song "Who Needs Sleep?" by The Barenaked Ladies

Hello my darlings!

I will try to make this quick seeing as I'm sleepy and am hoping to fall into Slumberland soon after I do this post (which I've been mentally saying to myself that I've been going to do for the past few days).

But that's neither here nor there.

As y'all know, I've been participating in the Clarion West Write-A-Thon since Sunday - June 19th (aka Father's Day).  My goal was to write (at least) 500 words a day in attempts to add on to (and/or possibly finish) my NaNoWriMo novel from last year.

Let me update you of my daily progress, shall I?

Sunday, June 19th - 529
Monday, June 20th - 588
Tuesday, June 21st - 694
Wednesday, June 22nd - 545
Thursday, June 23rd - 619
Friday, June 24th - 578
Saturday, June 25 - 623

Not counting this Sunday, I've done a little over 4k in words.  If I actually did 500/day, my "at least" weekly limit would be 3,500, and I've passed that by at least a day's worth of words.

*high-five myself!*

I really need to organize and plot out my work.  As it is, most of my novel as of last year and this year (pre-Write-A-Thon) is in one place.  And then there's my thumb drive.

What I have is my work in one document with notes in places I couldn't think of what to say or how to say it but knew what I wanted to "kinda/sorta" happen there.

As for 500/day bits, to help keep track, I've been saving a document per day, and each day I write a new scene or more of a old one (that I can remember without looking at the thumb drive or whatever).  Most days I go until my brain shuts off.  Others I just go until I hit at least 500 and then call it a night due to my being brain/body/soul tired.

In all honesty, I don't necessarily fall right to sleep when I shut down, turn off the lights and tuck myself in.  Sometimes I just lay there, unable to fall asleep.

Oh to fall asleep when you wanted to and for how long you wanted to.  Wow!  What a super power THAT would be!!! 

In other writing news, I tried writing that 700 (maximum) piece regarding an old love.  Only one comes to mind, and I've already written about him, but now I'm trying to write it differently in 700 words or less.

I think I can do it... maybe...

There are other writing bits that I'm looking into, but I think for them to truly pan out (especially one in particular), I'm going to have to work on breaking down some inner walls of paranoia and fear and start boosting my self-confidence.

Trying to compartmentalize my present fears and drama and keep that separate from my writing since it's a little toxic.  The two are like oil and vinegar (if you know what I mean.)

Okay, my eyes are getting watery and droopy, and I keep slouching more and more as I write.  Oh good gravy.  Goodnight y'all!

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

A Full Plate of Life & A Whole Lot of Stress

Will: I read your book last night.
Sean: So you're the one.  

~from the movie "Good Will Hunting"

It's been a small amount of time.  Not too long, but a bit of time has passed since my last post.  Nothing much has happened since then in the ways of writing.

I still have my two novels that I'm working on (the one I started a couple years ago as well as the one I started for NaNoWriMo last year) though lately it hasn't been so much writing as it has been thinking about writing.

I'm going through one of those stuck periods where I have all this crap going on in my head - some of it writing - and I can't seem to get it sorted so I can tap into that writing bit in my noggin and... you know... write.

I've also been sick which took a LOT out of me.  Usually it's just insomnia messing with me, but it's been my sinuses, my innards, my bones...

I got a cold from... somewhere.  I couldn't breathe and I couldn't stop coughing for the life of me.  I would have coughing fits constantly.  One night I coughed so hard, I brought up bile (didn't have much appetite during the bad days) and phlegm and other nasty things.  My chest hurt as did my back.  My throat ached and burned.  If I could talk at all, I sounded like a man or some deviant that would cause you to lock up your children and have 911 on speed dial.

Whenever I laid down, I'd start coughing.  Later I had to lay on my back because laying on my side would start a fit.  I got some cough suppressant and took double the dosage each time.  I think it kind of worked but the cough would always come back.

It eventually got better, lessening slowly as time went on.  Then it became that annoying dry cough that just wouldn't go away.

I joked that with all the coughing I was doing, I should at least have some "no pain, no gain" results to show for it.  In my reality, I should be sporting a six-pack right now.

But no... it's still a keg.  *sigh*

Also around this craptastic time, I experienced my power loss so that made everything extra special.  (Yes, that was sarcasm for those textually-nuance-inept.)

I hate being sick.  Congestion made it hard to read due to the pressure in my head and nose.  I couldn't even properly daydream or plot out storylines in my head since it hurt to try and conjure something and then a cough would erase all my hard work like Unicron or Galactus destroying worlds and realities.

Oh good gravy!  Did I just go there?

So power loss + sick + insomnia = no writing for yours truly.

The good news now is that I feel better, and I'm writing again.

I am presently trying to write a 700 word limit story for a contest due in a couple months as well as... (wait for it)... participating in Clarion West Write-A-Thon.  It started yesterday and goes until July 29th (I think).  People can sponsor me (translation: donate to Clarion West... the link I provided is to my personal page).

We were encouraged to create goals that were a little stretch for us.

My goal?

At a Terry Pratchett event, he spoke of how he tried to write everyday since he felt he couldn't truly call himself a writer if he didn't in fact write.  (Then he was just a lazy bum.  His words, not mine.)  His personal goal was to try and write at least 300 words a day.  I've actually tried to follow in his footsteps and have failed miserably.

So in setting my own personal goal, I made mine a daily goal of 500 words a day.

Yes, yes, yes... I know.  What have I gotten myself into?  And do I have enough alcohol for the journey?  (The answers are "I don't know" and "no".)

My first day I did 500 and change which causes me to high-five myself and my awesomeness, but it's merely day one, and I have so much stress in my life right now, I really wasn't sure if I wanted to do this or not.  I felt that perhaps it was just going to add more stress.

But hey... I'm attempting to remain positive that life will work out in my favor (the extreme sooner, the hella better), and this is my writing after all.  Writing is my passion, my blood... as is music, singing and dance are like my mind, body and soul.

Okay, I'm getting a little deep here.

What do I hope to gain from this little venture (all other stress and depression and grumbleyness aside)?

I'm hoping to get more work on my novel done.  I seem to reach a 100 - 150 page peak and then hit a brick wall.  That's where I was with my last novel and now this one from last November.  I'm hoping beyond hope that these next few weeks I can break through that wall with my mighty Thor hammer of awesomeness and get some work done on my novel to the point of completion.

I also hope to raise some money for Clarion West.  (So please click my name and donate to a worthy cause.  Writers/Writing FTW!!!)

I can do this.  I can.  I know I can.  I just need to get back into my groove.  I need to reconnect with my mojo.

I need to find my Thor hammer.

Hi. My name is Slacker. Please save your tomatoes until the end. Thank you.

If you *really* wanted to screw me up, you should've gotten to me *earlier*.
~Rob from the movie "High Fidelity"

It's been a whole month!

Yes. I know. I suck. But let me explain.

No wait. I just suck.

Frak the fact that I haven't truly written in a few weeks now.

Frak the fact that when I was writing, I didn't blog any (which you might be able to forgive since I was, in fact, WRITING, but I digress.)

Frak the fact that I was sick with allergies that made my head want to explode, my throat hoarse with nasal drippings, and my nose so crazy I was sneezing about every half-second.

Frak the fact that I've been insomnia's bitch for most (if not all) of last month.

Frak the fact that I took a weekend off to visit with my family (and visiting with them, I NEVER get any writing done... EVER.)  Just note NaNoWriMo last year.

Frak the fact that recently I had to deal with acid reflux, dehydration and allergies.

Frak all of that.

[looks at above]

Wow. That's a lot of frak.

And frak that I'm only single-spacing between sentences. Ohhh, I know, I'm a bad girl rebel without a clue.

Blah blah blah.

So I'm trying to get into the swing of things. Really I am. But there has been so much wear and tear on my body lately, my brain has this stream of creativity running along the back of it, and if I could just merely think my thoughts onto the page (whether written or typed), I'd have so much crap put down you could hardly shake a stick at it.

Where did that saying come from? The "stick shaking" one. Why the frak would you want to shake a stick at something. Sounds like you're just asking for trouble one way or the other if you ask me. You're either a tease or a troublemaker... and neither in a good way.

Onwards...

I think stress has got me licked lately (and again, not in a nice way). I'm not going to bore you with all the details of my life, but let's just say all is not well in my world. I need a leprechaun, a voodoo priestess, a shaman, a double-rainbow, a pot of gold, a horseshoe, a four-leaf clover and whatever anyone can find in order to get my life back in order (which it has been out of for quite some time).

But that's enough of that.

So aside from trying to figure things out in my novels, I have been having these dreams that have been weird yet also posing new story ideas... THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MY CURRENT NOVEL PROJECTS!!!

The goal for the day is to head to the library, do some writing (including the dream whose memory will just not leave me alone), and make it closer to my goal of happy happy joy joy (aka finishing a novel). Still need to stake out some contests to enter in attempts to get published... you know, that whole GOAL of mine before my next birthday.

Yay! Let's hear it for the elderly! (To which, I mean ME!!!)

Anyway...

While away this weekend, I chatted with my fellow writing buddy Oscar, and it got my creative juices flowing again. He's one of my writing pals that has actually gone to a writing conference. Other friends of mine (Chris R. and Maggie, for example) have gone to Clarion. Yeah, I'm jealous. If I had that kind of time and fundage, I would totally go, but I don't so...

*whimper whimper sob whimper*

Writing conferences and workshops are something that I would LOVE to do but then again are completely afraid of... so that's kind of why I want to do them. Perhaps it's a kick in the ass I need.

I've looked into taking a summer course or something for writing but for frak sakes, it seems if you want to do anything but writing commercials, you'll have to sell your sell your soul, your first born and a kidney made from the tears of Jesus just to make a class for a few weeks.

Frak me up the ass with a pine cone, that just seems pretty redonkulous to me!

I've had writing dates with Maggie before as well as her and Chris R. None with Oscar. The writing dates as with the chats with my friends have seemed to really help. Even if no writing gets done, at least the "round robin" discussion of it all gets the mind working and hopefully something good comes out of it.

I really did like sitting with Oscar and having a nice writers heart-to-heart. We need to do that more often.

And now it is up to me. None of my writer friends are nearby anymore. They were either out of town to begin with or moved away recently. Then there are some that just prefer to work on their own... which I can dig. I need some alone time to really get into something at first. But then once in the groove, I can just go with it.

So now I'm all alone.

Lonely writer looking for fellow writer companions to chat and write with.

Okay... it's getting a little late (ahem - 4:10am - ahem), and I really should be finishing this post and getting the hell out of dodge so I can finish the other stuff I've been wanting to finish before the sun rises.

Or maybe I'll just stay up all day until the end of the night. That might work... right?

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Knock Knock. (Who's there?) Accomplishment!

You ever had a Red Bull? I've never had a Red Bull before, but I had a Red Bull last night - I really like Red Bull. [shakes his glow-in-the-dark hoop] ... got this new... glow in the dark thing... cant really see it right now, unless you go like this...
[holds part of the hoop to his eyes and covers it with his hands]  

~Carl Allen from the movie "Yes Man"

Hey listen y'all!  I've been productive!  Yay!  I'm so proud of me.

So with my goal of being published in some capacity or another by my 35th birthday (which is this November), I have been trying to kick my own ass and get to writing more.

As I look for work (FRAK you unemployment, I'm awesome!), I've been trying to be more productive.  Insomnia (the cursed bitch) has come back to visit me again leaving me awake until (almost) the sun comes up.  After giving myself a little time off, I started setting my alarm to get up earlier than I usually do (which with the insomnia leaving me awake to almost sunrise, my body, when eventually unconscious, makes up for whatever it needs to function resulting in a day wasted... at least that's what it feels like.)

Not sure they've been helping either, but I've been tapping the ass of the sugar free Red Bull (it seems they're on sale everywhere I go).  I purchase two cans and down one on the way to the library finishing it usually before I park.  Then I just lug a protein bar and a big bottle of water in with me for nourishment for my vitamins to feed off of as well as hydrate my creativity nodes.

What?  (Don't ask.  It's safer that way.)

Moving onwards...

So alarm set, I wake up, shower, pack some gear and head to the library to do some writing.

Small rant here, but aren't you supposed to be quiet at a library?  I mean, that's what I was always taught.  And depending on when I go, I get a reasonably quiet atmosphere save the occasional self-checkout bleeps or soft thud of book deposits.  I go in with my iPhone on silent, volume off on the computer and set to work.

I give people chances when it comes to common sense.  I don't want to assume right away that everyone is a doofus that needs a good backhand across the gullet to set them straight.  Sort of like that teacher philosophy of everyone starting off with an "A", and they have to earn to keep that "A".

If I were a teacher and my fellow library visitors were my students, they'd all lose their "A" within seconds.

Stupid scruples FAIL!

In the times that I've gone recently, I've been bombarded by a chaotic symphony of various cell phone chimes, computer jingles and random blathering chatter.  And it's not the high school students either.  (There's a high school down the street from the library where, after their day is over, a cluster of them come to the library - most to study or wait for their parents to pick them up.  Some of them are annoying, but mostly they're not that bad.)  It's the adults!

Perhaps I should warm up my backhand...

I bring my mp3 player just in case to tune out the noise... which isn't all day.  It comes in waves.  (I love the quiet moments.  They are most lovely.)

So in the days that I've been going, I've been working on my NaNoWriMo novel.  I transported it to Google docs recently (any other writers use this?) though I haven't added the scene I've been working on separately.  It's only until recently (Wednesday, I think), that I actually made the scene reasonably gel together as opposed to just be chunks of one scene that if you were to read it wouldn't make sense.

That made me feel rather accomplished.

I also solved my frakkin storyline math problem.  Thank GAWD!!!

It had to do with the main character, and my brain just couldn't work past it.  I would make a note to go back to it, but then I'd hit something later down the line, and then my brain would say, "Hello?  Remember that thing you didn't workout earlier?  Yeah, it's back."

My brain likes telling me "I told you so" even though I already know.  I wish it'd stop doing that.  Ugh, if I didn't need it...  *grumble grumble grumble*

So I realize now that while working on my novel, there's a small chance I won't finish it (or my other novel I'm also working on in a sort of tennis volley fashion).  Then I think I should probably find some short story contests to possibly submit to.  I recently bought two writing magazines.  I shall need to peruse them for contests or some such.

Silly question but... do magazines take submissions of the "please publish this in your publication" variety or is it strictly a contest thing?  I have no idea how to go about that.  Help?  Anyone?  I'd totally love a little guidance here.

I'm currently thinking about the scene from Wednesday.  It's not totally done, and my mind is racing with what to do with it.  I know what I'd like to do, but I've reached another roadblock which might seem silly to you, but it's where I'm at (and it's important to me).

I need to design the houses.

Okay, for the two main characters, I need to figure out the layout of their houses.  They're both one level.  One's got a porch and a separate garage from the house.  And a nice backyard for bbq's.  The other one just has a sort of small porch, not the kind you can sit on in a rocking chair and enjoy a glass of lemonade or something, but big enough to maybe set a decent sized Christmas decoration like a Santa or Snowman or something.

Yeah, I'm babbling.

Anyway, the scene from Wednesday needs a little choreography (Person goes down this hall to this room, cuts back around, hits the kitchen, then goes to the bedroom, etc).  I need to know where everything is so I can guide my people around better.  I might need to do that to another couple houses, but the houses that are most frequented belong to the two main characters.

All right, it's a quarter after 2am, and I really should be hitting the sack.  I have two places to go tomorrow - one in the morning and one in the afternoon - and I'm trying to decide if I have time to hit the library or perhaps chill at a coffee shop before heading out to my afternoon dealio.

Hmmm... decisions, decisions...

All I know is that I need more places to go write (other than the one library).  There's a coffee shop that I went to (think I previously mentioned it in one of the previous entries).  That places is peaceful, free wifi, and has COFFEE!!!  Plus the dude is hella nice.  Problem is it's a little out of the way, and closes earlier than I'd like.  The library stays open until 8pm on Mondays and Tuesdays.  The coffee shop closes most days around 5pm.

Anyone in the Bay Area know of a nice place with free wifi, tables, chairs, and outlets where a girl can hook-up and write?  Holla at yer girl!  Let me know.  I'd sure appreciate it.

Okay, off to beddy bye.

Later my lovelies!

Have Goodness!
Rae

Writer For Hire (and other such novelties)

Details of your incompetence do not interest me.
-Miranda Priestly from "The Devil Wears Prada"

Really?  Since March?  Has it been THAT long?  Really?  [looks back at last post]  March 8th.  Oh good gravy!  Pardon me for my lagging ways.  It's been an interesting time to say the least.

So what's been going on in my life that I haven't been blogging over here?

Well, let me tell you my loyal readers.  All... [squints and starts to count everyone]...

Oh never mind.  I can't count higher than one anyway.  LOL!

So as of the beginning of the year, I started a contract gig with a financial firm.  I worked mostly downtown and in conjunction with teams worked with venture capital clients in preparing financial statements for them.

When it was slow, it was sloooooowww...

When it wasn't slow, I had no time to write since I was working on edits and formatting and... you get the picture.

Keeping myself awake became a hassle.  I sat there in the room they'd assigned me and the rest of the group I was hired with, and we were all never busy together which sucked ass.  We'd help each other out on occasion, but there were days where I had to go for little walks around the building or to/from lunch to get the creative juices flowing.  I drank tons of coffee and occasionally visited the vending machine in the kitchen as to barter one of the souls I've collected in exchange for a little can of sugar-free Red Bull.  (Did you hear?  It doesn't give you wings... just a nasty caffeine aftertaste at the back of your throat.)

I'm much better when my mind is stimulated (and holy crap, that job was filled with moments like that).

But whether I was busy working on many, many funds or just trying to stay awake while working on a few - my brain was never in the right mindset to be creative and WRITE!!!

Insomnia + job + shitload of overtime = dead brain/no writing

While working this last gig, my routine was pretty much (I hate to say it) wake up... shower/dress... work... home... sleep... repeat.  I'd sometimes manage to fit a little food in there, but yeah, that was the gist of it.  I'd force myself to go out on occasion (when the overtime monster didn't sniff me out), and I'd head to weekly get-togethers at friends' houses and try not to pass out.  Or I'd just take myself out to a movie to get away from the chatter of the world and find some solitude in two hours worth of a fake reality that wasn't mine though sometimes wish it was.
 
In-between gigs, my insomnia makes it difficult to have any spare time to be creative.  I'm trying to use all my conscious "in the now" moments to find new gigs, network, do the do... which leaves little time/energy for anything else.

Recently, I took some time and visited my family.  (Party time with my niece is always awesome to have.)

*too school for cool!!!*

But of course my time with my family was either spent being with them... or sleeping.  (I managed to fit in some Seester time, too.)

*Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?*

So I didn't bring anything really to work on... though my mind... it is always churning with the ideas.

Now only if I could get those ideas out of my head, into my fingers and typed out into a word doc of some kind... yeah, that would be awesome.  (Other things would be awesome, but right now, let's stick to the topic of writing, shall we?)

I got home really late Sunday night/Monday morning from visiting my family.  (Totally random, but I love driving at night.  There's a peace and privacy that I find relaxing.  Also, I can sing like a diva in the car and no one's the wiser.  Oh yeah, that's right.  I *totally* whip my hair back and forth.)

I am a curl on the wind... watch how I Fro!

Oh good gravy!  Just ignore that last bit.

Anyway, I wasn't feeling too well Monday when I woke up.  (I "lost my powers" for the month, and that's all I'm going to say on the matter.  If you don't get it by now, ask a friend.)  I pretty much stayed in bed most of the day.  I did some work from there (filled out some documents, did some internet searches, made a few phone calls, napped while curled up in a little ball wishing for the pain to stop...)

All in all, aside from the little productivity I managed to accomplish, the day was a bit of a waste.

I vowed to make the next day better.

So with my handy-dandy iPhone, I made a list of things I wanted to do during the day... half of which had to do with writing.  I got a later start than usual, but then again "power loss" usually takes a lot out of me leaving me to feel like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz although an oil can really ain't gonna fix me up.

In any case, I stopped by the drugstore for some girly items and then headed for the library in an attempt to do some writing.

Now last week I had gone there and the place was virtually empty so I thought I'd have the same luck today.

Um, yeah.  That's a negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full. 

Translation: it was the opposite of empty.

I grabbed my bag of writing stuff, and headed inside.  I was followed and preceded by a group of high school girls.  The larger group took up some tables near the window on the top floor where I was planning on sitting.  I ended up taking a seat in between the audio books and the spinny racks of mass markets.

I tried a trek downstairs, but all the laptop desks were taken (especially the one in the corner at the end of the science fiction/fantasy section... which is ALWAYS taken by the same old dude all day every time I go down there.  Oh yeah man, I'm calling you out.  Give a chic a chance, man.  And hey, do you even READ science fiction/fantasy?  Sheesh!)

I ho-hummed it back upstairs, ditched my original location (which was still available) and headed further into the young adult section (which is separated from the rest of the kids department and shares space with the DVDs).  I took up what looked like a desk (which was cool since no one could really share it with me), and began setting up my spot.  On my right was a small round table which a chic and a dude sat at, but they were cool.  Their conversations made me laugh.  (They were later replaced by some chic and what seemed to be her French tutor.  Not as fun but still not annoying.)

Since I had no outlet near me, I whipped out my notebook, post-it flags, highlighter, pen, mp3 player and bottle of Vitmain water.

Probably would have tasted better cold. #justsayin

Then it was time for some storytelling magic.

Have I mentioned that my handwriting is atrocious?  Well, at least I think it is.  I plugged in my earbuds, tried to tune out the teens, children and various noise in my vicinty, and started to write.

Looking through my notebook I had devoted to my #NaNoWriMo story last year, I found a scene that I had started before leaving for my recent family visit.  Not much was written, but it was still fresh in my brain so I thought I'd work on that.

It's a story that alternates points of view.

Right now I'm having issues with storyline math.  What I mean by that is trying to decide when something starts, how long it's been going on, what dates to use, etc.  It may be minor, but my brain is having issues getting past it.  When writing a scene, I'll need to reference a moment or time frame, and since I haven't completely figured out the storyline math, I get stuck.  I try to tell myself "keep going... leave a note there to work on it later and keep going", but there's another part of me that demands I solve the issue then and there... and I can't.

That happen to anyone else?  (Does anyone even understand what the frak I'm saying?)

In the end I wrote seven handwritten pages.  That may not be a lot to you, but it means something to me.  I'm hoping to get some typing done soon.  I type what I'm thinking faster than manual script.  Now working a few months on the laptop from my previous gig, my hands have to get re-used to the minibook keys.

Small hands... you'd think it'd be easier than it has been.  Sheesh.

I thought I'd try the library again tomorrow, but instead I think I'm going to a place a friend and I went once.  It's a little out of the way, but I think I can manage it.  Now if I can just remember where it is.  I'm sure I can once I start driving.  *fingers crossed*

Okay, I'm starting to get a little cross-eyed and droopy-headed.

Yeah. Kinda like that, I guess, although the bags under *my* eyes are a lot smaller. (Or at least I hope they are.)

Talk to you later, dearies.  I'm going to try and get some sleep.  I hear it's the latest thing.  All the cool kids are talking about it.  *grin*

Drop me a line to let me know what's going on in your own writing worlds... or just to let me know that I'm not alone out here in this blogging universe.

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Illness, fatigue & insanity make one *mean* smoothie!

Aramis: Where have you been?

Porthos: Taking care of something ugly!

-The Three Musketeers (Disney, 1993)

How does one find the time to write?

Some weeks ago, I had the plague.  It seemed that everyone around me was catching it, and then it hit my house.  One housemate had it.  Then my landlady and her husband got it.  Surrounded by all this plagueyness going on, I was bound to get something.  It was inevitable.

Then... I caught the plague.

Well, okay... not the full-blown plague.  Maybe the mini-plague.

Okay, it was more of a cold.  (Let's not pick nits, shall we?)

I don't usually get sick.  Sure, I get the occasional migraine or body ache from Aunt Flow or when the weather changes it causes my sinuses to go all haywire, but as far as full-blown, have to call in sick to work because I can't walk/talk/eat/digest/feel anything... that rarely happens.

But when it does, it happens BIG TIME!

Usually when I feel the beginnings of anything plague-ish coming on, I try and nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

My method of choice?  I'm a heavy medicator.  It usually does the job along with vitamins and a good dosage of fluids (tea, juice, water - that sort of thing).  I try to get as natural and organic as I can, but alas - I cannot.  One of these days I'm sure with all the medicine that's in me, you would be able to shut off the lights, and I would like a giant heifer lightning bug... but I'm hoping the amount of fluids I consume during such sick moments flushes out the medicine aftermath rather sufficiently so as not to make my innards too toxic.  LOL!

I've been surrounded by A LOT of sick people lately so I haven't been able to do much in the way of writing, but I'm getting better and hoping to change that.

Before the plague hit, I managed to do a little writing.  My brain was void of inspiration toward the three main writing projects I've been working on, but I managed to do this and this so I suppose all was not lost.  After all, I wrote something, right?

This post, in fact, some could say "Why bother with this and not actual writing?"

Well, awesome question Bubba.  And the only thing that I can say to that is I'm not in the zone.

At this moment in time, working a FRAK-ton of overtime combined with the minimal amount of sleep I've been getting nightly (thank you Insomnia, you cruel bitch of a mistress) leaves my body and mind almost completely dead to the world.  As I type, I am writing through a stream of consciousness that will either sound coherently grand or like the Peanuts teacher on acid.

Right now, I have various ideas running through my head but nothing totally solid I can pinpoint and work on.  It's like trying to remember your favorite dish from some restaurant you went to years ago, and all you can say is, "It had a peppery taste" or "I think it had something to do with fish".

Point is, I need to be less brain dead and more able to concentrate/focus my will toward my writing.

As it stands, this job assignment (lovely-paying as it may be) is sucking the life out of me, and I hate that.  Aside from draining my creative juices, it's also wreaking havoc on my social life (what there is of one).  One of my personal issues is that I refuse to let my job be my life.  I refuse for my daily routine to be "get up, shower, go to work, come home, eat, sleep"... only to continue it on and on, day in and day out.

I've gone out here and there, but then I end up passing out at the end of the night when I planned to write when I got home.  Then I swear up and down that I'll write the next day and then something happens.

Needless to say, I feel rather fucked at the moment.

(Yes, I know, I said a bad word.  Get over yourselves.  Take a breath.  It happens.)

This blog was to be about me and my writing and how I'm going about that, but dammit... it's just not flowing as I wish it to be, and it's really pissing me off.

I mean, I have a GOAL for criminey sakes!!!  Yes, it's eight months away, but I'd like it to happen sooner than that... and be a book deal as opposed to just a short story in an awesome magazine, but hey... I'll take what I can get.

So I wonder...

Now I know all us writers experience "writer's block" from time to time, but what about "writer's time" or "writer's exhaustion"?  I find it hard to believe that I'm the only one having this issue.

Anyone else?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Share with me your writing plan and how you achieve it.  (I once went to a book signing of Terry Pratchett where he said he tried to write at least 300 words a day.  If he didn't write everyday, he wouldn't be able to call himself a writer... he'd just be a bum.)  I'm paraphrasing, but you get the gist.

I tried to follow in the lovely man's footsteps.  (Awesome man.  Love his work.  So brilliant and funny.)  But there are just days where I have it in here (taps noggin), but just can't seem to channel down here (refers to arms) and eventually flow out of here (waggles fingers) to get it onto the page whether it be electronic or paper.

So how do you deal with your tired moments?

What do you do to get that writing energy (mental AND physical) to bust out that novel, short story, fanfiction, poem... or whatever it is that you write?

What do you do?

How do you do?

Share with me... if for nothing else to let me know that I'm not alone.

Please... don't make me turn to the bottle.  (Well, unless it's a yummy one!)  LOL!

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae

Like Janet Jackson sang - "Get it out me"

I've tried so hard to remember what it is that I forgot

But I can, but I can believe... will you now

-from the song "Worried Eyes" by Eagle-Eye Cherry (duet vocals by Titiyo Jah)

While driving to work this morning, I started thinking of various ideas that I wanted to write, but of course at that moment I was on the freeway unable to whip out a pen and paper to jot down my ideas or the scene playing in my head or the dialogue I heard between two people or...

You get the picture.

So it got me thinking about all those lost moments... those bits of story, those segments of story, those little portions of "oh gawd, that would be great" that just slip by because of whatever the reason may be.

Me?  Usually for me it has to do with being WAY too tired for my own good.  (Let's hear for Insomnia, shall we? *yawwwwwwwnnnnnnn*)

I seem to have a lot of grand ideas as I am about to fade to black or when I can't get to a pen.  I have tried to, as my consciousness spirals down the drain, to write down or type out whatever brilliant idea that crossed my synapses before it's too late, but most often it usually is.  The pen slowly starts to slip from my fingers.  Or my hands rest on the laptop keys causing repetitive letters to appear.

No, I'm not being clever.  I've passed out on the computer.

Almost into sleepy oblivion, I try to tell myself "This is good.  You'll remember it in the morning.  You will!  And then after you shower and are fully awake, you will write down notes and ideas and all will be well."

If I had a nickel for every time it hasn't... yeah, you guessed it: Oprah-rich!

It's at those moments that I try to wax on the positive thinking that hey, if it was good enough of a bit, I'll remember it.  It'll come back full circle and then I'll have that epiphany to which I will then write it down and voila!  Masterpiece extravaganza!  (I just love that word.)  LOL!

When the idea doesn't come back, I excuse it, thinking things like, "Must not have been that good of an idea if I can't remember it."

But really, who the frak knows?  Certainly not me.

Who's to say that all my best ideas weren't the ones that lost out to insomnia or a lack of a pen or just plain forgetfulness?

Why must my creative moments torment me so?

You're like that thought or comment that's on the tip of my tongue that I can't quite get at (though when that usually happens, the more I chase it, the more it runs away never to be found... thus is why I forget about it, and if I am meant to know the answer, it will come to me).

If I had a nickel for every time I sat up in bed in the middle of the night screaming random things due remembering them WAY later than I needed to... yeah, Oprah-rich!

Then there are the conscious moments of creativity that just bitch-slap me about as if to say "Yeah, we got a great idea... but we're just going to keep it really vague and not help you formulate it into anything.  Instead, we're just going to leave you with this sense It could be really great, only if... and never follow through."

That's right my friends... a literary-authory cocktease of sorts.

I guess if you think of it that way, then I've had blueballs for a while now.

[re-reads previous line and wonders what is wrong with my brain]

It's just sometimes I get these ideas - these really neato spiffy keen ideas - but for some reason the translation process seems to get all wonky as it makes it way from my brain down the circuitry of my awesomeness and to my hands where I can either write or type out previously stated neato spiffy keen awesomeness.

Maybe I'm wired wrong and the creative juice circuits are flowing elsewhere.

Perhaps I need to start learning to write with other parts of my body?

[imagines pens stuck in various alternate places, and is - for the most part - unhappy with the images]

Any of you have problems like that?  Anyone else have problems with getting their ideas out of their noggins and into some form of legible whozit-whatzit for others to read?  How do you solve the evil plague of writer's block or creative stuckery?

Leave me a comment.  Let me know.  I'll give it a whirl.

And who knows?  It just might work.

[fingers crossed]

Later my lovelies.

Have Goodness!
Rae